//------------------------------//
// A Brush With Madness 
// Story: The Olden World 
// by Czar_Yoshi 
//------------------------------//

Starlight appeared from her teleport in midair. She hadn't thought about where she was going, and felt a brief flicker of panic before crystalling herself and slamming into the ground as a hard, faceted ball.

Her crystal bounced once and rolled to a stop, not shattering from the impact. Her horn didn't feel the hit at all, but somehow, this thought only made her feel worse. She let the crystal drop and ran, hooves slipping on freshly-watered grass, the sun low enough in the sky that no students had been around to see her drop out of the sky.

Skidding, Starlight fled down a sloping path, her stick at her side, hoping this time would be different and she could outrun her thoughts be moving fast enough. But then the path banked sharply and she tripped, tumbling head over heels to a stop on a sculpted stone bank to a pond. It was probably meant to be decorative.

She crawled to the edge of the water. It was free of ripples and she could see her reflection, and she needed someone to talk to and it would have to do.

"Who am I?" Starlight whispered, faintly woozy as she leaned over the pond. "Why did that moon glass say Eylista when it was found near my home, and it called me the same thing? Does it think that's my name? Why was it written on the side of a comet?"

Her reflection's lips moved in sync with hers, her voice quiet enough not to disturb the surface of the water. She held out her stick, and the reflection held out its, too.

"I don't want to know!" she mouthed, ears folding. "I want to be a normal pony! One who has parents who can fix anything and doesn't have to worry about destroying the world!" Glimmer wasn't there to yell at, so the pond would have to do. "Why do I have to worry about this!?"

The pond's surface rippled. Starlight was sure it was just her imagination, but suddenly the stick was a sword and it was tethered to her by a hollow disk of runic light around her barrel. Then it rippled again and showed her a visage she had been trying to forget ever since she saw that ring for real, in a Grandbell restaurant around Yulio: herself, as seen in an altar in a cave in a dream, the night in Mistvale when she had been given all the Nightmare Modules. The waters had showed her potential, a form of herself with massive ethereal wings and runic halos and flowing lights the same as this, that the sword's appearance was a hoofstep along the path to.

Starlight stabbed the water with her stick, breaking the image, and squeezed her eyes shut. That altar had showed her as a goddess, with so much power she could mandate her friends' loyalty and safety, and force herself to never be alone again. She had rejected it... hadn't she...? And for her trouble, it had blessed her with exactly the power she didn't want, and exactly the power she needed to save her friends from Chrysalis.

There was no answer. Starlight slumped. That wasn't a nightmare, it was a what-if. And it was less a what-if than a warning. That was who she could become if she took the wrong path. It wasn't an exercise in thought, it was a possible future. And with every new discovery, she saw a little more about just how possible it could be.

Who was she? A normal pony? Fat chance. Normal ponies didn't explode and vanish when connected to harmony extractors. They couldn't use Nightmare Modules without losing themselves. They couldn't survive the Aldenfold, couldn't kill windigoes, and even the best of the best who had been magically enhanced by Garsheeva or bore Luna's Artifices themselves couldn't stop Chrysalis when she could. Maybe that was why her new cutie mark didn't seem to do anything. Maybe her talent was in doing the impossible, and there was nothing it could do that she couldn't already.

What would happen if she learned what Eylista meant? What would happen when she learned what it meant, because the one thing she was permanently incapable of was protecting herself from things like this? She already knew: it would be one more step toward the future Glimmer had warned her about. A future Glimmer had been very clear about how to avoid: give up. Stop trying. Let the world happen. Don't lose her friends to circumstances beyond her control, lose them when she could stop it, because she always could, and live with herself and what she could do with no more surprises and just force herself to stop. It was sickening.

Starlight slumped against the cool stone deck, memories running like speeding streamers through her head. Once upon a time, Princess Luna had created the Nightmare Modules because she was alone, and wanted to use that loneliness to protect and fight for what was dear to her. They hadn't been the right tools for the job in concept, but they were all she had. But concept was what mattered. Friends weren't something you could get the wrong way and expect it to work out. But Starlight had those tools, and just like she assumed had happened to Nightmare Moon... waiting had produced no better answers than using them.

Hadn't Luna even said in the memory that someone else could use the Nightmare Modules to keep their own friends safe from her?

The stick poked against her side. She still had the Nightmare Modules. She hadn't tried using it to use them, even though she had a feeling she could. It made sense, and hadn't Luna said so?

There was one Nightmare Module Starlight had never used. The shadow cloak? Probably her favorite. The shield? Useful. Moon glass? She needed it to beat Chrysalis. But there was another, one that let her damage or erase memories.

Starlight had tried not to think about it, leaving that one as far from her mind as possible. She knew she needed barriers, lines she wouldn't cross, and something that could take away part of a pony's life had to be it. But so much of what she knew made her nothing but miserable. What if she rewound herself, used her problematic solution on herself instead of the ponies around her, sent her own mind back in time to before she had seen the Eylista meteor?

That wouldn't work, she chided herself bitterly. She'd just wander around and find it again. What if she erased her memories of her time in the moon glass altogether? Then she wouldn't remember Eylista when she saw it. She knew she had heard it before, but nowhere that stuck so strongly. That would work... except if she forgot about Chrysalis lurking inside the stone, she could endanger her friends. And she would forget about Larceny, and the other ponies stuck or suffering inside. She couldn't turn her back on them before she found a way to save them, or at least tell Felicity what had become of her sister.

