//------------------------------// // 17. - Neighagra Falls // Story: This Nose Knows // by Irrespective //------------------------------// “Watch my right hook, love,” Celestia cautioned, and Bean snorted. He’d been smacked upside the head enough by her hoof this morning, and it hurt even though she was pulling her punches. His hooves skittered on the grass, and he ducked low. The objective for this pre-dawn exercise was to somehow slip past her and to ring a bell that was mounted to a post at the far end of the field. Once he could do that, Celestia would proclaim that he had completed the first stage of his defensive training, and they could move on to countering unicorn magic. But trying to slip past Princess Celestia was like trying to cook a casserole with nothing more than an egg timer. She might hold back her punches, but she didn’t let her iron wall defense slip in the slightest, no matter what Bean tried. He smirked as he quickly remembered the time he’d tried to kiss her to get past her, but that had ended with him pinned on the ground by her front hooves and her lips kissing and nipping his neck. Today was his day, though, he just knew it. He slowly trotted left, his eyes fixated on the white wonder that was his wife, and he evaluated his options. Her stance allowed her to zig left or zag right, and if he tried going under she would simply collapse on top of him with a reverse flap of her wings for extra thrust. Over wasn’t an option, either; there was no way Bean had enough vertical to clear the Great Wall of Celestia. Bean’s plan began to congeal as he danced right to escape a swipe of Celestia’s left hoof. His only hope was to fake her out, zag while she zigged, then break into a dead sprint. He could outrun her, but he had to outmaneuver her first. He took a quick stutter step to the right, and Celestia’s weight shifted in anticipation, but she didn’t bite. A stagger step to the left, and she almost took it. He gave another snort as he watched the muscles in her chest flex and twitch as her hooves shifted to anticipate his moves, but then he smiled. “You’re sweating,” he taunted. “So are you,” she pointed out with a predatory grin. “I always sweat, but you never do. Am I wearing you down, my dear?” “Of course not, I used to go for hours like this,” she remarked with a hungry growl. “Perhaps I am just trying to distract you, hm?” Bean had to mentally bodycheck the thought of how his wife’s glistening hide amplified her allure, and he danced back a few feet. Whatever he was going to do, he had to do it quick. There was a wall behind him that was coming up fast, and so far reverse had been the only way he’d been able to elude her. A sudden and crazy thought then occurred to him, and he sidestepped to the left again while he processed it. Celestia was anticipating an opponent who would be on four legs. If he reared up, he reduced the number of trippable limbs by two, but then he had the disadvantage of trying to run on half power. Bean threw caution to the wind and reared up. He really didn’t expect this stunt to work, but if it did, he could drop back to all four hooves once he was past her to make a break for it. He smiled as Celestia brought her head and neck up to negate the threat of his front hooves lashing out at her, and he saw her muscles adjust to block the blow. He then took a step right, spun as Celestia tried to compensate and attack him while he was in such an awkward position, then he put all the power he could into his left leg for a decent push off. Celestia tried to move with him, but her weight had been thrown off, and he watched her lose her footing and crash into the ground as his right leg pushed him both forward and down so he could get back on all fours. He felt her rear hooves miss him by a breath as she tried to trip him while he moved, and he whooped in joy while he galloped over to the bell. Bean let out a shout of protest when he found himself stopped by Celestia’s magic just as he was about to hit the brass indicator of success. He then folded his arms and pouted furiously, but Celestia was all smiles while she reeled him in, stood, and tried to catch her breath. “No fair,” Bean complained. “You’re supposed to be a pegasus attacker, not a unicorn.” “I am both, and that is how I can catch you.” She put him down right in front of her, but he simply sat and continued pouting. “I would have hit it if you hadn’t cheated.” “That you would have,” she offered while she nuzzled his sweaty neck. “So you actually won. But take this as a lesson in anticipation. Even though you might only see a pegasus assailant, there may be a unicorn compatriot that you are unaware of.” “I guess so,” he groused. Even with his sore pride he could see the rationale, but it felt like it was a thin veil to cover up the fact that he, a mortal civilian, had thwarted the great Mistress and Commander of Equestria.  