The Olden World

by Czar_Yoshi

Felicity's Very Best Apology

Valey stared at Felicity, back arched slightly as the other mare knelt before her. "Uhh... You alright, there?"

"You asked what I have to say for myself. You have time for it, unlike this morning." Felicity took a breath. "Now quiet and let me say my piece."

Valey sat back, dubious and taken aback. "I'm listening."

She waited for the emotion-altering effect of Felicity's cutie mark, but it never came. "A long time ago, though for you it was probably yesterday," Felicity began, "after Stormhoof but before Grandbell, I told you that while staying with your crew and trying to be a trustworthy friend was my first choice given the situation, I wouldn't have changed things had I the chance to do them over again." She sighed. "And because I said that, my sisters are dead and here I am today."

Valey arched an eyebrow. "So are you gonna tell me you wish you had done something different, or do you actually mean you wish you had done something different? Or is this just a bait-and-switch to tell me exactly the same thing as last time?"

That left Felicity with her jaw hanging. "I... Darling, I... I don't think we're very effective at communicating, are we?"

"Aren't we?" Valey folded her forelegs. "Then lemme tell you how I see this. I make it back from being moon glassed to see that my friends are utter wrecks. The more I look, the more it seems like I'm gonna have to do to set things right for them, because they're burned out and can barely even try. And I just got back from a talk with some guards who maybe might be able to help us, but it's going to involve us being on thin ice and trusting others who are good guys, but will have no patience for betrayal. And you are a mare who played me for a fool last time I vouched for you to all my friends, which is making me nervous because I swore never to make the call about you on my own again, and here I am anyway. Forget making me trash Stormhoof, they had it coming. I need to know you're not going to be a dirty little liar just like last time, or else."

"So you think I'm not being serious with my regret," Felicity deadpanned, ears down. "Have I ever been insincere about the contents of my heart with you before?"

Valey blinked and narrowed her eyes. "Uh, yeah? When you tricked me into trashing Stormhoof?"

"Oh, no. I don't mean that at all." Felicity shook her head, voice quiet and monotone. "You may have noticed this about me, but... I hated my job. I had to debase my pride, my honor, my dignity... live double and triple lives, all in the name of our mission. If I hadn't been doing it for my siblings, I never would have done it. I had to con many ponies and griffons alike. Sphinxes, too. It wears at my soul, makes me feel dirty. If you were always pretending, how would you hang onto a sense of self? I didn't want to be some disgusting thing, crawling in the dark and hiding my true nature. So as much as possible, even though I've had to manipulate cities and governments to get at my goal, the one thing I clung to aside from revenge was to always be honest about myself, even when I don't like what I see and my path forced me to lie about others. I meant it when I said I wouldn't have changed things if given the chance, knowing full well how bad it sounded. Because I do care about you and your friends, and I thought the least I could do was not try to hide from you what you were choosing to associate with."

Valey groaned and dragged her hooves down her face. "Bananas, you're just as messed-up as everyone else here..."

"I never tried to hide it," Felicity awkwardly apologized. "And believe me, I know what I did wrong. I-"

"Yeah, well I do too." Valey looked away. "Did it never, ever cross your mind that we cared less about who you were and more about who you wanted to be?"

Felicity's mane sagged. "I was going to say I was wrong, and if I could have done it all over again I should have sided with you in the first place."

Valey looked back and raised an eyebrow.

"You should talk to Amber," Felicity murmured. "Or Harshwater. We... don't have the same values in speaking, and my attempts at sincerity are turning you off. They would be better able to attest to my conduct in your absence than I can."

Valey stretched her wings. "Yeah, but I wanna hear it from you."

Felicity sighed wistfully. "It was Larceny who talked me into it. I was stupid. Our goals should all along have been about the ending, and saying I'd redo what I'd done purely for the sake of principles with no results was... utterly blind of me. Of course, it doesn't help that life decided to drive home the point with the force of a landslide after I'd made my decision. How many times do you think I've thought about how Gazelle wouldn't have been on our boat the night Crystal had her foal and this whole catastrophe could have been averted if it hadn't been for me?"

Valey gritted her teeth.

"My apologies." Felicity bowed her head and backed up a step. "If I'm overstepping bounds or making you uncomfortable in any way, I shouldn't-"

"Ugh. Not that," Valey groaned. "Look, I do get where you're coming from. Sort of. Maybe. The problem is, it's exactly what I thought last time, before you turned on me. My heart says to give you another chance because it's what I needed and I kinda see some of myself in you, but don't you get how serious this is? You've been here longer than I have, you've seen the state of the crew!" She flung a hoof. "They can't take another crisis! If they do, they'll... Well, I dunno! But I can't let that happen!" She stuck her face back up in Felicity's. "You understand, right?"

Felicity didn't blink or flinch. "Completely, darling. I have seen the state of your crew. They're desperate enough to take any help they can get, and if I can be honest one more time the feeling that helping them might begin to make up for what I've done is what's kept me going myself these past few weeks."

"I really want to trust you," Valey said. "Even though I'm still mad at you for giving everyone a heart attack in Stormhoof and I can't afford any shenanigans around these guards. Give me more, here."

