On the ocean, in the distance up the coastline to the north, a regular stream of boats sailed in and out, heading for deeper waters to traverse the empire's length or merely drifting in the name of pleasure. The town was long and narrow, a strip of streets and buildings only several blocks deep, and the collection of seaside cabins that made up their hotel was more on its outskirts than properly separated from it, so Valey and Puddles didn't have far to travel at all to feel like they were in the middle of civilization again. That did nothing to stop Puddles from speeding up her travel in style.
"Wheeeee! Heeheehee!" she giggled, skating along and doing occasional twirls atop a thin tongue of ice that crackled along the ground just a few steps ahead. Valey soared along at just enough of a distance that no one would think they were together, a new pair of saddlebags flapping at her sides, utterly at a loss as to how the mare had so much energy after spending so much of the previous day being sick and chalking it up to magic. Puddles wanted to go to town whether it was physically possible or not, and that meant Valey was tagging along.
Fewer ponies than Valey expected looked innately disturbed by an earth pony generating a trail of ice, though quite a few shot scowls of annoyance at the frozen ground that would take minutes to thaw even in the day's heat. She flipped past a signpost, having plenty of time to think as she flew but nothing she wanted to think about.
Finally, Puddles let her trail end and tumbled to a stop at the entrance to a cross-alley, sitting up and shaking her dusty mane out of her face and straightening the pair of shaded goggles she had somehow found to hide her eldritch eyes. She raised her head and sniffed, glancing toward a nearby open doorway. "Ooh, that place smells good!"
"Nope!" Valey landed in front of her, taking only a second to catch up and waggling a hoof at the building's weathered yellow side. "That's a tavern, and totally-not-willing chaperone Valey says if you don't know how to control yourself with cake, we're not even setting a hoof in a place that has alcohol. You want me to do this job so badly, then let me do it. Find something else you want to do."
Puddles made a sad face and stuck out her lower lip, plopping herself in the middle of the compacted dirt road. The goggles ruined the effect, and Valey nearly chuckled.
"But Puddles wants'ta," Puddles protested, clear that was all there was to it.
"Nuh-uh." Valey stepped closer, standing between Puddles and the doorway. "That place is probably full of gross, hairy stallions and washed up pirates, too. Seriously, every pub or bar I've snooped around, whatever I'm looking for, has been bad news."
Puddles gave her a deadpan stare, then slammed a forehoof against the ground. More ice streaked out in a bolt that slithered to the center of the intersection and erupted, sending every passing pony and griffon jumping as a twice-as-large-as-life ice sculpture of her and Valey hugging appeared at the center. "Stupid stage magicians, keep yer' tricks indoors!" a griffon pulling a cart hollered, shaking a clenched talon as he awkwardly adjusted his path to go around the obstacle.
Valey gritted her teeth. "No taverns! They're full of pirates and bat-hating jerks and drunkards!"
"But Puddles wants'ta be a pirate," Puddles reminded, as if it had been decreed long ago and this was supposed to be common knowledge.
"Uhhhh." Valey narrowed her eyes, then walked all the way to Puddles' side. "So there's doing stupid stuff," she whispered in her ear, "and then there's doing illegal stuff, and then there's doing stuff that's heretical and will get that huge, giant storm-busting sphinx everyone here worships to want to kill us. Like, don't even joke about that. Besides, it's so illegal there's probably no pirates in there anyway. Look, there's even a sign by the door that says no pirates. Basically: no."
For a brief moment, Puddles' voice grew cockier. "It's so fun being babied like this. You should try it sometime!" she whispered back, then snapped back to normal. "Fine. Then if there's no pirates, there's no reason why we can't go inside!"
"Did somebody say pirates!?" a passing, elderly griffon with wispy eyebrows exclaimed, jumping to alertness and shaking on his legs. "I knew those rapscallions were up to no good! Swindlings, every last one of them! Swindlers, even! Humbug!"
Puddles stuck out her lip again as he went on his way.
"No," Valey repeated. "Let's go, like, look for a health food... Hey, wait a minute!"
Puddles was already halfway inside the building. Valey attempted to grapple her, but utterly failed to even knock her off her hooves, Puddles' strength far greater than that of a normal earth pony. Puddles stared down smugly at Valey hanging futilely off her. "I thought you didn't want any hugs!"
"No!" Valey scrambled upright, the tavern apparently too used to commotion for any patrons to even give them a second glance. "Look, fine, but if you don't want to make yourself sick again, the moment you so much as look at a mug, I'll-"
"Oooooh!" Puddles interrupted happily, pointing across several wallside booths and starting to prance over. "Swanky hat, mister!"
Valey looked across and groaned: it was a tricorn hat, complete with a plume and everything. Maybe she should just shadow sneak and wait for things to explode...
"Hey! Hey mister!" Puddles bounced over to the booth's lone occupant like a foal who had tied up her parents and was making a show of raiding the cookie jar right in front of their faces. "You look like a pirate!"
The hatted figure, a griffon with tar-black feathers that looked like they had been shiny when he was younger, sighed, staring with folded talons at a half-empty flagon. "Ye don't say. Is me getup really that obvious?" he asked in a tired growl. "What part o' the costume do ye think I rolled out of bed one morning and decided to put on by accident?"
Valey blinked. A performer? Maybe... She swam closer, feeling a slight sense that she'd seen this griffon before.
"You did it by accident? Awww..." Puddles gave an overdone frown, a flick of her tail showing off just how pleased she was to be digging herself a hole someone else would have to deal with. "Is it the hat, mister pirate? Can I have it if you don't want it?"
The dark griffon darkened further. "No. Leave me alone, child."
Now bar patrons were starting to stare, and that meant it was time to intervene. If she had another bar fight on her hooves... Valey coughed and stood up. "Uh, yeah, sorry about her, her judgement's so small that if you added it to the size of her ego, you could fit both in this room at the same time. Maybe. Look, come on, now, leave the gentlegriffon alone..." She tried to herd Puddles away as gently as she could.
Suddenly, a voice from across the aisle sparked up in panic. "Y-You!" A pegasus stallion flung a shaking hoof at her, eyes going wide as he tipped over his drink. "You followed me!? You followed me here!?"
"Uhhhh..." Valey took a step back, cutie mark suddenly warning her that something was about to be flung at her head, frantically trying to identify the pegasus. Maybe he was one of the guards from Stormhoof? "Do I know you?"
"Ruining three relationships and getting me fired wasn't enough for you, was it!?" the pegasus managed, backing up as far as he could without falling off his stool. "You followed me all the way here from Ironridge! Noooo! Get out of my life, you demon!"
Valey's ears folded. A former Defense Force member? Fantaaastic. Her past chose now of all times to catch up with her... Over half the tavern was staring now, too. "Bananaaaaas..." she groaned, covering her face.