He savored his victory inwardly—huzzah for Prince Baked Bean!—as he finished replying to his wife. “But to be fair, you haven’t shown me how to avoid magic yet, after all—yaHAH!” Bean’s sour mood vanished when her gentle nips found a particularly sensitive spot on his neck, thus eliciting an involuntary giggle from the semi-more-or-less-if-looked-at-in-a-particular-fashion victorious prince.  He could feel her chuckle as she mercifully moved up from the spot. Trying to change the subject?  Sneaky mare, he chuckled to himself as he breathed in the powerful aroma of her exertion. The thought of hygiene didn’t matter; this was her raw scent right now, and it was intoxicating. “That will be the next phase of your training.” She nipped at his neck, then retreated a step. “You have done well, and you deserve a reward.” “Oh? I like the sound of this,” Bean clapped his hooves together in eagerness. “What do I get? Asparagus?” Celestia shook her head and scoffed. “You really want me to give you asparagus as a reward for anything?” “It’s what I got as a colt when I got straight A’s on my report card. Well, that and a triple-scoop ice cream cone with sprinkles.” “I tell you what.” Celestia’s magic snagged her Bean again, and she gave him a pleased smile. “You go ring that bell, and I will make sure you get a triple-scoop ice cream cone when we get to Neighagra Falls, and I’ll even put extra sprinkles on it.” “I love this plan immediately,” he replied with glee before giving his beloved a deep and passionate kiss. “But before all that, we should probably raise the sun and have a shower, I think.” Celestia gave a thoughtful hum and then shook her head. “You know, I’m really more in the mood for a bath. You may shower alone if you like, I suppose.” “No way. You raise the sun, I’ll get the bath going.” Bean and Celestia laughed as she put him down, and they shared a quick boop while they began walking towards the exit. As they passed the post, Bean paused, struck the bell with his rear leg, and then gave his love a delighted grin. “That was a good move, by the way,” she offered. “But now we’ll need to see if you can do it when you’re laden with armor and a spear. If you can, you might make a halfway decent guard.” “I don’t think I’m going to be plodding around in armor anytime soon.” Celestia gave him a playful smile, and her tail smacked his rump. “You never know. I do believe both of us would enjoy taking the armor off of you.” * * ✹ * * “Celly? Is everything okay?” “I’m afraid I have some sad news, my love,” Celestia replied while Bean trotted out to her. “Philomena tells me it is time for her to return home.” “Oh, does she have to go?” Bean sullenly asked, and he felt a sad smile emerge when Philomena swept down from the roof and landed on the railing of the balcony before him. “I’m afraid so,” Celestia answered with Philomena’s nod. “She has enjoyed her visit greatly, but the palace has become too stuffy and confining for her.” “I can understand that.” Bean held out a hoof, and his smile had some happiness in it when Philomena perched on it and gave him a nuzzle. “A magnificent bird such as yourself deserves wide open skies to roam in. You will come back for a visit soon, right?” Philomena gave an affirmative chirp. She then took to the air above him, and Bean smiled a bit more when she plucked a large feather from her wing and placed it behind his left ear. “It’s beautiful, Philomena. Thank you. On your next visit, we’ll see about teasing Luna a little.” Philomena gave a happy squawk to that before landing on Celestia’s outstretched hoof. The two of them shared a nuzzle, and there was a small tear in Philomena’s eye when she pulled back. “You behave yourself, young lady,” Celestia admonished. “And don’t rush into anything. Consider your options carefully and choose the best of the best. It may take some time, after all.” Philomena gave a “will do” chirp, hopped from Celestia’s hoof to the railing, and ruffled her wings in preparation for a long flight. Celestia lit her magic while she did so, and the sun broke anew over the eastern horizon at the moment Philomena spread her wings wide. The phoenix then rose into the air with the sun and with just as much majesty. Bean gave a whoop when she flew around them with her tail in flames, gave one more noble cry of goodbye, and then shot into the sunrise in a blaze of fire and