Ofolrodi

by Imploding Colon

Also Starring Kevin Buckin'

"Watch out!" Seraphimus grunted, hopping back onto her feet and spreading her wings. Her charcoal grey eyes reflected the snake-like body thrashing left and right against the stars. "It is trying to feast on us!"

"Yeah, no shit!" Logan rolled up to his hooves. SCHIIIIING! "Everypony! Give a shout!"

"We're over here!" Ariel exclaimed, helping Flynn up to his hooves as they both gawked at the best.

"I've got Keps!" Rainbow shouted, grasping the wyvern in mid-air. "Wildcard?!"

A shrill whistle. The group looked to see the Desperado gliding down, untouched.

"Of course he doesn't have a scratch on him," Pinkie started.

"Eyes peeled!" Twilight exclaimed. "Rainbow and her friends could use all the help they can get—"

Wildcard gestured something wildly.

"It's moving!" Seraphimus exclaimed.

"RAWWWWWWWRSH!" The stalk of the beast wobbled and shook like a windblown tube.

Flynn grimaced, staring up at the fuchsia-tinted snout of the thing. "Yeah—but where is it moving to?!"

Rainbow looked aside. "Fluttershy—"

"Alpha!" Fluttershy exclaimed. "Straight towards Flynn and Ariel—"

"Flynn! Ariel!" Rainbow hollered. "Split up! Now! Move—!"

SWOOOOOOOOOSH! The massive weight of the beast teetered towards them.

Ariel shrieked. With a telekinetic burst, Flynn pushed the two of them apart. They dove in opposite directions just as the body of the beast slammed into the ground between them. THUDDDDD! Rocks and pebbles flew in a stone shower as the monster burrowed swiftly into the ground.

Ariel and Flynn spun to look at the swiftly disappearing creature. Its scales glistened purple and exotic—vanishing along with the whole length in a frightful blur.

Once it was gone, all that remained was an ominous tremor rumbling beneath all of them.

"It..." Applejack panted. "...it seems to be swimmin' beneath us."

"Don't you mean 'burrowing?'" Twilight said.

"That's what I said!" Applejack drawled. "Rock swimming!"

"It's... circling us from underneath," Rarity said.

"Rainbow?!" Flynn hollered. "What's it doing?!"

"Digging around beneath us... circling..." Rainbow flung a look Curveside at the plateau dotted with rocks. "The Dihmers ran for cover among that rock pile!"

"Then we need to join them before that thing rears its ugly head again—"

"Guh!" Pinkie jolted, shaking again. "Sooner than later!"

Rainbow spun about, jostling Kepler in her grasp. "Where?!"

Fluttershy gasped. "Logan—"

"BIG SHOW!" Rainbow shouted above a rising tumult. "Move—!"

A sinkhole formed beneath the earth pony's fat fetlocks.

"Augh!" He flailed, descending into the fresh burrow. "Shit—!"

Swoooooooooosh! A pale body streaked downward. WHUMP! Seraphimus shoved him viciously.

POWWWWW! The tripartite jaws of the beast burst upwards milliseconds later, swallowing nothing but rock. "RAWWWWWWRSSSSH!

Logan and Seraphimus rolled across the ground, scuffling to a stop against a massive boulder.

"Ach!" Kepler exclaimed, squinting through the unbroken lens of his spectacles. "I know this beast!"

"You d-do?!" Ariel breathed.

"Yes! It is a Tatzlwyrrm!" the wyvern exclaimed. "Chief Engineerr Ranorrt spoke of them! Tatzlwyrrms werre rresponsible forr five deaths among Gwen's Expedition!"

"Oh Hell no..." Logan sneered, standing slowly up and brandishing his axe. "I am not dying to something THAT stupid-sounding!"

"RAWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWRSHHH—!" The beast lunged straight at Logan and Seraphimus. Its flower-like jaws were barred with hundreds of rows of tiny venomous barbs.

"Yeah—BUCK YOU TOO!" Logan greeted the beast's lunge with a hurculean swing of his weapon. CLANGGGG!

Sparks flew. The beast reared back, teetering slightly.

Logan blinked—wobbling from the impact as well. "It..." His teeth shattered in recovery. "...didn't bleed?"

"Oh, there will be blood soon," Seraphimus droned.

