Valey led the way into the Immortal Dream's library, Maple and Starlight trailing behind her and Gerardo bringing up the rear. "Alright," she announced with a serious look once they were there, not bothering to sit down. "So what are we thinking?"
Gerardo scrutinized the bookshelves, beginning to pace. "There's a lot here that doesn't make sense, and not all of it relating directly to our friend Yanavan. To be honest, I'm more suspicious of Starlight's earlier claim that this sword belongs to me than anything else." He drew the blade an inch from its sheathe, hanging darkly from his side. "And not because I suspect Starlight is lying."
Maple shuffled uncertainly, and Valey tilted her head at Starlight. "Yeah, what's that about?"
"I don't know," Starlight answered, her ears going back earnestly. "Do really none of you remember? One of the Nightmare Modules is supposed to do something to our memories..."
"Yes, but I'm not sure how simple erasure could cause us to remember the same thing two different ways," Gerardo mused, stroking his chin. "Assuming we're thinking of the same module. But if he did, you apparently had experiences in that cave the rest of us lacked, and since you're on your own in the way you remember things, I'm inclined to believe it's you who's somehow been misled."
"But I remember it clearly!" Starlight started to protest, then wilted. "But you probably do too."
Valey nodded. "Kiddo, I'm pretty sure we need a rundown of exactly what happened to you in that cave. What's he going on about when he talks about you and more than one Nightmare Module?"
"I..." Starlight swallowed, shooting a nervous look at Gerardo. Not that she didn't trust him, but the Nightmare Modules scared her, and Maple and Valey were the only ones she had talked to prior about her abilities.
Thankfully, Gerardo caught on. "Apologies for asking if it's a sensitive topic. Perhaps I should check on the rest of the crew if you three need a family moment?"
He didn't ask permission before stepping away, leaving Valey blinking. "What did you call us?"
"Just go with it," Maple hummed softly, nudging her. "Starlight?"
Starlight looked down.
"...Hey." Valey paced up beside her, putting a wing on her shoulder. "If some uncool stuff happened to you down there, you don't have to talk about it. I get that. We'll just lug him up to the grand temple, let them deal with everything, and you can have however much time you need. But if there's literally anything you can tell us, right now, it'll help. There's totally something you're not saying."
Maple swatted her with her tail and pulled Starlight close. "Valey! Try to be gentler? Whatever Starlight's been through wasn't easy."
Starlight hadn't noticed any lack of gentleness in Valey's words. It didn't matter, because she was right. She needed to talk. But all of a sudden, it felt like there was a yawning gulf between her and her friends, and she was terrified of describing how she got the Nightmare Modules. They might not understand. They probably would, but the possibility they wouldn't existed, and just by existing it was too great. Who else did she have? She'd be alone. If she couldn't trust them with this, wasn't she already as good as alone?
"I-I..." There was a river of darkness separating her from her friends, and she could see them waving from the other side. Starlight felt her heartbeat increase; Glimmer had been wrong. How was she to trust her friends when there was a possibility they could leave? She had to embrace every potential, leave no tools unused, so that she would be strong enough they'd need her to stay safe. If she was better, they wouldn't be able to afford to doubt her. She could make herself useful. "I..." But that would involve telling them what she could do, too. She began to shiver. She couldn't do this. She hated doubting her friends; every emotion involved was too painful. She needed to fling herself as far away as possible, make some leap of faith...
"I need a windigo heart!" she choked. "Harmonic flame. No more moon glass. Please..."
Instantly, energy from Maple washed into her, and her perception felt like it was melting, then draining water after being immersed in a river. Pink energy. Tear streaks of color restored her vision as she remembered what she had lost and then regained it, the mystical fire washing and cleansing her from the inside.
The Nightmare Modules were gone. They were still there, she knew, but until she touched moon glass again, she would never have to think about them, and that was something she was never going to do. A brief, powerful sense of loss swept over her, and she knew what she had just thrown away: the most powerful tool she ever might have to defend her friends. But her friends were still there.
"I'm sorry," Maple whispered, forelegs wrapped around her. "I remembered last time you said it didn't feel too hard to live with, and since you turned yourself gray this time, I was waiting to change you back until you asked. Did you need it earlier?"
"N-No," Starlight sniffed, eyes threatening to cry. "It's not being gray. It's having the Nightmare Modules. That cave gave me all of them. Even though it was a dream. I don't want any Nightmare Modules!"
"Wait, really?" Valey blinked, looking worried. "And you still have them? That's why Yanavan was talking about you with them? But hold on, I thought you could use them without any extreme bad stuff happening. Were some of them just that immoral, or something?"
Starlight judged herself, and the weight of having the modules further than a thought from use was the biggest change. Her friends felt closer; that dark river was gone, but... She swallowed. She still needed to trust them.
"No," she muttered. "Only the memory one was bad, and the one that let me make moon glass. There was a shield, and one that let me make my mane misty. But they were r-really strong..." A shaky breath later, Starlight steadied herself. "If I have them, I'll use them to keep all of you safe. But I'm scared of that. I don't want to be in charge of everything, even though it's the best way to make sure I don't lose it! I don't want to have to fight windigoes and batponies to keep my friends! Normal ponies don't have to, so why should I? It's lonely and not fair..."
"Bananas." Valey looked away, and then back at her, ears drooping slightly. "It's too much for you to handle, huh?"
"Is there any way you could expect it isn't?" Maple countered, rubbing Starlight's back and burying her face in her chest. "She's a filly, Valey. These are weapons made by a goddess. Even adults and trained leaders shouldn't be forced to take that much responsibility." She turned back to Starlight. "Even I don't know what to do with it. I'm so sorry if this has been hurting you and we're only now getting around to talking..."
"No," Starlight mumbled. "I was fine with them for a while. I just went too far today."
Valey gave Maple an uneasy glance. "Adults and trained leaders, huh? Like... don't forget that I'm technically six." She looked down. "Sure, I might not have started at zero, but still. When I first came to Ironridge, I was barely starting my growth spurt, and I knew the right dude to blackmail to basically rule half the city when I was the same size as her." She pointed a wing at Starlight. "It stinks and it isn't cool, but this is what the world demands of us. You've got us to lean on, but you gotta not give up."
"Or what?" Maple returned it with a sharp look. "Starlight needs a break, and you do too, so why not take one? Why do we have to deal with Yanavan on our own, and what will happen if we don't? Why can't we just take him to the grand temple and take care of each other for a moment? Isn't that what we came here for in the first place? Trying to answer some of your questions about yourself?"
"Yeah, but..." Valey swallowed. "I mean..."
"Pardon the intrusion," Gerardo Guillaume said from the hallway, talons clicking against the floor. "Just thought I'd check in in case I was needed."
"Hey, good timing, Birdo." Valey waved a wing, stiffened, then sagged. "Could you go help Sparky with Yanavan? Tie him up, get a light on him, something. We're taking him to the temple, and I'm really tired."
Gerardo saluted. "Consider it done. I'm still feeling relatively fresh, myself, so if you three need the night off, I've got you covered."
"Heh." Valey watched him go, nodding appreciatively. "Thanks, Birdo."