glory. “I think your theater skills have worn off on her,” Bean remarked to his wife while she slid a wing over him. “She sure knows how to make an exit.” “I may have given her one or two pointers in that regard.” Celestia let a light laugh dance through the air with the remark. “I’m gonna miss her,” Bean said with a small sigh. “You should have told me how much fun phoenixes are.” “Philomena is quite exceptional, but I am sure we will see her again very soon. There is even a chance she may bring a guest with her.” “Oh? You didn’t tell me she had a secret, special somepony, er, somebirdy.” Celestia gave her Bean a small smirk. “I do not think she has one at this moment, but I believe she will have one very soon. You see, the Phoenix mating season should be starting just as she is returning home, and Philomena has not yet found a mate. I personally think that you and I have influenced her, and that she is thinking about starting an ember of her own.” “If that’s the case, I hope she finds a mate who is nice and who treats her with respect. She deserves somebirdy classy. Couldn’t hurt if he was mischievous too, eh?” “That would be ideal for her, I would say.” “Do phoenixes mate for life?” Bean looked up, and Celestia gave him a quick peck on the lips. “They will be together for as long as we plan on being with each other.” “That’s a long time.” He gave her a peck back, then nuzzled her neck. “And I’m sure she’ll find the one who is perfect for her, just like I have.” Celestia gave a low nicker of pleasure and she gladly returned his nuzzles to him. The two stood in this serene embrace for a few moments, until Bean gently nipped his beloved’s neck. “You smell funny.” “Well, you’re no bed of roses yourself,” she shot back with a scoffing laugh. “Is the bath ready?” “Should be by now. Wysteria even found me some strawberry scented bubble bath. Well, before she had to go visit the toilet. Which reminds me, we should hurry before the tub runs over.” “I’m pleased she was able to make it in today. We’ll need to see if she plans on accompanying us to Neighagra Falls.” “I get the feeling she will, but who knows,” Bean replied. “Shall we?” “Would you be kind enough to scrub in between my wings?” “I’ll even preen them for you, if you’d like,” he replied. “Just don’t toss Luna in with the bathwater this time.” “I cannot make such a promise, but I will try,” Celestia replied with a laugh. * * ✹ * * “So, why did we fly today?” Bean asked while he leaned over the edge of the carriage and took in the view of the ground from a thousand feet up. “The Falls are a very popular tourist destination, and using the train would cause a great deal of inconvenience for the visitors,” Celestia explained. “A carriage takes up less space as well. It will be easier to arrive and depart this way.” “You just wanted a break from the paperwork. Admit it.” “That too,” Celestia admitted. “I’m a bit surprised Blueblood wanted to come with us today.” Bean sat up and faced his wife, but glanced beyond her and to the chariot that was flying alongside of them with Blueblood, Wysteria, and Quill in it. “I mean, he’s pretty well avoided me like the pony pox ever since he returned, but he seemed really eager to accompany us this morning.” “You may thank Luna for part of that,” Celestia remarked. “She caught him last night and in the ensuing conversation she once again asked about what had happened with the Yaks. When his answers remained the same, she had a rather frank discussion with him. I do not know the whole of what was said, but most of it revolved around her disappointment in his failure, especially given how well things had been proceeding before she had left him. She even openly questioned whether he should retain what official titles and functions we have given to him, and when he protested, she made it clear that he has put himself in a rather precarious position. I believe this trip and his sudden goodwill is an attempt to get back into our good graces.” “Oh,” Bean replied thoughtfully. “Well, maybe he and I can start over. I might not be able to please every noble, but I would like to make as many friends as possible. Perhaps that’s a bit naive on my part, but I think it’s easier to work with friends.” “There’s nothing naive about wanting to be a friend,” Celestia replied to him with a warm smile. “So long as you do not allow your friendships to blind you to the truth.” “I understand that one all too well.” Bean became solemn with the memory of his greatest mistake, and his gaze moved out to the distant horizon. “Neighagra Falls is just up ahead, Your Highnesses!” Sergeant Clover shouted. “Sergeant, please