//------------------------------//
// Close Shave 
// Story: The Olden World 
// by Czar_Yoshi 
//------------------------------//

"I'm really, really nervous..." Maple whispered to herself as Valey led her and Starlight out of the fort. "Things have gone too right today, and after yesterday, I don't trust it to keep up..."

"Didn't you say you were going to hope for the best?" Starlight gently prodded, walking at her side.

"I did, yes," Maple sighed, biting her lip. "...Still. What would Gerardo call it? Dramatically appropriate, or something?"

"Talking like that, you're just asking for something to happen," Valey chuckled from the lead. "Life is ironic."

Starlight furrowed her brow. "That sounds superstitious."

"And you don't have a bunch of legends wherever you're from?" Valey raised an eyebrow. "Come on, superstition is fun! Except when you want to run into trouble. I'm bored and need a fight, and asking for it is just gonna make this even blander. I can't wait to get down to the Earth District."

"Would you mind asking for something to happen, then?" Maple asked with a crooked, hopeful smile. "I really am trying my best, but if there's anything you can do to help..."

"Fine, fine." Valey rolled her eyes, then tipped her head to the ceiling and loudly announced, "Wow, I sure hope I run into someone important! I totally want to sit down and have tea with them and share my amazing toffee and wouldn't even dream of beating them up!"

"You like that?" she finished, tossing her mane. "Now there's no way we'll oh bananas!"

At that instant, they rounded the final corner to the lobby room, and Valey nearly crashed head-on into an unfortunately familiar white unicorn.

"Captain Valey," Selma lectured, not even sparing a glance toward the petrified Maple and Starlight, "did I just hear you picking fights with employees?"

Valey pursed her lips. "You really need to get better at names, Commsy. It's Admiral! Even Herman says so!"

"Eugh..." Selma shook his head as if realizing he had stepped on a slug. "I am a captain, not a commissar. I doubt you even know what that means. Now answer the question."

"Depends," Valey said with a shrug. "Are you volunteering?"

"What I'm volunteering," Selma sneered, "are some popularity pointers you as the face of the Defense Force cannot afford to ignore, and will inevitably do so anyways. I don't know why I even bothered to waste my time."

"Hey, uhh..." Valey pointed behind her with a wing, indicating Maple and Starlight. "That won't interfere with me training my new recruits, will it? Because it sounds like work."

Selma's gaze slowly drifted across the pair... and somehow failed to widen in recognition. "You look nervous," he observed. "I take it you've already had a taste of what she can do."

Silence, from both Maple and Starlight. Selma tilted his head. "Well?"

"Hey, shove off, you." Valey elbowed him to the side, pushing with her wings. "Go get your own recruits. These ones are mine."

A full second passed before Selma snorted. "I have better things to do with my time than oversee cadets who are clearly part of a disposable prank. However, my day is going swimmingly, thank you for not asking, and there are better ways I can spend my time counteracting her damage to our reputation than educating you on how to obtain a proper commanding officer."

Valey blinked, eyes focusing as if for the first time. "Hey, has anyone ever told you your mane looks like a pineapple?"

Selma blinked back, then growled. "You're incorrigible. I can't believe Herman thinks your presence is somehow beneficial to our great district. You two." He turned back to Maple and Starlight. "I don't know what you're doing here," he continued, still showing no outward traces of recognition, "but you don't belong. Wherever you came from, go back and live in peace, and don't get caught up in our affairs. After all..." He lowered his voice, staring directly at Maple. "It would be a shame to waste such a pretty face."

"Helloooo?" Valey waved a hoof in front of his eyes. "Ironridge to Mister Creepy Stalker? What about my pretty face?"

Grimacing, Selma closed his eyes and stepped down the hall, giving Valey a wide berth. In a matter of seconds, he was gone.

"Speaking of hoping for good outcomes," Maple panted, finally allowing herself to breathe. A hoof to her chest, she added, "He knew. He definitely knew, and he didn't care..."

"Eh." Valey shrugged. "His opinion of me is low enough that he probably thought if he wanted to punish you, there'd be no better way than standing back and not intervening. Too bad for him it's the Earth District getting pranked today! Now let's get out of this place."





