Wet Floor had a bouncer.
Valey edged instinctively to the side as a buff griffon in a black tuxedo and dark shades caught her eye, unable to tell if he was looking at her or not and trying unsuccessfully to hide the stiffness in her legs. She felt she was walking like a chicken, bobbing back and forth in stiff, jerky movements, griffon food written all over her in hot red lettering, and kept one foreleg tensed, ready to deck him if he tried anything.
Fortunately, she needn't have bothered. As burly as the bouncer was, Wallace Whitewing was twice his size, and nobody seemed inclined to get in his way. Valey passed by the pair of shades, back fur lifting in anticipation, but nothing happened whatsoever.
"Make way! I have arrived!" Wallace boomed, heroic voice effortlessly cutting through the place's din. If the bar Valey had robbed looked like the inside of a treasure chest, this one was styled after a sunken ruin, giant cracks painted onto the walls and effigies of crabs and fish stacked in corners and on square windowsills. There wasn't an angle in the room that wasn't ninety degrees, and one side opened out to a large balcony with additional seating. Another held the bar itself, the third had the door to the street, and the fourth was a large stage backed by a seafloor mural, a guitar-wielding pegasus-and-griffon duo setting up to begin the evening's act.
"Wallace!" A small pink waitress scurried up to him, her mane done in a cute bun, meeting his eyes with plenty of confidence despite having to look straight up to see them. "Out back, if you please? And try not to knock over any tables on your way there. Hey!" She turned and barked at a nearby group of griffons in sailor hats. "Can I get this table shifted over a few hooflengths that way? Watch that your drinks don't get knocked over! Studly guy, coming through!"
Wallace was like an icebreaker ploughing through a frozen sea, and Valey and the others had no trouble following in his wake before the tables and patrons closed back together. When he made it through the balcony door, the resulting surge in light was bright enough Valey had to shade her eyes with a wing; he had blocked out just that much of it in the act of passing through.
"Yo, Wallace!" Two voices called out in greeting as her eyes re-adjusted to the light outside, and the waitress quickly led them to a table with roomy seating immediately next to the railing, a busy street bustling below and occasional shadows from griffons and pegasi passing low overhead. Already at the table, a unicorn stallion waved and an earth pony mare leaned back in her chair, and more seats were swiftly brought over.
"Well, looks like someone brought company," the mare mumbled, raising an approving brow.
"Terrific news!" Wallace boomed, taking up an entire side of the table and opting for no chairs. "These are the Ironridge heroes, whom the fair Meltdown has no further need for. Now, we are free to hang out!" He flashed that smile of his, and Valey began to wonder how it was his beak could stretch so far.
"Pleased to meet'cha," the unicorn greeted, sticking out a hoof clad in some sort of steel combat boot that looked like it used mana power. His blue-gray coat was partially covered by an open-faced black leather jacket, he had an elongated muzzle with a trim brown goatee, and his horn was covered by some sort of helmet enhancement that seemed to turn it into a giant reinforced claw. "Name's Diego, and if this loudmouth hasn't told you who he is a thousand times, I'm the long-lost son of Garsheeva!"
The mare nodded. "Morena," she said, keeping her hind legs on the table. She was well-endowed with muscles and had the frame to hold them, with shoulders as broad as a stronger stallion and a tight, well-groomed coat with plenty of scars of her own. A heavy, armored cloak was draped over the chair behind her, its collar lined with excessive plumage and fur, looking designed to never be washed and be thrown off in the heat of battle. Two thick belts adorned her barrel, a cutie mark of a whole pony skeleton was splashed across her flank, and her kelp-green mane was done up in dreadlocks and a ponytail, contrasting nicely with her dusk-purple fur.
Gerardo was too agape to reply, so Shinespark filled in instead with an appraising glance. "These are some impressive-looking friends, Wallace. Shinespark of Sos... Ironridge." She bowed primly.
Definitely the chattier of the two, Diego nodded smoothly. "Shinespark, Miss Shinespark! Awesome to meet you. And you all must be Gerardo, Slipstream, Maple, Starlight and Admiral Valey?" He nodded again at their stares. "Wallace gave us the lowdown a time or two. Said in his usual way that you guys made it out of Ironridge way after Kero."
Morena raised an eyebrow, head practically upside-down from how far back she was leaning. "You lot are looking overwhelmed," she remarked. "Diego, stop being overwhelming."
Apologetically, Maple stepped forward, keeping her posture confident. "Well, you do look very overwhelming," she admitted, trying a smile. "Wallace just showed up and said he wanted to take us to dinner with his friends! You're them, then?"
"Oh, we put up with each other from time to time," Diego joked, sounding perfectly serious with his incredibly laid-back drawl. "And we've seen some crazy stuff together like you wouldn't believe. Apparently, though, things were getting pretty heated in Ironridge?"
"What'd we miss out on?" Morena asked, savagely eager. "Flea-bitten Stormhoof's been keeping everything close to his coat, but you were all in the thick of it?"