put us in a circle pattern above the falls,” Celestia called back while she turned to her love. “I think you would like to get a good aerial view of them before we land.” “You know me all too well,” Bean eagerly replied, and he leaned over the edge again with Celestia as they began to descend. Baked Bean had never been to Neighagra Falls in his life. He had only seen pictures in books, and what he had seen had left him unimpressed and disinterested in visiting the fabled cascades. What could be so interesting about water falling down? It took just one glance for him to realize how wrong he’d been. “Do you know what the best part about being married to you is?” he called out to his love over the rush of the water below them. “What?” “You,” he replied. “Second best thing is that I have wonderful in-laws, third best thing is the food. But the fourth best thing, easily, is all the new places I get to see with you. I didn’t realize how amazing this would be.” “And I have far more to show you, my dear,” Celestia whispered into his ear, making  goosebumps cascade down Bean’s spine. “All of the Kingdom’s hidden secrets will be revealed to you, in due time.” Bean knew that Celestia meant that as a compliment, and as a promise. He knew she meant every word, that she would give everything to him. But that reliable feeling of self-doubt and inadequacy stubbornly refused to quit messing with him. If he took Celestia’s statement for the grand total of its value, then everything from her most secret thoughts to the length and breadth of Equestria was being offered to him. The scope of it was enough to make his legs go numb and his throat to dry out. “Bean? What did I say?” Celestia asked in worry. “I wasn’t trying to make you cry.” “Oh, you didn’t. It’s just me being me,” he replied as he wiped at the treacherous water that was escaping from his eyes. “I just feel so inadequate sometimes when I compare myself to the grandiose majesty that is you. You have absolutely no reason to give a plain pony like me the keys of the kingdom, and yet you cheerfully present them to me, over and over, with a kiss and a smile. Even worse, you willingly offer me the most precious keys to your heart, and that’s something I cherish more than life itself.” Celestia nuzzled his ear, and a wave of peace began to fight back against his insecurities. “My dear Bean, always remember that you are my beloved. With that, it is only natural that you recieve all that I can give. You have always given me everything you have, after all.” “Thanks. This is probably getting old for you, huh? You really think I’d be a bit more confident about things.” “I think you are very confident, my love. Far more than what you give yourself credit for. I also believe that you need not equate overawed and overwhelmed with inadequate. There are still times when I feel the same way you do.” “You do not,” he retorted while he met her eyes with his. “You’re always so sure, and so poised. I can’t believe anything ever overwhelms you.” “Chrysalis overwhelmed me.” Bean scoffed. “No, she overpowered you. That’s different.” “It was both. Once the invasion was over, I felt like a failure. What kind of a Princess am I, if I cannot defend my little ponies from threats? I was so distraught that I actually considered abdicating the throne, setting up a little shop in Canterlot, and selling scented candles. I’ve always liked candles. They’re like little suns.” “But you did defend your ponies. You did the best you could.” Celestia gave his cheek a soft kiss. “Just like you. You are doing the best you can too, and in the end, that is always enough. Don’t be afraid of being overwhelmed, my love. Relish the sensation, grasp it with all your strength and hold it to your heart. Let it power you, and be greater because of it. The only thing you should ever fear is when your fears incapacitate you.” “The only thing I truly fear is losing you.” Bean shuddered in delight as she caressed his neck. “Never fear that. There is nothing that will separate me from you, nor is there anything that will end my love for you.” “Not even if I tickle you while you raise the sun?” “Not even that.” She nipped his ear playfully and giggled lightly. “Now, I believe you are owed an ice cream cone. Shall we land?” “Only if you get one too,” he replied, and Celestia scoffed. “I never pass on ice cream.” * * ✹ * * “What do you think, Your Highness?” Bean gave Prince Blueblood a smile, then inhaled deeply. “This is all so amazing. This small-town yokel really should have gotten out more. There’s a lot I’ve missed out on.” Blueblood nodded, but his gaze remained out