• Published 1st Apr 2016
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Group Precipitation - FanOfMostEverything



Stories set in the Oversaturated World, some silly, some less so.

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The Loyalist's Prayer, by Void Knight

"Oh glorious and awesome Rainbow Dash, Thou who art the pinnacle of coolness and the exemplar of radicalness, I bow in awe to you and humbly petition your blessings upon me this day..."

Flashing Blades rolled his eyes in familiar exasperation. Oh, he knew it wasn't really Awesome Sauce's fault. She was, after all, a paladin, and that meant she had to petition her divine patron for her daily ration of spells. But he'd met other paladins and clerics before, and most of them had been more... circumspect about their devotions.

"...may thy wings enfold me and thy strong arms uplift me..."

But then, that was how Awesome Sauce was. The young paladin wasn't pushy about her faith, exactly. She didn't press others to join her in the worship of Rainbow Dash or harangue those who paid their devotion to other deities. But, like many acolytes of Rainbow Dash, she was incredibly blatant in her own devotions, trumpeting (sometimes literally) her reverence for the Lady of Awesomeness.

"... lead me not into lameness, but deliver me from the boring ones..."

Flashing Blades rose to his feet and flourished one of his gleaming sabers in the direction of Little Treasure, flashing a rakish grin at her. His paramour rose to her own feet and extended one hand. Gray mist swirled around Treasure's before condensing into her pact weapon. Made of some unfamiliar mist-grey metal and with the Seven-Pupiled Eye stamped on both sides of the blade, the longspear was the symbol and seal of her pact with her eldritch patron: Ditzy, The Unheld Center.

The two stepped forward, and their weapons come together in a ringing series of clashes. Flashing Blades was the better of the two, of course. Where Treasure had to split her studies between physical practice and arcane experimentation, Blades was free to focus exclusively on honing his talents with his weapons. But Treasure was still good enough to give him a decent challenge, and at the end of their brief sparring session his heart was racing and he was feeling ready for the upcoming adventure.

As Flashing Blades sheathed his sabers and Treasure's pact blade puffed away into mist, Awesome Sauce came to the end of her recitation. "... For thine is the coolness, and the radicalness, and the awesomeness forever. Amen." As the paladin opened her eyes and rose from her knees, the light seemed to shatter around her head, briefly shading her hair all the colors of the rainbow.


Twilight Sparkle glared across the Oubliettes and Ogres table at Scootaloo. “For the last time, Scootaloo, just because I gave you roleplaying XP the first time you acted out your character praying for her spells doesn’t mean I’m going to do it again.”

The young pegasus-aspect responded with a shrug. “I know, it’s just fun. And it’s not like it takes that long.”

“Fine, whatever,” said Twilight. “Okay, everyone has their spells prepared and is ready to go, so you set off on the trail of the lizardling raiding party....”

Author's Note:

I'll leave the identity of the other players under a spoiler; not sure if Void wants that out in the open.

Dinky and Pipsqueak; no points for guessing who's who. Also, I'm assuming that the Unheld Center is homebrewed rather than in the "Recent Additions" section of Deities & Demigods. On that note—and thanks to mastermenthe's request—here's one possible interpretation of the eldritch curiosity in question:

Ditzy Doo
Titles: The Watcher in the Void, the Unheld Center, She of the Seven Pupils
Adjective: Ditzian
Home: Unknown
Alignment: Neutral
Areas of Concern: The planes, interplanar travel, perception, hallucinations
Worshippers: Planar travelers, arcane scholars, mad prophets, aberrations
Cleric alignments: NG, LN, N, CN, NE
Domains: Knowledge, Luck, Madness, Travel, Void
Subdomains: Aeon, Dark Tapestry, Exploration, Imagination, Stars, Thought, Truth
Favored Weapon: Longspear
Symbol: Seven-pupiled eye
Sacred Animal: Horses and other equinoids, especially pegasi
Sacred colors: Silver, gold, color out of space

Those researchers of eldritch lore who have not yet descended into incoherent babbling consider Ditzy Doo to be the most benign of all the entities known as the Elder Gods. Indeed, her approachability, coherence, and identifying as a comprehensible gender make some scholars believe she may be misclassified as one of those dread beings. She claims to hail from beyond even the Abyss, which not even other gods have substantiated, and says that she wandered to the known multiverse out of curiosity. She finds the concept of divine magic entertainingly novel, and accepts worshippers with a somewhat sardonic air.

Ditzy teaches that expanding one's boundaries is the greatest good, and that the unknown is never as terrifying as the consequences of ignorance. However, her understanding of what mortal minds can withstand leaves something to be desired, and "going mad from the revelation" is listed as the most common reason one of her high priests has had to step down. (Some claim that it's actually a requirement to attain the position in the first place.) Beyond that, her teachings are few, believing that commands from on high might detrimentally impede her worshippers' personal journeys. Her favored weapon, the longspear, was extrapolated from one of these rare lessons: "When in doubt, poke it with a stick and see what happens."

Ditzy's moral and ethical stance is less "neutral" and more "not applicable." She doesn't seem to comprehend the concepts of good, evil, law, and chaos as most do, and whenever she tries, unpleasant things tend to happen to the Outer Planes. To the entire multiverse's relief, she has shelved the matter for now. This, more than anything, is why she doesn't grant power to those of extreme alignments, believing that the existential damage she might cause by doing so could prove catastrophic. (Ominously, her exact words on the matter were "That might destroy the multiverse before I'm through with it." It is statements like these that have kept even her most devoted petitioners from asking why she holds horses in such high regard. To their shame, they're afraid they might get an answer.)

Ditzy's physical form resembles a cross between a dragon, a squid, and an eye with the optic nerve still attached. Indeed, her "head," such as it is, is simply an enormous, seven-pupiled eye, from which her holy symbol derives. Aberrations, especially flumphs, revere her at least as often and as devoutly as humanoids.

Most other gods keep their distance from Ditzy Doo whenever possible, though Fluttershy and Twilight Sparkle have passably pleasant relations with her, and Sunset Shimmer appreciates her efforts to leave the multiverse largely as she found it. Pinkie Pie claims she knows some truly amazing muffin recipes, and literally everyone else in the Great Beyond tries not to think about that. Nor are they willing to try any.

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