Four Words Is Hard
"Aaaaaaaaand..." Kepler rummaged through an unfolded bag of edible greenery. "Therre you have it, Rrainbow One!" He smiled through his tusks as he handed her a sampling of food. "Fourr leaves of Bleakweed!"
Rainbow Dash squatted on a partially unrolled blanket. She looked at the offering while members of the Herald continued unpacking a portion of the supplies all around her. Ariel was throwing up a tent and securing its canvas edges directly behind her.
"Uhm..." Rainbow Dash squinted at the food that Kepler was offering. "Remind me, Keppy. Just how much can a normal body go on when it comes to this midnighter delish?"
"I beg yourr parrdon?"
"I've had a lot on my mind as of late." Rainbow rubbed her brow and squinted at the wyvern. "I know you gave us the run-around way back when on the Light Side... but give me a refresher course, if you wouldn't mind. Wasn't it three leaves that a normal equine can sustain for a few hours?"
"Well... errm..." Kepler fidgeted a bit where he stood. "Yes."
"So, why are you handing me four leaves?"
"Because..." He adjusted his spectacles, then smiled innocently at her. "Because you arre the Austrraeoh! The most imporrtant memberr of this expedition!"
Ariel leaned in with a smirk. "Gotta keep those chubby cheeks of yours adorabadass!"
"... ... ..." Rainbow glared at her.
Ariel swiveled her smile until she was fixing the tent again. "Oooookay!"
"Kepler..." Rainbow sighed. "I don't deserve any bigger a meal than the rest of the group."
"Of courrse you do—!" He began.
"No. I don't." Rainbow frowned. "Eljunbyro is just as important as Austraeoh—if not more so. We each get equal helpings unless we're sick or injured!"
"Well... of courrse, Rrainbow, I'm inclined to agrree, but—"
"Good. Then it's settled." Rainbow Dash craned her neck until she was looking at the rest of the Herald. "You hear that? No more putting me on a pedestal! If we wanna get through this crazy darkness in one piece, then none of us gets allowed to hog any of the food from the others! Including me!"
"Heh..." Flynn looked over at Logan with a smug grin. "You hear that, Big Show? The way I see it, the Dark Side's gonna be the best diet you ever tried!"
"Ain't no skinnier than skinned alive, baldy," Logan grunted as he finished pitching a tent. "So watch your smart ass."
Flynn gulped and returned to tweaking the Cylindrimanian sphere. "Gotcha."
Rainbow sighed again. She peeled off one of the four large, edible leaves and gave it back to Kepler. "Thanks, Keps. I know you're trying to be thoughtful. It's... very Heraldic of you."
"Mmmmmm... perrhaps." Kepler took the morsel back without protest. "Albeit, it wasn't simply courrage that the Motherr Matrron taught us, but patience and wisdom as well. I do apprreciate the rreminderr."
As Kepler returned to the food crates, Ariel looked up. "Of course... conserving the sarosian bounty isn't going to last forever. What do we do when it's time to find new food?"
Rainbow nibbled on the edge of a leaf, grimacing at the bitter, sea-salt taste. "It's just a matter of time before we find something we can subsist on." She nibbled some more, swallowing "The Emeraldinians had to do it for a long, long time—didn't they?"
"Yeah... but they had tons and tons of supplies ferried over via alicorn magic," Ariel said. "Here we are centuries later... and so far Fluttershy hasn't sensed anything yet."
Rainbow bit off a length of leaf and squinted at the mare. "Meaning..."
"Well..." Ariel shrugged. "Y'know..." She shrugged again. "...there's gotta be something to hunt."
"Maybe for the rest of you guys, sure." Rainbow continued munching through the large leafs. "Mrmmmff... me, on the other hoof..."
"Rainbow, there's no sunlight here," Ariel said. "But—if there is indeed a food chain—there just might something we can catch and roast and—"
"And you guys can have it," Rainbow growled slightly. "I'll find something else to munch on."
"Like what?"
"I don't know. I... I just will!"
Ariel opened her muzzle to say something. She gave up, exhaling through her nostrils while giving Rainbow a melancholic expression. Quietly—and obediently—she returned to finish setting up her tent.
As the Herald continued settling down around Rainbow, the pegasus' friends stirred out of ghostly hiding. Twilight Sparkle hovered the closest, clearing her throat.
"Uhm... Rainbow...?"
"Mrmfff...?" Rainbow swallowed and moved on to her second leaf. "...egghead?"
"Ariel... uh... has a point..."
"I'm sure she does." Rainbow exhaled. "She should sharpen it and then skewer it through the spine of a chaos rat so she won't starve."