on the falls. “There are a great many wonders that this fair Kingdom holds, and hidden treasures of great worth that lie in wait for us to discover. Though, I suppose we could argue that you have found the greatest treasure our kingdom could ever offer.” “That I have, and I can only hope I will be equal to her someday.” “Tell me, where else do you and the Princess plan to visit during this grand honeymoon tour of yours?” “Let’s see. I believe we still need to visit Manehattan, Baltimare, and Cloudsdale for sure, and I know we will be attending the upcoming Equestria Games. I believe we were also going to try to make a trip to Maretonia for the Duke’s birthday party. Celly tells me they have a Tavche Gravche that I will both love and want to dissect.” “I see. Perhaps I may be bold enough to invite myself along to some of these events?” “I personally don’t mind, but I guess we’d need to see what Celly says. You were going to come to the Games, right?” “I have made the arrangements necessary to be in attendance.” “You know, I gotta say that it’s interesting that you’re even talking to me, let alone wanting to tag along while we tour Equestria.” “It is understandable, I have been rather aloof since your arrival. If you will forgive my bluntness, I am hoping to make my final determination of your character and to see how your relationship with the Princess is progressing while I am in attendance at your events. From these observations, I will know how to best proceed.” Bean nodded. “You and Luna have a lot in common, regarding me at least. It’s not easy for you to accept that Celestia fell in love at all, is it?” “No.” Blueblood’s face grew grim, and his teeth clenched. “It’s not. However, I often find that my aunt has tastes, interests, and personality quirks that run counter to what I would consider to be proper. Perhaps one day I will understand her, but that day will be far into the future, I fear.” “Well, so long as you try, right?” “I suppose so. That is all one can ask of a pony, isn’t it?” Bean was about to reply, but he was interrupted by three scoops of delightful pralines and cream with extra sprinkles stacked to perfection atop a waffle cone being presented to him by his wife. He gently took the offered treat in hoof, and he smiled a bit more when he saw that she had purchased a cone for Blueblood as well. “Here you go, two scoops of rocky road,” she offered to Blueblood, and he thanked her while his magic transplanted the sugary mounds of goodness to his mouth for proper enjoyment. “You didn’t get vanilla?” Bean asked his wife while he licked. “Why did you think I would?” she replied. “I dunno. I guess I just kinda assumed. What did you get?” “Raspberry. The vendor here had a greater selection than I anticipated.” “If you will pardon me, Princess,” Blueblood dipped his head. “I believe you would like some time alone with your husband.” Celestia nodded, but she gave Bean a look of curiosity while Blueblood left. “Did he behave himself?” “I guess so. He said he wants to tag along a bit more when we go visit places, and that he’s trying to get a better feel for my personality before he pronounces his final assessment of me. Or something like that.” “Hopefully he finds in your favor, then.” “I kinda think he will,” Bean replied with a glance over to the retreating royal. “I got the feeling that he was trying to be friendly, so hopefully it ends up that way.” ~*~ “Come one, come all! Come, and witness the amazing magic of the Great and Powerful Trixie!” “No way! You again?!” a nearby orange pony scoffed loudly. “Fellas, look! It’s the Daft and Unimpressive Trixie!” Trixie growled. She hated tourists, and the ones at Neighagra Falls were always the worst. “Trixie asks for all neighsayers to please save their criticism until the end of the show, when Trixie will then be gracious enough to accept their apologies.” “Or what? You’ll turn me into a newt?” The boisterous heckler guffawed loudly while smacking his friend, and the rabble around him gladly joined in the derisive laughter. “Fine. Trixie sees that she is going to have to prove herself. Prepare to be amazed! First, I shall transform this bowl of fruit into a flock of doves! Behold, and gasp in wonder!” Trixie spun and snapped her cape, but when she lifted her hooves to transform the fruit, she found nothing more than an empty bowl on the table. “What? Where did the—” A large white pegasus near the front of the crowd belched loudly. “Sorry! I thought you were offering free food for attending the show!” The orange heckler howled in laughter with his friends, but Trixie maintained her composure while calmly floating