Outside the guardhouse, Starlight and Fluffy Fleece waited next to a hedge, staying behind as everyone else went in.
"Was that your friend?" Fluffy asked once everyone was out of sight.
"Valey?" Starlight nodded. "Yes."
"What kind of pony is she?" Fluffy continued, the street empty in both directions all the way until it curved out of sight. "She had teeth and different wings."
"A batpony." Starlight watched the guardhouse door, which was now closed. Silhouettes of her friends were visible through the windows... She was tempted to say there weren't a lot of them around, but only knew that held true for the north. Who knew how many batponies there were in Equestria?
"Like an earth pony, pegasus or unicorn?" Fluffy tilted her head. "You'd think we'd learn about those somewhere. Are there a lot of them in the rest of the world? I wonder why we don't have any here."
Starlight nodded. "Closest to a pegasus. She can fly. But still different."
"Huh." Fluffy's interest didn't look sated.
"I don't think you find them on their own," Starlight went on, "because their foals aren't batponies unless both parents are batponies, so they have to live together to survive. So they don't mix with other ponies as often."
Fluffy's interest only increased. "Huh! What are they like?"
"Batponies? Like any other ponies." Starlight shrugged. "Valey only put that mare in the garbage because that's what she's like. She would have done it even if she was a unicorn or a pegasus or an earth pony."
Fluffy glanced over her shoulder, back down the twisting road toward the schoolhouse. "You also know Gerardo," she pointed out. "Your friends are really different. Is the world that big of a place?"
Starlight didn't even need to think twice. "You know the map in Miss Nickel's room? It's tiny. The world goes at least four times that far from here, going east alone. And it's a circle, so it goes just as far north and south as well. It's very big."
"How far have you gone?"
"A long way." Starlight settled down against the hedge, sitting and watching the guardhouse. She didn't particularly want to get involved with whatever everyone else was discussing, but at the same time, staying near adults was the condition Miss Nickel had released her new friend from school on... "Mostly east. As far east as Griffonstone."
Fluffy screwed up her face in concentration. "That sounds familiar... but I forget where. Maybe a book I read? What's that like?"
Starlight shrugged. "It's a dump. I didn't go into the town itself but all the griffons there are greedy and unreliable and it's surrounded by wastelands with lots of monsters. You wouldn't go there for vacation."
For some reason, answering her questions didn't seem to make Fluffy satisfied. "Where is it?" she pressed, smiling curiously. "And what were you doing there?"
"We were passing by." If this was the topic of conversation... "We didn't want to stop there, but our ship ran out of fuel and needed repairs. And it's far enough east that you go off Miss Nickel's map, then cross a desert, then cross another ocean, and then it's on the shore of the next continent."
Fluffy frowned. "That's fascinating. Why do you make it sound so boring?"
"I..." Starlight averted her eyes. "I don't get very excited about things. I might be nicer than I used to be, but that doesn't mean I'm okay. And we also almost all died there, so it wasn't a very happy place."
"But..." Fluffy's ears fell, this information clearly conflicting with what she wanted to think about. "But you didn't, right? Or did someone not...?"
"We all survived." Starlight shook her head. "Barely. It probably sounds like a fun adventure, and maybe someday I'll be able to tell stories about it, but I didn't like being there."
Fluffy bit her lip. "We used to read adventure stories, remember? We made friends with each other years ago because I had a hold on a book at the library that you had checked out."
"This isn't like those," Starlight answered. "We weren't trying to be good guys or be heroic and cool. We were trying to survive. Adventures aren't about going out and saving the world and feeling good about it afterward. They're about feeling like you're homeless and have nowhere to go. I know the world is interesting and cool, and there's a lot of places out there someone would probably find really neat. Maybe you'd enjoy them! But when you don't know where you belong, seeing how big the world is just makes it feel like there are more places you don't belong in."
Fluffy watched her for a second with a slack jaw. "Are you alright?"
Starlight sighed. "No, but I want to be."
"...Is there anything I can do to help?"
"I'm not sure," Starlight admitted. "But if there is, you already are. Since this all started because Sunburst left and I was lonely..."
"Oh. Well, okay." Fluffy didn't look entirely pacified, but now she was worried instead of curious. "I still think Griffonstone sounds neat, though. Maybe it was scary while you were there, but now that it's over, isn't it cool that you survived? Like when there's a surprise quiz on the homework and you aren't ready for it, but you pass anyway and even though you want to freak out earlier once it's over you're like, haha, yay?" She frowned a little. "Or is that a bad analogy?"
Starlight nodded. "Almost dying is different. Please don't find out how." She hesitated, adding, "Actually, no, it's not. I guess if I did almost die and then not, maybe it would be thrilling. But it's not the almost dying that's bad. It's being stranded in a wasteland and thinking you could die and there would be nothing you can do about it. It would be like being told a test is coming in a month and being told what it's about and then not being allowed to practice. And if you fail, you can't care because you're gone, but if your friends fail..."
Now Fluffy looked bothered. "Can we talk about something else? I don't like the way this is making me feel."
"Okay." Starlight nodded, teasing the hedge behind her with her tail. "What else do you want to talk about?"
Fluffy paused, mouth open again in thought. "...Well, so you got stranded. Didn't you do any other cool stuff while you were gone? Things you think are cool as well?"
