This story is a sequel to My Little Mages: The Revenge of Nightmare Moon
Winter has come and gone since Twilight Sparkle moved to Magiville, now as Spring has kicked off and the Royal Gala is getting closer and closer. However, an old foe of Celestia and Luna has re-emerged.
After an argument between the Cutie Mage Crusaders(CMC), the Erisadies, Discord, now free from his stones prison, has stolen the Elements of Harmony and had set up a 'test' for Twilight and Company. Will they stand tall? Will Chaos reign supreme? Can Twilight show the power of Friendship Or will Discord tear the world asunder?
Cover art by Rainywindmill and used with permission
Chapters (5)
Wohoo! I longed to see the Discord's arc of this version of the show!
The story is really promising, but I have a couple of things to point out:
1) The punctuation needs more control. I noticed some parts lacking necessary pauses.
2) There is too much unneccessary exposition on some points, like when Spike talks about Twilight's knowledge of the streets of Chantalot for walking while reading or the explanation of the "twilight time" accident during the first signs of Discord's action. Those are more for a separate story, and if they are already planned for it, lessen the exposition, because it' s disrupting the flow of the narration.
Funny the parts with angry paladin AJ.
7599910 could you pm this with in a little more detail
But you do make a point about the exposition, however at this point in time I can only refer to the stories, yes they are planned for but... let's just say that this not entirely a solo work, and most of those stories will end up in dracone' After Effect series.
Also might I ask how did you get 'Twilight Time' from the prologue, it was mostly based off of the opening of 'Return of Harmony' with refences to 'Hearths Warming Eve'.
To be honest, I thought I would have been called out Luna's appearance in the narrative and the kiss she shared with the Tantabus...
But yes Angry Applejack is funny to read, but she is scary to write... Not
or 
scary, I would not want to be present for that.
7599910 oh you meant "it's about time", I was going for a bit of setup that Twilight, despite her intelligences, does not always think things through and used magic a quick fix. A reasonable flaw for her.
7600038 Yes, I was refering to that episode! It' s just that my computer is unavaible until tomorrow, so I'm using my smartphone for the web-surfing and so I'm a bit limited on that. I'll send you a pm with more details tomorrow, when my computer is back.
7600099 no rush. But I hope you are enjoying the story over all
7599910
I'm just glad to actually find a A/U that deals with the Discord arc.
Anyways, great story.
7603115 I hope I live up to your expectations and that enjoy this story.
7603139
Well I certainly am curious with where you'll be taking this story. So here's hoping.
7603401 Well the Return of Harmony two-parter is a good place to start for what I am planning.
Uhm, nice version of the maze part of the episode. I especially liked the part where AJ and Pinkie commented about their teammates' loss of special abilities XD
Very interesting the Rarity and Fluttershy' s corruption, where for the first Discord fails and he has to use a different way to convince her of the futility of generosity. Very, very incredible Fluttershy' s reaction to the failure of Discord with that passive aggressivity and pity for him, a deepening of her character and a sorta of foretelling for the future (the "keep calm and flutter on" episode).
Also, good the part with the three Princesses are searching for the friendship lessons of the main six, and the hint about how Celestia is happy about Luna being accepted by the Magiville's townspeople after her dark phase, by re-reading the letter of Nightmare Night many times... Or, at least, is what I thought by reading about the letter' s state.
The chapter is well-written, I didn' t found errors and I haven' t complains about the pacing. The only thing is the abusive use of the term "third eye". I know that you' re using it for make the reader understand where Discord is touching the main six for corrupt them, but an over-use like this it doesn' t sound great after a bit.
7625009 the 'thrid eye' is the center of the forehead where the pituitary gland is located. It's call that because of many Hindu gods having a literal third eye in that spot...most notable is Shiva the Destroyer... It also happened to be the location of the chiarka that deals with enlightenment which happens to be clogged by illusion... I might have over used it but I like the sound of the term 'their eye' over 'center of the forehead'...
Eh, good old chaotic Discord.
Nice chapter, very sticking to the show's episode, with some original components like the first part where you reference "Friendship Games" and "Dungeons and Discord".
The choice in the songs is good, but I'd have put part of the lyrics, instead of title and singer, referencing them in the author notes.
This is all, see ya!
7641207 I considered putting some of the lyrics in... but it didn't feel right to me. Now Lullaby For A Princess and Luna's Reply did... but it just did not feel right to actually include the songs I reference, you can only show so much and they weren't as relevant to the plot from my point of view... but I do see where you are coming from.
Also I believe that if Discord knew about the Human-world, he'd use that to mess with Twilight...
Excellent new chapters.
Now I need to watch "Friendship Games" and "Dungeons and Discord" for sure, after reading this.
7644761 and if you haven't also check out Eurobeat's 'Discord' song
Not much I can say other than, once again, great job on this story. I really appreciate you going to the effort. The exchanges, action, emotional content, main story wrap-up and future story set-up are all well done in all the right places. I particularly liked the scenes with Twilight getting her friends back to normal AND you explaining the reasons Celestia has for deciding to try to reform Discord in addition to the final scene.
I'll definitely be looking forward to more stories in this series as soon as time and inspiration will allow.
