• Published 4th Jun 2017
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Ofolrodi - Imploding Colon



Rainbow Dash traverses the perils of the Dark Side of the world to reach the Midnight Armory.

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A Grain of Mustard

Dripping.

Darkness.

More dripping.

"Mrmmmfff..."

Rainbow winced.

"Mrmmmsshhhhhtttt..."

Rainbow hissed.

She brushed one forelimb against the other, feeling course hair and leathery skin.

"Well, Sparky Sparky Sparky... I must say..."

"Hrsshshkkkttt..." Razor sharp teeth parted ways, and Rainbow Dash exhaled through them. A red-on-yellow eye opened... then a second.

A dragonequus hovered in the air just a few starlit feet away. The horizon was tilted upside down at seventy-five degrees, and yet he smiled evenly with her.

"...that is a most dashing look for you." Discord smiled, fang glinting. "If you do pardon the pun, of course."

"Hresssssssh!" Rainbow snarled, flicking a forked tongue. It was then that she saw a set of talons dangling in front of her. They were her limbs. "Shkreeeeee!" She let out another beastly shriek through her fangs and thrashed at the air. She was dangling high above a craggy plateau, her dragon tail caught in a cleft of limestone.

What was more, her pendant was missing from her neck.

"Shrkkk—Hrskkkkkttt!"

"Don't blow bubbles through your nose, it's very rude." Discord brushed his lion's paw and examined the pads with a bored expression. "Of course, if I was allowed to be Chaos Lord of Equestria, then I would have made even the most kindergarten of habits more than acceptable."

Panting, snarling, the creature that was once Rainbow Dash looked all around.

She saw loops of limestone... jagged rock formations... a flash of ruby—

There!

The Loyalty Pendant lingered on the edge of a cliff just beneath her, teetering. She saw the mutated, reptilian shadow of a dangling creature rustling between her and her treasure.

"Shrnkkkkkt!" Rainbow wriggled and writhed and reached for the elusive Element.

"Take flatulence, for example!" Discord twisted his skull so it would smile at even level with Rainbow's bobbing skull. "Why do harmonic beings frown on it so? It's a natural part of digestion! If I was allowed to rule over Equestria, I'd make it so that ponies would simply pass piano cords instead of gas! Now... don't you think it would be an improvement?"

"Hrkkkk!" Snarling, Rainbow curled her serpentine body upwards. Antlers scraped against the roof of limestone as she sank her razor-sharp teeth into the cleft of stone holding her in place. Her eyeslits flickered as more and more growing hair draped over her brow, nearly blinding her effort. "Scrkkkkkkktt!"

"If only ponies could... give chaos a try." Discord snapped his finger, producing a ghostly monocle which he proceeded to polish with a handkerchief borrowed from hammerspace. "Certainly, I may be preaching to the choir right now, as it were, but you of all horses... the easthorsiest of horses should understand..." He fitted the monocle on and smiled. "Chaos is your greatest ally right now!" He blinked, and the monocle spat out a grilled cheese sandwich—(FLASH!)—which he proceeded to munch on. "Mrmmmfff... it's practically sustenance, see?" He held the meal out towards her. "You want some? Or... wait. Too soon?"

"RAASSSSHKKT!" With a savage headbutt, Rainbow Dash finally freed herself from the chunk of limestone. Smasssssssh! She fell several feet—THUD!—and landed sprawling on her back. "Rrrrrrrrrrrrgh..."

"Ugh!" Discord rolled his eyes. "Such a drama queen." He tossed what was left of the sandwich behind him and the remaining morsel erupted in a ghostly explosion. "You must get it from that marshmallow one. I mean... just look at you!"

Panting...

Hissing...

...Rainbow Dash crawled across the narrow plateau. She pulled her self forward by her claws, inching desperately towards the Element of Loyalty. It teetered further towards the edge, the ruby lightning bolt losing its luster.

"You always like to do things the hard way! That's what harmony's got in store for you from here on out, after all! Especially on this side of barfspace! But chaos? Pffft!" Discord zipped in front of her and pulled his eyes out. Red and white flower buds sprung out of the sockets. "Here, it's a veritable bed of roses! Why fight it?" He smacked his head, and a pair of eyes popped back into place, expelling the ghostly flowers. "After all, it's keeping you alive. You do know that, of course. Nothing else can be given the golden Smol Pone Award for Good Spark Resuscitation. It's sure as heck not your precious princesses back home, living on the opposite side of the Celestial Matriarch's toenail—or whatever this crazy curved thing is called. Pffffft... 'You're a Ginger?' Goddess, I hope not! HAH!"

The creature's hair had almost lost all its color now. All traces of hooves vanished beneath glinting silver claws. Mutated nostrils flared as it whimpered and drew itself forward, spitting up bile and blood. A single limb stretched—shaking—towards the pendant.

