//------------------------------// // Quiet Room // Story: The Olden World // by Czar_Yoshi //------------------------------// Shinespark's room was just as empty as it had been when Starlight and Maple stayed there on the flight to Riverfall. A sizable bed, dresser for formal clothes, bedside mirror and table sat next to a trunk for belongings and a curtained window, and the walls were sparse and free of pictures. It was dark, calm, lonely... and an inviting opposite to the chaos of the party Starlight had just escaped from. The orange mare set herself on her bed, half-laying as if she wanted to but thought it would be rude in the presence of guests. "Have a seat," she offered, gesturing to the trunk, table, bed and floor. "Or make yourself comfortable." Starlight sat on the floor, her half-finished food beside her. "I just cleaned that hall and got it to stop smelling like sweat and blood," Shinespark sighed. "They're probably going to dirty it up again. Oh well. I need something to keep me busy." Starlight nodded, chewing idly. She was almost full, but could still finish this plate. "Let me know if you don't want to talk," Shinespark added. "I know the feeling." "No." Starlight swallowed and shook her head. "You can talk. I'm just eating. As long as I don't get trampled like down there." "Hmph." Shinespark gave what might have been a chuckle that turned into a cough. "Bleh. I get that too. If you're not feeling it, that much energy just isn't fun to be around. Normally, I'd soak it up, but I'm not sure my life will be truly normal ever again." "Ironridge?" Starlight asked. Shinespark gave a faint smile. "I've lived in Ironridge all my life. But I know what you mean. And no, it's moving on. I don't know how Dior does it." She sighed and shook her head. "He's in over his head too, but loves it. He's treating this like a fun adventure, like everything he was ever responsible for doesn't matter. I wish I could do that. But even if I could get past everything I lead Sosa to..." She looked at her hoof, eyes downcast. "I don't know how to move on. That's all I've ever done with my life. Where do I go from here, now that I've let down everything that was riding on me and am not important any more? The ponies here aren't stupid, but they worry and think about simple things because that's all they've ever known. Going from complex to that... I just don't know how." "But you're feeling better, though?" Starlight tilted her head, checking. "About Sosa and... you know?" "No." Shinespark drooped, sagging closer into the bed. "I'm not, and don't think I ever will. But I'm learning to deal with it. I'm doing better, regardless of how I feel. I feel empty. Like I'm gone. It's not fun, or sad, or... anything. It just is." Starlight frowned. "If you're not all right..." "What?" Shinespark gave another half-smile. "I should do something about it? If you ever invent time travel, let me know and I'll give it a try. I can't change how I feel, but I'm doing the best I can and getting back on my hooves anyway. Maybe some day..." She exhaled loudly, looking around at the ship. "I made this ship, if nothing else. Maybe it'll do what it was always supposed to and be able to survive the mountains and make a trade route to the Plains of Harmony. Maybe some day, I'll have done more good for Ironridge than harm. It's still a possibility, as long as I'm alive. But how about you?" She glanced back at Starlight. "You had it rough in the skyport, if I remember correctly. And you pressed the trigger on that dam and took out it and my entire home. How are you doing?" Starlight flinched, ears going back. "I had to! You and Valey were fighting over it and Herman was threatening to do something even worse! Besides, would you rather have done that yourself?" "...I don't know." Shinespark swallowed. "Having let someone else do it... feels like a nice way to blame them and not myself. But I still blame myself, and not you. I don't even know why. So maybe it wouldn't have made a difference. Still, how are you doing? Can't be easy, having destroyed hundreds of years of history and economy even if you had no choice." "Fine," Starlight grunted. "It's... not one of the parts of Ironridge that bothers me." "That sounds like a bad thing," Shinespark offered regretfully, wiping her nose. "Sorry my city had to be at its worst when you came through. It's supposed to be a beacon of civilization in the wilderness. And then it all went wrong..." Starlight huffed. "Well, I died. Sort of. And it really hurt Maple, and I was blind after the dam, and... I just wish everything would stop going after my friends. I can take care of myself, but saving my friends is hard..." Shinespark nodded, giving up on laying upright and rolling onto her side. "Definitely. I tried to know everyone in Sosa, but Ironridge's population is in the hundreds of thousands. Even after everyone that died... I still feel for my friends more than most. Gunga. Gigavolt. Grenada. But they're hardly the only ones I knew well, and we had all agreed on and accepted the risks when we started all this. You, though... I bet losing any one of yours would hurt a lot more. You and your friends didn't sign up for this, after all." "Mhmm." Starlight ran over her friends in her mind. Maple? Losing her would