Starlight growled, a fever fuzzing her head. But it wouldn't matter if no one remembered it! And it wouldn't matter that she crossed her own line, because she wouldn't remember it either. But it still reeked of giving up, strong enough to turn her stomach and make her gag. Thanks a lot, Artifice of Hope. If this was what she needed to do, having hope as her talent certainly wouldn't make things easier.

A wind picked up, and she lay there, wishing it would cool her more than it was and feeling utterly terrible.

"Professor?" a voice said, interrupting her funk after a long time. "What do we do?"

"It would appear there is a filly collapsed in the road," another voice said. "...She doesn't look good. Pick her up and carry her to the hospital. We will see if someone can identify her or contact her parents."

Her parents. Right. What a funny joke. Starlight kept the stick in a death grip, otherwise not budging as she was hoisted and carried by a pony she didn't know.





There was a lot of banter. Starlight got the impression someone recognized her, but wasn't sure if she didn't care enough to focus or literally couldn't. Maybe her eyes worked, maybe they didn't. She was in a bed. Then the lights went out, and it felt once again like she was drowning in air.

"...Hm," a voice said nearby. She wasn't sure if she recognized it. She wasn't sure if anyone was even in the room.

Then, suddenly, a hot, sticky, fuzzy probing came over her, like something was breathing on her and touching her all at the same time. It was deliberate, and very, very unwelcome.

Starlight tried to thrash and scream... and then like a deflating balloon, the fevered sensation drained from her head and the world flooded back into focus in a rush of cold, lucid air. Her thoughts didn't hurt anymore. In a matter of seconds, her panic and confusion were gone.

She was in a hospital room, on a bed much like Maple's. And Gazelle was on the bed, standing over her and staring down at her in confusion.

Starlight instinctively crawled back and took the stick defensively in her teeth, apparently no one having pried it from her. "Get back!" she warned, lighting her horn but not using her seemingly-infinite magic in case it spooked the prince. "What are you doing to me!?"

Gazelle's pinprick eyes dilated faintly in fear and uncertainty. "You aren't my sister," he pointed out.

"Um, no, I'm not." Starlight rolled out of the bed and easily landed on her hooves, backing away, not sure whether to question more why she was suddenly feeling alright or what this sphinx was doing here. "I look completely different? What were you doing to me?"

"You were having a nightmare," Gazelle whispered. "Like she did. And you're so small. I thought I could help..." A muscle in his side randomly spasmed.

Starlight's gaze sharpened in surprise. "What?"

"I always helped Lyn with her nightmares. When she was mad or upset and came to me, and smelled just like you did..." Gazelle whispered, a slow look of horror crossing his face. "I can't find her! Where is my sister!? Please, help me? She has to be here. I need her..." His expression reset. "Gwendolyn? Is that you?"

Starlight took another step back, ears tensing in apprehension. At least she knew why Gazelle was still in the infirmary... She didn't let her horn go out, just in case she needed teleportation to escape.

Suddenly, the door banged open, and Valey skidded in. "Yo!" she called... and whirled when she saw Gazelle. "Woah, Catbreath, what are you doing here?"

"Valey!" Starlight gasped in relief, hoping this wasn't about to come to a fight anyway. "I-"

"Hold up, kiddo." Valey held her back with a wing and wrinkled her nose. "Something smells fouler than usual in here."

Gazelle's pinprick eyes twitched at Valey's aggressive stance. "Have you seen my sister?" he whimpered. "I'm looking for her..."

"He doesn't matter!" Starlight insisted, scooting under Valey and making for the door. "Let's go!"

Her legs burned to be outside, and she heard Valey following as she made for a second-story window. Valey caught up quickly, grabbing her and shadow sneaking through the glass before flipping up onto the hospital's roof.

"Valey-"

"Yo," Valey interrupted, holding Starlight out and inspecting her all over. "Are you okay!? We last saw you in that guy's collection room, and have been literally looking for you for hours! I thought an evil artifact got you, or something! Ironflanks has been beyond worried, and it didn't help when someone came and told us you'd been found passed out on the other side of the island and were in the hospital!"

Starlight winced. "If I look like I need a hospital, why are you holding me like this?"

"Uhh." Valey slowed down and set her gently on her hooves. "Bananas, I just... Are you okay?"

"I..." Starlight swallowed, the adrenaline starting to wear off. She looked down at the campus, the wind feeling good in her mane. "I don't know."

Valey slowed down too. "Physically hurt? Or did something... you know, upset you? Maple was talking about times you ran away before..."

"I really don't know," Starlight insisted, finally being hit by the realization that the moon was high in the sky and all traces of sunset had disappeared from the horizon. "I'm okay now, I think. Maybe. But I don't know what happened at all."

Valey sucked her lip. "...You sound like you've seen a ghost. If you're scared and need to talk, I promise I won't tell anyone. You think you can talk to me? Everyone knows I went to get you. They won't worry if we stay here and chat for a while."

"Can we?" Starlight whispered, feeling the edge of a tear in her eye. "I do n-need to, and if anyone might understand, it would be you."

"Alright." Valey wrapped a wing around Starlight's shoulders and pulled her against her side. It was comforting, but at the same time, Starlight wanted to feel the wind... "Tell old Valey what you've got on your mind."