"What more is there to say?" Felicity whispered. "Darling, my entire old life is gone. I would do things differently if I could, but that's irrelevant because this is where we are today! The only thing I can possibly do is start from scratch, and I'm trying but it's difficult and trust will only come with time..."

"Starting from scratch is harder than it sounds," Valey frankly replied. "I tried it once. Felt like the best thing ever for a while. Then my past kept on catching up and up and further up with me, and even if it was mostly me worrying about it, it pretty much ruined everything for a while."

Felicity's face fell. "And even if I do manage to redeem myself in everyone's eyes, my body is still crippled, and I'm not likely to get any second winds of stamina as this little unintended consequence comes along." She regretfully touched a hoof to her belly. "Please... Valey. I know how much work I have to do, I know I'm a risk and I'm the last pony who will hide how... not pretty I am. And I understand if it's a risk you can't afford to take, but... I have no future and not a whole lot left in my past. And despite all that, and despite however much it's worth to you, my life is... the only one I have, and by the day I do face my death I truly wish I can make something more of it than it is now."

Valey slammed her head into the wall.

"Darling, are you-!?" Felicity reached out a hoof in concern.

"Bananas...!" Valey slumped. "I literally just got back from the dead, girl! I have a life too, and I almost didn't! And I wanna spend mine doing the stuff I want too!"

Felicity held a hoof to her mouth, stammering slightly. "And I-I... I mean, is that i-incompatible with-?"

"No! I want to give you another chance, but I have a whole ship full of futures to look out for already and... Ah, bananas." Valey pitched forward, taking Felicity in a gentle hug. "What's the point of being alive if I don't get to spend it doing the stuff that matters to me? I swear, I'm this ship's biggest softie..."

Felicity's cheeks reddened. "T-Then you mean...?"

"I will vouch for you," Valey warned. "Forgiveness is a thing that happens around here, and so are mistakes. And you say you've been helping my friends and are really sincere. This doesn't mean I'm not mad about how that whole thing went down, and you are right that Crystal snapping was partly your fault. I am choosing to trust you, and give you the chance to smooth things over. But I'll be watching. You're gonna make more mistakes, and we'll deal with those as they come, but if you ever even think about another pre-meditated betrayal..." She pulled back, and the atmosphere grew so cold it was as if a cosmic record player had hit a snag. "I will make you wish nothing you love had ever existed."

Felicity froze.

"Got that? Good." Valey smiled, and the tension shattered as she patted Felicity on the back. "Sorry if that's a little harsh, but I'm gambling a whole lot on you. Remember: mistakes? We can work through it. Plot behind my back, endanger my friends and make the Equestrians think we've betrayed them, and we won't just go our own ways like last time."

"P-Point taken, darling." Felicity shivered, regaining her motor control. "You're alarmingly intense when you want to be..."

Valey shrugged. "I've got a lot to lose. So, who should I go drill next? I'm going to be a wreck myself if I have to do this for too many more ponies in this crew..."

Felicity brushed herself off, sitting upright. "If no one springs to mind, might I suggest assembling everyone and saying anything you have to say?"

"Nyaah. Good idea, Longhair." Valey turned towards the staircase and started trotting away.

Felicity blinked, lifting a hoof. "I beg your pardon?"

"Longhair. Your new nickname." Valey shrugged. "I give most everyone one. If you're gonna be part of the crew, you get one too. Let's get all this smoothed over and the stakes back down so we can hang out without the tension, what do you say?"

Felicity sat back and let her leave, bewildered. "What a strange and fascinating mare..."

Comments

[Phoenix Kitten]

"I will make you wish nothing you love had ever existed."

Holy shit, that is probably the darkest threat I think I've seen in this story.
That is beautifully brutal and to the point.

[Oberth Effect]

The more I look, the more it seems like I'm gonna have to do to set things right for them, because they're burned out and can barely even try.

I hope this doesn't mean Valey will end up burned out, too. She has a lot on her shoulders, being one of the few, if not the only, functional ponies on the Immortal Dream.

If you were always pretending, how would you hang onto a sense of self?

A potentially interesting question for Valey, given how she's still trying to figure out who she is after Ironridge.

Our goals should all along have been about the ending, and saying I'd redo what I'd done purely for the sake of principles with no results was... utterly blind of me.

Isn't it a bit easier to say this with the benefit of hindsight, though, given that "the ending" they wanted earlier was revenge? Or am I misunderstanding something? And just to make sure I'm understanding things right, Larceny changed her mind after she saw what the sisters would have been throwing away in betraying Valey's trust?

How many times do you think I've thought about how Gazelle wouldn't have been on our boat the night Crystal had her foal and this whole catastrophe could have been averted if it hadn't been for me?"

Just to make sure I'm remembering things right, the only reason Gazelle was on the boat was to get away from Stormhoof Tower while the assassination attempt was taking place?

You're gonna make more mistakes, and we'll deal with those as they come, but if you ever even think about another pre-meditated betrayal..." She pulled back, and the atmosphere grew so cold it was as if a cosmic record player had hit a snag. "I will make you wish nothing you love had ever existed."

Ooooh, scary Valey. That's a new one.

[Boopers]

Yay, we have recruited another member for the dream org!

[Venlinelle]

I like scary Valey. I hope she isn’t needed much, though…