A light breeze ruffled Valey's mane as she stared at her captive, Howe pinned to the ground by a forehoof in the middle of a dirt-road alley. Bright blue sky silhouetted her, and her shadow was the only thing preventing him from squinting in the sunlight. She bit her lip.
"Heh heh heh..." Howe shuddered, grinning broadly and nervously. "You remember your old buddy Howe, right? All the, uh, smashing times we had together, and all? It's me..."
Whap! Valey slapped him, then stepped off. "That's for being useless and bailing on me in the Flame District. Hey, Puddles!"
Puddles left the still-stunned Belinda and happily waddled over. "Hiya, cute Valey! Who's..." She stopped and lifted her shaded goggles, ogling Howe with wide, pupil-less eyes. "Woah," she murmured, voice deepening to its glacial tone for a few seconds. "What did you do to his mane? I didn't realize ponies could be so cruel..."
"Ohhhh that's creepy!" Howe somehow scooted backwards, still upside-down on his back. "Weird magic detected!"
"Hey, hold up." Valey stepped on his tail as he tried to retreat, sending him crashing back to the ground. "Pancake? This is Puddles. Puddles?" She raised an eyebrow. "This is a super close friend of mine who's super sad about his continual failures to amount to anything in life, and he seriously needs to be cheered up. Help a girl out?"
Puddles gave her a deadpan look, voice back to normal. "Seriously? How low do you think my standards even are?"
Howe winced, trying to get to his hooves and being stopped halfway through by Valey's hoof. "Ouch, Sister," he mumbled, rubbing the back of his neck. "Really not got any kind words for your old friend, here, do you?"
Valey looked flatly at him.
Suddenly, her cutie mark tingled slightly, and she glanced over her shoulder to see the black griffon from the tavern standing behind her, an angry-looking Belinda leaning on his side with one foreleg slashed and dangling uselessly. "Uh, hey?"
The griffon tipped his tricorn hat, looking dour. "Kindly unhoof me crewmate, if ye please. I be short enough on sailors already without losin' any to past grudges that are beyond me control."
Valey blinked down at Howe. "You've got a new employer?"
"Hehe... Sort of?" Howe tapped his forehooves together, clearly wanting to flee.
"Seriously?" She glanced back up at the griffon duo. "You guys know how crazily unreliable this guy is, right? Didn't you bother getting letters of reference, or anything? I mean, I would have given him the worst one you've ever laid eyes on, but still! The dude can't even stand and fight against a single army when..." She shook her head. "You know, never mind. Keep him! I do not want this as my problem."
The black griffon shrugged as Howe was chucked toward him. "He had a fine boat, and I'd just lost me own. And what be good manners worth in the face of an ocean gale?"
"H-Hey!" Howe winced. "Good captain, my etiquette has been passed down through-"
"Shut up, newbie," Belinda snarled. "You two! If you hadn't cheated, right now you'd be-"
"No, you pipe down a sec." Valey interrupted her in turn, tipping her head. "You guys just lost your boat... Wait a sec..." Her eyes widened. "I know where I've seen you before! You were those bums who got beaten up by Gazelle a week or two ago! You actually are pirates?" She squinted at the leader. "Bananas, how do you get away with dressing that obviously without getting found out? Or is this entire town just out of compliance with the whole heresy stuff?"
The captain's beak dropped even as Puddles started to wiggle in excitement. "And how would ye know a thing like that?"
"Long story. I was in the area." Valey shrugged. "That's you, though, isn't it? Bananas." Her ears folded. "And Pancake here still has that giant airship he swiped from Kero's goons..." Her eyes flicked between the three of them. "Huh. Well, it was nice seeing ya, but come on, Puddles. We want no part of-"
"Yes we doooo!" Puddles bounced her way over to the captain, Belinda and Howe. "Hiya, mister pirate! Puddles wants to join your team!"
"What the...?" The captain blinked, suddenly receiving a facefull of smiling, excited earth pony.
"Oh, no you don't!" Valey jumped at her, grabbing on successfully yet once again failing to bring Puddles down. She hung awkwardly off the mare's side, grunting in frustration. "Puddles, seriously, get... We're not just randomly becoming pirates! You can get sacrificed to Garsheeva for that!"
Puddles gave her a nuzzle. "Aww, cute Valey wants to come too. Don't worry, Puddles won't leave you behind..."
"Uhhh..." Howe raised an eyebrow. "Forgive me for showing off my immaculate perception, but Valey, my old partner in unsavory deeds... Could it be that you've found yourself a marefriend!?" The last word was practically a squeak.
"What? No!" Valey blurted. "She's a-"
"Yes!" Puddles chirped over top of her. "Cute Valey's my bestest friend ever! Hee!"
The captain gave them both a look. "Then yer' hardly in a position to lecture me about heresy under Garsheeva, mixed lovers. Now what's this about wantin' to be part of me crew? Ye hardly look like ye've got the disposition for battle and the perils of sea livin'."
Howe, meanwhile, had both wingtips held to his mouth. "Two lifetimes of eternal frustration brought to a romantic culmination in a humble alley before my very eyes... So exciting...!"
"Shut up, Pancake!" Valey threatened, still struggling with Puddles. "We are not an item, you are not a pirate, and you're going home! Stop trying to dig yourself deeper, already!"
Puddles nuzzled her again, then glanced at the captain and curled her lip. "Who needs dispositions when you can do this, mister pirate? Hyaaaa!"
She reared back, stomped down, and her forehooves crackled with icy energy, causing another sculpture to erupt out of the roadway a short distance away, completely blocking the alley. This one was of Puddles laying in the road, winking and sticking her tongue out as Valey played with her ears.
"No... Stop that!" Valey groaned, uselessly trying to move her. It was like the mare's hooves were frozen to the ground, rendering her immobile... In fact, they might have actually been.
The captain's eyes widened. "Well, now, magic like that might change a thing or two. Let's talk ideals, Missy."
Belinda hissed in disapproval, though it was clear she was conditioned to stay out of things when her superior was talking. "Okay!" Puddles happily agreed, trotting forward.
Valey kept hanging on, even though she was clearly outmatched and the only sensible thing to do was escape with herself intact while she could. "Bananas, why do you even want this?" she hissed. "Puddles! What's the big idea?"
"Hmm... It sounds fun," Puddles decided. "So there."
"Puddles... Nnngh... Stop..."
Flash! Valey's forehooves were frozen together, locking her in place attempting to grapple Puddles' barrel. Her target trotted onward as happily as ever, and now there wasn't even anything Valey could do to leave.