Sun broke over Starlight's head as she exited the fortress door with almost as much intensity as Maple's sigh of relief. "Whew," the mare panted, "I can't believe our luck held through all that. When he showed up, I..."

Valey pouted, bringing up the rear. "You know, I say I'll help you and chase off all the loons and goons and bad guys, and somehow, you still act surprised when I come through. It's like you don't trust me!"

"Um-!" Maple fidgeted. "I didn't mean..."

"No no, that's good!" Valey shook both forehooves, hovering. "Never trust a bat. Means you're learning."

"That's not really what I meant either..." Maple looked away, as if regretting opening her mouth.

"Should we start going?" Starlight asked, sticking close by Maple's side. "The faster we get away from the guards, the better. And he did tell us to leave..."

Valey licked her lips. "Well... it is the hottest part of the day, and the Earth District gets pretty nasty if you're not used to it. Which I'm guessing you're not, since your coats are a little long for around here. You really want to leave right now?"

"What else would we do if we stayed?" Maple asked, straightening up and wincing slightly, evidently still cramped from the day before.

"Beats me." Valey strolled across the street and looked down, staring out over the Earth District. "All the fun stuff is down there, like stealing fruit and messing with D.K. and the Sosans. Hey, wanna go sit on that wall and pretend to be a checkpoint? That's a good pastime."

"Who's D.K.?" Starlight interrupted, slightly lifting a hoof.

"Dangerous Karma," Valey explained, a far-off look in her eyes. "What his mother was thinking when she named him that, I really want to know. He's the richest pony in the Earth District, and owns a lot of plantations and growers' complexes, and even a town. If you think of the Defense Force as the Stone District's government and the Sosan factories as Sosa's, him and his army of infrastructure and organization wonks are that for the Earth District. Generally, the assumption is that if you're stealing fruit, it's coming somewhere from him."

"I don't know..." Maple shuffled her hooves, wiggling them in a futile attempt to loosen her muscles. "Part of me is nervous and wants to hurry to go find that pony we're looking for. The other part of me is tired of hurrying and wants to do something safe and relaxing. Is there anything to do that doesn't involve... doing anything?" She tilted her head hopefully.

Shrugging, Valey scratched at her ear with a wing. "I mean, you could always sit in the audience while I start a bar fight, or something. Or just watch me do my thing in general."

"You seem really obsessed with fighting ponies," Starlight warily observed.

"Well... yeah!" Valey's eyes widened with legitimate surprise, and she reached back and tapped her rump. "What else did you think a brand like this was for? Making gloves?"

Starlight stared back, eying Valey's red boxing glove dubiously. "I don't care about cutie marks."

Valey blinked. "A whattie mark?"

"It doesn't matter," Starlight snorted, turning away. "You shouldn't have to do something just because you have something like that that says you should."

"Uhhh..." Valey eyed her as if she had just proclaimed herself to be a tomato, then turned into a toad. "I don't have to do anything, because I'm me. I'm just bored and want to do what I like. Is that a problem? Because I think I've been pretty nice and helpful so far."

Maple stepped between them, waving nervously. "Maybe we should just get on to the Earth District then, and think of what to do once we get there?"

"Good call!" Valey relaxed, shooting her a wink. "So, should we do this the fast way, or are you still scared to try flight?"

Starlight looked at her hooves. Lifting a foreleg, she could practically see the knots in her muscles, and if it was just her she knew she would be willing to take Valey up on her offer. Since it was Maple who objected last time, however, she held her silence.

"I'm still not sure," Maple answered. "I'd rather not, though, if it's all right with you."

"Eh. Suit yourselves." Valey shrugged, hopping into the air and hovering. "It's kind of a big district, so don't blame me if you get tired."

"Getting tired?" Maple exhaled heavily, looking at the sky. "I wish I was only tired. These cramps do not feel very nice."

Starlight bit her lip. She had suspected Maple had it worse than her, and the protest hardly reassured her about the mare's condition. Still, if she said she was good... "I'm ready," Starlight declared. "Where's the road to the Earth District?"

"Heh..." Valey chuckled. "Downhill. Unless you're made of helium, it's impossible to miss. Let's get going!"