Discord's eyes flared momentarily. "I thought I had you back there, y'know. Back in that un-fun dungeon inside that mesa. Back when I told you to do the unthinkable to your friends. You respond in all the wrong ways to threats, don't you, Sparky? Well... tell me..." He leaned in, phasing his smug grin through the pendant in an effort to confuse her. "...how are you going to respond to yourself when all of this is said and done?"

The creature wheezed. It clawed forward... scraping limestone... scraping—

Discord cupped his hairy chin with two talons. "How do you expect to get anything accomplished... as a simple, mortal girl-horse...?" His eyes lit up again, and he grinned harder into the starlight. "You can afford to be hard on yourself. But what can your so-called 'friends' afford?" He blew into the air with magical timing...

...for the pendant was falling like an anvil.

"HRKKK!" A set of claws lunged.

The creature caught the pendant.

Rolling over—hissing and spitting—the beast struggled with itself like wrestling a shadow. It let loose a blood-curdling roar, muscles ripping as it slowly... painfully forced the pendant back around its neck.

Then—

FLASSSH!

—the ruby lightning bolt flashed.

A breath squeaked weakly into the air. Red-on-yellow eyes rolled back as the creature... melted from the outside in. Antlers dissolved to dust. Hair and scales peeled away. At last, razor sharp claws and teeth billowed into calcified bits, carried off by a wayward wind. Curled up inside a moist patch of chaotic smegma, Rainbow Dash shivered... alive and exposed and trembling...

...and herself.

When her eyes reopened, they were ruby-on-white. Tears magnified the edges as she whimpered for a solid breath. She clutched her pendant the entire time. At last, as her pulse returned to normal, frantic colorful shapes materialized on all sides of her.

"—Rainbow!" Twilight Sparkle gasped.

"Rainbow, darling!" Rarity yelped.

"She can see us, y'all!" Applejack hollered.

"Oh my goodness!" Fluttershy rushed up. "We lost you for so long! Are you okay?!"

"Snfff-snfff!" Pinkie Pie's muzzle scrunched. "... ... ...Do I smell grilled cheese?"

"Rainbow, speak to us!" Twilight rushed up to the quivering pegasus' side, her forelimbs phasing through in a friendly gesture. "Are you okay?"

"Oh you poor thing..." Fluttershy's ears drooped. "That must have been awful!"

"Shhh! Let Dashie say something!"

"Just..." Rainbow hoarsely pronounced, still clutching her pendant. Tears streamed down the sides of her face as she fought the urge to hyperventilate. "J-just..." A shudder... a whimper. "...g-give me a few m-minutes... g-girls..."

"I'm afraid we dun have a few minutes, darlin'," Applejack said in a motherly tone.

"What... why...?" Rainbow Dash gulped. Her moist eyes darted around, and she swallowed the billionth lump down her throat. "The wagon... the Herald... where are they...?"

"Well..." Twilight Sparkle looked Rarity. "...uhhhh..."

Red on yellow eyes flickered. "Where?!" Rainbow asked viciously.

Rummmmmmmmmmmmmmmmble!

The earth shook.

Rainbow sensed the entire horizon shifting. She lazily tilted her head aside to see a mountain of deathly stalks rising... falling... slithering. The gigantic entity was slithering its way towards Alpha, and columns of smoke and billowing debris followed in its wake.

"We think they..." Pinkie Pie pointed nervously. "...might be somewhere on the other side of that."

"We almost thought we had lost ya when the dang oversized varmint slammed into the earth somethin' fierce," Applejack said. "The entire hover plank thingy went flyin'! It all happened so fast!"

"But... b-but they're alive...?" Rainbow stammered, sitting up and wincing.

"Rainbow, take it easy—" Fluttershy reached forward.

Rainbow's eyes stared daggers into her. "Are they alive?!?"

Fluttershy gulped. "Yes. I... I think so..."

Rainbow's ears drooped.

"I-I just can't exactly judge where. This creature..." She gulped, gazing at the shifting horizon. "It's so terribly big. That much active life is throwing my senses for a loop!"

"I'm afraid I'm not of much help either," Rarity said defeatedly. "So much of the landscape is being destroyed or reoriented that I just can't get a fix!"

"I-I might be able to help!" Twilight floated upright. "If you get us high enough, Rainbow, then I might be able to sense the enchantment Flynn put into place!"

"You mean y-you can find the wagon?"

"Yes."

"Well... it's a start..." Wincing... popping her joints... Rainbow Dash stood up. "Let's go..."

"But Dashie!" Pinkie Pie protested.

"I can't w-waste anymore t-time..." Rainbow started flapping her wings.

"Rainbow, darling, you're just one little pony!" Rarity pointed at the cataclysmically moving mass. "You can't face off against something that immense!"

"Which is... precisely... why... I must..." Gnashing her teeth, Rainbow Dash spread her wings...

...and glided towards the rumbling mayhem.

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