Group Precipitation

by FanOfMostEverything

The Lord of Spatulas!, by My name is R

Sunset Shimmer stood on a foggy bank, looking up at the starry sky. She was enjoying a rare calm moment, with no religious zealots declaring war in her name, or appointing random days holy, or even pelting her with oranges.

She knew it couldn’t last.

From the mist she heard a boat approaching on the river. When it came into view she saw a minotaur-aspect man with black and white skin and hair. He had a white shirt with a black overshirt, one black glove and one white. The only bits of color were his red tie and his golden crown. She couldn’t see his face under his black and white mask and ordinary black sunglasses.

He pulled one of his oars out of the water, revealing it to be a spatula. He lifted it to his mouth, and proclaimed: “Sunset Shimmer! I am Ronmoo! I am here to defeat you and claim your mantle as my own, just like how Hamilton became president! I am the god of gods! The spatula gods!”

Oh great, she thought. Another god complex. “Do you really want to do this? If you don’t mind, maybe we could do this some other time? I was rather enjoying the night.”

Ronmoo stepped out of his rowboat, revealing that his feet were also spatulas. Okay, that’s a new one.

“No, I already told my subscribers that we’d do this tonight.”

“Your what!?” Sunset asked.

“You know, the people that watch my EweTube account.”

“Wait a minute… Are you trying to fight me… For likes on social media?”

Ronmoo looked at his spatula feet. “...Yes?”

Sunset just facepalmed.

---

Rainbow Dash was the first to arrive after they all got Sunset’s ‘Harmony Text’. When she got there, she saw fires and spatulas spread all over the football-field-sized battleground where Sunset was fighting… something.

She saw them by a large boulder. Sunset was backed against it, using a shield to hold back the stream of spatulas that were flying out of the hands of the strange man fighting her.

Rainbow dove towards him, aiming to tackle him, thus breaking his attack on Sunset, but as she got close he flung one hand out towards her, and a huge spatula slammed into her from above.

As Rainbow passed out Twilight teleported onto the scene, strengthening Sunset's shield with her own. But then Ronmoo pointed one finger right at her and turned her head gem into a spatula!

---

Sunset woke with a start, then slowly calmed her breathing.

“What’s wrong,” Twilight asked.

“You know how I said that sometimes I missed sleep?”

“Yes?”

“I don’t think I missed dreams quite so much. Especially after watching weird EweTube videos.”

Author's Note:

Context, or the closest thing to it, as provided by the author:

Comments

[ShadowLDrago]

God dreams are bizarre.

[Fresnor]

At least she didn't have to deal with butt spatulas.

[Eroraf86]

[Breakfateschain]

whatthefuck

[RangerOfRhudaur]

From the mist she heard a boat approaching

Must... resist... urge... to... make... Sabaton... reference...

[My name is R]

11466148
No, don't resist! Give in to the Sabaton!
Which song, by the way?
Oh! Bismarck! I'd forgotten that line!

[Jphyper]

"Hello. My name is Spatula. You broke my handle. Prepare to scrape."

[Snowdrifter]

Spatula jokes leave me flat.

[Speckle]

I appreciate this on a level that I can't quite convey

[Crack-Fic Casey]

Good thing she's not one of those entities that makes what she dreams come true.