A layer of translucent scales flared around the fuchsia snout of the beast, extending like a lizard's frill. Bioluminescent bands rippled outward in angry colors. Six eyes arranged cyclically about the closed jaws shifted in the twilight... then rolled back like a shark's as the jaws opened again. "RAWWWWRSSSH!" Just then, three black tentacles were vomited out of the mucusy-pit that made up the beast's throat. Thw-THWPPPP!

THAP! Two tentacles wrapped around the hilt of Logan's axe and a third around his left fetlock.

"Hrrrrrkkk!" Logan snarled hard, struggling to yank his weapon out of the beast's grip.

Seraphimus repeatedly stabbed and talon-scratched the tentacle ensnaring the stallion's fetlock. "Hrnnngh! Hrmmmff!" She huffed, feathers rustling. "Let go of your weapon—"

"Like... Hell... I... Am..."

"Insufferable idiot!" Seraphimus' beak clattered. "Just drop the damnable axe—!"

"You tell him that—" Logan's weight shifted forward. "Aw hell—" SWOOOOSH! He flew forward toward's the undulating maw of the beast. Its fangs reflected his flailing body.

Seraphimus lunged after him, wheezing. "Jordan—!"

Swissssssh! Wildcard was already diving in, twirling Bard's bo-staff at full speed. WH-WH-WHAP! He struck all taut tendrils between the wyrm and its prey with murderous force.

"RAWWWWRSSSH!" The beast teetered back, retracting its tentacles. WHUMP! Logan slammed into its neck and slid comically down its body until he landed awkwardly on his butt.

Holding her breath, Seraphimus flew up and joined Wildcard in assaulting the beast.

"Rrainbow!" Kepler shook in Rainbow's grip. "Drrop me! I can glide!"

Rainbow nodded. "Right." She let go of Kepler and flew towards the beast. As Kepler glided to safety, Rainbow hollered at him and the rest of the Herald. "Head for the hills!" She pointed Edgeside. "Join the Dihmers among the rocks! They must know something that we don't!"

"But..." Flynn stumbled and struggled to pick up many of the packs and supplies that the Herald had dropped in the attack. "...our stuff—"

"Lives now!" Rainbow spat. "Stuff later!"

"Move your ass, Flynn!" Ariel exclaimed, already scampering towards the plateau. As Kepler joined her, Flynn gnashed his teeth and reluctantly followed the same route.

"You too, Big Show!" Rainbow shouted, orbiting the thrashing beast.

"Rrrrrrgh!" Logan repeatedly smacked the body of the beast with his axe. Clank! Clang! Smack! "Stupid... screaming... lizard turd!"

"LOGAN!" Rainbow snarled. "Who do you really want to be fighting by the end of the day?! That? Or me!"

"If I can just... find... its weak spot!" CL-CL-CLANK!

"You're our weak spot!" Seraphimus snarled, flying and dodging jaw-snaps along with Wildcard. "Now do what your tiny leader says!"

"Rrrggh... dammit to Hell—!" And Logan huffed and puffed his way up the hill.

The creature must of sensed the hoofsteps. Within a blink, it had burrowed backwards, disappearing beneath the sundered earth.

Rainbow blinked. "Uhhhhhhhh..."

"It's headed towards Logan, right?!" Twilight looked at Fluttershy and Rarity. "It's going after the closest available morsel. It must be!"

"Not..." Fluttershy's eyes narrowed. "...quite."

"Huh?!" Applejack blinked. "Well, spit it out, sugarcube! Where's it headed!"

Wildcard and Seraphimus hovered closer to Rainbow Dash, looking towards her for answers.

"Flutterssssssssss..." Rainbow growled slightly.

"It's... it's..." Fluttershy shook her head with a confused expression. "I don't know what it's doing." She looked towards Rarity. "Why is it heading towards Alpha?"

Rarity's eyes traced the surface of the Dark Side beneath them. Her eyes settled on an immense boulder... an immense boulder that suddenly began shaking. Violently. "Oh goodness—!"

Rainbow saw it. She spun towards Wildcard and Seraphimus. "Split up! Now—"

KA-POWWWW!!! The beast surfaced again, this time beneath the boulder. Its rock-hard scales lifted the boulder while its jaws broke it apart into a dozen pieces. The chunks of stone flew skyward like shrapnel, pummeling the three fliers before they could get away.

"Ooomf!" Seraphimus plummeted towards Omega.

"Guhhh!" Rainbow Dash flailed Edgeside.

Wildcard dodged most of the chunks of rocks flying towards him. But as he flew backwards—

CHOMPPPPP!

