The Olden World

by Czar_Yoshi

You Can Do This

"Alright." Maple returned, a kettle of water set to boil and several tea flavors picked out. "Where were we?"

Felicity was reclining on the couch, but shifted to make room for her. "Family structures. Gyre. You were asking about Senescey's father, and how we got by."

"Right..." Maple nodded. "You were saying something about him not being the best influence."

Felicity shrugged. "If you're looking for a saint in Gyre, your goals are sadly mistaken. I wouldn't call him a perfect stallion by any means, and it's debatable whether he was even a good one. But he did keep us alive, and taught me to do the same for myself. Our quality of life was much higher when he was around."

Maple's ears twisted, listening for a kettle that wouldn't whistle for minutes yet. "What was he like?"

"A stallion of law," Felicity replied. "He believed strongly in the order of the Night Mother's faith. When we all had that yanked out from under us, he went... too far in the other direction, you could say. He kept his conscience, but his actions and beliefs about the world were directly at odds with it. He was... fond of indulgences. Never felt good about it, but lost the will to stop himself. My mother was one such indulgence. He took us under his wing based on his will and his alone."

Maple shifted. "Well, protecting you doesn't sound so bad," she admitted.

"No." Felicity shook her head. "From our point, it wasn't. For a stallion who was supposed to be dedicated entirely to the service of a goddess, choosing to put one mare and her filly first in his life was like a confirmation of how much his faith had been shaken. You could say he helped us not so much for our sake as to strike out at the Night Mother. He may have watched over us, but he always cared more about her."

"Oh." Maple looked down. "Well, that sounds... sad."

"You have to be alive before you can be happy, I'm afraid. And in Gyre, being alive carries its share of miseries, but it's also a happy thing in and of itself, merely because you're defying your circumstances. So in a roundabout way, he did make us happy." Felicity shrugged. "Anyway, I also suspect his... union with my mother had some motivation relating to the Night Mother or his faith as well, but I don't know quite enough about the situation to say for sure. Or perhaps they were both just getting what they could out of their relationship. Either way, we survived."

"But then something happened to him," Maple continued. "And what about Larceny?"

Felicity sighed. "Something always 'just happens' to you in Gyre, darling. He just didn't come back one day. And that's about how it goes. As for Larceny? Occupational hazard of our mother's new way of making ends meet. I took it upon myself to get us out of there pretty soon after that."

Maple grimaced. "That's not a pretty thought."

"You keep being surprised," Felicity sighed. "Well, whatever. After that, we found ourselves in Izvaldi, and you know the rest. Just three sisters, though Larceny was an infant and I was fifteen years her senior, so I did most of the raising and breadwinning."

Maple shifted again in her seat. "Amber and I... With our relationship with Willow, she's like our big sister, but sometimes was a mom to us as well. Though we're a lot closer than that in age, and she didn't have to care for us when we were that young."

"Ah. Your town and its high population of unfaithful lovers." Felicity flicked her tail. "I'm honestly curious, was that really normal? What's the point of a pretense of prosperous, idyllic true love if everyone is a scoundrel who's looking for no commitment?"

"It's... a long story." Maple looked down. "My home, Riverfall, and the nearby city of Ironridge grew up side by side. Ironridge was inland and only reachable by boat up a river. Riverfall was built around the river's one waterfall, where sailors needed to stop and portage boats. All the sailors from Ironridge were stallions, and Riverfall was a city of mares. Bold, mysterious, worldly and traveled. Sheltered, backwater, peaceful, rustic... Each side was about as different as you could get, yet we idolized each other's ways of life. Growing up, a lot of my friends dreamed of getting swept off their hooves by someone who had seen the big, wide world."

She sighed. "But then air travel was invented, and the sailors were obsoleted and lost their jobs and stopped coming. The only ones we ever saw anymore were ones who were so tired and so ragged, they came to Riverfall to run away. But all of us still had the old ideals, even though the stallions we were seeing were completely different. So that's how it happened."

"That's quite the fate," Felicity mused. "Must have resulted in a lot of quick flings."

Maple nodded. "We didn't have true-love family structures in Riverfall, either. It was a dream, but young stallions wanted to sail away and see the world, not settle down in Riverfall forever. All the mares who got it were the ones who went too. There weren't ones who got stallions to stay. And all the colts, once they were old enough, they ran off to Ironridge to go to the outside world. So a lot of mares who were left worked together to raise their children in pools, making things more manageable. I didn't have any real parents, and don't know that I could track down my biological mother even if I wanted to. But that's why the idea of adopting Starlight came so easily, and why Amber and Willow are like sisters to me even though we aren't technically related."

