Stories set in the Oversaturated World, some silly, some less so.
Luna had been happy to accept managing dreams. She still didn't completely trust Sunset Shimmer. The girl had clearly turned over a new leaf, but Luna remembered her own regrettable youth too well to trust a teenager as mistress of the universe. Anything she could take off of Sunset's workload would be a load off of both their minds.
However, minds soon became the issue. What Luna hadn't realized and Sunset likely hadn't known was that most people were always dreaming a little, at least by whatever definition magic used for the term. Any thoughts that weren't focused on the here-and-now counted, which meant that Luna could tell where most people were by the faint mental static of abstract thought. She could even tune in to it to get a vague sense of what they were thinking, but the key word was "vague;" most of the time it was a mishmash of memories and speculation that wasn't even put into words, much less a coherent flow.
The signal that cropped up unannounced in the middle of her office needed no introduction. There was no mistaking the only mental signal that left an aftertaste centered on her headgem. Luna didn't even look up until she finished filling out the form she was working on. "I trust you know why I asked you here, Mr. Discord?"
"Come now, Lulu. You don't really expect the disciplinarian act is going to work on me, do you?" Mr. Discord beamed, brightening up the office past Luna's preferred illumination level. "After all, I remember when I used to bounce you on my knee."
"Be that as it may, we have been getting calls from concerned parents about your classes. You are terrifying your students."
"Oh, please. I'm just getting their attention. I have to get them to look away from their phones somehow, and creating wireless interference makes me feel like a lazily written horror movie." Mr. Discord threw off his hockey mask in disgust.
Luna crossed her arms. "Don't you think sending them to an airless void is a little extreme?"
Mr. Discord threw up his hands, which clung to the ceiling. "There's plenty of air! Just not in the demonstration area. I assure you as I have assured them, I have complete control over the pocket dimension."
"I don't suppose I could convince you to keep your classes in this one?"
"Don't be ridiculous! Everyone knows that high school-level physics happens in a frictionless vacuum!"
Credit for the idea goes to xkcd. The chapter title comes from one of the most memorable pop quizzes I've ever taken and seems perfect for a Mr. Discord short.
Also, friendly reminder that Mr. Discord is the principals' uncle.
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I love these spherical cow jokes.
I feel like this joke is appropriate (stolen from here):
THEOLOGICAL ENGINEERING EXAM 1
5 Questions, 60 Minutes.
You may use a calculator, the Bible, the Koran, the Torah, and the Book of Mormon. The speed of light is c. Show all work. For all problems, assume a perfectly spherical Jesus of constant density D. No praying during the exam.
1. (20 pts.) Bob and Joe are standing on a street corner. God loves each an equal amount L. Bob then accelerates to .9c. In Joe's rest frame, how much does God now love Bob?
2. Sven, a Catholic, is in a state of grace. He then has sex with sheep S.
a. (8 pts.) What is Sven's atonement coefficient following the act if the sheep was not willing?
b. (12 pts.) What if the sheep, while not technically being willing, could not be said to mind either?
3. (20 pts.) Let the eternal, all abiding love of the Holy Spirit be the xy plane. Let Sue's soul be at (0,0,5) at t = 0 sec., traveling at 5 m/s in the direction of the positive z axis. Everything is in Cartesian coordinates bespeaking subscription to a perfectly rational Enlightenment attitude towards the Universe. At what time t will Sue be saved? (Hint: Assume a point soul.)
4. (20 pts.) Assume the Rapture occurs at time t. Cornelia, a saved human weighing 90 kg, in a state of grace, has her head in the closing jaws of an alligator at time t. What mass of meat will remain to the alligator at time t + 10 sec.?
5. Stan is a frictionless, massless Mormon in a rest state. His sin level for his faith is currently 11 McBeals. He eats .3 kg of pork, and enjoys it very much. Assume that the Jews are right about, well, pretty much everything.
a. (10 pts.) What is Stan's sin level now?
b. (10 pts.) Stan is one of them Salt Lake City Mormons. He ain't so damn smug now, is he?
Extra Credit (10 pts): 25 grams of wafers and 20 ml of cheap wine undergo transubstantiation and become the flesh and blood of our Lord. How many Joules of heat are released by the transformation?
Hand in exam when done, and may God have mercy on your work.
Goddamit.
Funny, i always assume a spherical chicken.
7701203
Thank you for this. I've added it to my folder of Internet wisdom.
Look at it this way, Luna: he hasn't killed anyone...
... Yet.
...spherical walrus just makes me think of Spheal...
At least if he's teaching