Birds on the Barbie
"Alright... so... question..." Pinkie Pie's ghostly muzzle scrunched as she and the other mares followed Rainbow through the craggy streets of the stone city. "If actual Dihmers get in actual boats to actually sail across the actual sea of slimy death..." She looked at her anchor. "...what actually keeps the actually beating ocean from actually murdering all the ponies on board with actual death???"
"I dunno, Pinkie," Rainbow droned. She looked up the sharp incline leading towards the hazy hilltop where the giant metal foundry was located. "I guess the Dihmers just... found a way after so many generations."
"Like—actually—though?!?!"
"Ugh!" Rarity clutched her skull. "Could you please stop saying that word!"
"What? 'Like?'"
"I really don't find it that hard to believe," Twilight Sparkle said. "The Dihmers escaped the Changelings... and they've since survived both the Dark Vigil and the Night Shard. Not to mention all of the other malevolent denizens of this plane." She smiled slightly. "For all of their grim exterior, they're quite a resourceful civilization. No doubt they've found a way to navigate this ocean. They should be proud of their accomplishments!"
"Yes..." Fluttershy nodded sadly. "The thing is... they won't ever be proud of it." She swallowed. "Or anything else for that matter."
Twilight hung her head. "Well... yes... true..."
"But that's just... just..." Pinkie pointed at the ocean. "...so much ooze! How does anypony contend with that?"
"Reckon we're about to find out, Pinkie," Applejack said. "Figurin' these Smelt-Blood fellers ain't fixin' to yank our chain none."
"Wait a second..." Pinkie tapped her pink chin in thought. "So much ooze... so much ooze... ya knowwwwwwww..." A wicked grin. "If you say that three times fast, you get... ... ..." She flashed a smirk at the group. "'SUSAN!'"
Applejack and Rarity blanched at her.
"Phweeeeeeeeee..." Rainbow exhaled through a dumb smile.
Ariel glanced back at her. "Y'know..." She smirked. "Half the time I'd give anything just to hear the conversations you must be hearing at any moment."
"Trust me. Save your bits. It's not always worth it."
"It's worth it to you, though."
"Meh." Rainbow looked up at the gates to the enormous factory. Already she could spot the flicker of metal armor. Imps were guarding the entrance. Despite their short height, they looked somewhat formidable, and the polearms in their gasp glinted with the same ferocity as their teeth.
"Looks like we found the welcoming crew," Flynn said.
"Just relax," Rainbow Dash droned. "When we get there, let me do the talking."
"And what if there's chaos metal crap in that place?" Flynn replied. "And you fall flat on your ass. Then what?"
"Then let Wildcard do the talking."
Kepler chuckled.
"Don't worry, everypony," Logan droned. "If shit hits the fan, I've got this."
"Yeah. Just roll into them, fatso," Flynn grunted.
"I'll be usin' your bald ass as a battering ram."
"From what I've seen on the Dark Side, that's probably the cleanest way to go."
"Heheheheh..."
As the Herald proceeded towards their uphill destination, Seraphimus took up the rear. She shook her head, sighing loose the exhaustion of having to deal with the insatiably chatty bunch. As she passed another row of buildings, her wing-flapping pace slowed. She touched down on all fours, slinking forward with narrow eyes.
"... ... ..."
She proceeded forward. Three meters. Six. Nine—
Sw-Swooosh! She lashed her lion's tail out—seemingly at randomly—and lashed onto the ankle of a creature in the alleyway adjacent to her.
"Gaaaah!" a raspy voice yelped.
Th-Thwisssh! In the next second, she had body-slammed an imp into the stone wall of a Dihmer house. Th-Thuddd! She planted her talon around the neck of the goblin and sneered in his face.
"You!" Her charcoal brown eyes narrowed. "You've been following us for half-an-hour!" She hissed. "Explain yourself... or I'll be claiming your spleen—assuming you half-baked abominations even possess those."
