//------------------------------//
// Greatest Fear Of All 
// Story: The Olden World 
// by Czar_Yoshi 
//------------------------------//

"...And now I don't know what to do," Starlight finished sadly, hanging her head. "What I'm supposed to do is nothing, but that doesn't feel like doing anything at all."

Valey had sat still through the entire story, and the moon was noticeably higher in the sky. "So lemme make sure I have this," she said. "You're feeling like the strongest thing in the world, and that's a bad thing because you're scared of yourself."

"Yes," Starlight pouted, her voice a whisper. "And don't just tell me the visions are silly and to ignore them."

Valey squinted. "Uh, no, why would I do that?" She patted her butt. "Danger detector, remember? Also known as seeing the future? I'm not about to call a warning like that silly whether it's likely to be bogus or not."

Starlight looked at the roofing beneath her hooves. "So I'm right to be worried, then."

"Absolutely."

Starlight took a sharp breath, her tears about to resume.

"But." Valey grabbed her, far from finished. "The times when you're wrong to be worried? It's not because there's nothing to worry about, it's because there's nothing you can do. There's always something to be freaking out about, and anyone who says otherwise hasn't been through half the stuff we have. If something deserves our attention, it's because we've got work to do."

Starlight's face clenched. "But the whole point is that what I need to do is stop doing the things I do need to do!"

Valey pursed her lips in disapproval. "If someone actually tells you that with those exact words, slap them. That includes slapping yourself if you need to. How many powerful ponies do you know who sit in a box all day because they're too afraid of doing what they can and owning up to their mistakes later? It doesn't take someone as strong as you to mess stuff up by making a mistake or choosing the wrong goals. Look at Gazelle or Herman!"

Starlight's eyes bored into hers. "Do you really want me to answer that?"

"Uhh..." Valey hesitated. "Alright, what am I forgetting?"

"Garsheeva," Starlight muttered, tucking her head closer to her shoulders and making her neck small. "Remember what she told us in the crystal palace? That she's just a symbol and all the real decisions are made by Meltdown because she knows she'll go mad like Gazelle if she goes out and does anything on her own? And she's a goddess."

"Bananas." Valey sat back, her argument utterly derailed. "Look, you could say she's wrong too-"

"How!?" Starlight snapped. "She's thousands of years old and has been the most powerful thing on her continent! You think she hasn't tried to find another way!? You think she wouldn't have the best solution!? Because she's exactly like me."

Valey worked her jaw. "I... Look. Maybe she has, but just because she didn't find one doesn't mean there isn't something else to do, right?"

"If she can't find a way to control herself and not ruin the world after thousands of years of searching, it sounds impossible," Starlight whispered. "But that's exactly the kind of impossible I keep breaking, like crossing the mountains or getting you back from the moon glass. And it's what I need to stop doing."

Valey lifted a hoof, then put it down and sighed. "There's gotta be a better way. You know that, right?"

"I want it," Starlight countered. "And trying to get the things I want is what I'm afraid of, because what if I want the wrong thing and nobody can stop me?"

"Alright." Valey sighed, sitting straighter. "I really didn't want to use myself as an example, because I'm seriously enjoying my time here and don't want to think too hard about what I've been doing differently because I don't wanna jinx it, but you asked for it. Spooky evil moon magic? Check. Weapon from space that's strong enough to fight an army? Also check. Made some pretty big mistakes? Really don't wanna think about it, but I'm sure there are a lot out there." Her stare intensified. "Do you think I'm strong enough to ruin a continent, or at least a city?"

Starlight swallowed. "Probably."

Valey nodded. "Yep. Definitely am. Now, how many times have you, the one pony among our friends who has even a chance of being in the same power class as me, had to stop me by force?"

Starlight blinked and tilted her head.

"Go on," Valey prodded. "How many times have I screwed up so badly that the only thing to do was to actually take me down? I don't mean talking me down, I mean beating me up when I'm fighting my hardest. How many?"

"Well, none, but-"

"And how many times," Valey pressed, "have I done or tried to do dumb stuff and needed some sense slapped into me?"

Starlight blinked, thinking.

"Here's a hint: I've lost count." Valey grinned. "I know at least one big one was that time I stun bombed you and your friends and locked you up in the Flame District. Remember that? Bananas, you were ticked. I sure remember it, because it was a pretty important day for yours truly." Her look turned serious again. "You see what I'm getting at? There's gotta be other ways."

Starlight's face fell. "But you've been scared of yourself too. For the entire Griffon Empire."