Starlight was about to say no, automatically and on instinct... but that wasn't true at all. "Yes. Lots of things," she admitted. "And I guess surviving when we were stranded is cool too. But I don't want to be cool!" She met Fluffy's eyes earnestly. "I only go along on the airship because I want to stay with my friends, and none of us want to stay in any of the places we visit because they're all messed up and we can just fly off and look for somewhere better. I don't feel very cool. I feel worn out, and I want us to all settle down and have a normal life together. Then maybe I can enjoy doing cool things, but there's no point in being cool if that's all you are. Ponies who think you're cool are like cake frosting. It's good, but tastes terrible and makes your stomach hurt if you eat it on its own."
Fluffy stared for a long moment. "You could all just stay here," she offered. "I know you were upset with Sires Hollow and ran away earlier, but everyone says it's a nice place to live. Especially the caravan ponies who have seen everywhere else. Does it have anything wrong with it that makes you still want to leave?"
"Well..." Starlight's face fell. Fluffy made an even better argument than she knew: here, there were ponies like Fishy in charge, who cared about her and wouldn't let this become another Riverfall. If one of her problems was feeling like she was at the top of the power structure and always protecting everyone else... a local town leader who could sway others' opinions of her sounded like a very appealing remedy. Even thinking this much about it struck an intense pang of longing through her chest. It might not be perfect, but it would be a very large step in the right direction... if not for one major problem.
"My friends wouldn't be able to stay with me," she sighed after a very long breath. "Where they're from, they... have permission to be passing through, but not to stay. We have a thing that would let one of them stay behind here with me. And everyone is thinking about it." Her ears pressed back. "But we couldn't all stay. And even if we could, one of my friends has her own home that got destroyed, and she wants to help rebuild it. So we can't all stay."
Fluffy was starting to look uncomfortable again, but she didn't speak to it. "But you said you were tired of jumping from place to place on your airship, even if you stay with all your friends."
"I know. There's no good answer." Starlight shook her head. "I'm just tired. I want to feel like I'm home."
"Well..." Fluffy bit her lip. "My mom always says that when I'm having a bad day, the best thing to do is go home."
"I know," Starlight agreed. "I want a home to go to."
Fluffy looked back at the guardhouse, heads still visible through the windows, talking inside. "Can't this be your home? Is it worth it to leave again, even if you want to stay with all your new friends?"
Starlight swallowed bitterly. "I don't want to let them go. I already did that with Sunburst. This time it's not my best friend, it's my whole family. And I don't have a family left here, anyway. But you're right. I still want to stay here, too. There are ponies who know me, and it would mean I could finally stop running..."
Fluffy fidgeted, looking outclassed. "Umm... well... You said one pony can stay with you, and isn't that Maple your new mom? And your old house is still empty, so you wouldn't have to have no family. And I'll be your friend."
"Thanks," Starlight sighed. "I know I need to decide, and I know I can't make a decision that will give me everything right now. I can settle for less than I want, but something, or I can settle for nothing now, but hope I can get more later. What would you do?"
Fluffy blinked. "Well, Miss Nickel teaches us it's good to invest in the future. But giving up one cookie today to get two tomorrow doesn't make any sense if you're starving."
"But what if it was something you needed a lot more than cookies?" Starlight asked. "Like friends and family?"
"Have no friends today and two tomorrow, or have one today and have it stay that way?" Fluffy frowned. "That doesn't make as much sense, though. I said I'll be your friend, and I will as long as you're not really mean again like last time. Now that I've been talking with you, you seem nicer, too! And you can make more friends again if you stay here, too. A lot of the rest of us at school still remember you." She blinked. "Actually, if you'd have more friends immediately by going with your airship friends, but be better in the long term if you stayed here..."
Starlight nodded. "That's why it's hard. I know I need to stop and start a normal life, but I don't want to pay the price."
"Oh." Fluffy sat back, out of ideas. "Well, I... probably would go hide in my room. I wouldn't want to choose."
"But I have to." Starlight shook her head. "Because it's my future, and no one else will choose for me."
Fluffy hesitated. "I always thought that's what your parents are supposed to do. Making you do things you don't want to that are good for you in the end. Like making you eat food you don't like."
Starlight's face shadowed. "I wish I had that like a normal filly."
Fluffy blinked in confusion. "But isn't Maple your mom? Is she not married?"
Starlight hunched over and buried her head in her hooves, at her limit for thinking about this. "It's complicated."
"Umm..." She heard Fluffy step over, the filly's voice tense with uncertainty. "Umm, it'll be okay... Would it help if I let you touch my mane? That sometimes calms me down when I'm overwhelmed. It's very soft."
Starlight squeezed her eyes shut and whimpered. All that mattered was the truth this conversation had forced her closer and closer to facing: she couldn't have it all. For months, she had chosen to leave with her friends in hopes that they would find somewhere better than where they were at, and it never worked. What would make going on to Ironridge different? She could always hang onto hope. It was what she was good at. But just hoping didn't make her dreams and wishes come true. And even if she stayed hopeful, the rest of her was getting more and more burned out because of it.
Physically, she could always do what it took. But emotionally, she was at her limit. It was a choice with no right answers, and it had to be made.
...Something clicked in Fluffy's voice. "You should stay here," the filly said. "If you don't want to choose and you need someone to choose for you, I will. And you don't have to listen to me, but I say you should stay here."
That was all Starlight could take. Eyes still covered, she started to cry.