• Published 4th Jun 2017
  • 14,647 Views, 13,299 Comments

Ofolrodi - Imploding Colon



Rainbow Dash traverses the perils of the Dark Side of the world to reach the Midnight Armory.

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The Back and Forth

"Mrrrmmmgnngh... guh..." Flynn heaved a final pair of chaos rocks onto a pile resting against the underside of the floating boulder that he and Kepler were perched on. "Whew!" He wiped his balding brow, smirking. "That should be enough samples to start out with. Don't you think so?"

"Indubitably, brrotherr."

"Now to get this shiet back to camp..." Flynn started gathering the rest of his materials.

Kepler, in the meantime, threw a cautious glanced towards the edge of the crater above them and the floating rocks. "What... prray tell... was the purrpose of Serraphimus' distrress?"

"I dunno. Maybe she friggin' layed an egg or something."

"Ha-hah!"

Swoooooooooooooooosh! Ariel flew in, hovering parallel to their upside-down figures. "How long until you're ready to fit that shit to the wagon?"

"Uhhhhhhhhh..." Flynn squinted his one good eye. "Provided Miss Austraeoh changes her mind, I'd say in about an hour."

"Cool. You've got five minutes."

Flynn's metal lens rotated inward. "Wat."

"Surrely you jest, frriend!" Kepler coughed. "We've barrely crracked the code of this chaos materrial as it is! It will take severral in-depth experriments attempting to make it function with the wagon—"

"There's a big army of pale-skinned Goddess-knows-what charging this way and if we don't get the wagon flying immediately then we're all buying a ticket to a permanent ashes-to-ashes vacation!" Ariel growled.

"You... have got to be shitting me," Flynn wheezed.

Ariel bit her lip. "I... k-kinda took care of that along the way here."

"How big of an arrmy arre we talking about?" Kepler asked.

Ariel swiveled to face him. "About as big as your palm."

"... ... ...?" The wyvern looked at his palm—

Whappp! Ariel shoved his own hand into his face. She then leaned forward and growled: "Doofuses! This is no time for thinking! It's time for moving!" She held her breath, flipped upside down, and landed on the boulder beside them. "Hurry!" She grabbed as many chaos metals as she could. "Grab as much as you can carry and heave them to the top of the crater! Logan's inbound—we can use his muscle!"

"Ahem...!" Kepler straightened his spectacles and scrambled to assist her. "Right!" He scooped up as many metals as he could with his arms, wings, and even his scorpion tail. "Hurrry, brrotherr!"

"Once..." Flynn grumbled, packaging up his equipment and strapping them to his back. "Just once..." He joined the others in grabbing chaos samples. "...I want to survive by the skin of my teeth without having to survive by the skin of my teeth!"

"Save it for the victory orgy when all this crud is said and done!" Ariel barked.

"Wait..." Kepler looked up, blinking. "Afterr the Midnight Arrmorry, we arre to engage in a victorry bachanalia?"

"Will you just pick up the dumb rocks already?!?"

"Ach! Verrily!"


"Hressssssssh!"

"Hresssssssshaaaa!"

"Hrssssh-Shkkkkk!"

"Oh goodness...!" Fluttershy covered her ears as she and her friends glided along with Rainbow Dash. "Oh goodness! Gracious!" Eyes tearing, she looked back at the advancing mass of angry creatures charging after Rainbow and Wildcard. "Do th-they have to make s-such frightening noises?"

"I doubt those pipes of theirs were designed for opera, darling!" Rarity exclaimed.

"Dashie!" Pinkie yelped, her forelimbs quivering.

"!!!" Rainbow hollered aside. "Wildcard! Up—!"

Wordlessly, he obeyed her. The two ascended rapidly as—

"Hressssssssh!!! Two monsters leapt upwards with dual banshee shrieks. They raked the twilight with their foreclaws, missing Rainbow and her Desperado friend by mere inches before plunging back to the charging mass below.

With the proximity of their lunge, Rainbow's friends vanished momentarily. Discord flickered in and out of existence, and then the five mares rematerialized.

Rainbow gulped. "Every t-time they get close..."

Sweating, Wildcard flashed her a nervous look.

"Them varmints are gettin' even closer with them leaps of theirs!" Applejack exclaimed. "How's that even possible?"

"They appear to be leaping off each other's putrid hides!" Rarity whimpered. "Teamwork, no doubt."

"Maybe..." Twilight panted, watching below as the beasts climbed over each other and attempted once again to leap at the pair above. "...a hive mind?"

"Dun seem like it," Applejack said, shaking her head. "These creeps are just really really Tartarus-bent on endin' Rainbow and her feathery friend here!"