"Grkkkk!" Jacko squirmed and dangled in the griffin's grip. Blood trickled from his pointy nose as he struggled for breath. "Metal Mum's Mammaries, ya bird-o!" the Tail-Blooder wheezed. "No worries! I was only wantin' to learn more about youse, aye?"
Seraphimus looked him up and down, from his leather vest to his canvas trousers. "I don't see any so-called 'strips' on you. Do I need to remind you that information is an apparent commoddity among your putrid kind?"
"Why... scrkkk... the smelly mannahs, sheila?" Jacko managed a nervous smile. "You're curious! I'm curious! The whole bent world could use some stretchin' out! Can't we be friends?"
"Look at the wasteland all around you," Seraphimus growled. "When has anyone on the Dark Side ever been 'friends?'"
"Are... are..." Jacko gritted his pointed teeth. "...are youse really from Penumbra?"
"... ... ..."
"Tr-trust me! Grkkk... there are plenty'o'blokes between here and Petra who would like to know, love!"
Seraphimus snorted. "Not only are you out of strips, but you're out of ideas." She dropped him to the street.
"Whoah! Ooomf!"
"You're pathetic," she grumbled, leering over him. "Cease pursuing my traveling companions and I... or I will be forced to make you pay out your chest cavity." And she turned to resume her march uphill.
"Mmmmff... pl-please..." Jacko reached out towards her, half-collapsed on the ground. "The shithole they got me boys and I in..." He shook his head, ears wobbling. "It ain't goin' nowheah but to the sharks! Petra... Petra's got eccentric yobbahs who'll pay heaps of strips to know what's really goin' on beyond the Edge! Don't ya see, sheila? I'm givin' ya someone to turn to!"
Seraphimus stopped in mid-step. She breathed thoughtfully, head turned halfway.
"That's what youse lookin' for, aye?" Jacko's eyes narrowed. "A safe haven? Y'know... spit on me blood all ya want, love, but at least we Tail-Bloodahs are only askin' for strips. The bats-o's and the change-o's are out for ya bodies. And the shard-o's... well... not even your souls are safe heah, ya reckon?"
"... ... ..." Seraphimus turned towards him—
"Sera???" Rainbow's voice called out from above. "Where've you gone, girl? Stay in sight!"
Seraphimus glanced up the hill, then back down at Jacko. With a steely gaze, she pointed and spoke: "Meet me someplace quiet. Four hours from now."
"Meet ya...?" Jacko struggled up to his feet. "Uhhh... exactly wheah?"
"Never you mind." Her wings spread. "I will find you." FWOOOSH! And she rocketed towards the rest of the Herald at the entrance to the Forge.
Jacko shuddered in place. He rubbed his throat as his ears drooped. "Bloody emu with tits..." A slight pause, and his razor sharp teeth showed beneath a crooked grin. "I think I'm in love...!"
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Australia.
I don’t see why Sera is stupid enough to keep this a secret, but then again, I also don’t see how Rainbow would fault what she’s doing. They’re going to fight one of the factions, sooner or later, and when every single troop comes chasing after them, the Herald is going to need someplace to hide.
8879607
She thinks Rainbow Dash will probably disagree with wathever plan she is coming up with.
Just a hunch, tho.
Well, who wouldn't love a reformed murder chicken?
It sounds like Seraphimus still needs to learn that not everyone who follows you has hostile intentions. That said, I hope she has learned to trust Rainbow enough to tell her about this. Poor communication kills after all, she of all catbirds should know that.
It is the little things that are worth the most
.
Acceptable ship.
Oh Gods Sera, don't start pulling stupid shit now!
Dash already gives us enough of that!8879743
But does Swan Song accept the ship?
Will be typical if only chaos metal is relatively immune to the Schmooze.. Relatively as in that it need repair after evrey crossing just from corrosion, not through bulk crushing and wrenching attacks?
Is Sera gonna get a pet Jacko?
Jacko's becoming one of my favorite characters pretty quickly.
