//------------------------------// // Best Kind of Exercise // Story: Ofolrodi // by Imploding Colon //------------------------------// "Rainbow—!" Twilight Sparkle yelped, fizzling in and out of ghostly reality. Each time the chaotic beasts came within proximity of Rainbow Dash, all five of her friends vanished with a dreadful rippling sensation. "—Dash! You're getting too close—" Flickering and fading and returning. "—to them!" "No way around it, girl!" Rainbow panted and whimpered, ducking low and diving in order to antagonize the beasts. She was rewarded with higher and deadlier leaps from her pale-leathered foe. "Gotta keep them from reaching c-camp!" "Hressssssssh!" One came particularly close, its razor-sharp claws rippling through the translucent shadows of Applejack and Fluttershy. Schiiiing! "Whoah—!" Rainbow yelped. Whump! She was shoved aside by a feline shoulder. WHAP! Wildcard—glaring—blocked the beast's midair lunge with the broadside of Bard's staff. A half-second later, he violently uppercutted the beast with the edge of the rod. Dull black blood and dislodged teeth flew through the starlight. As the limp viscera descended, three more beasts leapt high, swinging at the two Heraldites. "Climb—!" Was all Rainbow could get out as she yanked Wildcard skyward along with her. Swooooosh! The beasts' aim was improving. As bodies flew at them, Discord's figure materialized at random—reclining casually in mid-air. "Seriously, have you ever thought of just ignoring them?" he asked. Rainbow could only pant and wheeze for breath. Each time she thought that she and Wildcard were in the clear, more and more monsters threw themselves skyward, narrowly missing their targets' hide by centimeters. The air sang with serrated claws and banshee shrieks. And in between— "Just sit down at a warm campfire!" Discord suggested, flickering in place of her friends with a fanged grin. "Sing song! Roast rarities!" In the next blink, he was smirking devilishly in Rainbow's face. "That's how you harmonic folk would deal with these chaos puppies, isn't it?" At the last second, a shrieking beast tore through Discord's visage, lashing at Rainbow's skull. HRESSSSSSSSSH! "Gaaaah!" Rainbow flew backward, raising her forelimbs— Thwump! The beast grappled with her. Its weight was far more daunting than she expected, and she felt the two of them plunging down towards the sea of pale bodies. She wrestled and struggled with the beast. "Hgrnnngh... gnkkt!" Rainbow's eyes flickered red-on-yellow. "Hresssssssh—!" The beasts' teeth came within drooling distance. "Haaugh!" Rainbow violently headbutted the creature. Thwap! There was no effect. Rainbow's pupils shrank as they both fell. "Aw crap—!" Schiiiiiiiing! Bard's staff stuck in, catching the monster's jaws just as it bit down. With a mute grunt, Wildcard flexed all his muscles into swinging the beast off of Rainbow's figure. He succeeded in throwing the beast down into the crowd, bowling a dozen of them over. He grabbed Rainbow's fetlock and flapped his wings to carry the two of them safely skyward— Schliiiiiink! A random set of lunging claws raked at Wildcard's backside. Glowing red blood lit the air. Wildcard wheezed in agony—almost producing a sound. He sagged in midair, goggles rattling. "Wildcard—!" Rainbow yelped. Her friends rematerialized just in time to gasp. "Rainbow! What's—?!" A line of creatures ripped through them, leaping with banshee shrieks. "Gnnnngh!" Rainbow flew into Wildcard, hugged him close, and spun so that the staff gripped in his talon deflected the oncoming attack. Wh-Wh-Whump! The beasts fell and—same as before—another line came charging in. "I suggest you live up to your name, Sparky!" a certain dragonequus could be heard belching. "Httt!" Rainbow flapped her wings savagely. Swoooosh! She propelled herself and Wildcard forward. Haphazardly, the two of them flew under the leaping beasts... and straight into another wave of shrieking monsters. "They're almost past the line of scrimmage!" Discord narrated. Wildcard woke up from his pain in time to dig the tip of the staff into the ground. Rainbow sensed it, and she pivoted their weight at just the right angle to vault over the animalistic gauntlet. Both of them flapped their wings at the same time, and the bulleted through the starlight in a wide arc, aimed Curveside. Halfway through, Wildcard lost the strength to flap his wings. Rainbow trembled, feeling the trickle of hot blood down her body—his. Before she could think up a new tactic— WHAM! The two slammed awkwardly into the rocky ground of the Dark Side. Wildcard writhed from the deep cut in his backside. Rainbow winced all over from multiple bruises. "Hresssshaaa!" "Hresssssssssssh!" "Hreshaaaaaaa!" The ground rumbled as the beasts rushed the two. In a rippling shade of fur and antlers, Discord materialized yet again above the hectic scene. "If you don't mind me saying so, Sparky, but you have the absolute worrrrrrrrst fanbase..." "Shut up!" Rainbow scampered to her hooves and grasped Wildcard's upper body. "Girls!" "But you gotta admit..." Discord curled his goatee, smirking at the line of pale beasts. "...they're nothing else if not devoted!" "Come on, Wildcard..." Rainbow grunted, pulling and grabbing. "Girls!" They did not appear. It was just Rainbow, the creatures, Discord, and blood. A glowing trail formed behind Wildcard's limp body, aiming the monsters straight towards them. "Psssst..." Discord leaned in, speaking through a spontaneous blowhorn in his chaotic claw. "The staff. Take it." He winked mischievously. "After all, wouldn't that be poetic?" "Wildcard, need your help here!" Rainbow leaned in, clenching her teeth as her eyes remained affixed on the charging line. "Come on, Job Squadder. Did you make a pledge or didn't you—?!" With a shuddering breath, Wildcard threw himself past the pain. As Rainbow dragged him backwards, he sat upright and twirled Bard's staff at a blurring speed. The Desperado knocked