The Olden World

by Czar_Yoshi

Machine Cogs

Slowly, White Chocolate lifted aside her mane, letting the other half of her face meet the light... a half that was dominated by a large, gray eyepatch, colored to blend in with her hair and be difficult to see unless looked at directly. She sat there for several seconds, holding it back, before pinning her mane behind her ear like it was on the other side, offering no explanation.

Starlight shivered, looking up at the asymmetrical mare, Valey's story on the cart from Blueleaf sinking back into her mind. She had said that obtaining a cutie mark from obsidian left a mark in the form of a discolored eye... and her eyes couldn't help but wander to White Chocolate's flank, which was covered as always by her blue bathrobe.

"You two look well-off," White Chocolate murmured, and Starlight realized she was looking at Maple's own cutie mark. "So I don't know if you would have heard of it. But... do you know about moon glass?"

Maple swallowed. "Well, yes, but... it's not supposed to be something you can get in Ironridge."

White Chocolate's ears folded, causing her mane to slip back to its original style, and she brushed it away again. "And husbands aren't supposed to leave their loving wives without even saying goodbye. That doesn't stop it from happening. I... got some."

"You got a fake cutie mark," Starlight whispered, loud enough to be heard. "...Why?"

"A fake what?" White Chocolate tipped her head.

"Brand," Maple clarified, blushing. "Sorry. We're used to saying it differently..."

"Oh." White Chocolate sighed. "Why...? There were several reasons. For one, it was free."

Maple and Starlight sat together, waiting... impatient. Starlight huffed, trying her best to withhold judgement until White Chocolate could at least explain herself.

"It was the stallion who also gave me this," she eventually said, reaching around and tapping her belly with her chin. "He was a unicorn. A handsome one, named Shad. I met him a year ago, on one of the few times I went out. We talked for a while, and I told him about me, and everything that had happened. He wanted to help me. I showed him where I lived. That night, after I got back and put my children to bed, he teleported into my room and we talked long into the night, among other things. He didn't come back every day, or even every week, but he did return. I don't think I loved him, or that he loved me, but I preferred it to being alone, and he... must have enjoyed that kind of thing. He always asked how I was. I always told him I was tired, lonely and still getting by. Eventually, it got me pregnant."

White Chocolate stretched in place before continuing. "He was apologetic. I don't think he intended for it to happen. But he wanted to make it up to me, so the next night, he brought his boss to my house. He worked for a griffon named Kero, who was very well-connected. He must have known someone in the shipping industry. Together, they decided there were enough ponies who owed them favors that they could get me a piece of moon glass to make it up to me."

She swallowed. "I was a single mother, and he had just made my troubles harder. Having another mouth to feed was never a problem... Sosa pays me Faron's unemployment money still. They're very generous. But with new foals, my children will never all grow up to the point where I can leave them home more easily, and as you can see, this makes it much harder to get around..." She cracked a small smile. "Even though I'm very used to it."

"But you still took it," Starlight said, all but pointing a hoof.

"I did," White Chocolate sighed. "They said it would give me something I was good at, and more importantly make it something I enjoyed doing. I wanted to enjoy something. I was tired of feeling empty and gray inside, like my life was continuing without meaning. They told me how valuable moon glass was, and how I'd never have another chance... and they also told me the stories and legends, and gave me time to go hear them myself. About how ponies changed when they took it, like they were possessed by an outside spirit. Most ponies thought it was revolting, like throwing away the inside of your mind was the worst sin a pony could commit. I suppose it says something about me that I just thought it would be nice to have the company in my head, doesn't it?"

Starlight stared. Slack-jawed, Maple asked, "What does it feel like? To be...?"

"At first, it didn't feel like anything," White Chocolate said. "It happened quickly. I put the glass on a pendant and wore it to bed one night, with a weak string so it wouldn't choke me by accident. In the morning, it had fallen off and rolled to the corner... but there was a snowflake on my flank when I checked. My eye changed color, like they said it would. It wasn't a huge difference; just a darker shade of blue, but I started wearing an eyepatch to hide it from my children, and then wearing my mane this way to hide that from the world. I didn't want to be judged..."

"Well, we're not mad at you for it," Maple quickly assured.

"Thank you." White Chocolate slumped, not looking the slightest bit relieved. "After that, I noticed a little change. There's one hill in Gnarlbough you can see the Sky District from, over the treetops. I went and sat there several times, and part of me felt like I appreciated the sight more. Each time I did it, though, I felt more and more like I was enjoying it because I thought I should, and not because it was actually enjoyable, so I stopped. I never heard any voices, or had any strange desires, aside from food which is usual for me. My behavior never changed, at least not enough for my children to notice. They said it might. I don't know why..."

Her eyes squeezed shut in remembrance. "I didn't see Shad again, after that. That was upsetting, even though I don't think I loved him. Maybe he felt bad about giving me another foal, maybe he didn't want to be with a mare who had something in her head, or maybe he thought he had done all he needed to already. But that didn't make sense, because it was he who gave me the moon glass! And the damage had already been done. I had already been disloyal to my husband, I was already pregnant... It's not like I could be more disloyal, or get pregnant twice at once."

Maple reached a hoof out. "Thinking you have nothing left to lose is how you forget about all the good things in your life, though. Like your children, or your beautiful house..."

White Chocolate ignored her. "I didn't see Kero again, either. I thought he was too busy, or maybe never cared about me in the first place. But every month or so, he sent another pony, a different one each time, to check on me. They ask how my life is going, how my children are, how my new foal is coming along... always like they're reading from a script, to prepare me for being asked if the moon glass worked. It was mechanical, like the voices that speakers use to tell workers what to do in Sosa. I don't think they knew who I was, or cared about me at all as a pony. They were just doing what they were hired to do, and make sure his product satisfied me. Not like anyone could have changed anything if it didn't. But being treated like a gear in a machine... it just made me feel worse about myself. I used to show them my brand, and sometimes my eye. Then I stopped. Eventually, I just sent them away. That's who I thought you were, when you arrived."

"Well..." Maple smiled. "We're not, are we? We're ponies who made a long, hard journey without even knowing what was at the end to tell you someone you've been missing still thinks of you and cares about you, and we do too. You're not a cog in a machine, okay?"

White Chocolate looked away. "No. I'm not even that..."

Comments

[Venlinelle]

"I did," White Chocolate sighed. "They said it would give me something I was good at, and more importantly make it something I enjoyed doing. I wanted to enjoy something. I was tired of feeling empty and gray inside, like my life was continuing without meaning. They told me how valuable moon glass was, and how I'd never have another chance... and they also told me the stories and legends, and gave me time to go hear them myself. About how ponies changed when they took it, like they were possessed by an outside spirit. Most ponies thought it was revolting, like throwing away the inside of your mind was the worst sin a pony could commit. I suppose it says something about me that I just thought it would be nice to have the company in my head, doesn't it?"

I know this feeling very well; you describe it accurately.

Reread edit:

If I remember correctly, and I almost certainly don’t, the whole “impregnate mares and give them moon glass” conspiracy was set up by… Harshwater’s boss whose name I forget, because he was hired by Chauncey to help with his mad scientist cutie mark research. Is that right? I’m like 65% sure that’s right.