Earlier in the day, as Valey and Felicity strolled away down the path from the Laughter dorms, Starlight Glimmer watched them through a window, her chin on her hooves.
She felt... better. In the sense that she could burn herself badly, but eventually it wouldn't hurt unless she poked it or moved it or did pretty much anything at all.
"How are you feeling?" Maple asked, stepping up behind her.
"I don't know." Starlight shook her head, her voice lacking power. "About what? Finding out that my horn has changed and now my magic does... whatever to my mind?"
Maple nodded, sitting down two steps away. "I'm here to listen, if you'd rather sort out your thoughts out loud."
"I'm not feeling worse," Starlight announced. "And I also haven't used my magic. So... I guess that's a good thing."
Maple just nodded.
"But remember how long it took to get over my headaches when they were really bad?" Starlight folded her ears. "I'm not going to collapse again right now, but I don't feel very hopeful, either. I've worn myself down, like going from being okay to having a bad headache, but not quite fainting or being blind. But if it really is the same, it might take weeks for me to get better on my own. And I'm not touching the harmony extractor."
Maple closed her eyes and exhaled. "Are you worried about the implications?"
"What implications?" Starlight frowned. "That if this is due to us being back in Equestria, it might have been responsible for me getting upset enough to leave in the first place? Or that if it's due to this cutie mark, that maybe these artifices aren't so good as Valey is just starting to think?"
"I guess that answers that," Maple whispered.
Starlight shook her head. "I'm not worried, though. Not really. It feels like trying to pick up too many books, and they just slide off the top of the stack and make a mess on the floor. I probably should be. It might be bad if I don't properly understand this. But I just can't."
"When you feel like you have responsibilities, and you just stare at them and don't let them get done." Maple shifted closer. "I know that feeling well. I hate to see this happening to you."
"I'll survive," Starlight promised. "If anyone tries to attack us, I can still fight. Even without my horn."
"I think what you need to do," Maple began, "is go do things whether you feel like them or not, just for the sake of moving around. Maybe ask Valey to start training with you again? And rest when you need to, but I don't want you to get in the habit of sitting around and feeling like there's nothing to do when everything is going on out there."
Starlight frowned. "That's already what I've been doing. Sitting around doing nothing. It's what all of us have, for a whole entire month. And I spent most of it gray. That can't have been good for me."
Maple slowly sighed. "It wasn't a good time, no."
"You look like you have something to say," Starlight remarked.
"I..." Maple paused. "I'm... sorry. For not having a better answer for what to do, and especially not having one for that whole long month. I thought anyone who could take care of themselves... All I can do is know what it feels like. Like you're limp and empty and have no drive to do anything, and..."
"That's not quite how it feels," Starlight replied. "It feels sometimes like I have a tiny spark of stubbornness in my chest. I've been noticing it more recently. And if I hold onto it, I can drag myself through anything, survive anything, find a way to do anything just so I'll win in the end. But... the end isn't now. It keeps coming back, even if something happens to let it go out. I can feel it right now, and I can use it to make myself go on just a little further. I just don't know if it's worth the way I feel."
"Where are you going on towards?" Maple whispered.
"I don't know." Starlight shook her head. "Somewhere better. When I ran away the first time, and when we went to Ironridge, and when we went to the Empire, I wanted to find a place where the world is perfect. A long time ago, Willow told me I could change the world and make my world perfect. And I just don't want to stop and stay down, because there's nothing you can do when you're down besides start going again. But both of them hurt. I just don't know what to do."
Maple put a hoof on her shoulder.
"Why can't the world just be perfect?" Starlight whined. "Why can't I not have anything I need to do? Then none of this would matter..."
"Sometimes," Maple murmured, "when I was feeling down about... about Aspen, and my old husband, I would reach for the ceiling and ask the same thing. When getting out of bed is a lofty goal, why not reach for something so far above you, the only way it could happen is if someone reaches down and picks you up and makes everything right again? It's a wish for help." She closed her eyes. "I'm doing my best."
Starlight sucked in a breath and held it. "But that's not an impossible dream for me. When have I ever failed to do something impossible? What if I actually try, and keep trying for years and years and it doesn't stop hurting?"
"Hm." The corners of Maple's mouth upturned in a smile. "By that logic, I guess recuperating from this and enjoying the world the way it is with what you have isn't an impossible goal after all."
Starlight opened her mouth to protest, then let it drop. "I want to go home. And I don't know where that is."
"Did you feel like you were at home in the past?" Maple asked. "Before Sunburst?"
"Before he left?" Starlight drooped. "Yes. I was happy with my life."
Maple patted her shoulder. "Wherever he is, I bet he traveled a lot less far than we did. Maybe once Princess Celestia lets us stay, we'll get to go find him."
"We can't bring back the past," Starlight complained. "Even if I had time magic, there's nothing I can do to reset myself..." She was lying. She had the memory eraser Nightmare Module. She had just vowed never to use it. "I can't undo anything I've done or discovered or been through, and I don't want to. I won't leave you and Valey and Amber and our friends."
