//------------------------------// // Acceptance And Giving Up // Story: The Olden World // by Czar_Yoshi //------------------------------// "Yeah... it was pretty crazy." Valey twirled the sound stone on a hoof, laying on her back in a random corner of the Arc Manta on the first day of their journey home. "The kid we were trying to catch? Half of the reason we were here? We actually got her back... and then she gave us the slip, just like that. Took one look at who was there and where we were and teleported away. Never found her." "Well, that's unfortunate," Amber's voice replied. "But weren't you deep underwater? She couldn't have ran forever. Why not chase her?" Valey shrugged. "Because the place was huge. She could have given us the slip for days. And even if we did find her, what's to stop her from teleporting again?" "It seems a lot less impossible than entering an underwater structure at the bottom of the world," Amber pointed out. "Yeah, but..." Valey stretched. "That's the kind of impossible you solve by being crazy and cool. This is the kind where something's just dumb and impractical. Besides, we had bigger things on our hooves after Starlight... Yeah." "Do you want to explain one more time what she did?" Valey waved a hoof in the air. "Sat there and talked with this flame, which apparently talks only in her head and can read her thoughts so we couldn't hear anything ourselves. And bananas, she looked like the most miserable kid in existence. Whatever that thing told her... Eh, I dunno. I almost doubt it was looking after her at all. Starlight said the thing was telling her it was like ripping off a bandage, but this looked like ripping off your wings along with it." Amber was silent. "Short version, she wasn't thrilled. Just kept this look on her face halfway through the climb back up... and then told us she'd be happier not knowing what she knew, even if it meant knowing there was stuff she was running away from, and gave us some things to tell her and then blasted herself with that sword and... erased her memories somehow. And she's been crying all the rest of the way." Amber heavily sighed. "What do you think it told her?" Valey shook her head. "I have no idea. I've seen Starlight hear a lot of bad stuff in her life, like when this Caballeron dude was telling her about her parents. But here, she acted completely differently. Usually she either gets stubborn or scared, but here, she just looked like defeat." "She doesn't usually give up, does she?" "Never. Starlight hates giving up." Amber was quiet. "I wish I knew what it told her," Valey said. "Maybe I could do more to help if I knew what it was that broke her. She was acting like this could have been alright if her life was better in the first place, but... what more can I do for her? I've tried to be awesome and supportive and have her back whenever I'm around. But today, that just wasn't enough." "Where is she now?" "Sitting with Maple and staring off into space." Valey sighed, not using her conventional nicknames. "If she was messed up before, though, I can't imagine what she's going through now. She already doesn't trust herself. We went after this other kid because she was apparently telling Starlight it wasn't safe for her to know stuff. Now Starlight is telling herself this too, as a message from her past self we have to pass along because she doesn't remember? Bananas, her self-worth must be in the negative hundreds." Amber grunted in frustration, but had nothing to say. "This whole thing about how she's having visions about her destroying the world?" Valey shrugged. "Well... let me tell you, with her state of mind, it wouldn't be that hard to just say screw it and go off the deep end. Have a tantrum. What's the world ever done for her? In fact, at this point, if she doesn't, I think it'll be more to spite her circumstances than because she cares about anything else." Amber sighed. "And I'm certainly one to talk," Valey continued. "Remember me in Ironridge? The real reason I annoyed everyone endlessly was because I owed that city nothing and I knew it. If it was gonna be hard on me... well, you know?" "Valey..." Amber swallowed. "We have to help her. There has to be a way." "Like what?" Valey kicked aimlessly at the air. "You think more forbidden knowledge would do the trick?" "I doubt it. You know who I do think could help her, though?" Valey played with her hooves. "Who?" "Willow." "The gray chick from Riverfall." "I told you about this the night we got to Kinmari, when we went for a run, but Willow knows a thing or two about holding your head high after getting crushed and stepped on by circumstances, both in your control and beyond. And she's great at getting you back on your hooves when you're feeling like it's all over." "Yeah, she sounded like an upstanding gal." "She's more than that. She had this way of taking something that should have been the end of the world and making it all okay, and making you not even mad at whoever caused the problem. And if I were Starlight, I'd be a little mad at myself for being too weak to handle this. She probably hates running away." Valey blew on her bangs and slumped. "Yeah... she's gotta be. One of the things she told us to tell her was that in the future, if she ever got in a better