back and pummeled every random beast that was stupid enough to get close enough to the two of them. Wham! Whack! Smack! Thwack! One by one, the beasts fell bloodily to the ground. A vaporous cloud or two of ruby energy even lit the air, but the massive mob only rushed in ten times stronger and hungrier... until soon they were surrounding the two Light Siders from multiple angles. Discord yawned. "Yeah yeah... your sound effects are impressive as always, Sparky... but you're going to have to do better than that..." Rainbow Dash panicked. She considered flapping her wings and lifting herself and Wildcard out of there, but she knew that all it took was a single leap from any of the creatures and the two would be skewered in midair. Clenching her teeth, she flashed her twitching eyes every which way. "You know what you have to do..." Discord leaned just his neck down, hissing. "...you're already in it this deep... give in... for your friends' sake..." Rainbow gnashed her teeth... teeth that were growing more and more serrated by the second. Her eyes flickered red on yellow as more and more banshee shrieks formed a cacophonous echo around her and Wildcard... Th-Thwump! Flynn dumped a bevy of pale rocks on the floor beside the wagon. "Keps!" Flynn shouted, kneeling and summoning a glow through his horn. He began attaching the first of countless chaotic studs to the rim of the wagon. "Help me out here! We don't have the time or the muscle to tilt this damn thing up! We gotta attach it all to the rim!" "As you wish, brrotherr!" Kepler knelt on the other side of the wagon, mimicking the unicorn stallion's job. "Ariel!" Flynn hollered to the sky. "Gather the tents... the supplies... the lunar rune stones... all that you can!" He licked his lips as he fitted more and more silver bits to the hovercraft. "Get us loaded up! We gotta get out of here with more than just our sanity intact!" "Holy crud..." Ariel zipped all around, attempting to accomplish such a frantic task. "Holy crud holy crud... do we even have the time?!" "We'll make the time!" Logan wheezed, limping onto the scene with the bulk of the rocks. "Rnnngh!!!" He unceremoniously dumped them onto the middle of the wagon and proceeded to tie them haphazardly in place. "Dammit! Did we at least get Rainbow's 'okay' before we—" He froze in place, his gaze locked on the Edgeside horizon past Seraphimus' figure. "... ... ...Oh Goddess." From a long distance, he made out the figures of Rainbow Dash and Wildcard—grounded and back to back. Then—like a pale shroud—the beastly creatures swallowed them up, vanishing them from sight as they closed in on all sides. "What's the matter, Big Show?!" Ariel stammered in the distance. Logan swallowed a lump down his throat. "I'll never make it in time... and Ariel c-can't..." He froze in place. His head tilted ever so slightly to the side. "Awwwwwwwww Hell..." Schiiiing! He unsheathed his axe and gripped it in two strong forelimbs. His brow creased noticeably. "...you wanna be square with me?" Thwackkk! Wildcard smacked one beast aside. Whackkk! He pummeled another... then lost all strength. Slumping back into Rainbow Dash, the Desperado winced and heaved. More blood squeezed between them, illuminating. In the red glow, Rainbow Dash winced. The creatures were closing in slowly... taunting... relishing in the cruelty of the inevitable evisceration about to transpire. "This isn't prancing pony land, My Little Sparky," a voice rolled above her, dancing through the banshee shrieks. "So long as you carry that torch of Harmony... you'll never get anywhere without being pounced on. So make with the shroud already. Go dark." Wildcard shuddered in her grasp. He looked back, and his goggles reflected a pair of glowing spots on Rainbow's forehead. As the blood trickled down Rainbow's face, she whimpered. "Girls..." Yellow eyes. Red slits. "Snnkkkt... I'm ssssssorry." Her back bristled and her limbs flexed— Swooooooooooooooooosh! A pale figure sailed in, swinging two Emeraldinian swords. Sch-Schlunkkkk! Four pale heads plopped bloodily across the stone floor. Rainbow gasped, her eyes returning to normal in a blink. The creatures around her lurched backwards with an expression that she had never expected from them: shock. As four clouds of ruby energy lifted vaporously in the air, Rainbow and Wildcard saw a nimble warrior grinding to a stop on scraping paws. Gripping two blades stained with black blood, Seraphimus looked up, glaring charcoal daggers at the surrounding crowd. Severed chains dangled from her legs and flaring wings. "Sera...?" Rainbow managed to whisper. Wildcard was doubly-speechless. "Hrmmm..." The former Talon Commander sniffed, facing the line of fangs and claws. "...not so frightening up close." Rainbow hugged Wildcard tighter. "What the buck are you doing here?!" A daring creature lunged from behind— SCHIIINK! Seraphimus stuck it in the chest with a blind backswing. She adjusted her weight on its impaled body. "Getting some much-needed exercise." Her eyes then rolled back like a shark, as—"Rrrrrrgh—RAAAAAAAAAUGH!" She threw herself at the sea of pale muscle, slicing and dicing. Banshee shrieks reached a new blood-curdling octave, and soon it became impossible to see the enraged griffon through the tufts of ruby light billowing in the heart of the bloodbath. Rainbow stood slack-jawed for a few seconds too long. A few monsters rushed their flank. With a renewed burst of energy, Wildcard lunged out of her grasp and deflected the attack. Nervously casting a look in Seraphimus' direction, Rainbow belatedly joined the Desperado, shoving and kicking at every beast that she could see. Above the evolving battle, Discord sat on an invisible stool. He looked every which way—his yellow eyes inevitably trailing Seraphimus' half of the battle more. "Ehhhh..." He shrugged before slapping a golf cap onto his skull. "...for what it's worth." He proceeded to clap unenthusiastically as the battle raged on.