The Olden World

by Czar_Yoshi

Third Day

Slowly, Starlight regained consciousness, surrounded by darkness and warmth. Her limbs were enveloped by a fuzziness she couldn't quite place, as if they had been replaced by the extremities of a giant sock puppet. For a split second, she fidgeted... before her brain caught up with her instincts and she realized she was covered by a blanket.

Her limbs still felt fuzzy, but as she flexed them, the feeling drained away, replaced by a freshness and limberness that seemed absolutely out of place against her returning memories of the previous day. She was in Ironridge. She had traveled all the way across the Earth District with Maple and Valey, and they had gone through Blueleaf and some sort of giant warehouse, and met Willow... no, a mare who looked like Willow. That was the point where her thoughts trailed off. She must have fallen asleep there, and been taken to bed by Maple. Were they still at that mare's house, or had Maple decided to press on?

...The warm thing against which she lay was Maple's back. At least, she hoped it was. It was definitely a pony. It was also twitching uncomfortably.

Frowning, Starlight sat halfway up, reached over, and shook her bedfellow. "Maplllle..."

The mare awoke with a small gasp, head shooting up... and quickly calmed. "Hi, Starlight," Maple whispered. "I was... dreaming about..." She trailed off, completely invisible in the darkness. "Mmm. Is it morning already?"

"I dunno." Starlight shrugged against the bed. "I just woke up."

"I might need fifteen more minutes..." Voice groggy, Maple rolled over, laying a hoof over Starlight. "Are you feeling okay?"

"Yes." Blinking several times, Starlight tried to clear her eyes of sleep, before giving up and leaning into Maple's chest fluff. "Why? And are we still at that place?"

"We're safe," Maple grunted. "Just... just a minute..."

Starlight waited a minute, and then two more, feeling the movement of Maple's sides grow slower and more peaceful with each passing breath. Somehow, she doubted fifteen was all it would take.

---

When Maple next stirred, Starlight wasn't quite asleep... but she wasn't awake, either. It was a restful state, but not enough to prevent her from reacting instantly when the mare shifted nearby.

"Mmmmm..." Maple squeezed her closer, hugging with both forelimbs. "What time is it...?"

"Ow, that's too tight!" Starlight squirmed, one of Maple's hooves caught in her mane. "Leggo!"

"Oh!" Maple instantly relaxed her grip, struggling and pulling away. "Sorry!"

"I'm fine," Starlight grunted. "And hungry. Are we still in that place? With the mare who looked like Willow?" She frowned. "Her kids were annoying..."

"Um... just a minute..." Maple shifted again in the bed, propping her head up and inviting Starlight closer again. "Right... You probably forgot some of the things we did last night, didn't you?"

"Huh?" Starlight's eyes crossed, though there was nothing to see. "Forgot? What do you mean?"

Maple patted the bed again, inviting. "How do you feel? Especially your horn. Is it okay?"

Starlight blinked, then freed a hoof and rubbed her forehead with it. "I dunno. It feels fine."

"That's good..." Humming, Maple exhaled. "We're in a place where Shinespark was doing research. She had a machine like Arambai's, and you wanted to use it to refresh your horn... which is dangerous, because we still don't know how that works. Both of the other times you did that, it made you forget some of the most recent things that had happened."

Starlight sat, recollecting. "Oh. Huh."

"Do you remember where we are now?" Maple asked, her voice suddenly much closer to Starlight's ear.

"Maybe a little..."

It was true, technically. And on the edge of her mind, Starlight felt she could remember more if she tried... but she didn't want to. Over the last two days, there had been confusion, running, and little time to think, yet there in the bed everything was warm and slow and a tiny voice told her that once the world started again, it wouldn't stop. She should savor the peace while it lasted, and not go looking for unpleasant dilemmas.

"We're on an airship," Maple murmured, breaking the silence. "I was too tired last night to care what it looked like, so I guess we'll get to see it for the first time this morning, won't we?"

Starlight shrugged. "I guess."

