• Published 4th Jun 2017
  • 14,633 Views, 13,297 Comments

Ofolrodi - Imploding Colon



Rainbow Dash traverses the perils of the Dark Side of the world to reach the Midnight Armory.

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Welcome to the Party

Seraphimus paced and paced in tight, lengthy circles along the edge of a platform. Starlight from above glinted off her pale feathers.

"Hrmmm..." Logan leaned back against the parked wagon. The lunar stones and strips of chaos metal clinging to the chassis lay still and dormant. "That's the very portrait of a confused chicken over there, lemme tell ya."

Wildcard was perched atop a monolith situated in the center of the suspended courtyard. He rested Bard's staff over the back of his neck while his metal and flesh wrists rested casually over the ends of the weapon. The entire time Seraphimus paced, the Desperado's goggles reflected her every movement.

"I mean... she can't possibly be fretting over Rainbow Dash's safety," Logan muttered. He shifted in place slightly. "Not that she'd have a reason to, of course."

Wildcard exhaled. He continued to stare, acting like a silent sentry.

Logan squinted at him. "... ... ...hey, Double-Yoo."

Slowly, the griffin turned to look at the other Job Squadder.

Logan raised an eyebrow. "You think she's still going to skip off on her own?"

Wildcard hesitated. Eventually—with a sigh—he dropped the staff and caught it in his prehensile lion's tail. Using his flesh and metal talons, he gestured in response.

Logan's brow furrowed. "Really? That's a crying shame. Still..." He shrugged with a sigh. "You know her better."

Wildcard shook his head. He hand-signed.

"No way..." Logan frowned. "I've just been... y'know... bridging the gap. The Austraeoh needs to have safe passage to the Midnight Armory, and what better way to make sure of it then to eliminate all threats—even diplomatic-like?"

Wildcard swiftly responded.

"Dude..." Logan smirked. "...not even!"

Wildcard raised an eyecrest.

Logan inhaled, frowning. "You knew her before she went batshit insane. I stand by what I said."

The Desperado was still at first, but eventually he motioned a response.

Logan contemplated that. He looked at the former Commander with a thoughtful sigh. "...I don't know whether or not to be scared of that. If she is indeed 'becoming someone brand new,' then we have every reason to be worried. Cuz—who the hell knows? That could be just as bad as it could be good."

Wildcard nodded. He looked at his former associate in the distance yet again.

"But one thing's for sure..." Logan's jaw clenched. "...we did get her to think. 'Cuz this?" He pointed at her figure. "This ain't 'fakin' it.'"

Silence.

Suddenly, Wildcard flinched. He flinched again, his headfeathers ruffling. He turned to frown at Logan, then gestured sharply with his claws.

"Huh???" Logan's lips pursed. "What are you babbling about?"

Wildcard repeated himself.

"Dude. Give me the benefit of a doubt," Logan grunted. "I'm classier than that!"

Wildcard insisted.

"Ya dumbshit! I haven't eaten anything in hours!" Logan growled. "I couldn't even let one that long if I tried! Much less so... so..." He blinked, gazing off.

A very confused Desperado began looking all around with similar confusion.

"... ... ...now I hear it too," Logan muttered. "...Goddess on a pogostick, it sounds like something sprung a leak somewhere. Listen to that whining..."

FWOOSH! Rainbow and Kepler flew up from below.

Wildcard did a double-take.

"Hey! Rainbow!" Logan smirked and trotted across the length of the platform. "Say, do your wings always make a prolonged whistling sound when you fly that fast—?"

"We gotta move!" Rainbow hissed. "Out of this city! Now!"

Seraphimus flashed the group a look, stopping dead in her tracks.

Wildcard gestured: "Why? What is wrong?"

"Swiftly!" Kepler stammered, rushing towards the dormant wagon. "We must accelerrate ourr vehicle and make forr the nearrest terrrestrrial strructurre!"

Seraphimus called from a distance: "What did you stumble upon...?"

Before Rainbow or Kepler could answer, Ariel flew up with a pale and trembling Flynn in her grasp. She unceremomiously dumped the breathless stallion onto the platform before Logan.

"Flynn!" Logan blinked. "Yeesh, baldy! Looks like you ran into a spider's web!"

"Dude!" Flynn gnashed his teeth, then scampered past him. "Don't even!"

Breathless, Rainbow flashed Logan a look. "How did you know...?!"

Logan shrugged. "Ehhh... Flynn always becomes a pale sweaty mess whenever he stumbles across them creepy crawlies—" He stopped in mid-speech.

Rainbow stared back at him, eyes twitching.

"... ... ..." Logan's muscles tensed. "What the Hell did you guys find down there?"

