The Olden World

by Czar_Yoshi

For Everyone But Me

Starlight watched the pre-dawn sky as she crept through the schoolgrounds, the horizon turning colors and the sky faintly blue from the impending sunrise. She had her saddlebags on, and had left without telling anyone what she was doing. In the last few morning hours before they left, she had a last errand to do.

Her magic hadn't yet finished recovering from the exertion of fighting Gazelle. The lessening of her headache was slow and gradual, and it had reached a point where she could go about her daily life without noticing it much. The moment she tried to use her horn, though... She reached up and opened a door with her hoof, saving her horn the trouble.

The Laughter dorm lobby was as quiet as she had hoped. This wasn't the first day she had watched them, and this was the perfect hour between when all the sports buffs got up for pre-dawn practice and when the students with early classes had to rise. To one side, Doctor Lost's office was propped open: now that Gazelle was gone, there was no further need for security, but the archive would still be roped off due to the hazard of broken glass. She had seen the doctor several times over the last two weeks. He was spending the time since the attack torn between mourning the loss of half his collection and being excited by the drama, and thankfully harbored no ill will over the events.

No one seemed to. But if anyone had any right to, it was the mare she was looking for now.

Starlight didn't want to be known for this, and had saved it until their last day for precisely that reason. Hopefully everything come together without complications as a result of that... She had left a note the previous night, trying to get the attention she needed. Time to see if the pony came.

She pushed open the secret entrance to Jamjars' old room, her self-proclaimed rival having vacated the space after the attack. As she hoped, Meadowglade was there, the scars of her wounds still visible all across her body.

"It's you?" Her ears perked in interest. "I saw the note and thought it must be from... Never mind. Why are... um... Hi?"

Starlight sighed, trying not to stare at her blank flanks. She knew how special cutie marks were for Equestrians. "I'm leaving in a few hours."

Meadowglade saw her tone and reacted appropriately. "Oh. If you're here to apologize..." She did the staring for Starlight, looking regretfully back at her own rear. "You did save my life. Don't forget that. So don't worry, okay?" She forcefully winked, clearly not as over it as she was trying to sound. "I can't do magic half that powerful, or react a third that fast. It was Gazelle who... you know. Are you taking this hard?"

Starlight looked up and met her eyes. After running away from all of Equestria because she hated their attachment to cutie marks, here she was... "No. I'm trying to help you get it back."

Meadowglade blinked. "What?"

"Your cutie mark." Starlight pointed, taking off her bags manually.

"You... what?" Meadowglade repeated. "But it's gone. What are you talking about?"

"No it's not," Starlight replied, lifting out her moon glass sword. "It's in here."

Meadowglade stared.

The sword felt faintly sticky in Starlight's hooves, and she half-worried it might consume her again and send her back to the land of memories where she would find Chrysalis and Navarre and that explorer who had discovered Indus. It consumed, she knew that much. It was Princess Luna's loneliness, mixed in with fragments Stanza's emotions she had used to activate her Nightmare Modules and her own needs and wants she had willed into the spell as well. But some part of it was hers, and while she couldn't very well change its nature, she found it possible to make it leave her alone.

"This is moon glass," Starlight said. "I don't know if you have it down here, but it contains cutie marks. Actually, you do. There was a meteor in the collection. But this one has yours."

Meadowglade squinted.

"I know in the north, ponies without cutie marks can sometimes get them by touching moon glass," Starlight continued. "And I think you can lose your cutie mark with it still being attached to you and wanting to come back, somehow. So maybe if you touch it..."

"Is this a dream?" Meadowglade asked, skeptical. "Either I'm dreaming now, that you're offering this, or I've been dreaming ever since Gazelle and I'm about to wake up. Right?"

Starlight shook her head. "If you are, I've been dreaming for far longer. And if you do get it back, please tell ponies it just happened and don't say it was me?"

"Uhhh..." Meadowglade stared blankly.

"Here." Starlight held the sword out. "Try it. I really want this to work..."

Meadowglade took the sword in a disbelieving daze. Nothing happened.

Starlight bit her lip. "...I don't know how long it usually takes."

Meadowglade sighed and sat down, still holding the sword. "Don't get your hopes up, kid. It's not like any of this is real. And if it is, it doesn't feel like it. Probably not going to feel real for the rest of my life. But it'll make for some great stories, right?"

"It feels real to me," Starlight replied.

Meadowglade shook her head. "You don't have your cutie mark yet, right? Maybe things are different in the north, or maybe you're too young to understand anyway, but having your special purpose in life is like... what makes things real. You wonder what you're supposed to be doing with yourself, and you feel a little lost, and then... you just know. And now, I don't. Things just got less real."