"...I hope you slept well," Maple eventually said. "I'm not sure I did. I really needed the rest, but at one point I had a nightmare where you disappeared, and there was some kind of magic that made me feel so strange. And then I was alone, and then my old husband was there, only he was Faron, and I had so many kids that I couldn't give them what they needed even though they were asking so judgmentally and-" She cut herself off, taking a much-needed breath. "I suppose I should have expected it, after everything that happened yesterday. I feel like so many of the things we've seen and done should have had a huge impact on who I am, but I just haven't been able to afford stopping to think about it. I had to put them aside and keep going, to protect myself and you and make sure we got through it all..."

"Mmmph." Starlight frowned, her own thoughts beginning to stir.

"How are you handling it?" Maple asked, still keeping her distance.

For a long silence, Starlight's mind swirled faster and faster... until she said, "Can I just talk? For a while? Please?"

"Of course." Maple laid back down, listening.

"When I was in Equestria," Starlight began, punching the bed, "I hated cutie marks, because they took away my best friend, and I never really knew any ponies who had them! I'd sit on the roof and look at the road, and there would be a pony with a bunch of flowers on her butt and she'd be gardening. Like, duh! Do something else for a change! Or maybe one with a jar of milk, and she'd be pulling a milk cart and making deliveries. And who wants to be stuck doing one thing forever, just because? It's like they say 'do this!' and then everypony jumps up and forces it to happen, even if it hurts others or you don't want to. Or if it makes you want to..."

Her ears folded, and she went on. "I never really knew any ponies with cutie marks. I didn't think there was anything to know. Even my parents just did their jobs, which was what their marks said to do. They gave me food and a room and sent me to school, but they weren't anything special. Maybe they didn't want to know me any more than that, because I was adopted, but that's all I saw them as. Maybe if they had talked to me about what they liked and wanted and all the small things they did that weren't running a yarn store or being a doctor who specializes in hoof disease, or explained marks as more than something special and mystical that everypony got that laid out their lives for them, I wouldn't have felt how I did and wouldn't have left."

Slumping, she laid her chin against a pillow, mumbling. "But that isn't what happened. When I needed to hear that Sunburst had left because... Well, I don't know! But they told me that he had gone off to follow his cutie mark because that was his future and that was what he needed to do, and that wasn't! They should have said there was some way I could change it, or that it wasn't hopeless! That there was a way to make friends you could keep over a distance, or that I could follow him, or... or... or anything but that they were sorry, and there was nothing anyone could do."

She choked back a sob, burying her face in the pillow, and stayed there even as Maple nudged her with a hoof, inviting her closer. Eventually, she got up, and said, "That's why I left. I hated it. It wasn't right, just like a lot of things, and I wanted there to be something I could do even though I didn't believe doing anything was right. So I just got up, and hoped there was somewhere better to find."

Starlight sniffed, wiping her eyes with a fuzzy hoof. "It hurt. I left my parents because my friend left me and they told me there was nothing anyone could do. I wonder if they went looking for me, or if they sat around with their cutie marks and told themselves that there was nothing they could do, too. It didn't make sense. Good things are supposed to help everyone, right? But if staying in Equestria meant getting a cutie mark, which was bad, or having everypony look at me like a weirdo, and if leaving meant hurting my parents, what was the right choice? Did I even have a choice? I just focused on trying to survive, but I had so much time to think, and I didn't want to..."

Eventually, Starlight sighed again, sagging back against the pillow. "I decided I was right, since being wrong would mean going back and then everything would have been wasted. I said if it hurt my parents when I left, they deserved it for what they said to me when Sunburst left. I decided they probably cared more about their jobs anyway, because they already had cutie marks. I never wanted one, and wanted to find somewhere where that would be okay, and nobody could ever make anyone do anything because of who or what they were ever again. I cared only about cutie marks, because I didn't know what else to do."

"And then you reached Riverfall," Maple whispered.

"And then I... Yeah." Starlight rolled over, speaking at the far cabin wall. "And you were there, and you got it through my head that you cared about me. There was Willow, with no cutie mark, and then you and Amber, and it was like you didn't even care about your marks, or that they did nothing. I still don't know what Amber's does!"

"It's a talent for shipbuilding," Maple quickly added. "She's good at making boats."

"Whatever," Starlight grunted. "And we were there for a bunch of days, and it looked like everything I wanted but I wasn't satisfied because it wasn't good enough because all the ponies kept wanting to treat me like I was special, just like everyone did with cutie marks in Equestria. And with Sunburst. And I hated it just because, but also because it meant they might take me away from you, and you cared about me more than your mark and I didn't want to lose somepony again..."