Felicity closed her eyes and took a breath. "Sounds like a more idyllic version of-"

In the kitchen, the kettle whistled. "Hold that thought," Maple apologized, getting up to fetch the water.

Moments later, she returned, slightly embarrassed but with two brewing mugs. "Sorry," she managed, setting them on the table. "What were you saying?"

"Oh, nothing important." Felicity waved a hoof. "I was going to say it sounds like the loose clan structure of most villages in Gyre, only with a good deal less necessity to the process."

"We didn't really need to do anything in Riverfall." Maple stared at her tea. "It was so peaceful there. We had all our needs met by a stallion called Arambai, who kept the town working by pulling strings behind the scenes. But the world around us was changing, and Riverfall was going to have to change too, sooner or later."

Felicity mirrored the gesture, blinking down at her reflection in the liquid's surface. "Honestly, it... sounds like a place I wouldn't mind living myself, from what you've said. You turned out alright. Perhaps my foal could too, even though I'm not confident in raising them myself, thanks to your little raising system."

Maple glanced across at her. "So you do want what's best for them."

Felicity nodded, staring at her belly. "Oh, I'm not malicious, darling. This child is inconvenient and unnecessary, and starting to get uncomfortable now that they're growing. And I have no idea what to do with them... or about them. But when all other things are equal, I really wouldn't mind them having the best life they can have."

"Felicity..." Maple's face shadowed. "I don't want to get my hopes up for them."

"Then try doing what I do." Felicity shrugged. "And think of them as an unsightly curve that gets in the way instead of a-"

"That is the opposite of helping!" Maple burst out, panting. "You can't... They don't need..."

Felicity's tone softened. "Still having trouble caring?"

Maple trembled and squeezed her eyes closed.

"Your buttons are easy to push, darling," Felicity whispered. "And denial doesn't suit you."

"Denial of what?" Maple squeaked, eyes still scrunched. "Why are you doing this?"

"...Darling." Felicity adjusted herself again on the couch, leaning over its back so that she was fully facing Maple. "I'm aware that I have some unsightly feelings sometimes, and I've made a vow to myself not to hide them. Yes, it's true that I selfishly fear the myriad consequences of being with foal will interfere with my coping mechanisms. But if those fears are ugly on me, they're blatantly ridiculous on you. You say you don't care, and I'd be badly remiss as a friend if I didn't try to pull your head out of the sand and show you how much you want to care."

Maple shivered. "T-That's ridiculous! I'm afraid of this for completely different..."

"I'm aware my argument has logical fallacies," Felicity admitted, no give to her voice. "No, you're not remotely avoiding caring for the same reasons I am. But I'm making you think, and that's my primary goal."

"Why?" Maple whispered, still holding her eyes closed.

"Because if I'm going to stay with you, and this is an issue for you, you're going to have to deal with it sooner or later," Felicity insisted. "And both of us have everything to gain if you can get over yourself sooner rather than later. Suppose my foal does die. Are you going to take it better on your hooves with your head held high and nothing to hide behind, or is your flimsy protection somehow going to hold up when you see me not entirely bothered by my loss? Would that bother you? It had better bother you, because I'm bothered by it already!"

Maple sniffled.

"...On the other hoof." Felicity's voice softened. "In the event that my foal does make it, which is a two in three chance and very much something to be prepared for, I'm aware I'm in no state of mind or body to raise them. And as this is something you care so much about, at the very least you might be able to brighten their future, if not help me learn to manage this myself. Selfish, perhaps, but that's alright when things are mutually beneficial. So there."

"You don't beat around the bush, do you?" Maple grumbled, wiping a few tears from her eyes.

Felicity shook her head. "Sorry, darling. But problems that can be fixed are problems for fixing, and where I'm from, fixing your problems rather than pretending to live with them is a decent method of survival."

"You realize you're not fixing anything," Maple sighed, staring at Felicity's belly. "You're right. I do care, and I can't lie to myself about that. But do you think that's going to make it hurt any less if they don't make it?"

"Would you want it to hurt less?" Felicity countered.

"What kind of question is that!?"

"Well..." Felicity took a breath. "It doesn't seem like something a very good pony would do, feeling nothing about the death of someone who could have been close to them. Yes, I'm aware it doesn't feel good. But the root cause of that is whether this foal lives or dies, not how prepared you are for it. Guard yourself all you want. It won't change their fate... or whether they deserve to be mourned."

