Wow.

Not a day goes by that I don't think of you Matt! I was thinking of you again today when I thought I would google your gamer tag, which led me here and, wow. I have spent the past few hours reading everything, posts you wrote, comments you made and all of the wonderful people on here supporting each other. I know it's been four years now but the pain is still so raw. It seems only yesterday that we were singing 'you spin me round' down the hallways of school at the top of our lungs, or the lunches we used to spend, us four musketeers, wrestling on the oval and talking about our futures, futures that will now never happen.

Shit, I'm crying already.

When I found out, worse still, school that Monday, so many emotions enveloped me. But the one that still stays with me and cuts me deeper than any knife is the guilt. Why didn't you tell me you were feeling like this? Could I have said something? Could I have stopped you? What sort of friend doesn't even know that his best mate thinks that his only option is to leave this world for good? These questions will be with me until I die.

I know you only came to school in year 9 but those few short years bring back so many memories. Like when we're at the Monarto zoo camp out and you brought 2 boiled eggs to eat and nothing else. That time you couldn't stop laughing in class, the music that you used to make that you new I never liked but made me listen to it anyway, that time I rearranged all of your 10,000 desktop icons and you got sooo mad, the countless hours of mine craft online together, our music class of four people and teaching me play chicken feed on the piano. Of course the my little pony stuff you used to talk about but knew I wasn't into, but tell me about anyway. Well I can say, after reading all of these lovely people's comments I will never say a bad word about brony's again!

Well I don't know if you remember Matt, but one day in early October in 2012 I told you on the oval that I had just met the most beautiful girl in the world. I told you to remember this moment, remember what I was telling you. I had hoped, one day, that at our wedding you would have given your best man speech and reminded me about what I told you. Well I've got good news buddy, I popped the question to her and we're getting married next April, and of course there will be a spare chair at the table if you want to come!

I don't really know why I'm writing this, but after years of bottling it up it feels good to talk about you. You're not that weird kid that killed himself all those years ago, you were funny, smart, talented, brave but most importantly, you were my best friend. I love you man, and I always will. I wrote a poem about you (well actually I've written quite a few about you but this is my favourite), I hope you like it:

Throw all ropes to the wind
Let your sails unfurl
In the breeze of eternity.
Let the waters guide you
To the place beyond
Where the grey doors of this world
Are opened.
Gold and green shines through
Showing you,
For the first time,
Beyond....

I love and miss you mate, and I always will.

Michael xx

4 years today, missing you, always my cheeky boy. Love Mum

We're still missing you

Rest in peace, DaemoN67. Even though we only met and talked through this website, hearing of your untimely passing has devestated me, especially even more so that i was absent from Fimfiction at that time and I was not around to pay my respects then.

I remember the times we planned a revolution against the website admins and how we planned the future of the N.S.U.P. We may have met through controversial political circumstances but frankly you were definetely one of the more intelligent people I've met on this website and it was because of you and the group we created together that kept me coming back.

As a Kiwi, I feel for my brothers and sisters across the Tasman. My condolences go out to your family and friends.

Kua hinga te totara i te wao nui a Tane.
The totara has fallen in the forest of Tane.

Happy 21st birthday my gorgeous boy, 16th February 2017. Love as always, Mum