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The Collar · 11:22pm Dec 28th, 2019

This story is basically centered around Twilight (Sparkle), and the "Adventure" she has.

I chose to present an activity each day, over the copy/paste style. Applying fresh and new details about "Twilight" and the location, where she is right now. (in the story)

We follow the girl, registered as Ms. A; throughout her stay at the Twilight Hotel, and beyond.
If I could have referred to her as Twilight Sparkle; but that would not have worked, for the staff serving her in the story.

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Comments ( 22 )
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When I say forced I mean that the writing may flow, but the story doesn't. Like the plot is semi thought out and the story itself is dominated mostly by dialog.

So just dialogue for the sake of dialogue with no real purpose?
Speaking just to hear your voice characters, how entertaining?
Even if Dialogue can be driven by dialogue, it isn't the end purpose of the story.

I hope your characters are wide awake and acting upon what you tell them.

Stale as in, unimaginative and artificial.

Then it isn't really much of a story. sounds as if there is nothing to invest in. Not even enough to work with in order to improve.

1782829 When I say forced I mean that the writing may flow, but the story doesn't. Like the plot is semi thought out and the story itself is dominated mostly by dialog.

Stale as in, unimaginative and artificial.

1782162 Are you referring to when you write the story, or an afterthought of what it looks like, once you read it for a second time?
If it is the former, remember to write at the speed of thought. Doesn't mater how fast or slow you write.
If it is the later, you may have to look back and consider how o make it flow naturally.
Your characters need to drive the intended plot through action and dialogue, using the environment in which they act.
Stale, as in dead or artificial?

Unless you need an OC for the part, play it cool, play with the first and most adapted character for the role. If the part is Applejack, then have Applejack play it. Kind of like in the episode about Hearth's Warming Eve?
Since you have the original story with the plot and all, just make a rewrite, chapter by chapter? If a sequence fails, avoid it, or surround it with the details that may support it? It is still your story to begin with. None can claim your work.
If a character is required to go down an inconveneint path, leave it be until you can reconcile the part?
Why did Celestia and Chrysalis turn into a Statue, and why is it broken?
Did not Luna care for the Moon in Canon, why were she not in the story in the first place?
Character development enriches the story. Try to slip some of this into the story thoughout the plot if possible.

It is far too easy to "Defend" the story as is, as opposed to listen and check the assorted points made along the way.
I guess some people just don't feel like commenting. Some because they don't know what to say, others due to fear of a backlash from bad authors. We all see them on any site we visit, not just FiM-fiction. Make an effort to follow up any lead that can potentially improve upon your story. Not just for your story, but for the audience, the readers and the site in general. If you give a good, positive response, it may be easier to them to comment on the next story they read. More constructive comments leads to an environment of positive communication.

Woah, of Seven? You deserve and need your attention as much as the fellow sibling and Pony.

I have been around for a while, even if I may be new to this site.
If you can recognize a true point in a conversation, maybe it isn't too large a leap to recognize the constructive crittissism you receive on your stories? You need to recognize the advice that can bring you forwards and how to point out when the advice was flat wrong without blowing your top and openly insult either the one behind it, or any of the once reading the comment. Good responses on both sides improve upon your reputation and how they view your work in general.

If we all just try to be the best Ponies we can possibly be, we are all turning into much happier a Herd. ;)

1781798 You know, I think you're right. If I really think about what I'm writing, it seems really forced. Like I'm just paying too much to one aspect, like just dialog and characters, but not enough to other things like plot, pace and the movement of the story. Things really do feel...stale.

As for restarting Ruins of Equestria, you took the words right out of my mouth. I'd change a lot, since I'm not going down the road of OC stories anymore, not without serious consideration. If I do restart it it will be the main six, minus Twilight because she goes crazy, traveling all over Equestria to gather the broken pieces of the statue that Celestia and Cryslis make up, while trying to keep their own elements from going dim because of the trials that they face. They realize just how much they depend on and need Twilight. I may throw Luna in there to add a whole new plot level that they are trying to reconcile their own feelings about the Princess of Night, since the hoof full of times they've been around her, they never really felt comfortable with her. It could add much more to character development to all.

I think that part of the reason so many bronies don't comment anymore is a two part problem. First, they might not know how to recommend change or advice, or maybe don't even know what advice to give. Second, and I've been guilty of this in the past, some don't take advice or criticism well, and so lash out because they're defending their works instead of listening and learning to those who have good points and experience.

As for the subject of becoming a professional, I think it's not so much as that as much as it is being a published or recognized author. I'm the youngest of seven, so I guess I'm use to being ignored or not paid attention too, and really want people to notice me. That's why this sight serves my need on that level. It allows me to write and publish my works so others can read it. It's a place for my works to speak for themselves, and if no one is listening, then my works need work to become better speakers.

You seem like a wise person, and speak from experience. I like that. I must admit, it is painful to hear that somethings need changing, or the truth that they just aren't good from others, and usually I feel defensive, but I see you're points on things you've said, and quite frankly I agree, so I accept what you give. Thank you for that.

1781575 Maybe you need to listen to your muse? She may have a weak voice, but I think she still has something to say.

If you liked the original story, start over and rewrite it into the image you feel comfortable with. In the end, your readers will thank you, even if not so much in words. Even here, it seems the audience is not speaking up as much as they should.
The Summary could take a few adjustments as well, from what I could see. Maybe just a slight fine-tuning and a typo fixed? Just a slight adjustment.

So it isn't really about living by the words you print? Just the chance to sell a book or two, even in small numbers?
I guess that is a far more enjoyable idea. Could supplement the funds, but never really for support.

If they are fun to you is essential. Anything else is just a small side note. Even if your readers like them or not.
Make sure to enjoy them for all they are worth, explore the content to the full potential, before they are completed.

That would be great. Just that the creative once always needs the Editors, but the Editors needs us creative writers or they have nothing to Edit. If only we could pair up, rather than the few have all the Editorial, just for a few tiny issues that may actually be better in the first place.

Writing stories may be the best way to explore these new things. Should be plenty of fun in the process.
Even if I guess some may be better a expressing this in image or music?

That is good. the main problem is the commercials connected to some more than others.
On the other hoof, Torch your favourite clips and play from your PC or something at will.

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