Maple sniffled again, slumping on the couch until her head was closer. "But there's nothing I can do to change that. Nothing I can do to keep them alive."

"Nothing you can do to help them survive," Felicity continued. "No, I suppose there isn't. But that's just life, I suppose. Oftentimes, there's nothing you can do to help your other loved ones survive. They day my mother died is burned like a fire into my memory, darling, and I don't think I'll ever forget that last conversation I had with my sisters. And now here I am, having conflicting feelings about the last biological member of my family left." She brushed her belly with the flat of a wing. "Things fall through. These things happen. All you can do is care while you have the chance, I suppose... and hope you're lucky enough to fall in with friends who will help you rebuild afterward."

Maple started crying. "But you can't even enjoy your time with them! All you can do is think of the things you will do later, o-once..."

Felicity rested a hoof on Maple's shoulders. "Now who's objectivizing? You know how this is. Did you feel like this was going to become your child, or this was your child?"

Maple couldn't even answer.

"I'm sorry if this is rough for you, darling." Felicity sighed. "But it sounds like the roughness has been a long time coming. And I'm guessing you still have some mourning to do yourself, from last time."

"I never won't," Maple whispered, reaching out a hoof. "May I...?"

"Of course." Felicity scooted slightly, making herself more accessible.

Maple wrapped her forelegs around Felicity's barrel and cried, holding her and her foal close for long minutes as their tea grew cold. Felicity took several sips, lifting her mug with a wing, and eventually brushed Maple's bangs with a wingtip, tenderly fixing a snarl.

Immediately, Maple sat up. "You're wrong, you know," she said, breathing steadied but eyes undried. "Completely wrong."

"Do tell," Felicity requested with a nod.

"I think you could be a great mother," Maple said. "You were just telling me how you took care of Larceny as an infant, so I know for a fact you have some idea how to care for a foal. And now look at you. You think this is uncomfortable or inconvenient or whatever and the whole point of this conversation has still been me! You're too smart to have done this by accident. You're looking out for me. And I felt that, just there. You couldn't even resist. You're even trying to put your own interests aside to take care of me."

Felicity gave her a poker face. "Quite the contrary, darling. This is called being a selfish old crone trying to keep the ponies who will be caring for her in proper shape to care for an invalid. While I was trying to help you, don't give me too much credit. I'm still looking out for myself in the end."

Maple gave her a look. "That is not what you were doing."

"Prove it," Felicity huffed.

Maple raised a teary eyebrow.

Felicity didn't give ground.

"...You reminded me of Willow, just there," Maple sighed. "Maybe you are broken or messed up. Maybe you do have to act with yourself in mind. Your body is so frail, I don't blame you. But you're talking about friendship like you invest in other ponies so that they'll return the investment to you, and everyone wins. While that might work out sometimes, I know what I felt just there. You did that just because you care."

Felicity continued her impassive look.

"I know this, okay?" Maple looked away. "I don't know whether you're pretending to me, or pretending to yourself, but I can tell. Maybe you want me to think you're less altruistic than you are so I don't have high expectations, or maybe you remember the things you've done and don't want to get your hopes up about yourself and start thinking of yourself better than you deserve, but you can do this. You'll make a fine mother. You can do this, and I-I'll help you see it through."

"There we are." Felicity's composure finally broke, and she sighed in relief. "I knew you had it in you too, darling. As for me, I'm complicated, and really don't care to spend time labeling myself when I know I'm likely going to be wrong. Call it what you will, but I think there's hope for you too."

"...Thanks." Maple closed her eyes again.

Felicity yawned. "Well, that was productive. I don't suppose you'd like to-"

"No." Maple curled back up on the couch, her head against Felicity's belly again. "Whatever it is, I need a minute. I've had good days and bad days before, and knowing my past, I'm going to go right back to having problems again tomorrow. But while you've got my hopes up, right now, I need a minute. Thank you."

Comments

[Oberth Effect]

Glad to see Maple facing her fears. Seems she is handling it relatively well, too.

"Things fall through. These things happen. All you can do is care while you have the chance, I suppose... and hope you're lucky enough to fall in with friends who will help you rebuild afterward."

I can't help but think that the talk about caring/not caring is relevant to Starlight too, if you replace whether the foal lives/dies with if/when she fails to protect her friends.

[Phoenix Kitten]

I'm getting vibes of Velvet and Laphicet from Tales of Berseria about Maple and Starlight now.