"It's not her that we're worried about," Twilight said, staring intently at their anchor. "This isn't Equestria. The Dark Side doesn't have a bunch of green fields and open plains for harvesting crops."
"Or grazing!" Pinkie Pie exclaimed. "Don't forget that!"
"Brbrrbrbbrrbbrrrr..." Rarity shivered all over. "Grazing..." Her teeth chattered as she brushed her bangs aside. "...could we actually sink so far?"
Applejack cleared her throat. "Point is, sugarcube..." She floated towards Rainbow. "...if you wanna make it even a fraction of the distrance that the Dark Side has to offer, then you'd probably better learn real quick how to make do with the Dark Side."
"And if the Dark Side doesn't have any leaves or plants in abundance—" Twilight began.
"Ledomare, Alafreo, and Rohbredden were chock fulllll of meat eaters," Rainbow Dash muttered. "I got through those lands just fine. I didn't have to compromise anything."
"But Rainbow, none of those lands are anything like what you're facing now!" Twilight protested.
"Even in the Grand Choke, I managed—"
"Nor is the Grand Choke!" Twilight frowned. "Stop being stubborn about this! At some point or another—if you're going to want to live—then you're going to have to listen to the options that the Herald are giving you!"
Rainbow looked up from eating halfway through her second leaf. "Twilight... if you were in my place... would you eat whatever they put on your plate?"
Twilight blinked. Her muzzle hung open, searching for words.
Rainbow looked at the others. "Would any of you?"
The other mares squirmed, avoiding her gaze.
Rainbow took a deep breath. "My biggest goal is getting back to Equestria... bringing you gals back... and restoring harmony. But second to that...?" She nibbled pathetically on the end of the leaf. "...it's being able to live with myself and have as few regrets as possible."
"I wish I could say I expect all of that from you, sugarcube..." Applejack looked up with firm eyes. "But one of them goals is impossible. And it ain't the one ya think."
Rainbow Dash bit her lip.
The rest of the mares hung their heads—except for Fluttershy. She looked up with a remarkable brightness to her gaze. "Do you girls hear that?"
The rest looked all around, blinking.
"Hear what, darling?" Rarity asked.
"I don't hear a thing!" Pinkie squeaked.
"Exactly..." Fluttershy's ghostly cheeks went rosy. "It's so... quiet."
"Oh yeah...?" Twilight spun around. "I think there's a reason for that."
Rainbow craned her neck in the sleds' direction. A feathered figure sandwiched by alicorn metals lay perfectly dormant on one of them. She was still as a tombstone.
Wildcard's goggles caught Rainbow's gaze. He turned to look in the same direction.
Seraphimus was perfectly still.
"Did..." Rainbow blinked. "...did she finally wear herself out?"
"Hmmm?" Flynn looked over. Curious, the stallion marched across the space between rocky pillars and stood before the cart. Holding his breath, he leaned in. He looked squarely between Seraphimus' eyes—
—and they flew open. "HERETICS!!!"
"Gaaah!" Flynn scampered backwards, landing on his hind quarters. "Rrnnngh—sssssshit biscuits! Goddess damn it—!"
"Murderers of children!" Seraphimus shook and thrashed in her restraints. Her voice was passionate, but noticeably hoarse and winded. "Rnnnngh! You infidels will never make it to the Spring Havens! I shall drown you myeslf!"
"Hah hah hah hah hah!" Logan laughed as he trotted past Flynn. He paused to swat the panting stallion atop his bald crown. "What's that, now? Eighty-Nine?! You've lost track, ya numbskull!"
Flynn fumed and fumed. With an angry jerk, he hopped to his hooves, brushed himself off, and limped away under the fresh cadence of angry shouts.
Wildcard sighed, shrugged his shoulders, and continued polishing Bard's staff clean of bloodstains.
"Well, so much for that," Fluttershy sighed, her yellow body deflating until she was halfway phased through the stone earth. "And here I was hoping she was having pleasant dreams."
"Yeah!" Pinkie giggled. "Dreams about playing Whack-a-Dashie!"
"I guess sleep is out of the option now," Rarity said, wincing.
Rainbow looked at Seraphimus, at her meal, then at Seraphimus again. "Mrmmff... enough of this crud." She stood up.
Twilight looked at her. "Rainbow...?"
"Stay alert, gals..." Rainbow muttered. She passed by Kepler's mat, grabbed three leaves of edible bleakweed, and made a bee-line for Seraphimus' sled. "...I'm gonna need all the help I can get in talking this parrot down the mental ledge."
