• Published 1st Apr 2016
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Group Precipitation - FanOfMostEverything

Stories set in the Oversaturated World, some silly, some less so.

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Cool But Impractical, by FoME

Stone Waller had seen a lot of strange things over the years. Even before an alien teenager had become a god in denial, there had been things lurking at the edges of the world. She knew how right the term "paranormal" was; in her experience, the supernatural looked just like the normal, only twisted in a subtle way that was hard to notice but impossible to unsee once spotted.

It did not sit smiling on the other side of her desk, wearing a well-tailored if lime-green three-piece suit.

"I'm going to be blunt, Miss Heartstrings," said Waller. "I've spent almost thirty years in the Department of Paranormal Investigation. I've learned a lot of valuable lessons in my time, and one of the big ones is that national defense is best left to mundane methods." She sighed. "Unfortunately, I'm only the deputy chief, and Deeper Truth is convinced that now that magic is publicly available, we might as well put it to use. I'd heard about the lightsaber rumors at DAPLA, but I didn't think they'd drag you into this." Waller nodded to the woman sitting next to the sharp-dressed alien. "Or you, Tia."

Celestia gave a familiar, understanding smile. "I remember how it is, Stone. Besides, the Power Patriots need to work with the government, or at least not actively against it. Otherwise, we're just a bunch of vigilantes with good publicity."

Lyra crossed her arms. "I'm afraid I can't be as good a sport about this."

Waller raised an eyebrow. The girl's fists were clenched, but she'd assured Waller that most Equestrians did that when they forgot they had fingers. "Is it because we're not ponies?" Waller smirked as she glanced at her own fingernails. "Not entirely, anyway."

Lyra shook her head. "Truth be told, you are among the first non-equine governments we've reached out to, but that's not it. The standard Bureau policy for governments that don't contribute to our budget is mutual noninterference. This clearly isn't that.

"Granted, I technically don't have the authority to approve or deny the proposal, but even if I kick it upstairs, I'm sure you'll only have to wait longer before you get a 'No.'"

"Why not?"

"For one, you're definitely not going to get any other Bureau agents to help. Probability space is a perpetual mess, and that's putting it politely. That means that logistics are limited to portals, which your world can barely support right now, and one natural worldshifter who's still a legal minor. Secondly, I suspect this proposal was made largely for the acronym."

Celestia smirked. "It wouldn't be the first time. Remember SMILE and FROWN?"

Waller kept her thoughts on the matter out of her expression. "All too clearly."

"Here, it's downright transparent," said Lyra. "You even switched two letters around. It's the Equestrian Time-Space Administration, not the other way around. And we definitely have no interest in facilitating an interdimensional league of superheroes."

Waller nodded, allowing one corner of her mouth turn up just a fraction. "Understood. I'll just have to tell Chief Truth that he won't get to establish ESTABLISH."

Author's Note:

DAPLA is the Defense Advancement Planning and Learning Agency. They invented the Internet.

This isn't the first time Celestia's mentioned some interesting personal history in this setting. It won't be the last.

And no, I'm not sorry. :trollestia:

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