The Olden World

by Czar_Yoshi

Zealotry, Also Jamjars

Whuddd!

Valey's hoof drove into the prone Max's gut, winding him and instantly erasing any chance of retaliation. She took less than a second to appraise her work, decided she hadn't had enough, and backflipped, catching him with her rear hooves and bracing her wings upside-down against the ground as she launched him into the sky. Her target couldn't even yelp as she corkscrewed after him, hitting with punch after punch that kept up his momentum until she finally flipped above him, spun, and drop-kicked him back to the ground with an impact of dust.

"Oh, come on," she complained, hitting the ground next to him and barely earning a stir as the filly who had fetched him earlier stomped a single hoof in lazy applause. "Really? I overdid it already?" Valey lifted his head with a ginger wingtip, peering sideways and up close, then sighed, dropping him and walking away. "Bananas. I was hoping he'd at least let me show off."

"Well, I do hope he returns to consciousness soon," Gerardo remarked. "We need him to discover what's become of the stolen valuables, and I fear if we carry him anywhere official now, we'll just be making a return trip to this place."

"Urrrgh..." Max stirred already, voice sounding like helium after being kicked so hard. "You fight pretty good for a bunch of losers... Bet you go around pretending to be vigilantes, trying to oppress the opposition into silence now that you've won! Well, I'll never give up!"

Gerardo cleared his throat. "The only thing we are opposing, you rude stallion, is the unsanctioned action of criminals. You stole my autograph, ergo, we are foes. Not to mention your misdeeds against our friend. You are clearly unjustified, and I will continue to permit Valey to treat you as her sport ball of choice until you submit to justice!"

"Hah!" Max looked unusually victorious. "See? You said you were her friend! You're the villains and you know it! Beat me up and a thousand allies will have my back, because you're destined to lose in the end!"

"This one's playing with a few screws loose, isn't he?" Gerardo whispered to Valey, who squinted and shrugged.

"I definitely don't understand what's going on here," Maple announced, stepping up beside the two interrogators. "What do you have against the principals? They both seemed perfectly nice to me, if more than a little stressed out."

"Trying to play the clueless card, are you?" Max smirked, trying to get back to his hooves and thinking better of it at a look from Valey. "That won't work on me! Melia is the leader of the enemy team, and I know how to tell an ally from a foe!"

Gerardo glanced at the teenage filly who had hauled Max out in the first place and raised an eyebrow. "We're from quite far out of town and have no clue what he's talking about. Can you fill us in?"

The filly glanced distrustfully at him, shepherding the two youngsters she was watching a little further away. "I have nothing to do with him. Leave me out of..." She blinked, realizing she had just been thrown a golden bite.

"Don't do it, Cecilia," Max warned, eyes widening as he realized what Gerardo had just done. "They're trying to bribe you to switch sides! Don't rat me out!"

"I never cared in the first place, dummy," Cecilia replied, greedily pocketing the coin and sizing up Gerardo again. "You're really not from around here?"

"Just got in this morning," Valey yawned, stretching.

Cecilia glanced at Max one more time, then started talking. "Every once in a while, the Firefly Sisters have a concert. They each write a new solo about how great something is, and when it's over, everyone is supposed to vote on which thing is better based on how convincing they are. They say it's to let the audience engage, but he's so engaged he always votes for Sirena and thinks he's at war with everyone else. I don't know where he put your things."

"That... explains a lot, actually," Maple murmured, stopping to think. "I bet that's what she and Chauncey were talking about earlier with making the audience happier..."

"It certainly sounds like a fount of happiness," Gerardo deadpanned, staring once again into Max's face. "Do you truly rob civilians over such a petty disagreement? I find that slightly barbaric."

"Petty, huh?" Max growled, glaring at Cecilia for talking. "You can say that all you want, but your actions speak otherwise! I'm a loyal warrior, and you're hunting me down! That's warfare!"

Valey flicked him with a wing. "Yeah, I'm pretty sure you have no understanding of what a real war is. My actions are being ridiculously patient even though you refused to put up a fight, and right now I'm trying to figure out the funniest and least-illegal way of making you talk, because seriously, hunting small fry like you is way beneath my level and I'm getting bored."

Cecilia held out a hoof, pointing to the coin already in it and angling her neck.