"You could say that," Valey said, still evaluating whether she could relax. Both of Wallace's friends were powerful; it didn't take her cutie mark to tell that, but they were friendly as well. Still, she picked the chair closest to the railing, making sure her back was to as few normal patrons as possible.
Wallace winked. "I've been told it was quite intense! As a seasoned team of adventurers to a young, up-and-coming group of ground-zero survivors to the greatest turmoil of the modern day, I thought we could swap tales of adventure and heroism!"
"Yes!" Morena clapped her forehooves with a sound like a war drum. "Spill! Spill! Spill!"
Shinespark drew a hoof over her forehead, seating herself next to Valey. "We've told those stories so many times in the last few days... Can I at least eat first? After that council, I'm starving!"
"That's okay," Diego drawled as Maple pumped a hoof in agreement. "This is not an interview, or anything. We could start us off with some of our own stories, if you guys need to unwind first."
Morena looked like she had just been told a present she was in the process of opening was for someone else. "What? No! What happened? Just tell me a little! How bad was it, and how involved did you get?" She was leaning forward as far as possible without actually taking her legs off the table.
Maple closed her eyes and grimaced. "It almost destroyed the entire city, and we were at the very center. I don't know what you three deal with for a living, but it was bad."
"Woah, was it?" Diego asked as Morena grinned in gleeful anticipation, muscles taut. "Hey, that sounds like a perfect cue to me to ramble about our own history and jobs until the food arrives! How much do you guys know about who we are?"
A thud echoed from the path nearby, and everyone turned to look to see that Gerardo had fainted. Morena was closest to him, and she sat up properly, leaning down and checking him as her attitude flipped instantly to concern. "What happened? Is he all right?"
Wallace gave a furtive cough. "Ah, yes, aherm, young Gerardo... From my interactions earlier with him, I would guess overexposure to our heroism has caused him to pass out from sheer excitement! Morena, could you ensure nothing else is wrong?"
The earth pony leaned down again, running Gerardo over and poking and prodding with her hooves. After a few seconds, she straightened back up. "Negative. All his vital signs are good and no indications of recent injuries or poison." She lifted her mug. "Want me to throw this on him? You'll be buying me a new one."
"It might be better if you didn't," Maple said, smiling softly at Gerardo's predicament. "He talks a lot when he gets excited, and I kind of wouldn't mind some peace and quiet."
"I'm afraid you're in the wrong place for that," Diego apologized, lifting his own drink with a hoof and sipping from it. "We're a boisterous bunch, here. Say if you need someone to stop, though, 'cause we wouldn't want to cramp your style."
Morena crossed her forelegs and leaned back. "Diego, tell everyone how you got tied up with us lugs. It'll be nice and relaxing."
Valey couldn't tell if she was lying, but nobody objected, so Diego shrugged and began. "It's a bit of a long story, but the short version is that my mom was a freelance pegasus mercenary working in Wilderwind. Wilderwind is mostly empty badland with a city of clouds as the capital, so I have no idea who my dad was or how she even got pregnant with a unicorn in the first place. But that made me kind of a problem for her work since it took a special spell for me to walk on clouds and she couldn't cast it, so she moved to the surface when I was born. Never was happy about it. She cared more about staying in shape than me, and around when I turned six years old, she abandoned me on the border between Wilderwind and Gyre and just flew away."
Maple gaped. "That's horrible," she managed, lifting a quavering hoof. "Your parents... I mean... I have issues with ponies who leave-"
"Eh, don't worry too hard about it," Diego consoled, brushing it off. "Life is harder up in the north and that kind of thing happens all the time. I actually had a friend later on who had exactly the same thing, only he was a pegasus too so he just left when he could because his mother was ignoring him. We got by. Anyway, I walked to a nearby town and eventually joined a gang that gave me friends and food and a place to sleep in exchange for fighting when they needed me to. Lived that way until I grew up and got an injury that makes my horn really bad at casting magic. After that, I stopped thinking I was invincible and started getting serious about combat, and put my brains to use making some cool weapons for myself and the other members of the gang. That earned me a lot of favor, and I started getting promoted and was leading the thing by the time I was twenty-three."
He shook his head. "Then some bad stuff went down and we basically got taken over, right after they put me in charge. Gyre is really bad at policing itself outside the capitol, but they tried to send troops in for this and everything. Unfortunately, their guards got captured, and that led to a hostage situation which got attention even in the other provinces. By that time, all my friends were either dead or ran and I had a bounty on my head, so I figured it was all or nothing and tried to be a hero. Thought maybe I could turn over a new leaf now that I had the know-how to take care of myself and become a solo mercenary like my mom. Then Wallace Whitewing showed up right in the middle of trying to free everyone and basically did it for me. At first I was kind of mad, but he actually sat me down and gave me the world's longest talking-to and was like, 'You have a good spirit. Join my team, and I'll keep you straight and help you make something truly impressive out of yourself.' And I jumped at that faster than a street urchin jumps at a dropped bit, and fifteen, twenty years later, here I am."