the bowl off-stage. “No matter, the Great and Powerful Trixie has yet another astonishing magic trick she can perform. For this, I will need a volunteer with a newspaper or a brochure. Who would care to step forward? Perhaps you, my good stallion?” “Uh, sure?” a confused pegasus flapped up to the stage, a tri-folded brochure full of information about Neighagra in hoof. “Now, Trixie wants you to take that brochure and tear it up as small as you can.” “Uh, really?” “Do it,” Trixie laughed with an underpinning growl. “Trust the Great and Powerful Trixie!” The pegasus did as he was told, and soon he his hooves were full of confetti. “Now what, Miss Magic?” “Now be amazed as Trixie restores your brochure to as good as new!” Trixie proclaimed. She took the confetti in her magic, crumpled it into a ball, then rolled the ball in her hooves with a few murmured words and a smug smile. After a few seconds of this, Trixie’s magic then held up the brochure before the volunteer and the crowd, and it appeared she had actually managed to restore the brochure into one whole piece. That was until the pegasus tried to take it back in hoof. As soon as Trixie’s magic cut out, the paper disintegrated back to confetti into the hooves of the now angry volunteer. “Hey! I paid four bits for this! You ruined it!” Trixie groaned as most of the crowd laughed and the pegasus demanded a refund. This was not going the way she wanted it to. ~*~ “This is really good ice cream,” Bean remarked with a long lick. “How much did it cost?” “Five bits per scoop, but the extra sprinkles were included.” “Ow, that much?” Bean’s eyes widened a bit, and he took a moment to study what remained of his treat. “I don’t know that it’s five bits good, but I guess overpriced food happens at any tourist stop I could name.” “It does. The vendor originally tried to give them to me for free, but I insisted on paying full price.” “Where did you hide forty bits?” He began to run a hoof along the edge of her peytral, despite her furious giggling. “Is there a secret compartment in this thing somewhere, or maybe you store them in those shoes of yours?” “You tease!” Celestia laughed. “If you must be technical about it, Wysteria paid. I had her pull some bits out of our personal funds to pay for your treat and a souvenir or two before we left.” “That makes sense. How’s she doing, by the way?” “She’s just over there with Corporal Quillpoint, and I don’t think her young one enjoyed the flight.” Celestia pointed to the far side of the observation deck, and Bean saw them at the railing. Wysteria was bent over the rail, and Quill was gently patting her back while she completed her business. “I think they were trying to discuss names for the foal.” “Is he going to stay with her, then?” “I believe he is leaning that way. There is still much for them to work out before that, however.” “They’ll get there, I’m sure.” Celestia’s gaze went back to the falls after her nod. “I believe they will as well.” Bean completely forgot his ice cream and his own name while he drank in the vision of perfection that stood in grace before him. Silhouetted as she was, and with the grandeur of the falls behind her, Bean gladly let his heart skip with delight with the thought that the most perfect mare in the world was his own, and his to keep. His joy doubled when he saw some pink touch his wife’s cheeks, and she glanced at him out of the corner of her eye. “Enjoying the view?” “I’ll never stop.” Pink transitioned to red, and Celestia’s head dipped with a small snort of delight. “Will you always speak such flattery to me?” “Until my last breath and beyond.” ~*~ “How about ‘Queasy?’” Wysteria bitterly offered while she retched. “You don’t mean that,” Quill replied while he continued to pat her back softly. “Fine. ‘Queasy’ for a filly. ‘Puke’ for a colt.” “I think you’ll change your mind when you’re holding them for the first time.” This was met with a grumble of annoyance. Clearly a change in tactics was needed, and Quill cleared his throat. “Let me put it this way: imagine you’re getting after them to do their homework, or to clean their room. Do you really want to be saying ‘Puke, come get these toys picked up?’” “At the moment, yes. But I suppose you have a point. “Yeah. We’ll want something that is easily repeated, but elegant too.” “Elegant?” “Something like ‘Wysteria.’” He offered with a small grin. “Maybe we should stick with flowers?” “Or colors. Raven will demand we name him Midnight.” “That might work. Something with a nice… flourish.”  