place, then she could handle it. She could let herself remember what she forgot." "How does she remember it?" "Concentrated harmony. The windigo hearts we charged up should be enough to do it. So... it's not like she's running forever..." Valey frowned. "Or, not like she has to run forever. Completely depends if we can help her come to terms with... whatever she has to come to terms with. I hope she's got a better idea of what would make her ready than I do." "It's really too bad it's so hard for her to live her life without knowing," Amber sighed. "Like, look at us. We've never needed advice from a harmonic flame to live our lives, and we've had some pretty bad problems between the two of us. It makes you wonder what's so different that makes it so much harder for her." "Her age?" Valey shrugged. "I was pretty young when Willow told us we wouldn't be going to Ironridge. Not quite Starlight's age, but still. And weren't you a filly when you got to Ironridge?" "Yeah, true. I still haven't a clue how my age measures up, but I was a shrimp back then." Amber sighed. "Maybe whatever the flame told her has to do with it." "Yeah... maybe." Valey looked away. "All she wants is to live a normal life and get away from the problems hounding us, right? She wants to not have to be afraid of herself and a mysterious future anymore. I wonder if the flame told her some reason why that was impossible, and she just has to learn to live with things the way they are." "I hope not. I wish there was a way for us to know what she was up against ourselves, so that we could better help her." Valey closed her eyes. "It is what it is." "What it is isn't fair. She's just a filly! It should be our job as adults to look out for her. But how can we guide her if we don't know what we're guiding her away from?" "I mean... we sure know some of it." Valey shrugged. "We know she's terrified of herself, and we know why. We just gotta find a way to help her." "Easier said than done." "Tell me about it. I don't really know a lot about dealing with kids..." "I helped Willow raise her kids... and by that, I mean played with them." "And I've literally never even seen Starlight play. Or laugh. Or even smile. Bananas... There's gotta be a way to help her. There's just gotta." "How's she doing right now?" "Right now? Probably the same as she's been doing for a while. You wanna go talk to her yourself? Won't be hard to find her." "...Sure. I'll go scrounge up some of our other friends. Maybe she'd like to hear from everyone." "Yeah. Good idea." "Hey, kiddo." Starlight looked up, still sitting with Maple and the generosity crystal. Maple was fast asleep. "Hi," she whispered. It was Valey, holding a glowing sound stone. "How are you holding up?" Starlight glanced at the crystal containing the artifice. "Good, actually." Valey blinked. "Wait, really?" Starlight glanced away, keeping her voice down. "Well... yes. Maple's sleeping. What do you need?" "Not me who needs stuff." Valey shook her head. "I got all our friends together on the other side 'cuz they wanted to talk to you. You said some stuff down there about maybe if you had more friends, so here are the ones you already have. Everyone turned out to support you." "Indeed we did," Gerardo Guillaume's quiet voice added. "True that, darling." Starlight climbed out of the bunk, holding the crystal close. "Let's go somewhere we won't wake her." "Starlight..." Maple grumbled crossly, reaching a half-awake hoof to stop her. "You're not supposed to be taking care of me..." "Oh." Starlight climbed back in, and Maple sighed in content. "Well, your voice sounds stronger than we had feared, at least," Felicity acknowledged, raising her own now that Maple had given them permission to stay. "We heard you went through an... ordeal." Starlight shook her head. "The worst part is remembering the part where my memory starts breaking before it's gone completely. It still feels like I lived through it... but it's okay now that I know why it felt that way." "That was worse than the whole..." Amber hesitated. "Well, I'm glad you're doing alright?" Starlight nodded and sighed. "I don't know how alright I'll be doing until something bad happens again and I have to see how hard it is for me to keep you safe. The bad part will be that I don't know if what I don't know could help me." "Kiddo..." Valey winked. "When that happens, because with our luck it would be dumb to assume it won't, you just gotta remember that we've got your back just as much as you have ours. You're not a solo act, here." "You had better not be putting on a brave face for us," Amber warned. "I know if I had erased my own memories and told myself I couldn't know what they were, I'd be pretty upset." "Even if it's true?" Starlight folded her ears and looked down. "There's a lot of things I've never been happy to learn. If this one was bad enough that I really would be better off without it, I believe it." Felicity cleared her throat. "That's a... somewhat defeated way of thinking, darling." "So?" Starlight frowned at the sound stone. "I don't care if it's good or bad as long as it works! I just want to live a normal life and be happy, and if this is going to make me happier, I'll take it! It's not like I lost anything except time from coming down here. And