The Olden World

by Czar_Yoshi

Responsibility And Blame

In the largest cabin on the Immortal Dream, long after sundown, Grenada sat patiently in a chair, reading through reams of technical documentation brought along from Sosa. Across from her, Shinespark lay curled in her bed, unresponsive.

A knock sounded at the door.

"We are unoccupied," Grenada announced, magically undoing the lock without looking up. "Come in."

The door slid open and Harshwater entered, leaning against the frame. She blinked at the bed from beneath messy, unkempt bangs in need of a trim, and got no response. "When was the last time she got up?"

Grenada shrugged. "About five hours ago for the bathroom. She has not moved much."

"Alright." Harshwater flicked a switch, and the main lights turned on. "This is a problem."

Shinespark groaned, lifting her head and rubbing her eyes. "I know..."

"You need to get up and do things with yourself," Harshwater dourly informed her, stepping forward. "I don't care that it's the middle of the night; you've slept all day. Laying here isn't going to make you feel better about yourself."

"I'm not expecting it to." Shinespark folded her ears. "But trying to make up for what I did to Izvaldi? It's a hole in the ground. You can't make that right. I couldn't for Sosa and I can't here, and all I'll accomplish by trying is reminding myself of what happened."

"Then maybe you need to be reminded," Harshwater countered, stopping and falling down in a chair next to Grenada. "What did you do to make Crystal turn on that machine, own an airship that had a crew member who happened to offer her passage?"

Shinespark held up a hoof and looked away. "Don't even start. You think I'll feel better if there's nothing I could have done? I just saw an entire city's heart blown away, and not for the first time. What I need is for there to be something I could have done so I can do something next time and finally stop this!"

"You realize that's a logical fallacy, don't you?" Harshwater lifted an eyebrow. "What happened in the past has no bearing on what you'll be able to do in the future. The only effect is whether seeing something like this paralyzes you too much to move. What if there still is something you can do, and you're missing out by staying holed up in your room like this?"

Shinespark gritted her teeth, not bothering to ask.

"You see this?" Harshwater pulled out a newspaper from beneath her furled wing. "Maple was kind enough to bring this back for me. It says Wallace, Percival and some others are all in Izvaldi, working to try to protect everyone's spirits and rebuild morale. That's what you made a name for yourself doing, isn't it? You think they'd be doing it if it wasn't helping?"

"I can't," Shinespark whispered. "You have no idea how hard it is being the emotional last resort of an entire city. And I'm just a kid. I couldn't bring myself to try that again."

Harshwater shrugged. "Maybe not, but I'm certainly enjoying being the lone therapist for an entire airship full of traumatized ponies. I don't understand why none of you have sought professional help when half your crew badly needs it. So here's an idea: you get out of bed and take three laps walking around this airship, and that'll help me feel like I'm earning my keep. It's that easy for getting up to be worthwhile."

Shinespark stared at her... and slowly rolled out of bed onto her hooves, Grenada watching with interest.

"That's a good start," Harshwater praised. "Now go somewhere. Will it help if I go with you? I've got a lot of muscles I'm trying to exercise back into existence."

"Come," Shinespark instructed, striding out the door a little faster than Harshwater could follow.

"Wait up!" the pegasus protested as Shinespark passed into the library. "I'm an invalid, you know? That makes me slow!"

Shinespark stopped, standing in the middle of the room with her back to Harshwater. She turned her ears expectantly.

"Don't... ditch me," Harshwater panted, pushing herself into the library as well.

Instead of continuing, Shinespark turned, scanned through the shelves... and slowly drew out a book, floating it to her companion.

"Discourse on muscular anatomy and treatment of disorders..." Harshwater's brows rose. "You have a book on this?"

"I have books on a lot of things." Shinespark shrugged. "A bit of this library has sentimental value, but it's meant to be as functional as possible. You probably already know what you're doing, but if it helps, it helps."

Harshwater paused, then slowly smiled. "Baby steps are all I ask. I'll give it a read when I get some free time."

"There are a few more," Shinespark offered. "I don't know what I can do for Valey's injuries, but this might help you with Crystal."

The first book set itself down, and another floated into Harshwater's hooves. "A pregnancy book?" She turned it over. "Well, this doesn't look well-read..."

Shinespark sat down. "It was my mother's, and she got it from a friend before her. If we need to take care of Crystal while hiding her, it could help. It's up to someone else how long we harbor her. I don't feel like making decisions right now."

"Fair enough." Harshwater found a chair, slowly skimming the second book, then put it down. "Looks useful. I'll give it a read too. So." She closed her eyes and leaned back. "Thanks for making the effort. Anything you need to talk about? If it involves areas being devastated, odds are I can relate."

Shinespark was behind her, their chairs back-to-back. "I'm not sure how much good it would do. Hearing there was nothing I could do makes me feel powerless. Hearing there was something I could do reminds me of my failure. Either way, I can't look at it and not see Sosa. You want me to hold it against Crystal and not myself for how things transpired? I could just as easily blame Starlight for pressing the detonator that washed away my home. But this isn't about blame. It's about taking responsibility so the ponies who shouldn't deal with it don't have to."

Harshwater slowly frowned. "And you're that much better prepared to deal with it? Look at yourself this past day or two and tell me it's not crushing you. Aren't you not even twenty? You're not dealing with this and you can't expect yourself to either."

"Only for another two months. My birthday is midsummer..." Shinespark sighed. "I know. You're right. I'm not handling it well. But part of being a good leader is taking weight for your team, and do you think anyone else is going to do better than I am? If I'm too young, what about Starlight? What about Valey? Don't both of them have enough to worry about? I've probably lived more years than both of them put together. And Crystal is-"

"I'm sorry, more than who put together?" Harshwater looked at her incredulously.

Shinespark winced. "Ugh! Sorry, did Valey not tell you? I forgot her life before Ironridge isn't common knowledge."

Harshwater sighed loudly. "No problem, I'll just ask her myself." She slumped backwards in the chair again. "...In the morning. There's an hour or two left before dawn. Maybe I should pretend to sleep."

"If you want me to take care of myself, you take care of yourself too," Shinespark instructed, getting up. "I think I'll take your advice and go for a walk. Or to work on Nyala, or on getting the dents out of the alpha Braen armor. Thanks for the kick."

"Don't mention it," Harshwater grumbled, getting up and slouching off down the hallway. She had been sleeping in a chair in Valey's room whenever time allowed for it, preferring to be on call for her most-injured patient, and eventually reached the room, sliding the door open... and revealing a room that was empty.

Comments

[alamais]

[Quinch]

Shinespark was behind her, their chairs back-to-back. "I'm not sure how much good it would do. Hearing there was nothing I could do makes me feel powerless. Hearing there was something I could do reminds me of my failure."

I tried to embed this, but I guess a link will have to do.