—the beast came around for a flank, and snapped its jaws completely around the Desperado.

"Land's sakes!" Applejack squeaked.

Th-Thap! Rainbow landed on her flank. Her eyes reopened—wide and bulging—as she gaped at the last spot the griffin was seen.

"No..." Fluttershy wept.

"Please, Celestia, no!" Rarity likewise sobbed.

"Eh... don't worry..." Pinkie shrugged.

Twilight flashed her a look. "What?!"

Pinkie smiled. "He's Wildcard, remember?"

Rainbow leaned forward, squinting.

The beast was struggling... wrestling with something in mid-air. Suddenly, its jaws were forcibly pried open. Th-Thwump! There—covered in drool—was Wildcard, perched in the wyrm's maw with Bard's bo-staff holding the rows of teeth back. He winced as his muscles rippled in the effort it took to hold the mouth open.

"Why dun we just launch him at the Midnight Armory alone?" Applejack stammered, fanning herself. "Would certainly make thangs easier for the rest of us."

"One absurdity at a time!" Rainbow hollered. "Sera—!"

"Goddess damn it, Jordan..." She sneered, already sailing towards the beast with both talons swinging at its flickering frill. SLASSSSH! She tore viciously at the membrane, causing the monster to writhe and shriek as it wrestled with Wildcard in its jaws.

"Yessssss. Suuuuuure..." Pinkie rolled her eyes. "Just make it madder!"

"Better mad than hungry!" Rainbow flew up to join the other two. "Let's ruin this thing's day!"

Comments

[Sylicath]

I like seeing canon creatures show up.

[Rosegfx]

Jesus, I'm with Applejack. He's like a high level character in an RPG hanging around newbies. Why didn't the world just make him the Austraeoh? This series would go by a lot faster.

[Hawattie]

Wildcard's gary stu-ness is showing again.

[Codaulux]

Swap the bo-staff for a bundle of frost rods for maximum day ruining.

[Lewak]

I was half expecting Dihmers to just casually slay worm and turn it into ground beef. I wonder if seeing how the Herald deal with great monstrosities will help Rainbow to get the Dihmers to trust them. It's still weird how they seem to totally ignore the actions of main characters. From their perspective they look a bit out of place and they should at least be a bit more scared of them that they seem at the moment. It looks like they talked with ponies that behave "normal" and they are not totaly isolated. I wonder if it is the working of Lunar Hunt that made those ponies act in that way, or there is something even worse out there...

[Booster Spice]

Logan is an Earth Pony? Tatzlewyrm is pseudocrystaline rock borrower?

Time to go Fist Of the North Star on its tough and brittle hide.

[Merula]

At this point, Wildcard is just showing off

[Tim the Planes-pony]

Making their way through the dark side, one monster at a time.

[kotor511]

*Notices Ofolrodi has updated and Colon has returned*
*Smiles happily*
*Takes a look at how many new chapters were added*

*...silence... then suddenly the chains of feelings are broken*

[Feigned Ignorance]

If Tremors taught me anything, they should use some exploding lunar runes to scare it away.

[Lightning Bearer]

8842664

I dunno. Wildcard's definitely a tough catbird, but keep in mind that Rainbow handed both his and Bard's asses to them back in Rust.

That, and all the sign-language definitely would have complicated some scenes.

[The 24th Pegasus]

And then skirts just kills him to fuck with all of us thinking WC is basically invincible Gary Stu

[Speckle]

Holy bucking sh!t That was an intense moment; I couldn't breathe for a second. Thank God Wildcard's okay ;-;

[Boop-Happy Lass]

8843062
Remember what Skirt said about Wildcard.

[thatguyvex]

The random encounter tables on the Dark Side favor pop culture references. Hope the Herald starts to level up from all these fights, to compensate for the fact that they can't seem to keep their equipment for more than one or two fights.

Like, I get the feeling if you could just get Wildcard and Serahimus properly geared up with the right weaponry all you'd have to do is click this tune on:

And then just turn them lose on the whole Dark Side. The Herald could follow the trail of bodies all the way to the Midnight Armory.

Anyway, where was I?

Logan x Seraphimus Ship Confirmation Chapter Counter: 36

(Wait, 36? Are you seriously counting the April Fools chapter?)

Well, it was posted up, so it counts, doesn't it?

(It's non-canon)

So what? Does anybody actually care about canon in a fanfiction?

(People who want to have correct chapter counters do)

Look, even if its "non-canon" it still technically happened. In some universe.