Again, Starlight sniffed. "Then when we left, Willow grabbed me and told me I really was special whether I wanted to be or not, and if I had an idea for what the world should be like, I could try to change it. But I had just spent like a week having you and Amber and all those pushy Riverfall mares showing me that cutie marks themselves don't have to change you, it's how other ponies see you that matters! They're the ones who make up society. What am I supposed to do, change all of their minds one at a time!?"

Shuddering, she kicked the blanket off, suddenly hot. "I wanted... I didn't know. I didn't want to be better, even if I did have strong magic and survived some dumb mountains and had two names and made some machine act weird. But then we got to Ironridge, and there were ponies trying to attack us. They didn't care at all about what was right, or what either of us wanted. I didn't want to be better or special or anything, but I had to fight as hard as I could just to keep us from getting hurt or separated..."

Starlight's voice dropped to a whisper as she finished. "Now I don't know what I'm doing, or what to think. I haven't had time to think. Just to act... and not care what it means when I freeze a whole room of angry foals just because I can and they can't. I don't know..."

Maple beckoned again, and this time, Starlight came.

"I don't want to get my way just because I'm stronger," Starlight sniffed, crawling into Maple's arms. "I want to win because I'm right! I want to be right! Or at least have a place to live in where friends don't get broken up for no reason and ponies can be who they want to be! But if I don't do anything, we'll get hurt, and if I do do something, what happens if I win and am wrong? Or if I find someone bad who's stronger than me, and they win? If I'm supposed to make the world a better place, how can I when I my idea of what that looks like might be wrong? I don't know what to think, or what to do..."

"Can I tell you what I think?" Maple asked, holding the fuzzy filly gently. At a muffled nod, she said, "I think those are the kinds of things that leaders of countries should be worrying about... Ponies who are old, and have had a lot more time than you or me to gain wisdom and think about things and do what's best for the ponies they're in charge of. And I appreciate how much you care about good and me and the world... but this shouldn't be your job. You shouldn't have to worry about this, and maybe Willow shouldn't have told you. I think you've had some very bad luck in your life, just like me, and have been forced to grow up far too fast... and I wish you could be carefree, living happily and growing up with other colts and fillies your age and a family who knew how to guide you."

"But I'm not," Starlight protested, voice muffled by Maple's fur. "Sunburst left. My parents either didn't know or didn't care, and I'm not a normal filly no matter how much I want to be. I have strange magic and survived a pile of mountains even prepared explorers can't beat."

"I know. And it's not fair." Maple rocked her gently. "But we can still settle down and live normally. You'll have to live with being special, but it will be in a way that lets you say what you want... including getting to stay right with your friends. When all this Ironridge business is over, we'll go back to Riverfall, and can live as a family and see Willow and Amber, and you can be friends with as many colts and fillies as you like..."

"You think?" Even though Maple couldn't see it, Starlight raised an eyebrow. "What if things just keep happening? What if I can't make friends, or get a cutie mark in saving the world, and I have to be important?"

"First off, then I'd go with you." Maple nuzzled the top of her head. "But I don't think that will happen. And look at Elise! She was important, and managed to get out and lead a normal life. Maybe you can be like her."

Starlight held still, a tiny shiver running down her spine. "But she said she always wished she had done something, all those years ago..."

"...Either way, then, we'll cross that bridge when we come to it." Maple stretched, and Starlight heard her stomach growl. "I think I'm ready to get up," she announced. "How about you?"

Needing no second bidding, Starlight slithered out of the bed and landed on her hooves, licking a hoof and running it over her face, ears and sides to smooth her coat. "Definitely!"

Maple's hooves tapped against the floor beside her. "Then let's fix your mane for the millionth time and go look for Shinespark! But first, let's see if we can get some light..."

Comments

[ZanyZapper]

It has to be done...

But how many hours remain in Ironridge?

Also, poor Starlight. That little filly has over thought things to such a degree I just want to give her a big hug. And unfortunately we know she doesn't get it all straightened out since we've seen where it all leads.

[Venlinelle]

I sorely missed Starlight in this background story about Starlight. I’m still miffed that she ends up doing all the terrible things she does even after this story, but it is very clear how her conflicting mindsets could lead to Our Town.