"All the same," Maple murmured. "I still wish I could have been there for you when it happened. Maybe I could have helped you be pen pals, or done something."
All at once, the memory of the vision she had seen at the harmonic flame of love filled Starlight's mind, not the gray ash-filled apocalypse but the second one, where she was a parent had a filly whose best friend had just moved away. Starlight started crying.
Maple moved against her and hugged her carefully, being sensitive of her ribs.
"You've grown, you know," Starlight said.
Maple blinked. "That's not something I ever thought I'd hear from my daughter."
"It's true, though," Starlight insisted. "The first time I woke up in Riverfall, it was with Willow. And she gave me to you to look after, but she told me to look out for you. And I have been. Someone else told me once that I treated you like a little sister, not a parent. That you needed me. And that's not true anymore, is it? You're talking about things I know are hard for you without even blinking because you think it could help me. Things I once might have tried to protect you from. But now I don't need to, because you're... being stronger. For me."
Maple stared at her, speechless. "You've been thinking all that?"
"I'm not going to say anything bad about you," Starlight warned. "I love you and I wouldn't be here without you. But yes. Especially since someone pointed it out to me."
"Starlight..." Maple pulled her back into a hug. "I might not be as strong as you are, but if there's anything I can ever do to take a weight off your shoulders, I will, regardless of what I have to think about. I swear it. You know that, right?"
"Like I said," Starlight sniffled. "You've grown. For me. Thank you."
"For you, maybe, but also because of you," Maple corrected, lifting Starlight's chin. "Do you know how it felt to spend all those weeks doing nothing because of broken bones while our friends were fighting for survival out there in the wilderness? I have a lot of unfinished business and a big share of the load I'm up to carrying. I can't promise to be the wisest or smartest, but if you ever have anything you're afraid of, no matter how much you think it might affect me, I'm here to listen. And if I need help with something you tell me, I have Amber and Valey, but I need you to trust me."
Starlight nodded in her embrace. "Can I tell you something, then? It's not very important and I don't even know what it means, but I've never told anyone?"
Maple nodded firmly. "Anything."
"...Valey's fruit-dodging training is impossible."
Maple blinked. "Well, that came out of nowhere. I thought you were perfect at it? Why is this on your mind?"
"I am perfect at it!" Starlight insisted. "I never even start to flinch. I can read her perfectly, even when she holds a board up to cover her face so I can't read her signals. But I never mess up even once. And everybody else is horrible at it, even ponies like Harshwater who fight for a living. And she only thinks it's a good exercise because she can do it herself, because her cutie mark lets her cheat."
Maple frowned quizzically. "Maybe Harshwater just doesn't know her like you do?"
Starlight bit her lip. "I remember we used to show off by training like that in Stormhoof where others could see us. In Grandbell, too. The only times she ever hits me are when I know it's coming, but am not fast enough to dodge. It's not just Harshwater, it's me. Don't you think that's weird?"
"...That is strange," Maple admitted, tilting her head in thought. "I have no idea why, though. Maybe you and her have a special connection of some kind, one that lets you read her mind somehow? She can do that thing where she smells you from far away, and you did say you think you have something to do with the moon glass."
"Maybe." Starlight folded her ears. "I don't really want to think about it. I don't need yet another thing I can do without knowing why. I'm not even sure I wanted to say it, because now it feels less like a coincidence and more official."
"It sounds like a thing you should talk to Valey about," Maple advised. "Maybe she'd have an idea."
"Probably not." Starlight shook her head. "But I could."
"You could."
Starlight was silent for a moment, working up her courage to say another thing. "I... used another Nightmare Module last night."
Maple was visibly unhappy. "How!? You aren't gray... Was this before or after you...?"
"Freaked out? Before. Immediately before." Starlight lowered her ears. "I... found a new way of using them. All I did was use the shadow cloak to hide. I guess I knew about this way already, but wanted to make sure whether it worked or not, just so I'd know about it if I really needed it and could also draw a line that I really wouldn't cross. And then I felt terrible for using it, like I was treating something that dangerous like a toy..."
"I have to disapprove," Maple apologized. "I'm sorry, but I do. Starlight, I know you needed them to save us from that mare, but think about if you turned gray again..."
"I know." Starlight looked down. "I really shouldn't have, and it's part of what I was panicking about. I just wanted you to know."
Slowly, Maple let out a breath. "I did just say you could tell me anything. Is there anything about it you need to talk about?"
"I'm not planning on doing it again." Starlight shook her head. "I did it with my stick... which is the sword. I wish there was a safer place I could keep it that's not attached to me, just so nobody ever steals it or something. I just wanted to tell you."
"Hmmmmm..."
They were silent for a while, but eventually Starlight stood up. "I... think I'm feeling a little bit better."
