• Published 1st Apr 2016
  • 3,526 Views, 2,998 Comments

Group Precipitation - FanOfMostEverything

Stories set in the Oversaturated World, some silly, some less so.

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Traveling Salesman Problem, by Masterweaver

Sunset sighed as she slipped into the Astral Plane. She didn't like to think she could be overwhelmed but, on occasion, there were just too many people doing too many stupid things in one day. After cleaning up a particular magic convergence, firmly lecturing the leaders of the twelve countries involved, and asking her church to help with the clean-up, she was looking forward to a nice time alone.


Which was abruptly interrupted by what looked to be a lizardy bird thing with squid tails.

"Are you feeling a little unsatisfied with the state of your cosmic residence?" it asked perkily, coiling around the astral realm. "Is your background dull or disturbing? Do you wish you had the glorious arches and altars needed to wow mortal visitors?"

Sunset facepalmed. "I do not need this right now..."

"We-he-hell, you don't have to decide right now," the creature admitted with a fanged grin. "But in case you EVER need a hand redecorating, Cross-Cosmos Decor and Furniture is always available to lend a manipulatory appendage of your choice!"

"Look, I've had a very, very long day. I just want to relax and—"

"Nooooot a problem! Your first ethereal environmental restructuring comes free with up to TEN kilo-prayers worth of furniture!" The strange being snapped its talons and a large marble hot tub with ornate images carved into its surface dropped behind it. "As you can see, we seek to anticipate any and all of our customer's wants and needs. The iconography on this luxurious piece is fully adjustable, so you can update it at will with your holy symbols or a histography of your miraculous accomplishments—"

Sunset rubbed her forehead wearily. "Oh, geeze. Okay, I can see that this is your job and all, but—really, I'm still getting used to this whole deity thing and honestly? I don't want to make any decisions while I'm this stressed out."

"Oh I sympathize entirely," the creature replied. "In fact, might I recommend a lovely stellar format for your realm?" With a wave of its arm, the entire region transformed into something resembling a NEISA photograph. "This wondrous view of the cosmos has been guaranteed by a significant amount of psychologists to—"

Its voice was cut off when Sunset grabbed its snout, dragged its head down, and looked into its eyes.

"Take your stuff with you," she growled, "and come back in three days—local time—with a catalog. Do. You. Understand?"

It nodded.

"Right. Good."

Sunset released her grip. The creature held up a talon, paused, and snapped again, undoing all that had been done before vanishing.

For a moment, Sunset stared into space. Then she rocked forward, fell onto what counted as the ground, and gave a long, aggravated sigh.

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