Spike likes his freedom of speech. He likes it very much. So when an onliner tells him where to put it, he tells them where to go.

Foreword: Don't mind the lowercase title. If you've even been on the internet, you know why it is the way it is.

Are you ready to read the best abridging of My Little Pony you've ever read?

Good, because it's not good at all!

THE BIG FLIPPING NOTE: This is purely for fun and will be written in my own pass time. Don't hate. Seriously.

TRIGGEr WARNINGS:
Pinkie Insanity
Horrible Characterizations and possibly OOC
4th Wall Breaking
Memes... Memes everywhere...
Terrible Abridging of Events
Numbers
Starlight
Rainbow's Ego
etc...

Cover art by and courtesy of artist dm29

And the "Other" tag is to encompass the characters I couldn't tag because of the 5 character limit.

Twilight lives her life as The Princess Of Friendship, and whole heartily submits to her duties. Though she is grateful for all that she has, she still feels that something is missing. While Cadence plays match-maker for Twilight, Princess Celestia gives the young alicorn a special friendship task of her own. Twilight must find her passions and pursuit her dreams once more, and with the help of two strangers, what could possibly go wrong?

::Sex Tag For Suggested Content::

Edited Chapter(s) 1--5 by JadeCrossroads
Proofread Chapter(s) 6 Gapeagle

In the dark forests of Tramplevania dwells a coven of vampires, led by a deadly draconequus named Discord. For many years, his only interests have been in his own survival, until he stumbles upon a beautiful mare with a heart pure enough to care for a monster like him.

Music to listen to.

Cover Art by IduChan

Alternate Cover Art

More fanart by Whiteheart7
CandySweets90240
autumnruby18

AJ Pony's review

Princess Celestia serves in the Cleveland Police Department as part of a cultural exchange program between law enforcement on earth and in Equestria. During her performance review, however, she is politely informed that policing on earth is a lot different than it is back home.

And then, of course, there's what's happening on the Equestrian side of the program's equation...

Cover art by Dispelimagines on Deviantart.

EDIT: Featured 3/13/18! All right!
EDIT: Featured at #1 same day! I’m so glad you all enjoy!

"I'm not the best at putting my feelings into words... Meet me on the roof after school. I need to tell you something. If I don't, I'll regret it for the rest of my life."

"Please don't leave me waiting..."

Prince Blueblood is absolutely convinced that Tempest Shadow has lied to Princess Celestia and that she is still plotting to conquer Canterlot. Now it's up to him to stop her.

Unfortunately, he is (a) dead wrong, (b) not a fan of comic books, and (c) not trained in espionage, counter-intelligence, special operations or anything else that would be useful in such a situation. But he does know which flowers go well with her coat and what restaurant can offer the best candlelight dinner opportunities, so... that's... a start...?

Prince Blueblood / Tempest Shadow, because I love my random and obscure shipping constellations these are two very different, very fascinating characters who can probably learn a lot from each other. (Also maybe some Capper/Celaeno on the sidelines later on?)

Content warning is again on the "better safe than sorry" side: there is no suicide, and the only reference to self-harm will be when some of Tempest's scars are discussed.
Took out the warning label for the time being. If I or others feel now or at a later time that it should go in again, it'll go in then. Thanks to the commenters so far for the feedback on when to include it!
Also a mild spoiler warning since this takes place shortly after The Movie.

Cover art (and thus early hype-generation for this fic) done by the amazing Earthsong9405 (Tumblr, DeviantArt).

(Featured Box on March 4, 2018? Thank you all!)

Letters. Everyone writes them, and they're not just for ponies. Be they carriers of serious news, friendly correspondence between pen pals, or declarations of heart and heartbreak, each one is written with a clear purpose or goal in mind.

Celestia uses them to try and keep her faithful student and friends in line, and try to keep an unbalanced world on the straight and narrow.

This is much harder than it sounds.

Now with an audio reading by Lady Tenkage!

Side Stories:

Old-Fashioned Bar Hoppers, featuring Celestia, Mayor Mare, and Granny Smith shenanigans.
Journal of an Adolescent Clone, featuring Sunny and Moony shenanigans since Season 5.