• Published 4th Jun 2017
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Ofolrodi - Imploding Colon



Rainbow Dash traverses the perils of the Dark Side of the world to reach the Midnight Armory.

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For the Voyage Ahead

"Mrmmmfff..." Flynn clenched his teeth, aiming a flickering horn at a stack of gold metal shards. "Mrmmmfff... almost... g-got it... m-moving...!"

Kepler shuffled past him with a bundle of supplies over his hairy flank. "Has yourr herroic horrn recoverred, good frriend?"

"Well... erm..." Flynn fidgeted in place. Thunder rolled over the sterile precipice as he murmured, "Almost—but not fully—"

"Then save yourr telekinetic strrength!" Kepler commanded as he began assembling a crude sled out of their gathered materials. "If you shatterr yourr connection to leylines completely, then you might neverr cast magic everr again!"

"But I want to help!" Flynn frowned. "We're set to take off at any moment and the Herald can't afford for any of us to slack off—"

Heavy hoofsteps. "How're your muscles, baldy?" Logan asked, glaring down at him. "Still sore?"

"Well... n-no, actually—"

"Good." Thwump! Logan dumped a bunch of alchemic equipment over the unicorn's backside. "You wanna help? Throw out all the crap we don't need and pack up all the stuff we do need all neat and tight."

"But—"

"But what?" Logan arched an eyebrow. "You think—where we're going—we're gonna rely on your sparkly brain noodle alone? Pffft. This is the Dark Side, creampuff. Gotta brute force our way towards the horizon 'cuz it is literally all uphill from now on!"

Flynn pouted, carrying the alchemic equipment over towards where an assortment of supplies had been gathered. "I am not a creampuff."

"I'll believe it when I see some sweat kiss the twilight, buckaroo!" Logan spat, marching away. "You've got several dozen spent moonrocks to cast off! Knock 'em out!"

Kepler was waiting for Logan over by the strips of harmonic gold. "I've gatherred all I could carrry from the Gondola..."

"Well done, Kep," Logan said with a nod. "Just tell me where the heavy-as-crud stuff is and I'll haul it on over."

"To what end?" Kepler's spectacles reflected a pulse of lightning as he looked over at the remains of the Gondola. "Is not ourr intent to pack light? Surrely you can't carrry so much alicorrn metal..."

"I'd like to give it the ol' college try."

"If you must overexerrt yourrself, dearr frriend, best to do it herre than countless days laterr." Kepler's hairy brow furrowed. "While we arre in mid-trravel."

"I don't think I'll be the only one drawing the supplies."

"What arre you thinking?"

Logan tapped his chin in thought. "I'll haul the heavier stuff—like our medicine, the remaining rune stone gifts from Bleak's Plummet..."

Kepler smirked. "Ourr food supplies?"

"Shuddup, walrus." Logan gestured. "Leave the bare essentials to me."

"Then what will we need a second sled forr?"

Logan's nostrils flared. "What else?"

Kepler looked over to where Seraphimus lay dormant. "Ah. But of courrse. I suspect we can't allow herr to fly, much less trrot."

"I'd say pack a few non-essentials with her and then we've got ourselves a caravan," Logan said. "If... that's what the Austraeoh wants."

"Indeed she does."

"Now... I'm strong and all... but..." Logan shifted where he stood. "I sure as heck can't bend alicorn metal. Something tells me we're gonna have to arrange these metal planks as uniformly as we can and fasten them tightly together."

"I think I have yourr idea neatly picturred in my mind."

"Do you really?" Logan smiled sheepishly. "Because I sure as Hell can't draw a blueprint to save my butthole."

"Ha-Hah!" Kepler waved him off. "Go and fetch the largerr planks, brrotherr! Leave the engineerring to me!"

"Thanks, Kepler." Logan trotted off. "I'd ask Flynn, but I'd rather him feel as useless as possible for as long as possible."

"I heard that!" a voice cracked amidst the thunder.

