There's a crime wave gripping the sleepy town of Apple-Morepone, and nopony on the City Watch seems to care. Corporal "Rainbow" M. Dash naps through her patrols, her partner Dobby is an infamous kleptomaniac, Captain Rhymes is a drunkard, and the entire Watch is a group of burnt-out misfits.

They're about to meet a batpony (adopted) by the name of Carrot, visiting town to return an overdue library book.

And none of their lives will ever be the same.

A crossover/homage to the "City Watch" books of Terry Pratchett's Discworld, written to be readable without any familiarity with the series (though they're excellent, and if you do read them you'll catch my Pratchett in-jokes).

Winner of Aragon's "Comedy Is Serious Business" Contest! "I was quoting this offline for days, forgetting where I was remembering the lines from. … This story made me legitimately jealous, both of its cleverness and of its funniness." –Contest judge MrNumbers

Rated ★★★★★ by Louder Yay! "The best comedy I've read in a long time."

"Highly Recommended" by Super Trampoline! (Video review here @ 09:17) "It's 13,000 words long, but it doesn't feel long, because so much fun stuff is happening."

Reviewed by Ghost Mike! "It features meticulously laboured-over prose, rhyming with actual metre for Zecora, perfectly-timed jokes and reveals that are often outrageous, a sneakily clever plot and character investment that works its magic throughout ... This is a phenomenally executed piece of work."

Other reviews: Present Perfect | City of Doors

Thank you to Themaskedferret and Caliaponia for prereading, and GaPJaxie for motivation/inspiration!

(Featured on Fimfiction 10/22/17-10/25/17! Thanks so much!) You can find reviews for this story here, and here!

(Historian's/Spoiler Note: This story includes characters and situations from My Little Pony: The Movie, and takes place during said movie.)

Four by hundreds of hooves, they march in dreary lockstep towards their cages, to serve their fate as beasts of burden. From all over the nation they came to this place in the name of friendship, but now their colors are struck and their ears drooped; scorching sulfur invading their nostrils as heavy chains bear them into capitulation.

Tempest Shadow, commander of the armies of the north and mistress of her own name, has subdued the capital of the largest nation in the known world without a single casualty on either side. She has bested three of the four legendary alicorns in combat, and chased away the last. Every obstacle in her way has been found wanting...save for one.

This is a story of the pillar that would not fall.

Story Specific Cover Art by: Ranch

Equestrian culture loves cutie marks. Filly Starlight Glimmer hates them and never wants one. So, she leaves Equestria.

Inspired by Imploding Colon's Austraeoh.