• Published 1st Apr 2016
  • 3,518 Views, 2,988 Comments

Group Precipitation - FanOfMostEverything

Stories set in the Oversaturated World, some silly, some less so.

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The Royalish Family, by Masterweaver



Rainbow cleared her throat. "So, you're not so distantly related to Principal Celestia."

Lemon Zest nodded. "Yes."

"So, you'd be familiar with their family tree."

"I would."

"So...." Rainbow cleared her throat. "I'm... wondering. Why exactly does she call Cadence her niece?"

Lemon took a long, quiet sip of her lemonade.

"...You really want to know."


"Alrighty. I'll tell you. But you can't tell anyone."

"I'm fine, hit me."

"...Dean Cadance's biomom is actually Uncle John's daughter, but Celestia and Luna were her legal guardians."

Rainbow blinked. "O...kay?"

"You've got to understand, Screwball wasn't... isn't... she had some mental issues. And, uh, one of the doctors at the sanitorium took... advantage of that."

"Oh. Wow."

Lemon nodded. "Yeah. Uncle John and Aunt Abby were righteously pissed; they laid a legal smackdown. Screwball didn't want the baby to go away, she... I don't think she even really understands what happened, even this long after. Uncle John and Aunt Abby were too busy with work to raise the kid, though, so Celestia and Luna stepped in." She paused. "I think that's when Aunt Abby started to go really bad, actually. See the worst in everyone and try to force perfection. If I recall they actually divorced a couple years after that... would explain why Dean Cadance is so insistent on there being real love before sex, too."

Rainbow nodded. "Yeah, that... that really had to wreck them, didn't it? Are you sure it's alright to tell me this?"

"It's all a matter of public record. As I understand it, most of the emotions have been worked through already. Not polite to bring it up, obviously, but they're not going to get on my case informing people about it."

The two of them sat in Sugarcube Corner, quietly contemplating.

"...I'm sorry, I just... there's a woman named Screwball?"

"Ianthe Pratibha Stencil Screwball Discord-Cinch." Lemon smiled faintly. "Not actually a terrible woman, just... a little disconnected from reality. I visit her sometimes..."

Author's Note:

"Wait, doesn't that mean Cadence is your niece?"

"First cousin once removed. We try not to think about it too much. With my family, you get a lot of practice there."

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