"Then..." Kepler tappec his furry chin, speaking to himself. "...the next thing on our agenda is deciding prrecisely who shoulderrs guarrd-duty..."


"You can't be serious," Ariel stammered.

Wildcard merely gave a vehement nod. He gestured as well as he could with one arm—which caused him to teeter off-balance towards his left.

Ariel reached out and caught him. "Look at you, for Goddess' sake!" She frowned as thunder rolled above them. "You're on three limbs and a prayer!"

Wildcard stretched and unstretched his wings.

"And we are not making you walk on your feathertips the entire way!" Ariel huffed. "If anyone should be drawing Seraphimus' sled and watching over her, it should be Big Show!"

Wildcard gave her a blank goggled look.

"I don't care if he's the strongest among us! Two of us can draw the bigger pack of supplies if we have to! You, though? You're in no condition to watch over Seraphimus!" Ariel folded her forelimbs. "If that batshit crazy fascist gets free again—you'll be the first thing that stands in her way!"

"...good thing he's the best equipped to deal with her," Rainbow Dash said, hovering into the conversation.

Ariel gave her a double-take. "Are you serious?"

"Jee. I said what I meant, didn't I?"

"Have you noticed that Wildcard here is missing a talon? He's only three-fourths griffin right now."

"Ariel, please." Rainbow gave her a bitter smirk. "A dude's feeling."

"This is no laughing matter."

"Good. Because I'm not telling a joke." Rainbow turned to face Wildcard. "You and the Commander of the Talon go way back, right?"

Wildcard took a shuddering breath. At last, he gave a sincere nod.

"Then that makes you our ace in the hole," Rainbow said. "You two have history together. If anyone in the Herald can convince her to see reason once she's come to—it's you."

"Uhm... excuse me, but..." Ariel leaned her head in. "What good is reason when you've got a complete psychopath on your hooves?"

"Nevertheless, Wildcard's volunteered. Who else would be drawing the sled that Seraphimus is on? Me?" Rainbow Dash suffered a cold shudder. "I think the further we keep me from that griffin when she wakes, the better." She pointed at Wildcard's missing prosthetic. "And we're blessed to have eggheads like Flynn and Kepler with us. If anyone can fashion Wildcard here a temporary walking-stick until they can craft a proper prosthetic, it's them."

"Still, Rainbow... I think this whole idea is messed up," Ariel said. She winced slightly. "No offense."

"I hear ya, girl."

"I mean... hasn't Wildcard here been through enough?"

Rainbow looked at the griffin. Her eyes rested on the bo-staff lying across his back, still stained in blood. A faint glow twinkled between the feathers.

"If Wildcard wants to guard Seraphimus, I am not about to argue with him," Rainbow Dash said. "And that's the end of it."

Wildcard bowed ever so slightly.

A heavy sigh escaped Ariel's muzzle. "Fiiiiine... but then..." She gestured at Seraphimus. "...what—exactly—are we going to do to keep Sleeping Beauty in check? I mean, the chumps on the Light Side tried to bind her—and they failed."

"Hmmmm..." Rainbow Dash slicked her bangs back. She gazed at the ruined Gondola, then at the spot where Seraphimus lay. "Why do hard work..." She smirked. "...when the alicorns have done all the labor for you centuries ago?"


"I must say, Rainbow..." Flynn reached in with both hooves, licking his lips. "...this was some pretty smart thinking."

"Is it?" Rainbow sweated, fussing with a length of metal cable. "Is it really?" She and Flynn leaned back, wiping their brow. "Because it looks pretty dumb to me."

Before them, Seraphimus' body had been bound in six places. Her arms and legs had been drawn behind her back, and her wings were coiled tightly together. Every single limb was entangled in a complex array of metal cords—and each of the cords wound their way to a series of straight golden rods fetched from the collapsed Gondola. The rods acted like splints, rigidly holding Seraphimus in place like a multi-layered griffin sandwich. It was obvious from looking at the job that the Talon member would have very... very little room to move once she awoke... which is just what Rainbow and Flynn intended. Lying on the side of a hastily-crafted sled, Seraphimus resembled a delicious slice of cat-bird meat pressed tightly between two slices of golden bread.