be disastrous. She couldn't even imagine anything happening to Willow, and the thought of Amber gone, swept away in a flood as the dam's initial surge swept through Riverfall made her blood run cold. At least part of that was from imagining Maple and Willow's response, though. Then there was Valey, though as much as she had done to protect them, she didn't feel as much of an attachment to the other mare. If Valey died, she might eventually be okay. And Gerardo... He could leave and she might never even mind. Okay, that wasn't the most productive train of thought... "I can see you thinking about it," Shinespark said, watching her eyes. "I should have thought about it more. I did, but never felt it... It was all about planning and contingencies that ultimately didn't work because I wasn't strong enough to stick to the plan. If I hadn't called back my cutie mark from Braen, she would have been able to talk the Spirit down from going to the skyport and destroying it. At least, I hope she would've. But running over what-ifs isn't useful." "Gunga was up on the bridge, right?" Starlight asked. It wasn't the best change of topic, but she sensed Shinespark needed one and it was the first thing that came to mind. "He was." Her eyes unfocused, staring off into the past. "Early that morning, as soon as we finished our meeting on this ship, he took the ferry and made an emergency run to Riverfall to deliver my mother and warn Arambai that the river might flood. Then he came back. He'd probably be alive if he kept the ferry there, but there were too many reasons not to. I wasn't the leader of the Spirit, remember. Braen was. We needed someone with Spirit authority to give orders during the dam assault, and he was the most senior member in my inner circle. Besides, if we had left him and the ferry in Riverfall, we didn't know this ship would work yet, so we wouldn't have had a way to give them the all-clear if everything went right... which we were hoping it would. And no leader would stay in safety while risking the lives of all their subordinates. So he came back, docked the ferry, joined us for the dam... and didn't make it out alive. Just like Gigavolt." She hung her head. "It was how he wanted to go, so I can't feel too sorry for him. Grenada is the one who gets me choked up." Starlight noticed her eyes were closed, probably fighting back tears. Had she cried herself over what happened in Ironridge? She probably should, but didn't feel like it at the moment. Shinespark gave a wet sniffle, her emotions and her cold conspiring together to plug her nose. "I was there with her, minutes before she died. I could have talked her out of it. I should have. I thought I did, and that she'd go back down and be safe. I didn't even know the tower was in danger! Instead I went up, and was able to teleport everyone else out, and..." She wiped her nose on the blankets, then glared at them. "I'm going to have to clean these later," she grumbled. "Anyway. I can't believe I'm wishing I had saved her instead of everyone else. Knowing what you want is the wrong thing and wanting it anyway is... hard. Ugh. I wish I had at least gotten to tell her she was my sister. Never was quite sure when to. It should have been before the battle... but I didn't want to break her focus. She was even younger than I am, and her worldview wasn't as solid. You saw how she froze up at that breakfast meeting. I should have just kept her out of the Spirit entirely. Given her to Elise to raise..." "At least you had a sister in the first place," Starlight said. "Multiple ones. You know where I'm from, right?" "The Plains of Harmony," Shinespark grunted, rubbing at her nose. "Ugh, this cold..." "Yeah." Starlight sighed. "And I left because I was alone. I had one friend, and they left. You at least had more friends, even if you left most of them behind, or they're gone. And you've got Matryona with you now, and she cares about you. Right?" Shinespark grimaced. "Hard to feel for what I have when my mind is on what I don't. I know that's the wrong way to do it, but I just... My mind is messed up right now. I'm spilling my heart out to a filly, and you've probably got just as much to deal with already as I do! The old me would be asking what she could do for you, and..." She slammed her face into the covers. "I hate being broken. I wonder if this is how Valey feels. She always had issues. Bet I'm acting like her, huh?" Starlight shrugged. "You do talk similarly, a little. Maybe you should do something? I have trouble deciding what to do, but it usually feels nice." "I already am." Shinespark smirked sadly. "Waiting for my brother's party to be over so I can get back to cleaning this ship. And then I'll do it again, and again..." "You could go to Arambai's," Starlight offered. "Aren't there parts you need to fix the ship's power systems? You'd probably feel better if you could make it fly." "Tried that," Shinespark sighed, stretching out. "Got lost, rained on and a cold. Unless you know the way?" She looked almost hopeful. Starlight bit her lip. "Well... no. But I know what his house looks like." "He's sent me pictures of it too," Shinespark said, sounding wistful. "But maybe we'll do that, if someone who's a local shows up. Until then, not much I can do but wait..."