"Hrmmmmm..." Twilight stroked her chin, eyes narrowing. "...'Tartarus-bent...'"

"Get your egg head in the game, Twi!" Rainbow's voice cracked as she and Wildcard ascended even more. They sped their wave Curveside, barely flying ahead of the chaotic army below. "We gotta rendezvous with the others and hope that they get the wagon airborne... in... ... ... time..." Her words trailed off.

Gazing ahead, Rainbow saw Seraphimus sitting alone on the dormant hovercraft. Logan's obese figure was bounding up the crater's edge. There was no sign of Flynn or Kepler or Ariel... or any of the situation-saving chaos rocks.

Rainbow bit her lip. "... ... ...we'll never make it in time." She gazed straight down, and it numbed her to see that—even at her breakneck speed—the voracious line of creatures was rushing past them. They'd be at the wagon within a minute. "Crud. CRUD!"

Wildcard's goggles rattled as he too anxiously pondered the current situation.

"Not looking good, Dashie..." Pinkie looked at their anchor. "Time to fire up the ker-stupid, ya think?"

"Ah jeez..." Twilight was already grabbing at her ears.

Rainbow gulped. "We gotta buy 'em some time." She looked over. "Wildcard?"

He was already nodding. Th-Th-Thwisssh! He twirled Bard's staff into a striking position.

"Careful!" Rainbow hollered, descending swiftly. "Only get close enough to tick them off!" She pointed. "Don't lose your head!"

He saluted, then spiraled into the pale-skinned madness.

"Rainbowwwwwwwwwww..." Twilight moaned into her forelimbs, refusing to watch. "...I hope you know what you're doingggggggg."

"Do I ever?" Then, with a cracking voice, she dropped like an anvil towards the crowd. "Ohboy."

A few beady-eyes looked up as Rainbow got the closest ever look at the creatures. Barred teeth. Hollow nose holes. Leafy airs and straw-thin scalps of loose, gray hair.

"Hiya handsome!" Rainbow slammed her rear hooves into one's gullet and trampolined off, hurdling herself back into the twilight. "Put your faces to good use—"

"HRESSSSSSSSSHAAAAA!!!" No less than six beasts leapt violently up towards her at once.

"Ahhhhh sh—!" Rainbow began, but didn't finish.

Cl-Cl-Cl-Clankkk! Bard's staff flew against several skulls at once. The monsters' bodies plummeted, and twice as many leapt up to take their place. Wildcard held his breath, holding the staff up to deflect their attack. Thankfully, Rainbow had grabbed his lion's tail and she yanked the Desperado up to a safe altitude before the jumping cretins could lacerate his jugular.

More and more creatures leapt. Rainbow and Wildcard dipped low on sporadic occasions, with the former hollering every now and then to egg the beasts on. Slowly—as the elusive pair grew more and more daring—the pale army of bodies stopped their Curveside advance completely, choosing instead to congregate in a muscular pile of ravenous limbs... jumping, reaching, and lunging hungrily for their prey.


Seraphimus blinked.

Charcoal brown eyes reflected the two tiny specks of Wildcard and Rainbow Dash bobbing and weaving above the pale sea of claws. Every now and then, a light-gray shape would streak through the air in a violent arc, attempting to intercept the Heraldites in mid-air. The duo merely repeated their taunts, escaping their attackers with narrower and narrower margins of error.

The former Commander's beak tightened. She clenched her talons in their manacles.

"Dammit, Jordan..."

There was a slight twitch to Seraphimus' muscles. A shiver, even.

Turning her feathery neck, she looked towards the edge of the crater along the opposite horizon.


Huffing...

Puffing...

Logan forced himself up to the summit of the broken hill.

As soon as the sweating, slumped stallion reached the cliff...

Swoooosh! Ariel and Kepler glided up and landed on the precipice.

Grunting, they dropped their loot of chaos stones and turned back around.

"Whoah...!" Gnashing his teeth, Logan waved a hoof at them. "Whoah whoah whoah! What gives?! Where are you going?!"

"We must empowerr the wagon with these rrocks to assurre a viable escape!" Kepler sounded off, plunging back into the crater. "Without delay!"

"We're gonna help Flynn grab the rest of them!" Ariel added, descending.

"But... hey!" Logan frowned, heaving. "What about this crud right here?!"

"Yeah! Could you carry them back to camp?! Thanks!" And Ariel's voice disappeared beneath the advancing banshee shrieks.

"Rrrrrrrrrrrnngh..." Coughing and wheezing for breath, Logan nevertheless... turned around and threw the heavy rocks over his backside. "...friggin' pack mule, I swear to Morty's dead tits..." And he proceeded to lumber his fat way back downhill with the silverish loot.

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