"Why not keep doing what you were going to do in the first place?" Starlight asked.

"I probably will." Meadowglade shrugged. "It still bites. Feels like this can't be happening. Listen, you're not the pony I need to bog down with this, I... I have a therapist. What matters is that you saved my life, okay? Don't think that just because you're some... some legend who can just stare down monsters without flinching and jump at them and fire crystals and stuff doesn't mean you need to... make up stories about getting cutie marks back and stuff. You can't make things happen just by believing in them. Unless you can, in which please, don't stop. I'll be fine, though."

Starlight frowned. "Will you really? You don't sound fine."

"Yeah..." Meadowglade chuckled. "Look on the bright side. I can be whatever I want! No guidance in life, no rails...! I'm probably so unusual, I could make money writing a book about myself. And even if I don't have a cutie mark telling me what to do, I've still got friends, right? That just means I have more freedom to do the things they like."

Starlight watched her quietly, and Meadowglade slumped. "Okay, so I'm parroting things my guidance counselor said. And maybe he doesn't have any experience working with blank flanks. But I believe it, you know? Really. It's not so bad. A week out of the hospital, and I'm already practically used to it!"

"You're not very convincing," Starlight replied.

"You got a history yourself with your own cutie mark?" Meadowglade asked. "You definitely look old enough to have one."

"I don't want one," Starlight insisted, looking down. "But I'll get one if it helps my friends. Not everyone up north gets one, anyway. I just know they're really important here."

Meadowglade shrugged. "Well, I'll tell you one thing. If they weren't as important, maybe I wouldn't even be in a pickle right now. Hey, maybe I should run off to the north myself someday." She giggled slightly at her own joke. "How does it work up there, with not everyone getting one? Is there, like, a divide between haves and have-nots? Or does nobody even care?"

"I didn't pay enough attention," Starlight mumbled. "But every country does things differently. It's not just one nation like Equestria. Maybe there are some where it's really important."

Meadowglade exhaled. "Either way, thanks for the effort... but more importantly, thanks for saving me. If ponies can wind up without cutie marks one way or another, maybe they just shouldn't be that important here either. Because I don't think mine is coming back."

"Yeah," Starlight agreed. "Maybe they shouldn't."

Really, how many of her problems would have been solved before they even began if having a cutie mark meant nothing? All one of them. Sunburst. Which led to every other difficulty she had encountered, as well as all her new friends and family... How was she even supposed to choose what to wish for? She could be so powerful, she could set anything in the world to any way she wanted it just by saying so, and it wouldn't count for anything if she didn't know what to want. She wished for a world where she didn't have to want anything at all...

"Uh-oh," Meadowglade said, reading her expression. "Did I trigger some deep thoughts?"

"No. I'm fine," Starlight insisted. "Just... thinking about cutie marks. What will you really do if yours doesn't come back?" She stared Meadowglade in the eye. "This is real. You're not going to live in denial forever."

Meadowglade leaned back and shrugged. "I told you, whatever I feel like. If I've got no direction in life, that's just another word for being able to go anywhere." She raised an eyebrow. "What's a kid like you even doing, knowing what denial is?"

"The same thing I'm doing being strong enough to save you from Gazelle," Starlight said. "Getting unlucky."

"You're something else." Meadowglade shook her head. "Is there anything I can do for you? I've already told you, you did wonderful saving us all. Please don't feel bad about my cutie mark. I'm upset, I'll admit it, but I can live my life like this and maybe even find some opportunities I wouldn't have before. There's no use dwelling on what can't be changed. Just gotta keep saying that, and I'll get through this just fine. Because what else can you do?" She held the sword out for Starlight. "Thanks for the effort. But I'll be fine. You look out for yourself, okay? Something tells me you could use it."

Starlight didn't take the sword, instead pointing at Meadowglade's flanks.

"Here you go," Meadowglade insisted, not immediately recognizing the gesture. "This is yours. I'm not keeping..." She finally looked down, dropping the sword in the process. "Woah."

Her flanks were no longer bare.

"It's... It's my..." She looked up again, agape, and glanced several times between her flanks and Starlight. "How did you do that?"

"I just did." Starlight shrugged, picking up the sword and putting it back in her bags. "Everything works? It's the right one, you can use it?"

"I..." Meadowglade sat down, completely overwhelmed. She looked dangerously like she might cry.

Starlight gave her a moment. "Please don't tell anyone it was me," she eventually said. "Say it came back on its own. You didn't want it to be gone. I don't want to be able to do this. Please?"

"Wow," Meadowglade whispered. "H-How...?"

