• Member Since 8th Feb, 2015
  • offline last seen 6 hours ago

Kentavritsa


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Dec
28th
2019

The Collar · 11:22pm Dec 28th, 2019

This story is basically centered around Twilight (Sparkle), and the "Adventure" she has.

I chose to present an activity each day, over the copy/paste style. Applying fresh and new details about "Twilight" and the location, where she is right now. (in the story)

We follow the girl, registered as Ms. A; throughout her stay at the Twilight Hotel, and beyond.
If I could have referred to her as Twilight Sparkle; but that would not have worked, for the staff serving her in the story.

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Thank you for the addition on Glistening Fangs and Melodious Belles:scootangel:.

Thank you for adding Double Trouble: The Flaws Within to your Bookshelf! That’s a huge compliment, and is very much appreciated!

If you wouldn't mind, I would greatly appreciate it if you would post a comment and share your opinion. It would mean a lot to me, as I value my readers’ opinions, and their comments help me become a better writer.

Thanks again!

~Masterius

1784027

When I say forced I mean that the writing may flow, but the story doesn't. Like the plot is semi thought out and the story itself is dominated mostly by dialog.

So just dialogue for the sake of dialogue with no real purpose?
Speaking just to hear your voice characters, how entertaining?
Even if Dialogue can be driven by dialogue, it isn't the end purpose of the story.

I hope your characters are wide awake and acting upon what you tell them.

Stale as in, unimaginative and artificial.

Then it isn't really much of a story. sounds as if there is nothing to invest in. Not even enough to work with in order to improve.

  • Viewing 22 - 26 of 26
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