"I hope so." Maple kissed her on the forehead, right by her horn. "If your mind is stressed and tired, sometimes saying or hearing the right things can be exactly the right thing to help." She rose as well. "I'm not sure what I think would be best, if you should rest or try to enjoy yourself. What are you feeling like?"
Starlight shook her head. "I don't care, but I'm not doing it alone."
"Well, then." Maple smiled. "Maybe we should go out and ask around for something we could watch for fun. I'm sure there are plenty of ponies at this school who prefer to watch others do things instead of doing them themselves, right?"
"It sure is sunny out," Maple remarked, leading Starlight across the open, grassy, not-quite-maze of Kinmari's island campus. "They have such consistently good weather here. Don't you wonder how they do it?"
"Maybe it's because we're further from the mountains," Starlight guessed. "Mistvale is the only time we've ever been this far away, and it wasn't sunny there for a different reason. They probably don't have rainclouds fall in every other day."
"Whatever it is, no one seems to have problems enjoying it."
The island's resident sunbather population was out in full force, albeit significantly less aggressive about showing off than when Valey or Gerardo were around. Maple and Starlight were hardly unknown; waves greeted them around the campus, accompanied by occasional hellos. But only one pony ever stopped them, and it was nothing more than a mare saying she liked Maple's braided mane.
"I'm glad you're out of your poncho," Maple remarked.
Starlight held her stick like a walking stick, strapped in a traveler's position alongside her saddlebags. She wasn't leaving those alone and unguarded... Even without Lyn's moon glass, she still had lots of other valuables to keep a close eye on. The poncho itself was neatly folded and occupying the entirety of one bag, just in case.
They walked through an arch beneath a low, curved wall that formed an elevated path between two white-marble buildings, the ground falling away into a flattened field where two teams of ponies were sprinting around, a ball flying high between them. "Well?" Maple suggested, pointing at the ponies. "They seem to be having fun. Want to watch?"
Starlight pointed across the field at two stone ramparts gracing a short hill, seagulls flying and wheeling beyond. "That looks like a good place to sit. You could probably see the ocean, too."
"Let's." Maple nodded, leading the way around. It took some time, since the field was long and narrow, wedged vertically down the eastern edge of the island, but they were in no hurry. A salty wind blew in from the water, strong enough that it would have been uncomfortable if it carried a chill, but it was warm and the only danger was to Starlight's manestyle. It made her glad she didn't have her poncho, though.
The ramparts they had seen contained gentle staircases to the top, where it was even windier without the last line of hills to block the winds from the beach. True to Starlight's prediction, just beyond the field only a single rise separated them from the shoreline, a well-built boardwalk sporting benches and food carts and perhaps hundreds of students lounging, swimming or splashing in the waves.
Far in the distance, to the south, Starlight could see another island, likely the next in the archipelago. It looked heavily forested, except for a small area of development on the near shoreline... but that was about all she could make out.
Maple poked her. "Can you figure out how they're scoring points? They just look like they're running back and forth to me."
"Huh?" Starlight turned her attention back to the field, where a shouting match was in progress even as half of the players continued to race around at speeds that would make Valey whistle. "Um, no..."
Things started getting heated below, the players with the ball refusing to interrupt the game even as several more ponies had to step in to break things up. Starlight leaned forward with interest. There were friend divisions, she could almost see. It was a risky, difficult situation. Some ponies wanted to talk others down without saying things they would later regret, others looked uncomfortable from the whole affair, several looked annoyed, including a few who were clearly strong enough to make anyone regret getting them involved. She honed in on one mare who was trying to stand between the two who had started it, spreading her hooves between them, a worried look on her face that knew she might pay for this with a strained relationship or two later, or even a black eye...
It was complex. As complex as her problems, even, with each pony wearing a look that was unique to them, from the fighters to the remediators to the ones who were pretending it wasn't happening. She couldn't even get a headcount on how many there were. But as Starlight watched and the situation progressed second by second, sea air flushing out and filling her lungs, she realized two things. To them, this was every bit as serious as some of the problems she faced. Life and death might not have hinged on it, but all the emotions were there, fear and denial and frustration and boldness toward solutions. This was Kinmari, a relatively ordinary place populated by relatively ordinary ponies who probably had relatively ordinary problems that occurred day by day, and those problems probably left the place standing each time, able to go on with its relatively idyllic way of life. And this was probably one of those problems too.
The only difference between this and the things she and her friends faced were consequences and scale. Yet here those problems were, and she could already see that it was going to be alright. Things were de-escalating, ponies were swaggering, but not at each other. She could live a life without fixing or eliminating things like these. These were part of living. So maybe... she could live with some of her problems, too.
"Thank you," she sniffed, taking Maple's foreleg. "For bringing me out here. I feel a lot better."
Maple leaned her chin against her. "I'm glad."
"Do you want to stay here for a while?"
"Of course. I'd be happy to."