Gerardo flipped her another coin in front of Max's aghast face, expression somber. "I encourage you to observe how big a profit she is turning through honest and legitimate means, and encourage you to reconsider your actions. One of you, speak."

"Hey, stop giving her so much money!" Max cried, staring at Gerardo in bewilderment. "Do you even know how much those things are worth!?"

"More than my silence," Cecilia remarked, cradling it greedily. "Left wing, third room on the right is his. You're a sarosian; you shouldn't need a key."

"No!" Max yelped as Valey started toward the building without a second glance. "No, please, don't go in there! I'll do anything! Anything but renounce Sirena, but I'll cooperate! Stay out of my private space, you barbarians! This is proof that your team is evil!"

Slipstream chuckled, staying out of the interrogation for the most part. "You know, after seeing how fervent ponies got in Ironridge over the Stone District versus the Earth District, it's kind of funny to see a place where everyone gets worked up over something so silly. Concerts are for entertainment, right? You're supposed to take this easy and enjoy yourselves!"

"It is not silly!" Max barked, baring his teeth. "You have no idea what you're talking about! This is one of the most important things a pony can do with themselves!"

"Less gnashing of teeth, more telling us where to recover our loot," Gerardo rebuked, swatting him with a feather. "You promised you'd talk, and I promise we will hold you to that. Unless you'd like Valey to perform an investigation..."

"You drive a hard bargain, dishonorable scumbags," Max sighed, frowning serenely. "I sold all my valuables at the pawn shop three blocks east of here the moment I got them! Whatever you were hunting earlier is long gone. The empty pouch is worthless; I gave it to them as a chew toy." He pointed at the younger fillies Cecilia was watching. "As for the enemy commander's locket, you can't have that. It's too important to lower the morale of-"

"Busting in now," Valey interrupted, ducking under the door. "See ya."

Max's jaw dropped in panic yet again, boggling Starlight at how he still didn't realize everyone else was serious. "Wait! Wait, stop, no! It's..."

Valey raised an eyebrow, standing halfway through the entrance, seeing if he would continue.

"...I threw it in the river," Max gloated, giving a final smirk. "It's a goner. You'll never see it again!"

For a moment, everyone was silent. Maple blinked.

"Hey, everyone," Jamjars suddenly announced, ducking around Valey and wandering out of the building with a bounce of her fluffy mane. A silver locket glinted from a chain around her neck. "I found the thing. Has he talked yet?"

"Y-you..." Max pointed a hoof in horror at her, everyone else continuing to stare.

"Spent the last few minutes realizing the locks in this building are no harder to pick with telekinesis than my mom's jewelry box," Jamjars replied haughtily. "I didn't find the other stuff, though. He probably tried to sell it or something."

Max's face contorted in rage. "How dare you break into a stallion's room, you uncultured little girl!? I hope you went blind from the insanity of seeing-"

"Yeah, it was pretty hot," Jamjars admitted, licking her foreleg and running it through her wig mane. "Don't worry, I got rid of any evidence you were disloyal to your cause."

As she turned, Starlight caught a deliberately-allowed glimpse of the end of a curled-up tube of paper sticking out of the hairy mass. Max's scream was cut short by a punch from Valey, knocking him out for real this time, and the batpony shrugged. "Well? We've got that; who wants to check out this pawn shop? We could also lug this dude back to the plaza to see if anyone wants to arrest him, but we've only got three pairs of wings. Anyone care what we do?"

Gerardo reached down, finally locating his slightly-wet coin purse in the building's lawn, the autograph still inside. "All my missions are accomplished," he proclaimed, wiping it off and tucking it away. "I have no further goals."

"You'll have to carry me, either way," Maple pointed out. "Slipstream? You can manage both fillies, right?"

"Sure think I can," Slipstream replied, rubbing her shoulders. "You two mind riding together on the way back? If that works, Valey can take the criminal, and we can stop at the pawn shop on the way back..."

Jamjars glanced at Starlight and patted her mane. "Oh, I don't mind at all."

Comments

[Sharp Quill]

and I'm getting bored.

Exceeding Valey’s minuscule RDA of boredom is not recommended.

[alamais]

Wow Max, obsess much?

[cosmofur]

I'm pretty sure that Jamjars is the real "hero" of this story, following the heros jurney while still seeming to be in the background.

[sploopy slooder]

so hes just a simp?