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It canz be bitchslap time now?
8258807
one can only hope
hoboi.
murderousturkeyburd.exe has restarted!
Heh!
And there will be something that either works via photosynthesis or chemosynthesis, for there to be any kind of food chain there must be something at the bottom for all other things to eat, something that does not eat other things, otherwise everything dies out due to thermodynamics.
Future meals aside it looks like it is time to force Seraphimus to look in the mirror, and see that she is not yet the hero she thinks she is, and that Verlax was never going to give her what she wanted.
Still saying a gag is a perfectly viable option, but I'll wish Dash the best of luck in her first diplomacy check with Seraphimus. You're gonna need a lot of twenties on this one Dash, even if diplomacy was your strong suit.
The whole meat thing was bound to come up, and its bound to keep coming up as supplies elsewhere dwindle. Granted its possible some kind of edible fungi exists on the Dark Side, although I'd be careful about Dash doing any shrooms. Too bad Twilight can't teach Flynn any transfiguration spells to transform stuff into oranges or something. Magic seems to be able to do a lot of weird stuff with transforming one thing into another thing like that.
Now, logically speaking i don't think its possible for omnivorous creatures to survive entirely off of meat, at least not unless their digestive system is designed to get all the nutrients it needs from meat alone. So it stands to reason the sarosians, at least, have access to foodstuffs that aren't just meat, otherwise they couldn't survive or build any kind of capable warrior culture to fight in an ongoing war. Armies need a LOT of food to keep fighting, and it has to be a fairly nutritious diet. So Dash might luck out and find sarosian super-rations that will probably taste like five kinds of butt, but fill her up pretty well and might only contain... minimal meat. Guess we'll find out, but really while its Dash's longest standing quirk she's kept in this story, her vegetarianism is probably the least of the things she could potentially lose in dealing with the Dark Side.
8258807
If the olive branch doesn't work, she might default to the induced bedtime approach.
Though perhaps feeding the murderbirb is a bad idea, considering how strong she is, if she gets some energy back then she might just tear her way out of her bindings.
also, really, Dash is kinda right on the topic of meat, she's never had it before, she has no idea how her body is going to react to it.
If she throws up from it, that's just going to make things worse, because she'll be dehydrated and hungry.
If there is game for the Herald to hunt, that means more bleakweed for Dash.
-Through the path long forgotten, into the darkness long begotten. Ofolrodi.
Do they just not have anything to muzzle her with? Surely they could come up with something.
Also come on even the most strict of religious moral codes have some kind of exception for extreme circumstances. Surely Equestrian Vegetarianism has to have one as well. I also have to admit I have kind of forgotten if this is a purely moral thing for RD/Equestria or a religious one?
Huh, I think fimfiction is glitching out for me because I can't find the next chapter button now.
...
Wait...
Am I... Caught up? Heh, I mean, no way, I've been reading this story on and off for nearly two full years now sure but it's not like I could've... Actually... Made it...
Oh my god I'm caught up
How? I mean I knew I had to eventually but well I guess after so long of reading it just kinda felt like I'd be reading forever and having to wait now just kinda feels odd and-
I-I have to wait for more chapters now.
Fuck
distrance. That's like... Discord distance?
This isn't gonna go that well. It could go well but it's most likely not.
8258865
Daily chapters.
Also, Welcome aboard the Nobly Jury, I won't question how you made it to the Dark Side, but still. Cabins are on the 4th floor, alongside the kitchen. We have a gym in the aux. hangar and are overstocked on supplies, hopefully you have some left over from your trip.
8258865
Congrats...?
Dash needs to just sit down in front of her and boop her repeatedly until she calms down.
Four Words Is Death
I would be laughing my ass off after that jump scare!
8258898
Thanks! I'm not quite sure how I made it over the edge either, but I've got three cans of silly string and a sandwich left so I should be fine for a while.
8258918
Yeah haha... Well at least I finally don't have to worry about spoilers!
8258865
Welcome to the private hell that is being caught up. We used to have cookies, but we ran out. Now it's just depression, death, anddiabetes.
8258973
And bleakweed, three leaves a head.
SERAPHIMUS INTENSIFIES!
Yes, Rainbow. Convert Seraphimus to the good side with extreme prejudice.
Sensibility is a dish best served painfully.
8258829
A few hours later
Turkeyburdvoicebox.exe has stopped working...
Hopefully.
It happens in chapters like this when the degree of Rainbow's development as a character is this truly showing. I don't think many authors could turn Rainbow Dash from an attention magnet to such a humble pony. From "being awesome" to "I want to live without regrets" is a long way. This is especially true here, because she is basically an alternate S1 Rainbow Dash.
