//------------------------------// // Fart, Fartier, and Fartiest // Story: Ofolrodi // by Imploding Colon //------------------------------// "Well." Logan leaned back against the outer surface of the foundry. "That sucks ass." Rainbow sighed, pacing past Logan, Wildcard, and Ariel. "As always, Big Show, right on point." "They seriously won't let us into their giant imp city???" Logan's muzzle scrunched. "Why not?" "We're not goblins," Rainbow murmured. "Simple as that. And even if we were..." She scuffled about to face the Heraldites in the soot-stained twilight. "...they have a caste system... and we're on the very bottom of it." "Hrmmmfff..." Ariel folded her forelimbs. "That's just... so stupid. Why do societies even have traditional class-based bullshit?" Wildcard gestured: "With what Rainbow Dash has told us about goblin lore, it makes sense that this is what they have followed throughout the years for the sake of surviving." "Dark Side politics." Logan belched. "Yeah, I get it." Wildcard continued, talons slicing: "And things were similar back in Rohbredden. Do you think the Council of Verlaxion paid more attention to the wyverns than the unicorns or pegasi?" "Alright... alright!" Ariel rolled her eyes. "Yeesh, Wildcard. You always gotta play windigo's advocate, don't ya?" A metal answer replied. "Cute." Ariel stifled a yawn, gazing towards the side entrance to the foundry. "How long until Kepler gives the goblins their magical mystery cure?" "Who knows," Rainbow struggled with an infectious yawn of her own. "At least it's giving us a time to sit and think." She rubbed her temple, wincing from the thunder rattling endlessly from the ocean. "Let's not forget how friggin' lucky we are..." Her eyes blinked tiredly. "...just to be able to sit... and think... in safety." Silence. "... ... ...?" Rainbow Dash looked up. The three Heraldites were staring at her. "What?" Rainbow's brow furrowed. "...you're all waiting for me to fall asleep, are you?" "Err... well..." Ariel shifted where she stood. "Nopony said that we were doing that—" Logan began. Wildcard nodded vehemently. Ariel and Logan sighed in defeat. "Look..." Rainbow Dash frowned. "...nothing big is going to happen the moment I kerplunk!" "Well..." Ariel avoided her gaze, blushing slightly. "...you did sort of have a connection with the dream matriarchs back there..." "...and face it, Rainbow—you do have a history of telepathic ghost girls sportin' a huge goddess boner for your brain meat," Logan said. "We're leagues away from Bloodwing territory!" Rainbow Dash growled. "Yeah, so?" Logan shrugged. "Hasn't stopped the parties that be before." "We were just hoping... y'know..." Ariel smiled delicately. "...that maybe we'd be learning something new by now." "Whether to fart off or fart off faster." "Yeah, what Big Show said." "I'm the Austraeoh!" Rainbow Dash groaned. "All I can promise is awesomeness! Not answers!" Wildcard gestured: "Nopony's expecting you to give us all the answers, Rainbow. That's something we are all discovering together." Rainbow pointed. "You tell them that, then, Jordan!" Wildcard gave a thumb's up. A half-second later, he raised Bard's retracted staff in his outstretched talon. Click! He extended both ends so that they simultaneously smacked Ariel and Logan in the skull on either side of him. Th-Thap! "Ow!" "Ooof! Dick!" Wildcard smirked under his beak. Rainbow rolled her eyes, then plopped back on her haunches. "I'm so pooped." Her eyes shut. "I wish I could go to dreamland without going to dreamland." "Awwwwwww, Rainbow..." Ariel finished rubbing her head. She trotted gently across the way and gave Rainbow a friendly nuzzle. "You can rest easy with us to watch over you." Rainbow droned: "We're not sharing a sleeping mat, Ariel." The gray pegasus turned red as a beet. "Uhm. I-I wasn't suggesting th-that—" "I'll go in and ask Kirby if the foundy's gonna be in shutdown for a while," Logan offered. "Kirby." "Whatever." The job-squadder's nostrils flared. "Point is—those walls are hella thick. Since you've made buddies with the Smelt-Blooder, maybe he'll let you take a peaceful dirt nap in his utility closet or something." He pointed a fat fetlock nebulously towards the ocean. "If nothing else, it'll shield you from all that noisy crap." "Thanks, Big Show. But... but that's not what's troubling me..." "Then what is?" Ariel asked. Rainbow's ears folded as she hung her head. "I'm just... getting really sick and tired of being... so important, y'know?" Ariel smirked. "I always thought you were the kind of mare who enjoyed the spotlight." "Not like this." Rainbow's jaded eyes scraped across the bleak stone and metal. "I never wanted ancient psycho dragons to plague continents with windigoes over me... or giant spider divas to compose entire ballads about my fateful arrival... or... or..." She winced. "...a corrupt Dark Vigil to angst over my presence here in the Dark Side... and bug me about it in my brainspace." Wildcard gestured: "Who is angsting exactly?" Ariel and Logan turned to glare at the griffin. Wildcard winced. With a humble expression, he gave Bard's staff a twirl and conked himself in the head. Whap! He rubbed his feathery scalp. Sighing, Ariel turned towards Rainbow with a soft smile. "This isn't exactly your first rodeo, Rainbow Dash. You've dealt with this sort of pressuresome nonsense before. You can handle it just as well now and again." "Heh..." Rainbow looked tiredly over her shoulder. "You hear that, AJ?" "We're sorry if we're coming across as insincere or impatient," Ariel said. "I know the universe is weighing on you more and more, but... you're our guiding light." She gestured. "The goblins have Petra. The Spindlers have their Song. The Bloodwings... er... have blood." "They have bullshit—" Logan started. "Anyways..." Ariel rested a hoof on Rainbow's shoulder. "You're the one light of Harmony in this entire plane. If a lot of crazy creatures are peering in on your head—yeah, that sucks—but that's only because they don't know what's up. But you do. That's your edge... your power. And—from what you've told us about your 'meetings' with this Nat'rdo pony... it sounds like you're starting to grasp who's in charge of what finally." She winked. "If she haunts you again, I know you'll show her what-for." "Heh... maybe..." Rainbow rubbed her head. "...I just really hope she doesn't catch me in a wet dream next time." "You mean she hasn't already?" "It'd have to have been before Silvadel for that crap." Rainbow stood back up. "Thanks, Ariel for... ... ... whatever that was just now." "Uh... you're welcome." Ariel blinked. "I think." Rainbow took two steps forward—but stopped. "Where's Sera?" "Who cares," Logan droned. "Sure. Cool. Okay." Rainbow nodded. "Let me try that again. Where's Flynn?" "... ... ..." Wildcard looked all around, momentarily stupefied. "Come to think of it..." Logan arched an eyebrow. "...I'm not entirely sure." "Something was bothering him super-bad earlier," Ariel said. "Oh yeah?" "Yeah..." Ariel rubbed the back of her neck. "...the last time I saw an expression that sad on his face... it was back when he first learned that we had to lose the Princess Stardust."