"Mmm, yeah," Valey admitted, nonchalant. "Okay, full admission: I was pretty terrified. I don't think I did a good job hiding it, and it messed up my ability to enjoy things in a big way. More than that, it messed up my ability to know what to do with myself. I felt ridiculously aimless whenever I wasn't beating someone else up to protect you girls. The point is, I have at least an idea of how you feel."

"But you didn't have any visions," Starlight murmured.

Valey shrugged. "Who needs visions? Sure, you've had a couple super apocalyptic dreams or something that someone says could be caused by you, and I'm not saying that isn't serious. I had an entire city living under the law of Valey does what she wants. I may not have had them, but I don't need them to know what I'm capable of."

Starlight took a shuddering breath. "So what did you do, then? How are you happy now while I'm...?"

"Honestly?" Valey's ears fell. "I dunno. I've tried not to think about it so much and just try to enjoy the good stuff while that lasts. Maybe that attitude actually is it. I just care less... not about the world or anything big, but the little things. Yeah, I gotta watch myself and not do anything evil that might flatten a continent, but I guess it's easier when you don't treat every tiny mistake as The Big One that could butterfly effect into world doom. Back in the Empire, I was sketched about trashing random bar patrons or guards or scoundrels who tried to rip me off, and freaked out when I had to anyway. Here? I ran some students around, laughed in their faces, probably stoked a lot of feelings and made at least one big enemy. And yeah, I wouldn't have if I had focused on covering every last problem before it began, but still. I'm happy. And if I can afford myself a little selfishness, that feels worth it to me."

"You did?" Starlight winced. "Make enemies already?"

Valey whistled. "Kiddo, did you know that I'm me? If a problem comes my way that can be handled by brute force or cleverness and a silver tongue, I've got it covered. I'm not too worried about a couple of lovesick or sports-obsessed college ponies."

"I don't know." Starlight stared out at the star-strewn sky, her namesake shining all around them. "It doesn't feel like it."

Valey took a deep breath... and suddenly grinned. "There we go. Now I know how to put this. You wanna know this really works?"

Starlight tilted her head in confusion.

"When you're really cool," Valey said, taking her by the shoulders. "And you know you're really cool, and you're strong and can flatten most of the problems that come your way, and you know it, you have no problem inviting those problems in. Sure, you know they'll come, but you also know you can usually flex on them. And so you can do whatever you want, be satisfied, enjoy your coolness, and still have enough emotional brain space left for the really big stuff, the problems even you aren't cool enough to flatten, where you actually have to watch out and be smart and safe. Like how I can kick tail in a fight, but still have to pay attention and not do something dumb like get ran over by a carriage."

Starlight winced. "But if you're just doing whatever you want without thinking-"

"Hold on. Let me finish." Valey stopped her with a wing. "There's also the case where you don't feel very cool. If anything goes wrong, anything at all, it feels like it could completely flatten you. You know it'll happen, you can't deal with it, and your only hope is to stay on top of it and stop every last little thing before it starts. And you fail over and over, because that's ridiculous and the bad kind of impossible, and each time you fail you feel even less cool, because everyone always says prevention is easier than cure and if you can't even prevent a problem, bananas, how can you solve it? And because you feel uncool, you try too hard and it makes you feel even less cool, and it keeps on spiraling and even if you were actually very cool and the greatest problem-solver, all you ever see when you look at what you've done are problems you failed to prevent. And your achievements feel like failures and it's gross and stuff. How's that?"

Starlight stared. "But..."

"You," Valey insisted, "are amazing at fixing stuff that goes wrong. From what Amber told me, you fix stuff even Princess Celestia said was impossible. And you wanna know what I think this spooky twin whose name I'm not allowed to know is really on about?" She raised an eyebrow. "If you keep running yourself dry sweating the stuff you could handle in a heartbeat if it did go wrong, you really won't have the energy left to watch for or deal with the really big stuff. And maybe you'll try so hard and so long to be good for no relief or reward that you'll just get sick of it and decide it's not worth it, and that's where you'll go wrong."

"You're making all this up on the spot," Starlight mumbled.

Valey awkwardly shrugged. "Okay, so yeah, maybe I'm just guessing. I'm a little out of my element, but I'm still doing the best I-"

Starlight hugged her hard. "Thanks for trying."

Valey gave a cautious smile. "Is that a 'Thanks, but you can stop wasting your time now' thanks, or...?"

"No," Starlight sniffled. "Thank you."

Valey patted her on the head, unsure where to go next.

"I don't get it," Starlight continued. "But I can tell you mean it and you care."