(Oh gods, are you going to go on about mulit-verse theory now?)

No, I'm just saying that in some random span of reality, those April Fools chapters technically happen, so I might as well count them. They're no more real or non real than any other form of fictional work, aren't they?

(Fine, whatever, but you're going to eventually regret this when you inevitably miss a joke chapter like that and your count is off)

Bah, my count is probably already off. I suck at math.

[KMCA]

8842876
I don't think he can hit that fast. Also he's an Earth Pony, not a Crystal pony.

[Vermaak]

Oh boy here we go.

[IceKitsune]

It's gonna be hard to get rid of this one, likely just gonna have to out hide it

[Phoenix Kitten]

"You're our weak spot!" Seraphimus snarled, flying and dodging jaw-snaps along with Wildcard. "Now do what your tiny leader says!"

I like Sera, I hope she lives, her and Roarke would be excellent sparring partners.

I do wonder how sturdy that bo staff is, it's been seeing a lot of action as of late, and at some point it will give out and break. Either in combat, or during use as a tool.
Actually. I forget, what happened to WC's Tonfa?

-Through the path long forgotten, into the darkness long begotten. Ofolrodi.

[General Lemarc]

No..." Fluttershy wept.

"Please, Celestia,no!" Rarity likewise sobbed.

"Eh... don't worry..." Pinkie shrugged.

Twilight flashed her a look. "What?!"

Pinkie smiled. "He's Wildcard, remember?"

Not gonna lie, now is the perfect time for some good old-fashioned plot armor

[RoboRed]

Get that motherfucker Tremors-style. Use those lunar runestones to blast it from inside out.

[Labyrinthine]

Logan blinked—wobbling from the impact as well. "It..." His teeth shattered in recovery. "...didn't bleed?"

RIP Logan's teeth.

I kinda think the Dihmers' base might be nothing more than a pile of rocks at this rate. Definitely looking forward to seeing it.

[Blaster M]

8842876
NANI?

[Luminard]

It's all fun and games until WC beats Lexxic and Tchern then takes the Harmonic Prism solo

[ThumsRipa]

Oh. I remember that thing. Hooray for more canonical references! I suppose it makes sense it'll live in the dark side.

[Nevlamas]

Random fun-fact: the term 'Tatzlwyrm' is derived from archaic southern German dialect roughly translating to 'pawed worm'. Originally it referred to a minor type of dragon, a five foot serpent with the head and front paws of a cat.

Logan blinked—wobbling from the impact as well. "It..." His teeth shattered in recovery. "...didn't bleed?"

Wat.

The creature must of sensed the hoofsteps.

[Campo]

Wildcard OP
pls nerf

[TIAS-A1927]

"You'reour weak spot!" Seraphimus snarled, flying and dodging jaw-snaps along with Wildcard. "Now do what your tiny leader says!"

Glorious.

[Boersencrash]

Nice double reference. Now who is the weapon freak counterpart of Burt? Logan or Sera?

[6-D Pegasus]

So strange to think that... This series started when I was back in sixth grade, before I was even a teenager... Now I'm heading to college next year...

[ChaosDX1]

I've fought enough sand-swimming monsters to know these guys can't tell the difference between fleeing prey, and a bomb rolling down a hill.

Unfortunately this one seems a lot smarter, based on how it went after airborne griffons. Also no bombs. Also its swimming through solid rock and not sand. ...Why am I making this comparison again?

[Snow-hunter]

Tremors worm! Now in sleek shape and added eyes!

[Hazard]

If it bleeds, we can kill it. If it doesn't, well, idunno

8843891
Omae wa mou, shindeiru.

[Sir Mediocre]

8842876
How about Fist of North Rawr?

[Cynderfall]

Fuk'im up!

[Prism Break]

8844537
And who knows how old we’ll all be when this is over.

[Prism Break]

—the beast came around for a flank, and snapped its jaws completely around the Desperado.

Bruh

[CaptainSpaceCat]

"Why dun we just launch him at the Midnight Armory alone?" Applejack stammered, fanning herself. "Would certainly make thangs easier for the rest of us."

Sorry Rainbow, she s t r a i g h t

[Lexiebommel10]

9858519
Crys in bi

[hypervelocity]

"But..." Flynn stumbled and struggled to pick up many of the packs and supplies that the Herald had dropped in the attack. "...our stuff—"

Flynn, for fuck sake, if you all die, WHAT'S THE POINT OF THE SUPPLIES?!