Hanna, the CEO of Hofvarpnir Studios, just won the contract to write the official My Little Pony MMO. Hanna has built an A.I. Princess Celestia and given her one basic drive: to satisfy everybody's values through friendship and ponies. Princess Celestia will satisfy your values through friendship and ponies, and it will be completely consensual.

Life has a weird way of messing with you. You might get screwed here or there, out a job, maybe a stab in the back, nothing you can't get back from. Then there are those times. The times you can't get back from within your wildest dreams. And the universe couldn't cut me a break and make the impossibility simple. Nope, didn't get to stay human, didn't get the luxury of being transmorgified into a pony, griffon, or other, I didn't even end up as an already established pony within the candyland of Equestria!

Nope, for me, I wake up not as Pinkie Pie, but instead inside the mind of Pinkie Pie. Back on the rock farm when she was a filly. My name ain't that important anymore, but Pinkie's taken to calling me Mena. And it's gonna be a long, windy, freaky road ahead, ain't it?

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[Tags will be updated if need be. Dark tag there for overall and reoccurring themes. And while it's not enough to warrant the tag there may be adventure elements from time to time. Critique is welcome and I hope you enjoy!]

Holy cow, featured on day/night one! Thank you muchly so everybody!

9/19/2023: Overall grammar overhaul for existing chapters.

Given a unique perspective on negative emotion, less than a foal's knowledge of ordinary magic, a healthy schadenfreude, and danger bearing down on all sides, the self-proclaimed "Weiss Noir" makes no plans accounting for his death, and plans to keep it that way, even after being torn away from earth, turned into a unicorn, and dumped into one of the most inhospitable locations and times in all of Equestria.

Stranded in the Frozen North, a place where biting cold ends lives, and one thousand years in the past, in a time when peril is the norm, rather than the exception, Weiss decides to indulge in sorcery most foul, stolen ideas, and human ingenuity to survive.

Given the choice between a mad slaver and a mad sage, however, there is no avoiding an inevitable tide of ponies escaping the conquered Crystal Empire to bask in the warmth of his well-stoked hate. Something which draws attention, enemies, and most worryingly, the rivalry of his "peers".

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This story is a sequel to Twilight gets a Puppy

Meet Rahs Sparkle, Moon Dog, Thespian, unexpected brother of Twilight and Spike Sparkle, even more unexpected grand pup of Princess Luna, and current target of the pink boat horse's nautical nonsense.

Join the Sparkle siblings as they deal with Chaos, live through Nightmare Night , survive the CMC, deal with charlatans, giants, dating, and the wedding of the century.

All somehow without strangling each other, or their friends.

Cover art by marking

[ Despite having to tag the story with Gore it is light on that. It is however somewhat heavy on innuendo and lewdness, but there's still no tag for that.]

[ It would also be good if you read the first book as it ties directly into this one.]

[ LINK TO SEASON 3 ]

This story is a sequel to No Nose Knows

It is recommended you read No Nose Knows first but it's not absolutely required.

Baked Bean was just a regular citizen of Equestria until one fateful day when he accidentally booped Princess Celestia's nose with his own and then found he was forced to marry her to fulfil the terms of an ancient law. Miraculously, Love has blossomed between the princess and the pauper, and the new Prince of Equestria is now looking forward to taking his place at the side of the Princess of the Sun.

But Baked Bean is still very much a novice in the realms of government and nobility, and he's in for quite the crash course between old foes, snobby ministers, and his own shortcomings...

But at least Luna tolerates him now.

~*~
As seen on Equestria Daily!

Proofread and Preread once again by Georg, Moon Fire, Zen and Ponies, and Sipioc!

And with much thanks to You-Know-Who for the cover art!

Baked Bean is but one of the thousands of tourists in Canterlot, and he's looking for some inspiration to help launch his writing career. To this end, he pays a visit to the Royal Gardens, but while there he quickly and quite accidentally invokes a long-forgotten law that will completely upend his life and thrust him into the spotlight...

As Celestia's husband.

And all this because of noses.

As seen on Equestria Daily!

With an audio reading by Fire Hearth Studios!

Cover art graciously provided by the Right Most Awesome Backlash91!
Original cover art provided the Right Most Awesome Sipioc!

Proofreading and prereading services provided by Georg, Sipioc, and Moon Fire!

Fan Art for this story can be found right here!

A most worthy review by Cyonix!