"Heh." Valey sat back, careful not to squish the filly. "Well, I guess I can try to repeat myself? It's just a matter of perspective. Problems happen, and we deal with them. If you focus on how you solved it, you feel good about yourself. If you focus on how you didn't stop it from happening in the first place, you feel bad about it. And where you really want to be is feeling good enough about yourself that you don't even need to worry about stuff you know you're cool enough to solve. It's a whole lot easier to think about the big stuff when you don't have to paralyze yourself with handling everything."

"But isn't that what I'm doing already?" Starlight whispered. "I'm not worried about small things. I'm worried that I'll do something really bad."

"And I'm telling you." Valey patted her head again. "Do you want to blow up the world and turn it to ash? Because as long as you don't, I'm pretty sure your friends will watch your back and warn you if you start down the wrong path. What I think is far more likely is that if you don't take care of yourself and take a load off, you'll get stretched thinner and thinner until you just can't care anymore and snap, because caring is just too hard. And then, once you've stopped caring whether or not you do stuff like that? That's when you'll do it."

Starlight's mouth scrunched in a pained frown.

"You gotta relax. You gotta care less. And you gotta be able to tell what stuff you can afford to care less about, and what's really important." Valey met her eyes. "Even ponies as cool as us are still ponies. There are things we just can't carry, and everything is one of them."

"And how did you do it?" Starlight asked. "How did you decide what not to care about?"

Valey shrugged. "I died. And got a second lease on life... or third, depending on how you count Icereach, or even a fourth, since I was practically a new mare after Ironridge, but still. When you're suddenly hale and hearty and it feels like a second ago you were thinking about all the things you'd never get to do with your life and how all your friends were gonna follow you, and then a second later you're stomping weird monsters and saving your friends, it's enough of a kick to re-evaluate what you're doing with yourself."

"And what do you care about now?" Starlight whispered.

"Me?" Valey gave a daring grin. "Myself, for one. I have a life, and I kinda enjoy that. My friends, for two. I've got you and Sparky and Ironflanks and Amber and even clowns like Birdo to thank for being where I am, and bananas if I'm not gonna repay the favor. What's just as important is all the stuff I don't care about. Top of the list? Random people. No, I'm not going to be evil and do scary stuff to them, but I'd kill myself if I tried to look out for each and every last one of them. Not saying I'm not gonna help them if I'm needed and the opportunity is there, but if they're in my face and asking for it, I'll offend them and then laugh about it afterwards."

Starlight momentarily struggled. "But the ponies who live in it are what make up the world."

"So?" Valey brushed her mane aside. "Don't kill them, don't enslave them, don't steal their souls. Easy peasy. Don't worry about anything more."

Starlight sighed. "Or doing whatever I saw in my visions?"

Valey's grin wrinkled wryly. "Yeah, don't do that either. But I think you know what that looks like. Seriously, if you already know what's coming, the only way you'll ever do it is if you change your mind about not wanting to. Don't you get it? This isn't something fate will twist your hoof into doing. It's something where you get hurt enough that you just stop caring about exactly the wrong thing. And as long as I'm around, I won't let you reach that point."

Starlight shuddered and leaned against her. "Thank you..."

"Any time." Valey winked. "But especially when you need it."

Starlight had nothing more to say.

"So," Valey said after a long silence. "How about all the other stuff on your mind?"

"Huh?" Starlight blinked and looked up.

"You got more you need to talk about?" Valey gently prodded. "If you're tired now, I get it. But all we talked about was weird visions and being afraid of yourself, and something tells me you didn't have another one right there in the archives. I doubt that's what Gazelle was up to, either. You got anything more on your little chest?"

Starlight swallowed. "Oh. That." She took a breath, the words feeling sticky in her mouth after talking so fast about her worries earlier. "I... found out I might have come from the moon glass comet too. Like you."

Valey stared for a moment... and broke into a wide grin. "Well, it's about time we found something like that. That explains a lot."

"It does?" Starlight blinked hard, too surprised by the reaction to remember that she didn't want this to make sense or be true. "But I thought you thought being from the meteor was-"

"Don't even start," Valey sharply warned. "I dunno why that rock fell and I don't need to know, but I do know it could have been good and it could have been bad, and either way it doesn't tell me anything about how to live my life. And next time you even think about thinking that, I'm gonna brag about being from space and how cool it is. Savvy?" She raised an eyebrow, and then her expression reset. "Ahem. I mean. Yeah, it explains a lot! And now I'm not even the only one?" Her grin was back in force, and she sighed happily. "I wanna hear about this. Don't skimp on details. What did you find?"

Starlight stared at her, nonplussed. The batpony couldn't actually be this happy about something that had bothered her so heavily merely a month ago... "You're making it sound good to make me feel better."

Valey shushed her with a hoof to the lips. "You're making it sound good by giving me a reason to legitimately think this is cool. Get to the bean-spilling."