• Member Since 14th Feb, 2012
  • offline last seen 8 hours ago


Not a changeling.


Dobbin's been sneaking bites from the National Strategic Wheatgrass Reserve again ... and it finally occurs to his parole officer to wonder why Equestria has one. She asks Princess Celestia for the story.

It turns out there are some things ponies weren't meant to know.

A bunch of Writeoff Association authors got bored while waiting for the October 2015 prompt, and did a silly collaborative story jam on the Writeoff thread. This was the result. This story was co-written by myself, Georg, Not_A_Hat, CoffeeMinion, and Morning Sun, based on an unintentional prompt by Monokeras. (You can see who wrote what at the source thread.)

* * *

Reviewed by City of Doors! (what)

Featured by Equestria Daily! (what)

Recommended by Present Perfect! "I'm with Parade Rest: What."

Chapters (1)
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Comments ( 85 )

*deep breath*
I'm going in.

Why am I re-reading this instead of working on my Writeoff entry… I don’t know.

I saw that thread, and I just knew this would happen. :rainbowlaugh:

Okay...+1 for the use of 'skulduggery'.

I legit laughed at

"Watch out, Sir McBiggun! The M.A. Larcenist is behind you!"

See, I leave the writeoff group for a bit and you guys do this stuff. Just my luck!


How such a silly idea came to become a story is the epitome of Writeoff :P



Well, there's some talk of continuing/sequeling the story in Writeoff comments after the writing period is over and reviews are starting to peter off ...

But yeah, I'm proud of the Larcenist joke. That was based on a setup line I made which !Hat edited his section to include the punchline for.

Private Parade Rest?" The leader's voice was a night breeze on silk curtains.

Or "as a"

Oh this was hilarious.
What was all that can be said of this piece. And we need more.

Horizon, you fool.

There are some things I was not meant to laugh at.

This was not one of them.

I was supposed to be grumpy all day and you ruined it! Ruined!

We are so going to pony hell for this. I'm looking forward to the journey. :pinkiehappy:

Mwa ha ha! My secret schemes to halt withdrawals from the Terran Strategic Grumpiness Reserve are all going according to plan! :trixieshiftright:

"We"? Dude, I'm already there and saving you a chair. :trollestia:

Eeyup. :eeyup:

> as a
Just as a note of grammatical banter: it could work either way. With "as" or "like", it would be a simile. As is, it's a metaphor. Which sounds better can be a matter of personal preference.

But glad you enjoyed this little blob of collaborative silliness! :pinkiehappy:

It really, really is.

I read this and conclude only we are bad people.

7625748 Ah, but we are the *best* of bad people...

7625753 Sure, I'll buy that

7625753 7625826
To that I can add only a hearty "Huzzah".


I'm not sure what I just read, but it was amusing.

You keep using that word (reserve) :trixieshiftright:

Still, as part of a mind crashing exercise like this story, that works. :pinkiesmile:

7625989 7626080 7626100



How's the taste? It hasn't gone stale yet, has it?

To that, I must raise a glass with a classic toast:
(Sorry about the crap audio and huge full-video... wish I could've just found an isolated clip of it.)

What :pinkiecrazy:

Celly needs to level up her guards. And arm then with poke sticks. Those things gouge :trollestia:

Fortunately, I am unaffected by some of these shenanigans due to my private tactical What reserve. :rainbowdetermined2:

Well that... went a lot of unexpected places. Pretty good for the most part.

Haven't you heard?" Discord interjected, "everything's fun and games until somepony loses an eye!"

Then it's just a game; Find the Eye.

That was whimsical and delightful, plus I very much like the idea of an M. A. Larcenist. Please have an upvote.

I see that, from reading some of my previous stories, you came prepared. :moustache:


Not to disappoint you, but it's mostly a tourist attraction. The time-slowing spells holding it together versus the natural gradual decay into Why and How and Which are carefully set up to be so contrived and ridiculous[1] that when the tourists get there, they feel compelled to provide some of their own What, to be picked up by the funnels, blown down the pneumatic tube by the fans[2] at the end, and then sucked into the main reservoir, both to be gawked at and to be dispensed at need via the fountains in the What's Up[3] bar, which stays open while we're running a surplus. Which is, admittedly, most of the time.

So I regret to inform you that my tactical What reserve is not exactly dependent on your back catalog, and any reports of most a few of our top officers lower-tier employees crossing into your territory unannounced to go frolicking joyously in carefully and dispassionately observing your incredibly amazing admittedly extensive What fields as a means of dear sweet Celestia we've never seen such perfectly legitimate competitive intelligence gathering are probably just your imagination. :scootangel:

[1] Alongside the bouncy castle, the attendants' uniforms, and the bribes to mapmakers and tour guides to make the "best" path to get there pass through a series of districts with the most whiplash-inducing cultural oscillations available first.
[2] Most commonly fans of crackfics, but in a pinch other types will do as seasonal labor. Authors are even more prized since their innate ability to be longwinded minimizes the amount of What that gets stuck before reaching the end of the tube.
[3] Did you know that the use of this phrase as a greeting started as a corruption of its use among neophiles? Apparently they took such a liking to the bar that they started coming back repeatedly despite the distance, since it was pretty much the only place to share such abundant supplies of What with their compatriots. Unfortunately, as is usual, they eventually got designated "cool" for long enough that the phrase became distorted into affectation, then passed into banality. Some of the old guard, like Mustard Seed and Starry Thimble in the corner there, are now trying to reclaim the old sense of community by raising the bar, if they could just get over their squabbles about what exactly to put underneath it.

Hmm... I was under the impression that wheatgrass and wheatgrass byproducts were illegal in equestria. Goodnight Ponyville. Goodnight.

My only regret is that I didn't get to contribute to this glorious insanity. Wonderful stuff from start to finish. Thank you all for it. :twilightsmile:

Next time!

Or maybe get a sequel started in the Writeoff thread when review momentum starts to die down. :pinkiecrazy:

Strangely nice this was.

On behalf of myself and my co-authors, thank you! :twilightsmile:

I'm so confused right now. I feel like I'm slowly losing my grasp on my sanity.

I think I see your problem. You're trying to wade into insanity slowly, from the shallow end of the pool.

Just jump in all at once. You'll enjoy it a lot more. :pinkiecrazy:

"Watch out, Sir McBiggun! The M.A. Larcenist is behind you!" The dragon was pointing over the stallion's shoulder to where Dobbin stood.

"Never set nuffin on fire," Dobbin claimed, looking hurt.

A nice little tidbit, that one.

All in all, an enjoyable read.

7637454 And I thought "A Dream" was lacking in the marbles department.

The M.A. Larcenist is mislabeled. He doesn't take things. He hands out wings!

Also, I'm with Fuzzyfurvert, and will furthermore offer a +10 for use of the phrase, "smite this foul skulduggery!"

What happened here?


"What" happened here.

Fixed your punctuation for you. :raritywink:

I'll second the "what" comments. :twilightoops:

...Celestia got bored of her ultra-vegan phase, so she turned it into a LARPing field?

Pretty much!

Man, these comments are becoming a veritable feast of what. Good thing we've got such talented Whatchefs. :raritywink:

Oooh, a new What varietal! Somepony go clear some space in the greenhouse! :raritystarry:


That's some high-wattage storytelling, right there.

Ooh, I like it.

I regret not adding to this monstrosity when I had the chance. :facehoof:

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