//------------------------------//
// Completely Ruined 
// Story: The Olden World 
// by Czar_Yoshi 
//------------------------------//

As Starlight crossed the threshold into the fortress, her first realization was that her expectations - for the place to be a dank maze of blue stone and leaky pipes like the outer reaches of the upper fort - were completely incorrect. The door opened immediately into a broad, naturally-lit room with several windows, painted walls, and a dated-looking light fixture on the ceiling. Aside from a rack of simple weapons on one wall and a few maps covered in arrows and tactical things, it could have been an eatery, or even a house.

A group of stallions seated at a round table in the corner immediately looked up on their entry, and one scowled. "Bah. Party's over, boys, it's you-know-who. Time to get back to work..."

Valey grinned back and waved a wing, making sure to show off her fangs. "Hey, don't feel bad. Getting back implies you were there in the first place!" Her eyebrows rose suggestively. "Don't worry, I won't tell Selma. Keep those expectations low!"

Muttering something about working for the good of the city, the guards abruptly vacated their table and shuffled out, sparing neither Maple nor Starlight a second glance. Valey happily waved them on, then winked as soon as the last one had disappeared. "Guess you guys didn't cause too big of a splash, huh? Those clowns sure didn't care!"

The only other occupied table in the room held a gaggle of younger stallions, all leaning together intently and whispering excitedly about something. Valey stared longingly at them, a prank twitching in her eyes... and eventually snorted, spinning about to face Maple and Starlight. "This way," she said, walking toward a doorless entrance in the back of the room. "We don't have to go too far."

Two bends, a staircase and another hall later, they emerged into a second window room, presumably right on top of the first. A massive billboard covered one wall, and several desks were strewn against the other. A lone, sandy yellow pegasus watched them enter from a stool at the central table, working his way through a pastry. "Admiral," he said with a respectful nod. "I wondered if you'd show up today. Who's earned your ire on this fine afternoon? Here, by the way."

He lifted a wing and flung a small bag at Valey, who caught it expertly and slipped it beneath her hat. "Yo, Sandybutt. Got some new recruits, so I was thinking of heading down to the Earth District and messing with D.K. for initiation. This one's Maple, and this is Starlight. They need better names, I know. Anyone else I should annoy while I'm there?"

"Maple and Starlight, hmm?" The pegasus raised an eyebrow, not getting up. "Lieutenant Sand Stream, not to be confused by the Admiral's insults. And don't you look a little young for this?" He tilted his head. "Not to mention both being mares?"

Valey stuck her tongue out. "Didn't stop me, did it? Besides, Selma makes laws and I break them. If he's got a problem with this, it's his own fault for baiting me."

"Umm..." Maple hesitated, raising a hoof. "Sorry, but what did you just give her? Something about that looked illegal..."

"A bribe," Valey answered smugly. "Sandybutt here is the smartest pegasus on the Defense Force, and the only one at all who's figured out it might be a better idea to find a way onto my good side. And it turns out, he's got a marefriend with a brand for making toffee!" She reached under her hat with a wing and pulled out the bag, shook it, and deposited a carmelly cube onto her tongue, then put it back, chewing loudly. "Mmm-mm. So he gives me candy, and I'm slightly less annoying and maybe occasionally bother ponies he doesn't like. I've got a sweet tooth, in case the fruit didn't tip you off."

Neither Starlight nor Maple had anything to say, and Sand Stream merely offered a shrug. Returning the gesture, Valey strode to a nearby table where several stacks of paper sat in bins, and inspected them, biting her lip. "Hmhmmm... We'll need some of these, and a few of these..."

Gathering a ream of documents under her wing, she quickly spread them out on a table and set to work with a pen. Starlight tried climbing up to look over her shoulder, but the detail and complexity of the forms lost her before she could even begin reading.

Valey, meanwhile, skimmed over them like they were nothing. "Weight... eh. Height... eh. Distinguishing physical traits..." She tapped her chin. "I'm gonna say your age is forty-two and your favorite flavor is garlic/curry, so hopefully those are false. Have you guys ever fought a water buffalo?"

