//------------------------------//
// The Joke's On Us 
// Story: Ofolrodi 
// by Imploding Colon 
//------------------------------//

It was a woolly glen: complete with springy blades of vegetation, patches of mold, vines that clung to the bordering walls of rock, and the pungent scent of mildew.  The only thing different than what Rainbow Dash remembered from Light Side pastures was that everything was tinted a pale blue... and it all glowed.

The source of the bioluminescence came across as sub-magical, and Rainbow could have sworn she heard a low, bass hum that shifted in pitch with each squishy step she took over the paper thin growth along the floor of the alcove.  She and her ghostly companions watched as each square-foot of alien "grass" rippled from light-blue to a dull purple and back again upon pressurized contact.  The pungent smell in the air shifted as well, and Rainbow could only guess that countless invisible spores were being released in a panic as she and her trailing companions on the hovercraft invaded the otherwise tranquil sanctuary.

"Uhm..."  Fluttershy gazed left and right.  "Forgive me, Rainbow Dash.  But I'm not entirely certain that this will be safe for grazing."

"I don't even think it's safe for breathing!" Twilight Sparkle remarked.  "Rainbow, are you feeling alright?  You're not inhaling anything unhealthy, are you?"

"So far, so good," Rainbow muttered, gazing with a dispassionate expression at the shifting colors of the "lawn" all around her.  "Although, if I passed gas right about now, I'm not sure the others could even tell in this place."

"We heard you," Logan said, gliding the hovercraft to a stop.  "And no, I don't think we can."

"You arrived on the Dark Side a champion, fatso," Flynn wheezed.

"Shut up.  You're supposed to be recuperating—not smart-assing."

"Forr the time being..."  Kepler gently gestured, smiling.  "What say we simply rrest ourrselves in this delightfully quiet location?"

"That's just it, Keps..."  Ariel hovered in mid-air, wringing her fetlocks.  "Just how 'quiet' can we expect this place to be?"

"This place is small," Logan said.  "Remote."  He hopped off the wagon and began unpacking some supplies.  "If anything hunts around here, I can think of a gazillion better places for it to stage an ambush.  Besides..."  He glanced at the three plausible entrances to the place: the way they came, an outlet ahead of them, and a patch of twilight straight above.  "...we've got clear positions to keep our eyes on.  Better here than in that stupid rock maze of stalagmites behind.  Anything could attack us from anywhere back there."

"Coulda picked a slightly darker place," Flynn said.  He rubbed his one good eye and winced.  "Nnnnngh... didn't friggin' expect the Dark Side to have a night market district."

"I know I should be rresting, but I cannot help myself."  Kepler dismounted from the wagon and began shuffling across the luminescent alcove.  His glasses reflected a bevy of uncategorized plant life.  "Surrely I can collect some samples and figurre out what use they can be to us!"

"I dunno, Keps..."  Ariel hovered down to ground level.  "If it glows blue... odds are it's gonna come outta ya an even worse color."

"Heh..."  Logan smirked.

"That is prrecisely why I must run it thrrough my alchemy kit!"  Kepler smiled back.  "The soonerr I know, the soonerr we can ascerrtain the edible naturre of the wildlife arround us!"  He looked at Rainbow Dash.  "Surrely the Austrraeoh would benefit the most frrom this."

Rainbow nodded.  "Get to work, Keps.  Just... try and get some rest at some point or another.  Something tells me we won't get a lot of opportunities to chill like this."

Kepler bowed.  "Duly noted."

It was finally Seraphimus' turn to say something:  "Assuming we are safe for any single stretch of time in this domain is folly."  She glanced over, and her voice took on a brief, curiously worrisome tone:  "Don't be idiotic, Jordan."

"Hmmm?"  Rainbow Dash looked over.

Wildcard had dismounted from the back of the wagon.  His goggles shone like two bright blue headlights.  This was because the lenses reflected a curious patch of luminescent blue weeds... weeds that he was presently aiming a flesh talon towards to touch.

Rainbow's eyes darted all over the flouncing shape of the leaves.  The long stems.  The solid, thick clusters of seeds.  "Luna Poop!"  Swoooooosh!  She rushed over and yanked on Wildcard's lion's tail.  "Wildcard, don't—!"

"!!!"  Wildcard nervously leapt back before his claw could so much as graze the plant.

"Whoah!"  Ariel remarked.

Logan craned his neck.  "What gives?  You guys okay?"

"Don't touch that thing!" Rainbow's voice cracked.  "Whatever you do!  Keep your distance!"

"Rainbow Dash?"  Rarity floated closer.  "What's the matter?"

Applejack was already pointing.  "Take a look for yerselves, y'all..."

"Huh?"  Twilight Sparkle phased through and took a look at the weeds.  "Whoah!  That's... that's incredible!"

"Holy cauliflower!"  Pinkie Pie pulled at her ghostly mane.  "I can't believe it!"  A beat.  She blinked innocently at the other mares.  "What is it that I can't believe, girls?"

"Pinkie, it's Poison Joke!" Twilight Sparkle exclaimed.

"Without a doubt!"  Applejack nodded.

"But..."  Fluttershy was wincing.  "...what's an Equestrian plant doing here?"

Rainbow gulped.  "Maybe it's not an Equestria plant after all..."

Kepler and Logan had wandered over to Rainbow's side.

"Rrainbow One?"  Kepler brushed against her.  "Perrhaps—forr curriosity's sake—an explanation is in orrderr?"

"I... I know this plant," Rainbow said, pointing at the thing with a trembling hoof.  "It's called 'Poison Joke'... at least that's the name a zebra shaman friend of ours gave it back in Equestria."

"Back in Equestria???" Ariel remarked from above.