"Flynn!" Ariel shouted from where she fiddled through the supplies on the back of the wagon. "Kepler! Get this thing started already!"

"Friggin' working on it!" Flynn snarled.

"The rest of you—quick!" Ariel panted. "Grab as many pointy-things as you can!"

Swoooosh! Wildcard swiftly flew off to join them.

"Just give me a shout once you've got that chaos metal revved up!" Rainbow hollered across the platform. "I don't wanna be conkin' out because you ran that stupid thing into my flank unannounced!"

"Rainbow, girl..." Logan marched towards her. "...an update would be peachy-keen."

"What Logan said." Seraphimus nodded, landing beside the mare. "Would you care to elaborate?"

Rainbow looked at her.

Seraphimus stared back.

A gulp, and Rainbow murmured, "It's... not too late to go solo, y'know..."

Seraphimus' eyes narrowed. "What are you facing...?" Her feathered head suddenly cocked to the side. She blinked, then stammered: "That high-pitched sound. It is no ordinary melody..."

"Something's comin' up after us..." Logan asked, reaching back for his axe. "...isn't it?"

"Rainbow, I'm so sorry!" Fluttershy stammered, floating up before the mare. "Whatever lives down there—I didn't even remotely sense it until now!"

"She's not lying, darling," Rarity said. "Whatever it is—it was hidden far below the webbing. Beyond even our senses. Something we must have done most likely alerted it to our presence..."

"But it's definitely coming," Fluttershy said. "And with alarming speed."

Rainbow nodded. Taking a breath, she looked at Logan. "We found several non-pony fossils down there. And one of them—we think—still has living brothers and sisters in the depths of the city." Her eyes narrowed. "Lots of them."

"Uh huh..." Logan gripped his axe tightly. "Judging from Flynn's reaction, I'm betting we could squash 'em."

"Orrrrrrrr..." Rainbow winced. "...they could squash us."

"It matters little," Seraphimus said coldly. "If it can leave behind a fossil, then that means—whatever it is—it can be killed."

Rainbow shook her head. "Uh huh. This calls for farting away super fast. Totes fart-time, yo."

"At least assign Jordan and Logan to form a line of defense," Seraphimus insisted. "I will assist them."

"Look, Sera—"

"Don't call me—"

"IF—" Rainbow spun towards her, glaring. "—you're actually gonna stick around, then you're going to go about this my way! And when I say we fart... we fart!"

Logan shook a rear leg.

"Thanks Big Show."

"Any time, Toots."

Seraphimus fumed. "Need I remind you who has the greater combat experience?"

"Really?! Who?!" Rainbow frowned. "The angsty quail-puss who's butt I whooped all across Rohbredden?!"

"Now sugarcube..." Applejack drifted closer. "...she's bein' mighty helpful all of a sudden. Ain't no time to be lookin' a gift horse in the—" She suddenly disappeared.

Rainbow blinked as all her friends flickered into nothingness...

...and a dragonequus wearing a tacky palm-tree t-shirt and sunglasses appeared, holding a partially folded map. "Yooooooohoooooooooooo...?" Discord shoved the shades down the hairy bridge of his nose, exposing a pale layer of sunscreen. "...am I late to the beach party?" His red-on-yellow eyes blinked. "Oh, my mistake. I meant the deathly-ghost-city-populated-by-big-dumb-objects party?"

Rainbow's eyes twitched. "Rrrrrrrrgh..." Growling, she spun around. "Flynn! Kepler! I thought I told you guys to warn me before bringing the wagon close—"

"HRESSSSSHAAAAAA!" A flying set of fangs and claws flew into Rainbow Dash from above.

"Aaaaugh!" Rainbow raised her fetlocks up at the last second. WH-WHUMP! The suicide-diving troll shoved her to the floor of the platform.

Ariel gasped from a distance. Wildcard's goggles glinted in shock.

"Rnnnngh!" Rainbow struggled and wrestled with the rabid beast. "Hnnkkkt—!"

"HRESSSSH!" The drooling creature lunged its jaws straight for her neck.

Thw-Thw-Thwoooosh! Logan's axe flew. CHUNK! It sliced into the monster's side and pinned it to a derelict vehicle off to Rainbow's side.

Rainbow gasped and sputtered into a fresh fountain of black blood. She sat up, wiped the fluid from her face, and stared up with flickering eyes.

Hundreds of pale bodies skipped and jumped their way down the height of the spires, making for the platform where the Herald was situated. While a few dozen trolls fell limply to their doom, most of them were making a successful bee-line for the mare and her friends.

The chaotic stampede would be upon them in seconds...

"Guessssssssssssssss who's coming to dinnerrrrrrrrrr?" Discord folded his arms with a glinting, fanged smirk.

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