"Are you making stuff up?" Maple asked sternly, trying to see the papers as well.

"Sorta," Valey answered, flipping a paper and grabbing another for reference, talking around the quill in her teeth. "Sandybutt was right earlier. Mostly I'm messing stuff up so the clowns in the Sky District who track this stuff will have bigger things to worry about than wondering why I'm recruiting a mare and a filly, or will just give up and not vet this so I get you on my roster no matter what. I could also just pull rank if anyone tries to call me out or even beat them up, but this way is way more fun."

"But you're a mare too," Starlight pointed out, frowning. "Why does it matter?"

Valey shrugged, quill scratching. "I also was pretty young when they first made the force. Way older than you, but still. I told you I only got the job because of blatant favoritism." She crossed something out and re-wrote it. "It's a mix of what everyone expects and what Selma says."

"It does seem strange to let a filly do guard duty," Maple agreed.

"Yeah. And something something protecting pretty faces." Valey bent down and licked a spot on a form, causing the ink to smudge and become illegible. "Every time I ask him if he means that rule to be about me, he gets pretty steamed. Selma's way too obsessed with looking good in public."

"Didn't seem that way to me," Starlight muttered darkly.

"Hey, you can't have a reputation built around stopping villains without villains to stop." Holding up and comparing two forms next to each other in the light from the window, Valey put one over the other and carefully began to trace an existing signature.

"That's impersonation..." Maple worried, shuffling her hooves. "Couldn't you get in really big trouble if you got caught doing that...?"

"Oh, this?" Valey squinted, not looking away from her work, tongue stuck out the side of her mouth. "Nah, my signature's good enough to authorize anything. I'm just copying some nobody cadet's to make sure this form gets thrown out. That'll wreck the paper trail somewhere else. Hey Sandybutt, has that embassy inspector been poking around here recently? You know, the hot one?"

"She was here early this morning," Sand Stream remarked disinterestedly, sipping from a ceramic mug as Valey added countless hours to an unfortunate administrator's workload. "With a griffon. Seemed happier than usual. Selma was in a bad mood, by the way."

"That's a shame," Valey mused, reaching back for another form. "He's too easy when he's already mad. That inspector, though... Let's, uhh... hmm... Let's send an order for D.K. to ship two dozen crates of marmalade to the embassy, with the Defense Force fund key written all over it. That'll give her something to find a conspiracy in."

"Yes, you do that," Sand Stream sighed, getting to his hooves. "I need to get back to work. You two..." He looked closely at Maple and Starlight. "She seems to like you, but whatever your business is with the Defense Force, I sincerely hope you're all right. I've seen just as many promising careers fail as take off, and knowing the Admiral, this is an ideal start for the former. Stay safe, please."

"Go jump in the Yule, fatty," Valey retorted, not bothering to look up. "Promising careers taking off? Here? I'd never let such a thing slip by."

The lean pegasus rolled his eyes, ruffled his feathers and snorted, turning and walking out of the room. Valey made a few more quick strokes before finishing as well, proudly depositing her forms in outbound boxes. "Right! All taken care of. That's this week's efficiency in the system, completely ruined. So, ready to hit the Earth District?"

Maple shook her head. "I don't know how you're able to keep the city safe when you try so hard to sabotage your own army. What if something actually happened and you needed to move fast?"

"Meh." Valey shrugged, popping another toffee from her hat into her mouth. "If anything did, it would be better with them out of the way. Less potential for escalation, and all that. Right now, I can protect the Stone District all by myself with one wing tied behind my back, and with the crazy stuff the Sosans are doing, the fewer competent fighters in this city, the better. Remember, I need Ironridge not to explode so I can keep my job. I'm a jerk, not a maniac."

"We should go, then," Starlight announced. "That unicorn might come back, otherwise."

Maple shuddered in agreement. "Yes, please. Every moment we stand here, I keep feeling like something is going to go wrong..."

"Yeah, yeah. Right this way..." Shuffling, Valey walked to the door, leading the way back to the entrance of the fort.