"That's a dayum crazy coincidence, don't you think?" Logan belched.

"I know it sounds stupid... but believe me..."  Rainbow gestured at the tell-tale plant.  "Even after all the epic adventures I've had flying east, there's no way in Tartarus I would forget this thing.  It screwed up my friends and I super bad.  If it wasn't for Zecora—the zebra shaman who brewed a miracle cure—then we'd never return to normal after what the plant did to us."

"Aaaaaaaaaand..."  Ariel glanced at Wildcard, then back at Rainbow Dash.  "...what did the plant do to you girls, exactly?"

"You guess it, you've named it."  Rainbow gulped.  "It messed with our bodies big time—wild, dumb effects.  It was completely random with each of us, too.  Rarity's coat hair grew super long.  Twilight lost the use of her horn.  I went stupidly dizzy.  Fluttershy sounded like a dude..."

"Mmmmm...!"  Fluttershy squeaked, cowering behind Rarity.  The fashionista lovingly patted her head.

"Applejack shrunk to—like—one hundredth her normal size.  And Pinkie Pie started drooling... at least more than usual."

"Hey!"  Pinkie Pie folded her forelimbs, pouting.  "I drool with purpose!  I like to think of it as artistically salivating."

"Pinkie, darling, could you artistically go mute for a brief moment?" Rarity insisted.

"It begs the question!"  Kepler remarked.  "What is a poisonous blue weed indigenous to the Dark Side doing all the way across the Plane in your homeland of Equestria???"

"I've no friggin' clue," Rainbow Dash remarked.  "It... it grows in the Everfree Forest, and nowhere else."

"Lots of strange plants grow in the Everfree Forest, Rainbow Dash," Twilight said.  "Beside Poison Joke, that is."

"Mmmhmmm."  Fluttershy nodded.  "And creatures live there that don't live in other forests."

"My friends are reminding me that a lot of stuff exists in the Everfree Forest that can't be found elsewhere," Rainbow Dash said.  She squinted slightly.  "On the top of my head, I can think of Ursa Majors, Star Spiders, manticores..."

"Ach!"  Kepler did a double-take.  "You've encounterred ourr big brrotherrs outside the mountain sanctuarry?!?"

Rainbow blinked.  "Jee... did we never talk about it, Keps?"

Wildcard hand-signed.

Ariel translated:  "'A lot of crap has happened since then.'"  She smiled.  "Must have slipped the mind, if you did discuss it."

"How currious..."  Kepler stroked his hairy chin.  "I would verry much like to know morre about this 'Everrfrree Forrest' of yourrs, Rrainbow One."

"Yeah.  Sure."

"What I wanna know..."  Flynn murmured from the wagon, rubbing his aching skull.  "...is how did this Poison Joke thing get transplanted across the Plane—or the Edge of the World for that matter?"

"Maybe..."  Rainbow shrugged.  "...it happened naturally?  Before the Sundering?"

"Nah..."  Logan shook his head.  "That shit had to have been transplanted.  I bet something like this could be easily weaponized."

"Yeah, but who would have transplanted it?" Ariel remarked.  "Midnighters?"

"Midnighterrs came this way, good sisterr," Kepler said.  "As farr as we know, it's a one way trrip."

"Changelings?"  Ariel looked at Rainbow.

Rainbow nodded.  "Chrysalis pretty much confirmed that there are changelings living—in small numbers—in Equestria today.  But... I dunno.  Just... doesn't seem very changelingy for them to pack stuff with them."

"They stowed away living victims in Stratopolis, did they not?"

"Yeah, but they weren't plants.  Guh..."  Rainbow rubbed her head.  "I've just got no clue."

"Or perhaps there is no pattern to be connected whatsoever," Seraphimus droned.  "And—with the usual mindless optimism—you're attempting to draw conclusions without any merit."

Ariel rolled her eyes.

Wildcard shrugged.  He looked at the others and gestured.

"Right."  Logan nodded back.  "From now on, we stay clear of any weird looking plants.  Kepler?  If you wanna sample that stuff, you gotta figure out a way to do it without touching the shit."

"Ehhhhm..."  Kepler rubbed his scalp.  "Forr the time being, perrhaps, it will be wisest simply to rrest."

"Agreed."  Flynn wheezed.

"Right.  Roll out the tents."  Rainbow gestured, flapping her wings and zipping about the wagon to help unpack it.  "We need to plan guard shifts.  I'll go first."

Ariel sighed.  "Rainbow..."  She began to protest.

"I know.  I'll get my rest.  But—first—I really should go on patrol first," she said.  "With my friends' help, I can at least get a mental lay of the land and then pass it on to the next pony on shift.  Ya feel me?"

"Yeah..."  Ariel smiled tiredly.  "I get you."

"Cool.  Get to work."  Rainbow grasped a supply crate and carried it over to a patch of blue vegetation.  Setting it down, she began stripping her limbs of the Emeraldinian armor.  "Whew... can't wait to be light as a feather again."

"You sure you don't wanna keep some of that metal stuff on, Dashie?" Pinkie asked.  "I know we all feel safe, but it could come in handy in a pinch!"

"Pinkie, honestly!"  Rarity waved a hoof.  "Let her relax a bit!"

"Guh!"  Pinkie rolled her eyes and folded her forelimbs in a pout.  "Somepony promote me to Chief of Security already—with how often my ideas get shot down!"

"Pinkie, you're incredibly useful when we least expect it," Twilight said with a reassuring smile.  "Until then, just relax a bit."  She looked at their anchor.  "Celestia knows, Rainbow needs to."

"Yeah..."  Rainbow blinked tiredly as she stripped more and more plates of armor off.  "Although—at this rate—I fear I'm gonna start to forget how."