He thought for moment. “But whatever we pick, we’ll want to inspire him to greatness. He’ll need a strong name if he’s going to survive basic.” “Oh, got him going into the military already?” Wysteria shot with a sly grin. “Sure! The Guard could give him a serious leg up in the world. I could even train him before he enlists, and then basic would be a breeze.” “You hear that?” Wysteria looked to her stomach, which seemed to have a bit more bump to it. “Between your father’s training and my organization, you will be on the tips of your little hooves when you come out!” “But above all, you should know Mommy and Daddy love you.” Quill added with an affectionate rub of Wysteria’s stomach. “Mommy and Daddy?” Wysteria asked, and Quill quickly pulled his hoof back. “Uh, well… that is, if you’ll let me.” Wysteria took his hoof and placed it on her stomach once more with a gentle smile. “So, Corporal, do you like wasabi?” ~*~ Trixie tore a gouge in the wood of the stage with her forehoof and let out a shout of frustration while she plucked her drenched and dripping hat from her head and wrung it out. The crowd was loving her show for all the wrong reasons, and the orange heckler appeared to be struggling with which ripe and juicy insult to hurl at her next. “Great and powerful?” he cawed. “You need to give up magic and try slapstick instead! That’s the only great thing about anything you’ve done so far!” That was it! Trixie was done fooling with these churlish fiends and their infernal laughter.  “You want great and powerful?! Fine! Trixie will show you great and powerful!” Her magic surged out of her horn and enveloped her wagon, and with a tremendous grunt of effort Trixie hoisted it up into the air. Her magic then lashed out, snagged a pair of conveniently close chariots without a second thought, and she began to juggle the three large items in the air above her with a demented laugh at her accomplishment. The ‘ooh’ that came from the crowd at this display emboldened Trixie, and despite the strain she was feeling and the sweat that was beginning to cascade off of her brow, she struck a pose and mugged to the crowd. “That’s right! Gaze, ponies, and be amazed at the wonder before you!” “Hey! What are you doing?!” Trixie’s eyes snapped to the three royal guards who had just climbed onto the stage. Though the back of her mind had registered the fact that there was nobility visiting the Falls today, she had not taken the time to find out who exactly had come. Now that she saw the heavily armored guards of Princess Celestia advancing on her, she finally made the connection and realized she was using the Princesses’ personal mode of conveyance as part of her impromptu act, and without permission. “Put those down right now!” one of the guards bellowed. Despite her best intentions, Trixie obliged. ~*~ Bean popped the last bite of his ice cream cone into his mouth while he surveyed the damage. To him, it almost looked like some kind of one-eyed, purple tentacled eldritch horror had suddenly appeared, smashed the chariots and the traveling wagon that belonged to one Trixie Lulamoon, and then disappeared without a trace. He and Celestia had heard the Guards shouting at the showmare, though they had not heard exactly why they were yelling, and they had both turned to see what all of the commotion was about just as Trixie’s magic had failed and everything had come crashing down to the ground. “So, what were you doing?” Celestia still held the responsible unicorn aloft in her magic, although Trixie kept flailing her limbs as if she were still trying to make a run for it. “Trixie didn’t do anything! You can’t pin this on me! It was that orange one’s fault!” “Sergeant Clover, there is a vacancy in the dungeons at the moment, correct?” Celestia asked over her shoulder. “Yes, Your Highness. I believe we have a rather dark and delightfully dank cell available, complete with rats and rusty restraints.” Trixie finally stopped trying to run, and she let out a gasp of horror. “No! Not the dungeons! Trixie can’t do another⁽*⁾ nickel!” (*) The five days Trixie spent in the clink on a double-parking violation left her a beaten and battered jailmare. “Then I suggest you start explaining yourself, young lady,” Celestia threatened with a most displeased look. “Trixie was trying to show how great and powerful she was, and she—or, I, used your chariot without permission to get those accursed hecklers to quit berating me. When the guards shouted at me to put the chariot down, I may have accidentally thrown them to the ground when my concentration slipped. But this isn’t Trixie’s fault!” “I fail to see how that statement could be true.” Celestia swept a hoof over the mangled metal and splintered wood before