"How does the transference work?" Starlight asked. "Or how are you lucky enough that I knew how to fix your problem? The first one is complicated, and the second, you just are. You're welcome, but I have to go."

"No, please..." Meadowglade reached out. "Stay just a minute?"

Starlight nodded and sat back down.

"I didn't... didn't even feel anything," Meadowglade whispered. "How long was it there for?"

"I pointed when it appeared," Starlight replied.

"When I first got it, my magic surge was big enough to burn the grass a little," Meadowglade continued. "You know, when your horn goes just a little explodey when you get your cutie mark... I figured there would be at least some..." She trailed off, panting lightly. "This is a dream."

Starlight adamantly shook her head. "Nope. Still real. Everything will be alright, now."

For a few breaths, Meadowglade met her eyes. "I don't know what to say..."

"There's not much that needs to be said." Starlight folded her ears, slinging her bags back into place. "Sometimes, things just happen."

And with that, she turned and left.

---

Starlight's mood as she walked back to the Immortal Dream could have been triumphant. A problem was solved, and damage was undone. The world was a better place because of her. One less cutie mark was trapped in her sword, and she was no worse off for it. She had walked into a mare's life like a stroke of fate and accomplished the laughably impossible without twitching a muscle. She had done good, and been told she did good. This was a great success.

But it wasn't fair at all.

Why did she care about Meadowglade, anyway? Because she cared about the world, and Meadowglade was in it. Why did she care about the world? Because she was in it herself, and she also cared about herself. She didn't want to begrudge the other mare her good fortune. She had gone out of her way to deliver it. But no matter how many miracles she worked for others, they never seemed to boomerang around back to her. This wasn't an equal exchange of favors and goodwill for favors and goodwill. It wasn't even an unequal exchange, ponies giving back and forth without keeping track. It was her being the gatekeeper, the first resort, standing between innocents and the Gazelles of the world and stepping in to keep them safe. It was her dealing with all the garbage in their lives so they could be happy and they wouldn't have to, in the same exact way that no one could do for her.

It wasn't fair! Maybe should have touched empty moon glass again before the talk, just so Meadowglade's thank-you would have felt more rewarding. Why did she have to do this, and when would it be enough? How had she become a cutie mark savior who gave them back to ponies when she was supposed to have a problem with them in the first place? Meadowglade herself had said life would go on. But Starlight had given her something far more wonderful than she had resigned herself to, and she was far past the point in her life where she could be vicariously happy from the happiness she brought to others.

In fact, she didn't have to do this at all. She was just too stubborn to admit that what went around didn't come back around, and being nice to ponies wasn't the way to get ahead in the world.

Help ponies. Do the harmonic thing. If she worked to improve their lives, maybe they would return the favor. If she had asked anything of Meadowglade in return, anything at all, she was certain the mare would have agreed.

But... all that broke down when there was nothing those ordinary ponies could do to help her. She had problems on the scale of Nightmare Modules and evil sphinxes and time-traveling fillies who wouldn't tell her how to prevent a bad future. What could she have asked of Meadowglade? Who even could she ask to fix these, assuming she helped them enough first to be worth their time?

Maybe she shouldn't have hidden from Celestia after all. Maybe she should have given up and trusted a stranger with all the problems she was staggering along under on her own. But the time for that had passed, and she hadn't seen Glimmer in the last two weeks since the attack, either.

She was so tired. Maybe she just needed to go home.

Comments

[Oberth Effect]

Well that was resolved a bit more cleanly than I expected. I thought that they would have to isolate Meadowglade’s cutie mark first, then transfer it back. Seems the natural affinity between a pony’s body/soul and their mark is strong enough to do that on their own.

Some interesting, yet understandable, thoughts from Starlight at the end. Giving constantly without expecting any return is not an easy thing to do, especially when your own life is suboptimal in several ways, and in Starlight’s case there is very little others can do for her in the first place. Curious to see where this train of thought will eventually lead.

[Phoenix Kitten]

Home, what's home when you're on your own, Starlight? What's home when your home is an airship constantly in transit?
What is home to you, Starlight? Is it the place you live, or the friends around you?

[alamais]

Oh bitter, jaded Glimglam. Become the cult leader you were meant to be!

[KMCA]

But Starlight... What about all those students that busted their backs to fix the Dream? Wasn't that them giving you help?
Poor filly.

[sploopy slooder]

im starting to think present day interlude starlight isnt as okay as i first thought. the trauma shes been/currently going through isnt something that gets fixed by whatever she ends up doing in her shitty little village. This child needs help im not sure anyone is actually able to give.