Valey whistled in appreciation. "Sounds like you got lucky. I can relate to bits of that."
Diego nodded sagely. "Yeah, that's how Wallace goes. He looks and talks a little goofy, but the dude has the biggest heart I've ever seen and will try to help absolutely anyone who looks like their life's gone wrong and they want to get it back on course. Ask Morena; he picked her up a year or two before me."
"You sure about that?" Morena shook her head. "There's nothing strictly illegal about what he did; I was a criminal. You sure you have the constitution for these kinds of stories?" She lifted an eyebrow at Maple. "I'm thinking Ironridge can't be that bad if foal dumping is what gets you."
Maple emphatically shook her head. "No! Just because I've been through a lot of things I'd never wish on any pony else doesn't mean I've been desensitized to what bad is. Things don't somehow become better just because there are others that are worse."
"Well put!" Wallace praised, watching over the conversation like a snowy sentinel. "In the pursuit of righting wrongs, it is important to remember that nothing need be below our notice so long as it is within our power to save. Setting your sights so high you can only see matters on a national or worldly scale will not only cause you to miss the pickpockets or children with broken toys, but the natural beauty of the world as well! True, we quest in search of the grand and mysterious, but life is so much more fulfilling when we can live in between adventures as well! Besides, it keeps you humble."
Diego and Morena both rolled their eyes at the last line, smiling good-naturedly.
"I guess I'll go, then," Morena sighed, taking a breath as Maple, Shinespark, Slipstream and Valey waited eagerly. "My life started more or less normal. Parents stuck together, all earth ponies, had a house, sent me to school... Lived in a coastal town in Goldoa, which is the province north of this one. Goldoa is coastal, but it's not the closest to the Yule, and it's not the closest to Varsidel, so it's not important for cargo shipping. Instead, the sphinxes try to milk it for tourist potential. That means a lot of pretty garbage, a lot more money than certain people need, and a lot of people who'll try to take it from you. You know... pirates."
She put her hind legs back up on the table, continuing. "I was spoiled as a filly, but still one of the less-spoiled ones around, which meant I had too much and was still jealous of the ones who had more. Made some poor decisions, made the wrong friends, and before I knew it I got knocked up. Wasn't even... Ugh, I don't remember. Wasn't done with school yet. Rather than tell my parents, I dropped out of school, got on a boat, and the next thing I knew I was a punk teenage pirate with a furious sense of entitlement and absolutely no comprehension of the words 'foal' and 'mom'. Really, I didn't get it. I thought I'd just go back to normal after a while and everything would be fine."
Taking another pull from her drink, Morena belched. "Lo and behold, I didn't even get to find out how bad of a parent I'd be, because guess what? Piracy is heresy! My crew accidentally tried to board a military vessel disguised as a cruise liner about half a year after I joined. Each and every one of us got clapped in irons, thrown into a dungeon on a ship, and dragged all the way back to Garsheeva's fortress to be executed for our crimes. And remember, I was still a stupid, entitled teenager at this point. It didn't hit home what was actually going to happen to me until I was all the way in that underground castle, locked up, being made to wait since apparently Garsheeva isn't always hungry... Yeah."
She shook her head, everyone at the opposite side of the table staring with wide eyes. "Somehow, something got through to me that if my parents ever found out what happened to me, they'd also find out about this foal they'd never know, probably think of me as a murderer... And I was just starting to register that that hurt when in walked a bunch of guards along with the fattest griffon I'd ever seen in my life. I figured it was my time, and I was so stupid I was planning to fight, since I felt like I had realized something but didn't realize what it was. And then Wallace... this fat lug sitting right here... glanced around the room, spots me, makes two seconds of eye contact, and is like 'that one.' And the guards took me off the wall, still chained up, led me upward, and let me go."
Valey in particular perked in interest. "Wait a sec, this guy is enough of a boss to get ponies off the hook for heresy stuff?"
Morena sighed. "I didn't know. I tried to bolt. He instantly caught me, dragged me all the way back to a room somewhere, and told me to shut up and listen because he saw a look in my eyes that gave him a good feeling about me, and there was no way he was going to be wrong about using his wish from winning the War of Heroes saving some random stranger. And that got my attention..."
Shinespark, Maple, Starlight and Slipstream looked nonplussed, but Valey went even tenser with interest. "Okay, okay, hold on. You mean that giant contest thing you get any wish granted for winning? Unless those dudes in the sewers were pulling my tail about that, but do you? And this guy won?"
Morena nodded, and Wallace beamed. "That I did, young sarosian!"
"And then..." Morena briefly clenched her eyes. "He used his wish getting some dumb, entitled, clueless teenage pirate and her unborn kid out of hot water, and he'd never even heard of her. That was the only thing I'd ever seen that was so stupid, even I knew it was stupid, and you can bet I paid the best attention of my life..."