"Dumb, it may be. But so long as dumb works..." Flynn shrugged. "...then it's more than fine in my book." He looked at her. "I'll be sure to triple-check that the cords are taut once my magic works again."

"Good stallion," Rainbow said. "Getting her to eat and use the bathroom is going to be one heck of a challenge, but we'll deal with that when we get to it."

"Or Wildcard will deal with it."

"Heh. Yeah. Exactly." Rainbow's ear twitched, and her muzzle scrunched. "'What's the safe word???' Tchh..." She frowned into empty space. "AJ, get Pinkie to shut up, please. Thanks."

"Kepler and Logan should be done with the supplies soon," Flynn explained. "And I've neatly sorted through the runes that the sarosians gave us."

"Do we have enough ammo for the trip ahead?"

"I... can't say how powerful the lunar enchantments are... at least not until my horn is back to normal," Flynn said. "But we have a sizeable amount of kersplodey rocks at our disposal."

Rainbow breathed in. "Cool."

"But... only two boomsticks."

Rainbow exhaled. "Cool enough... I guess."

"Would you rather have none?"

"Nope. Not on your life." Rainbow turned and gazed away from the world's edge. The tiny golden speak lingered slightly above the visual terrain. "I've got Ariel surveying the landscape eas—er... I mean ahead of us."

"I've been meaning to talk to you about that," Flynn said. "The compass doesn't work out here. I doubt any other conventional navigation would help us either."

"Lemme guess. The stars are all different."

Flynn nodded. "Completely. We might have to invent our own means of directions."

"But... we're essentially going west now, right?" Rainbow looked sideways at the unicorn. "I mean... compared to how we were going?"

"In relation to where the Edge was on the Light Side? Well, sure, Rainbow... but I'm not sure that metric's going to help us much now." He gestured. "Once we get barely one-fourth of the way into the shadowed madness, we're gonna have the horizon stretching wildly in all directions... at least from our perspective."

"We'll still know which horizons lead to the edges, right? I mean... all we gotta do is look up."

"Certainly." Flynn nodded. "But how easily might we lose track of where we came from with where we're headed?"

"Uhhhhh..." Rainbow fidgeted slightly. "...leave bread crumbs?"

"Heh..." Flynn smiled awkwardly. "Considering how far we've got to go between here and the Armory, we'd starve before we made it one tenth of the way." He gulped. "I hate to make things sound dire, but we're going to need to take our time and forage around the landscape. Try and find wood for fire. Food for eating. Resources for making a mobile shelter. And we gotta find it all pretty darn quick."

Rainbow's body shrank as she exhaled. "I guess I was... just fooling myself in thinking we could wing it to the Armory and zip right back, huh?"

"Even without a Trinary War to deal with, I wouldn't be surprised if..." Flynn cleared his throat. "...if it's years before we manage to see the Sunrise again, Rainbow."

Rainbow nodded. "Here's hoping awesomeness outlasts youth."

"I'm with you on that one."

"Still..." Rainbow flapped her wings and ascended towards the twilight. "...I'd better check up with Ariel. If this crazy friggin' trip is going to start, then we'd better figure out a path to take."

"We'll be ready when you are, Rainbow!" Flynn called out after her.

Kepler shuffled up, and the first thing he did was stare at Seraphimus' bound figure. "My oh my... you cerrtainly crreated a worrk of arrt with the alicorrn metal."

"Yup." Flynn sighed. "That we did."

"Still..." Kepler winced, staring at the weighty golden bars holding Seraphimus' unconscious body down. "...do you think we'rre overrdoing it a bit?"

A beat.

Flynn's fetlock slapped Kepler upside the hairy head.

Kepler blinked. "Rright." He straightened his spectacles and marched off. "Ahem. I shall go and assist Wildcarrd in crrafting a walking stick."

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