The Olden World

by Czar_Yoshi

It's Me Again

"Oh bananas." Valey swallowed, eyeing the sphinx in the commander's chair. "It's you again."

"It's me again?" High Prince Gazelle grinned, showing off his fangs and leaning forward. He sat cockily with one forelimb on an armrest and his tail dangling out to the side, slowly flexing his four claws in a wavelike motion. "Huh! That's what I was about to say!"

In a flash of acrobatics, he leapt from the chair, vaulting high along the ceiling and slamming down with catlike silence a good circling distance from Valey. "I'm just being my usual self. Nnngh... Good sport out here!" He stretched and arched his back. "Nothing like cleaning out the biggest mob of pirates in the name of a little fun and exercise... and who will miss them? You had no qualms with it when you were my audience before. The real question is, what are you doing here?"

Gazelle slithered, suddenly placing himself between Valey and the room's sole exit. "Gotten so fed up with the Empire's games that you've decided to say screw it all and join with their anathema? They deserve it, you know. There's a lot of things I don't care for about the way this continent works. Maybe an enemy like you would lick them into shape." He gave an agonized, toothy grimace. "Or maybe you'd sit down in the middle of a hallway, punch out a light and use it to cook dinner. Come on, you could have taken them! I wanted to see it!"

His too-wide smile returned. "But there's no such thing as diplomacy with pirates. You're here to fight. Against me, or against them? Either way, this is shaping up to be the most fun I've had all day!"

"Uhhh." Valey gave him a flat stare. "I really, really don't want to fight you."

"So you're with me! Excellent!" Gazelle was suddenly at her side, one paw on her back and the other sweeping around at the control room like it was a magnificent vista. "I was hoping you'd say that! Actually, I was hoping you'd do anything but be clever and try for a silly third answer that avoids my question, but excellent! Here! Come have a look-see at what I found."

Valey felt herself pushed eagerly over to the leader's chair, silently screaming for her pirate mare cohort to get out of there. This was suddenly out of control, though it was her fault for chasing obvious danger... but still, Gazelle! The Empire's High Prince, next in line to take over whatever house went extinct next, and probably Izvaldi. Wielder of no political power whatsoever, and self-described as being crafty enough that it didn't matter. A more-ruthless copy of herself from Ironridge, fighting anything for sport and bound by no rules and infinite self-assurance, only holding sway over an entire continent with the backing of imperial sanction rather than a single city and a militia. Also certifiably insane.

"You've been in Izvaldi, haven't you?" Gazelle eagerly cooed, plopping her in the chair and swiveling her to face a bank of terminal screens. "My future stomping grounds. Very picturesque! And home to so much intrigue, too. A nosy, determined soul like you probably dug up a lot on your own already. And now look! Look familiar?"

He stretched out one claw and impaled a key on a keyboard designed for bat wings, and one screen flashed and changed. A surveillance camera feed came on, focusing on a hallway completely coated with frost down which two squads of batponies rushed. A chartreuse mare with a pink-and-teal mane stood on two hooves to face them, clutching a long spear of ice and wielding it like a quarterstaff. With icy spins and vicious long-range lashes, she deflected every projectile they had to fire, advancing at a slow, menacing pace and grinning gleefully. The reinforcements either backed up or fell, clubbed and clobbered by her spins, and soon the hallway was clear.

"Bananas." Valey blinked, staring harder at the screen. "She's here? Oh, come on! That's, uhh..."

Gazelle curled his lower lip in a sad kitten pout. "Not a friend of yours?"

Suddenly, Puddles sagged against one of the frozen walls, clutching her stomach and shivering. Valey blinked harder and frowned... and then her eyes widened at the posse who dashed around a corner to check on her. There were the pirates from the tavern, complete with Howe... Neon Nova too. Figured. And Shinespark! And Grenada? Valey blinked harder. Wasn't she dead? Regardless...

"Oh, you recognize them too!" Gazelle grinned, watching her expression. "I never forget a challenge of rivalry. Those griffons built up a whole new crew, just to fight me again! Brought some serious firepower, too. They're the ones you watched me annihilate that one time."

"Uh huh," Valey agreed, realizing Gazelle didn't know she knew the others and determined to keep it that way. "So, uhh... what, you want me to beat them up for you, or something? Sorry, but that stupid ice mare might be just a little out of my league..."

Gazelle snorted. "Oh, pfft. Beat ponies up? I mean... yes! But why take the best first? There's a whole ship full of piddly pirates right here for the taking! Unless you want a full audience alive for the epic confrontation..." He gasped, eyes shining. "Brilliant plan! Let's do that!"

"Buh?" Valey tilted her head. "Look, I just said-"

"Oh, it's fine," Gazelle huffed. "We can take Puddles. And if not, that's why I brought backup!"

Valey's eyes widened. "Wait, you know who she is? And... backup? I mean, you knew she'd be here? Wait..."

"Know who she is? Please." Gazelle shook his mane, grinning to himself. "I know everything that happens in this Empire. It's practically my job."

Valey winced at the uncomfortably-familiar mantra. A bigger, badder, more extreme version of herself...

"And yes! Backup!" Gazelle clapped her on the back. "No, I didn't know she'd be here, but what fun is there in hunting pirates by oneself? Always take a second! Say hello, err..." He glanced around the room and blinked. "Huh. That's funny. Now where'd she go?"

"Who?" Valey frowned.

"Oh, you'll find out. I wouldn't want to ruin the surprise." Gazelle blew on his bangs, then scooped her back out of the commander's seat and plopped himself in again. He frowned briefly at the key he had just ruined, then started clicking away. "Let's see, security systems... Technology is wonderful. Sometimes. Not as wonderful as you or me. So many of these cameras are covered in ice!" He banged the control board with a clenched paw. "One moment, please. I hear eeeing coming from down that staircase. Such a silly language. You'd think they'd be the absolute best if only they'd stop committing heresy all the time..." He coiled around and grinned in Valey's face. "I really like sarosians sometimes."

Valey blinked. "Uhhh. Yeah, sorry, but even if you were a mare, you'd need to chill by about ten degrees before you were even close to my type."

Gazelle snorted and patted her on the head. "Not like that, you silly little pony. And I should say it's a good thing I'm not a mare! Otherwise I'd be in line for my precious sister's imperial throne..." He made a kissy face, then pushed her away. "Go on. Go entertain yourself on whoever's sneaking up on us. I want to find my backup and relax to this sweet, icy chaos!"

Valey didn't need to be asked twice. Swooosh! With a single jump, she flapped her wings and soared to the staircase, dropping down it and braking to a stop in the middle of the mess of breathless, worried mares she had acquired as an entourage.

"Yo," Grapejuice greeted, keeping her voice low and sucking on a tube of something. "Sounded like it was legit up there."

"...Not my first choice of words, but sure. Whatever." Valey shrugged, then looked anxiously at the stairway further down. "So basically, your ship is doomed."

Comments

[alamais]

I hope 'backup' is Meltdown. She seems fun.

(And also like a fair bet to go against Puddles...)

[Argeddion]

I'm getting a feeling that some of our characters are about to find themselves fighting against the empire without fully realising it.

[sploopy slooder]

well this is a clusterfuck.