• Published 4th Jun 2017
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Ofolrodi - Imploding Colon



Rainbow Dash traverses the perils of the Dark Side of the world to reach the Midnight Armory.

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Fun and Games, Until...

"Dear Goddess..." Flynn said, smirking as he drew the wagon up a slow incline of rock. Patches of glowing fungus pockmarked the hillside, illuminating the group sporadically from below. "...I remember feeling so lost the first time the Job Squad ever formed up. What—with Bard and Wildcard leading the charge so often. The way they'd 'talk to each other' in the midst of battle... friggin' threw me for a loop."

"Damn skippy." Logan took a sip from a canteen and looked over at the unicorn. "Didn't Ariel's mom have to take them aside for some coaching?"

"No way..." Ariel did a double-take, glancing down from where she hovered over the vehicle. "Mommy bent their ear?"

Wildcard nodded. His hands flicked in the air. Rainbow Dash looked over in time to catch: "...threaten... off... heads..."

"Ouch." Ariel winced. "Sounds like Mother, alright."

"Of course, she understood every word they said to each other," Logan remarked. "What—with her learning wyvern finger-talk since day one." He paused to burp. "But the two going full Desperado wasn't exactly helping the rest of the group."

"Wow..." Ariel blinked. "She really kept the group straight, didn't she?"

"Ach. That she did." Kepler nodded. "Most cerrtainly filled the disciplinarry rrole in Rremna's absence."

Seraphimus glanced over. Her charcoal brown eyes narrowed.

"The big pony whose skin Axan was magically borrowing," Flynn clarified.

"Hrmmmm..." Seraphimus' headcrest drooped as she stared back down at the top of the wagon. "I wasn't all that curious..."

Logan smirked.

"Hey Wildcard." Flynn looked back. "Remember when you and Bard went ham on those smugglers holed up in the mountains of Dust Prefecture?"

Wildcard gestured. Rainbow caught "Food" and "Manticores" and "Scared."

"Well, served them right," Ariel muttered. "Preying on the wyverns' 'big brothers?' It's a miracle they didn't get carved out of the mountain by an entire damn herd."

"Bard had the dumbest idea ever," Flynn said, trying not to laugh. "He marched into the cave and began growling at the top of his lungs. He expected that the acoustics would amplify his voice... make him sound like a growling manticore."

"That would work in scaring the poachers out!" Logan exclaimed. "If they were—maybe—six years old!"

"Hahaha—well..." Flynn smirked. "...they all rushed his ass. And of course Wildcard wasn't gonna let his buddy duke it out alone. So he broke formation and rushed the group back. Suddenly, it was the two of them fighting an entire band of criminals. By the time the rest of us came to the rescue, they had already slammed five of the crooks to the cave walls."

"The Desperados were always efficient," Logan said. "Sloppy as Hell, but I suppose that's the point."

"Heh..." Rainbow Dash nodded with a smirk. "I saw that first-hoof back in Rust."

"Oh, that's right!" Ariel beamed. "You butted heads with the Desperadoes when you first met, didn't you?"

"Yup!" Rainbow's ears perked above a proud expression. "Totally schooled them too!"

Wildcard exhaled and waved his metal hand from side to side.

"Ariel's mom chewed the Desperadoes out something awful," Flynn said. "From the sound of things, Rainbow, they didn't exactly learn their lesson. Heh..."

"How did they know they picking a fight with the Austraeoh over a coral-huffing sarosian?"

"Ha-hah!" Kepler chuckled.

Ariel floated down low enough to nudge Rainbow's shoulder. "You go girl."

Rainbow rubbed her limb. "You're just looking for excuses to say that."

"So arrest me."

"Nuh uh. The hoofcuffs are for Seraphimus at the moment."

"There was a time..." A certain voice spoke in a cold tone. "...when Jordan wasn't 'sloppy.'"

Wildcard's goggles rattled; Rainbow imagined him rolling his eyes beneath them.

"If you ask me..." Flynn took one glance back. "...his 'sloppifying' was an improvement."

"Hrmmmmff..." Seraphimus' headcrest tightened. "I find that highly unlikely."

"You should have seen him against the Midnighters at Bleak's Plummet," Flynn said. "One griffon army, I swear to Goddess..."

"He and Keris once held off a leviathan attacking the southern coastal villages of Kelp Prefecture," Seraphimus said. "The beast would have devoured dozens of fisherponies if it weren't for their expert coordination."

Ariel squinted at her. "How do you know all of this...?"

"I taught both Keris and Jordan everything I know."

"I mean... about the leviathan part."

Seraphimus calmly blinked at her. "I came in at the last second and slashed the creature's carotid artery. It died within minutes."

Flynn exhaled. "Uh huh..."

"It had to be done. Ponies were in trouble. What's more..." Seraphimus calmly sat back in her manacles. "...the flesh and blubber gave the local populace ample meat to sell into the next winter."

Ariel leaned towards Rainbow Dash, whispering: "Just when I think it's okay to stop being scared of her..."

"Really?" Rainbow blinked back at her. "I never stopped."

"Bullshit. You're just saying that—"

Th-Thudddd! The hovercraft suddenly struck dead rock.

The group jolted, blinking in surprise.

Scrkkkkkkkkkkkk! The vehicle grinded against the edge of the mountaintop, coming to a jagged stop.

"... ... ..." Flynn's natural eye blinked. "Oh no."

The glow of the stones beneath the carriage flickered.

"Oh no oh no...!" Flynn hopped off the wagon and squatted low to examine the chassis. "Dammit dammit dammit!"

"What's the matter, baldy?" Logan asked, craning his neck.

"It would appear your mana-charge has dwindled," Seraphimus began.

"Shut up!" Flynn gnashed his teeth. He aimed his horn at the base of the craft. "Grnnngh... come on! Don't lose the entanglement! Don't lose it!"

"Flynn, for realsies..." Rainbow Dash took off and hovered above him along with Ariel and Wildcard. "Are we out of juice?"

"It... it makes no sense!" Flynn stammered, sweat running visibly down his scalp. He fired multiple bursts of bright energy into the carriage. Nothing happened. "There should have been months of charge left in the thing! We could be going on for half-a-year! But now... now it's—"

"Could something have triggerred a magical cascade failurre?" Kepler remarked. "Perrhaps a sourrce of localized leylines? Naturrally occurring?!"

"Do you honestly think I would have steered us into shit like that?!?" Flynn hollered.

"Calm the buck down, dude," Logan grunted. "Nopony's blaming you... even if you did totally screw things up."

"Big Show, will you shove it?!" Flynn stamped his hoof, frowning. "Don't you realize what this means?! The stones are completely dead! I can't reenchant it unless I replace the entire damn array!" He spun and flung his hoof towards the dark curve looming forever above them. "We're stuck here!"

Tense silence fell over the group.

"This does not surprise me," Seraphimus droned.

"Rrnrnnngh!" Flynn rushed towards her, having to be held back by Wildcard and Ariel. "I'm gonna kill her! I mean it! Skin her alive and turn her beak into a codpiece!"

"Hoooooooo boyo..." Rainbow Dash turned and squinted up the rest of the rocky hillside. "Road trips, am I right...?"

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