Maple doesn't have to carry around the other me anymore, and I got rid of the artifice that was making me have panic attacks when I used my magic, so my life still could be better for this! I wish I could know what it was too, because I am curious, but I don't want to know so badly that I'll ignore myself when I say it'll make me miserable." "I'm... glad you're happy..." Gerardo began. Starlight looked away. "I heard what you said the first time, and I don't care. I know it wouldn't make me happy to know this. I know I need to try less and live more like a normal filly. I just... Please let me have this. I really am okay right now." "...Yeah. Sure." Valey nodded and walked away. "Bananas," Valey sighed into the sound stone. "Okay, so she's doing better than I thought she was, except... I dunno. I would personally hate it if someone told me I had erased my memories for my own good, and Starlight is stubborner than I am. I can't phrase it properly, but does this sit strangely with anyone else?" "Well, I'm glad she's not feeling horrible," Amber spoke up. "But this doesn't seem like it's doing anything for her self-confidence. It's more like pounding a nail in the coffin and settling for something mediocre. She's not learning to be happy or confident with herself, she's accepting that she's not trustworthy and giving up fighting it. And maybe it's a relief now, because it feels like the battle's over, but a loss is still a loss." Valey gritted her teeth. "Yeah. And there's nothing we can do to prove otherwise, because that clown we were here to get answers out of got away. Makes me wanna turn this ship around and try again to find her..." "You think Starlight is feeling up to opening the palace again?" Felicity asked. "Nah. And if we couldn't catch her while we were there, how are we gonna do it now?" Valey slumped. "This whole thing stinks. I wish this didn't have to happen to our friend." "There's no way we can attempt querying these otherworldly forces ourselves, is there?" Gerardo cut in. "Perhaps the knowledge is too much for Starlight, but if we knew even why she decided to give up on herself in this, we could help her." "That's what we were talking about earlier." Amber huffed. "And no, I don't see any way there is. Unless we had someone on equal standing to a harmonic flame who would actually talk to us..." "Princess Celestia?" Felicity suggested. Everyone grew quiet. "You..." Valey fumbled with her tongue. "You think it's safe to ask her about a kid who maybe might be responsible for some future calamity?" "She might have information, to be fair," Gerardo postulated. "At the same time..." Amber's voice was down. "If you lead an entire continent, and someone tells you a single pony is a threat to it, what are you going to do?" Felicity sucked in a breath. "Ah. I hadn't considered... Well, there's a morally upstanding yet risky way that relies on having faith in equinity, and then there's a... safer way." "You know what?" Valey straightened up. "She's gonna ask where we are, and is gonna find out we went to the crystal palace. As far as the scientists know, I asked for us to come here for my own reasons, and not due to Starlight. So what you guys can do is ask her questions about this place, get her talking about it, and just never mention Starlight at all until we get a better idea of her character. I mean, maybe you've got an idea already, but I've never met her. Sound fair?" "Sounds difficult to get information relating to Starlight or a bad future," Gerardo sighed. "But, better safe than sorry." Valey nodded. "...Actually, I'm gonna ask her about the weird mural we saw as well. Did I describe that to you?" "Not I," Felicity cut in. Valey spent the next minute describing the scene, with its migration of ponies between two worlds and its battling titans, one with a sword that resembled Starlight's and another that was clearly Aegis. "...And she'll basically have to answer," she finished, "because didn't you say she bailed on us the first time because she wanted to lock up and take away that metal dragon? She clearly knows something about it, and it would be super reasonable of us to ask what she had to ditch us in the middle of monster and griffon mafia territory for." "Then it sounds as if we have a plan," Felicity proclaimed. "I shall spread the word to Shinespark and all the others who may be talking with this Princess." "Or I will," Amber interrupted. "You haven't felt like moving around that much lately. Are you sure you want to go into town to look for Harshwater and Grenada?" "An embarrassingly fair point. Conceded..." "Then it sounds like you guys got stuff to do." Valey stretched, setting down the sound stone. "I won't keep you. We're still a week away, so just give us a call out here if anything changes. And remember to take care of yourselves, too. It's not just Starlight who was stranded for a month, after all." "Shall do," Felicity promised. Gerardo chuckled. "When have I ever not?" "Yeah," Amber finished. "Talk to you later." It was two hours later when the sound stone flashed again. Nothing had changed aboard the Arc Manta as Valey clicked the modified flash club, answering the call. "It's Shinespark," Shinespark's voice greeted, sounding stiff and ready. "Princess Celestia is here."