Hmmm, I honestly didn't expect them to pick up a new companion here, I expected it pretty soon but not this soon.
Kulve Taroth needs to stop consuming my life right now.
Anyway...
Goblin compatriot... well they'll need someone who knows the ins and outs of goblin culture and all that shit, they'll also need someone who's just as technologically minded as Flynn if they hope to jury rig anymore vehicles, ones that are perhaps safe for Dash to travel on.
-Through the path long forgotten, into the darkness long begotten. Ofolrodi.
Jacko X Sera?
Oh god oh no
This.....could go any number of ways
8879728
To be fair to Sera, if there's anyplace you should assume everyone following has bad intentions, it's the Darkside.
I will have to ask, just how does Jacko know what a bird is?
I hope Sera won't succumb to any backdoor deals without telling anyone about it.
Maybe their stealth mode also works on the Smooze.
Goddammit Skirts
That's a new nakama right there. Or they could get themselves a Dihmer or four, I don't think it would crowd the dialogs too much.
Sera x Jacko. Finally, a shipping pair everyone can agree with.
8879812
Got to agree. Sera doesn't know who the imp works for. Who would want info on the light side, who would even believe there IS a light side? Only the Bats, and the Changelings would want and would know what to do with that info.
To any other person, it's meaningless, especially if the faction isn't planing on invading into the light side. So how is that information valuable? Especially since the Heralds are the first thing to ever come to the dark side in thousands of years.
8880690
..... I don't get it.
... eh, I ship it
8881634
When she starts saying "so much ooze", it sounds like she's going to end up with "smooze".
(If there's another meaning behind "Susan" specifically, I don't get it either)
Jackimus!
8882211
S'Mooze. Like S'Mores!
However sonorously we sing of ships setting out to sacharine sugary sailing, we all know Seraphimus will be besties with Roarke once they meet up on the Light Side after all this adventuring is concluded.
I mean, Iron Mare and Madame Murderess.
8882137
YOUR CHARACTER IS SO AWESOME!
8881541
If you lived in a wasteland and had some visitors come from literal paradise, wouldn't you want to trade information just out of curiosity?
Possible new companion? The herald could use someone who knows the land.
8880435
Maybe they lost an emu war once, considering they're in the land down under.
"Wait a second..." Pinkie tapped her pink chin in thought. "So much ooze...so much ooze... ya knowwwwwwww..." A wicked grin. "If you say that three times fast, you get... ... ..." She flashed a smirk at the group. "'SUSAN!'"
Pinkie you troll.
Daww~ Shipping~
Really? REALLY? A half million words of no shipping and THIS is what you’re giving me to work with?
Ugh. FINE.
Shack-o.
(I regret nothing).
Well...uh...that was unexpected.
This was pretty much the same thing Bard said when Rainbow whooped his ass.
9111499
Also emu's. Is the dark side Australia cause that would make far too much sense
8884043
You mean Death Chicken?
Tbh I might have been too. But the real question- what accent am I supposed to be reading in this in-Australian?
So one thing I've realized is that Rainbow has lost her loyalty pendant a few times during her journey, but has anyone else tried equipping it since she rescued the phantasm 5?
It'd be pretty neat if she could pucker up for say 20 seconds, slap the pendant on one of the herald and then they could see her ghost friends. Too much chaos at risk in the down under I reckon, but still fun to think of how they'd react to suddenly seeing them.
Hmmm...I can only hope you're gonna tell the rest of the crew what's up Sera. Cause this could end badly. Or stupidly.
Also I've been thinking...what if the Smooze wasn't always where it is now? Maybe that's the other big factor in the War being in it's current stalemate. If no one can fly over the stuff, then no one can get to the Armory. From the Death Moon the Bloodwings have, maybe they're gonna try and brute force their way through the ocean goop, but that thing can probably only work so much. But when all three factions learn about a boat...
Fighting over It Carries might be the spark that starts everything back up...