7651371
I am glad you like what I did. I personally felt that the show shortchanged Fluttershy, Rarity and Pinkie Pie's return to normal, which I get as a season opener and pre-airing of Lesson Zero, but it would have been better as a season finale or a mid-season thing.
Also I figured Celestia had a reason, but Keep Calm and Flutter On did not do a good job explaining it.
Actually inspiration is not that big deal of a problem for me. I am mostly retelling the two parters right now. But I hope you enjoy my future works. Also check out dracone's own work too. Serious do that do it now. Don't make Fluttershy cry...
Awww, it's already finished... Oh well, there will be the next one to read!
Nice going with this conclusive chapter. The slightly different ways used to block the main six and make them remeber were a nice touch of originality rarely seen in other renditions of this arc. But I've preferred a more dynamic one for Dash, this feel a bit too easy (but this is just my personal taste talking. The one you wrote is good).
And the epilogue where Celestia is already planning for the reformation of Discord, and the mention that some populations see her like a demon... Good job, hope to see more about it in future.
7651951 I get where you are coming from with the Rainbow Dash part, but the actuall show short changed Fluttershy, Rarity and Pinkie Pie in their restoration to give us the Chase scene. But here are the problems with the Chase scene, 1) Pinkie Pie is not stupid, her actions are atypical but rooted in reality. 2) Fluttershy is not a strong or fast flyers she can barely reach a wind-power of 2 Rainbow on the other hand can easily reach a wind-power of 10. And 3) it was not needed, Twilight could have easily come up with a plan that caught Rainbow Dash off-guard as the latter was still reclining on the cloud. Also 4) this story does not employ magical talking pascal colored ponies, It employs magically endowed humans, yes I have magic to work with but I can only strech the premise of the story when not dealing with Discord directly so far before it's no longer buyable to the reader... So I can either give more character development and flushing out to Fluttershy, Rarity and Pinkie Pie and have the group use their brains and skills to catch Rainbow Dash off guard, or I can make Fluttershy do what is physically impossible for her, make Pinkie Pie an idiot and not have Twilight and the restored 4 use their knowledge and skills for unneeded chase.
I get why people enjoy the latter, that's what the show did, but the former allows the group to shine.
I did consider using the Chase but as I thought about it, it would not work with in this AU and it should not have worked in the show simply because of Fluttershy's flying abilities veruses Rainbow Dash's. In other words if Rainbow Dash really wanted to get away there is no way Fluttershy can catch up.
7652001 Uhm, understood... In this view, it makes a really good point and now I appreciate it more.
7652100 thank you, for reading the story, pointing out the prefernce peole have for the Chase scene and your understanding of my reasons for the changes. You are awesome. Three Rainbowkisses for you.
good story, I like the over all theme to these story,
7772865 thank you. Not to look a gift horse in the mouth, but could you be a little more specific? Please
7772873 human like look with magic, I like it, also like how twilight charge ahead without thinking things though
It seems like all your other little mage stories are finished except this one. May I ask why?
8082204 bonus chapter in the works.
that was shorter than i thought it would be.
Excellent job on this bonus chapter. Very good mixture of source material faithfulness and your own touches. I'll most certainly be looking forward to seeing what you come up with next.
I liked this bonus chapter very much. But, why does it say "incomplete" now? Is there going to be more? If so, please take your time, and thank you very much for this fun little add on.
A bit short, but funny!
So, about the Tantabus, is Pinkie allowed to call him Uncle Tanzanite now or is he still keeping his distance?
8398361
Those aren't mutually exclusive, Darling.
8398410
Oh come on! At least tell me if she's allowed to give him hugs.
8398434
I cannot say, at this point, sorry but no spoilers. But wait and see
Man, Discord is meaner in this universe. Also, nice hint near the end, it must mean a lot to Celestia to hear that her sister is adjusting well into society.
8400232
Yeah he was a big... uhum. But he is a villain at this point.
8400353
Well, your Discord makes pre-reformed canon Discord look like pre-reformed canon Diamond Tiara.
8400386
Well he was a villain upon his intoduction
8400399
You and canon have different standards when it comes to villainy.
Yet another Portal reference I see.
Did getting Discorded cause Pinkie to lose the ability to fourth wall break? I half-expected her to say something along the lines of "That's copyrighted!" or something.
Also, I don't think Paula Abdul ever sang "Hit Me With Your Best Shot." I looked it up. The original singer was Pat Benatar, and I couldn't find Paula's name anywhere on the song's Wikipedia page.
8400422
I am not sure if that is a compliment or not?
8400509
thanks for the correction
8400549
It's neither. Then again, villains on a TV-Y rated show can only be sadistic to a certain degree. Your writing has no such restrictions.
8400686
wait until you get to Sombra.
Looney Tunes!
Hello, i haven’t gotten to reading this story yet (getting close to starting though) but i was curious as to what chapter 4’s title means, i tried using google translate’s detect language but it seems to have greek and spanish in it, if it is not a bother could you clarify what it means?
8547495
It's all Greek meaning 'Revelation/Revealing and the Resurrection of Harmony', it's amateur non-native speaking Greek, but Greek nonetheless.
8547565
Ah, thank you for clarifying
I always found this part stupid, because Discord cheats, and his way of doing this wouldn't work if he didn't cheat