Also mandatory:
derpicdn.net/img/2013/7/8/367790/full.png
Time to have a meeting with the crazy bird
This... is going to be both fun and deadly. SO, par for the course for Dashie.
Ten Burpees, ):(. Knock 'em out!
Hey. Guys. The birdo's at it again. Are you sure we can't just force some booze down her gullet and call it a day? No, not the whiskey! The other... Oh, looks like Rainbow's gonna talk to her. OK, get me the whiskey.
8258865
Welcome to Thunderdome. Try the bacon, it's to die for.
8258945
Still waiting to find out what those five little word to are... Oh wait, wrong story.
Buddy, we're on chapter 24. Don't go soft on us now.
8258859 By everything we know, Equestrians are atheists.
8258919 derpicdn.net/img/view/2016/2/6/1081700__safe_artist-colon-graboiidz_gilda_behaving+like+a+bird_boop_catbird_chest+fluff_cute_disembodied+hand_eyes+closed_feather_fluffy_frown_gildado.png
It's how I usually handle these situations.
Doesn't always work.
Meh. It was too quiet anyway
Just how much does Aj hate Strawberries?
Four words are hard? Try "Too Dash Too Furious", "Six Words Are Harder", "Sharknado Five: Bottom Text", "The Pony And The", "Girls Just Want To", "A Series Of Unfortunate"
I find it funny that with all of the thing shes had to do, the one making Rainbow question being able to live with herself later on is eating meat.
Huh. 5 minutes of listening to Zealotwave in bed and I'd normally be out like a light.
Well, this is going to be fun.
Also, I wouldn't really worry about the vegetarian thing in Dashie's place. All food chains start somewhere. If there aren't any plants, there can't be any animals that feed on plants either. So you won't be faced with a terrible decision; you'll just starve. Yay!
Seriously though, what is the basis of a foodchain without sunlight? How do entire civilisations sustain themselves without anything that photosynthesizes?
My initial guess would be that some kind of plant (or fungus, or microbial life) has evolved or been engineered to very efficiently absorb starlight - or possibly chaos energy, which seems to be a thing that this side of the plane is exposed to.
Or, with an extra step, they might have built (or rediscovered) machines that can turn those sources into usable energy, which they then use to provide light for ordinary farms. Much less efficient though.
8258843
Yeah, that'd be a neat loophole for letting Rainbow stay vegetarian: Just turn Seraph into an orange.
8258865
Welcome to the front of the line, it is good to have another along for the ride.
8258865
Yay! I caught up two days ago and am already no longer the new guy!
Crazy cat parrot...
Well, this ought to be interesting.
As far as the food situation goes, I agree with 8260111. If there's anything to hunt, then there has to be something horse-kosher for Rainbow to gnaw on. Seems like some kind of fungus would be a likely candidate. As long as it doesn't add to the balls Rainbow is already tripping, that is. Besides, as bleak as the dark side seems, with the kind of populations necessary to keep a war raging, there has to be some kind of food supply.
If there are animals to hunt, there's plants for the animals. And if Equestrian ponies can live off grass like ours can, dash will be fine.
Time to un-murder the murderbird...
8261276
Assuming that the plants themselves aren't toxic to ponies, you are correct.
8258865
Welcome, comrade!
And now we get a mindbreaking session coming up next...
I wonder if Dash will really eat meat. I also wonder if this theoretically happened, would she . . . like it? I don't think that she will have a choice but to find out as the trek continues. There is a whole hell of a lot of ground to cover and who knows what in between.
Do not tell someone to do something you are not willing to do yourself, even if you can forgive them for it.
10/12/2017
15:56 UTC
8483468
To be fair, they're both at least partially right. It's easy for them to float there and tell Rainbow to do distasteful things in the name of survival, because they aren't faced with the same prospect.
At the same time... your principles aren't worth anything to you anymore after you're dead. If Rainbow starves because she remains adamant to the very end about not eating meat, her journey is lost... and all of Urohringr with it. She's smart enough to know that, but stubborn enough not to want to address it until she no longer has a choice.
20 bits he pee'd himself a little.
We really need a Seraphimus Warhammer heresy meme. It's times like this I wish i could draw.
I can’t help but imagine that as Seraphimus continues to rant and her voice becomes more hoarse, she starts to voice crack and it builds until her voice starts cracking all the time in an upsy downsey way.
"Adorabadass"... Well, that's a creative word if I ever heard one.