them. “You’re quite fortunate you didn’t hurt anypony. Your actions were reckless, and you need to be held accountable for them.” “No, please! I’ll do anything!” Trixie wailed. “Just not the dungeons!” “What do you suggest, then?” “Trixie can pay you back!” “Pay me back? These chariots are... well, were custom built. It took three years and an appropriations bill to get them funded. How do you propose to repay the Crown for your negligence?” “Oh, please, Princess! The penitent and apologetic Trixie does wish to make amends! I will earn the bits, I promise!” Celestia looked inside the empty donations can which had been placed at the front of the stage and trampled a little in the crash. “I’m afraid I would die of old age before you could possibly raise the bits from your act.” Her gaze slid to the side and pondered the odd colorful bits of wood mixed in with the wreckage. “That is once you purchased another stage.” “It wasn’t just a stage,” said Trixie with another wail of anguish. “It was my home!” “Which adds to my concerns as to your commitment and ability to repay your debt. Do you have any other skills that could be used to augment your income? Perhaps you have held another job at some point?” “Trixie once worked on a rock farm for a time, but—” “That might be sufficient,” Celestia mused, a hoof rubbing her chin in thought. “I know of one rock farm that is always looking for help.” “No!” Trixie shouted and shook her head vehemently. “I mean, no. I do not wish to go back there.” “Unless you have some other alternative, Miss Lulamoon, your avenue of choices is far too narrow to allow you to be picky.” “Um, well…” Trixie trailed off, and her gaze went to the ground. “Trixie did work as a secretary in her younger years, but it was only an internship for two months.” “Where was your internship at?” “Trixie worked at Copper, Magnesium and Cobalt Industries, Incorporated. But Trixie does not see how this could be helpful. All Trixie did was boring book sitting.” “Don’t you mean bookkeeping?” Bean had to ask. “No. Trixie was given ledgers to sit on, and I was told that by so doing, the numbers within would correct themselves. Trixie did not enjoy this very much, though. It was very tedious.” “I think I just heard about a company that deserves a good audit,” Bean replied with a shake of his head. “I agree, but let us stay focused on the more immediate problem,” Celestia remarked while she tapped a hoof to her chin. “Oh, let’s just get this over with,” Wysteria interrupted. “Princess, I’ll take her as an assistant. She should be able to earn enough bits to replace the chariots in about a year or so. At the minimum, she can have a good down payment going.” “You are going to employ Trixie?” Trixie asked with a great deal of bewilderment. “It’s that, the dungeons, or the rock farm,” Wysteria replied. “Your choice.” After some intense but brief deliberation, the blue magician saw no trap door out of this one, no trick knot she could riggle from. With as much dignity she could muster, Beatrix Lubella Lulamoon squared her shoulders and accepted her fate. “Trixie accepts your most gracious offer.” Trixie quickly dipped her head low before Princess Celestia. “I’ll be the best assistant secretary that has ever been.” “I certainly hope so,” Celestia replied with a stern gaze. “Well, this trip has ended up being more eventful than I expected it to be,” Bean remarked before giving the snowglobe in his hooves a shake. “How long will it take for the train to get here?” “It’s still a few hours away,” Celestia replied with a slurp of her diet cola. “But Luna insisted on coming so she could see the carnage for herself.” “That doesn’t surprise me. Trixie did quite a number on the chariots, didn’t she?” “She did, but I believe it looks worse than it actually is. The chariots were built to last, so it should be fairly simple to have them repaired. Her cart is another matter; she will have to buy a new one.” “Is that why you’re having her work with Wys? I really can’t see you forcing her to pay the full amount for the damage.” “She will have to pay some restitution, but you are correct. I am mostly worried about her impetuousness, however. The fact that she was willing to so recklessly endanger herself and those around her just to silence a heckler tells me she needs to learn some self-control. I am hopeful that Wysteria will be able to instill some patience and some organization into her life. When Miss Lulamoon leaves our employ, I want her to be better than she is now.” “I bet Wys will like having some help during her pregnancy, too.” Celestia nodded in agreement. “Trixie will probably be relegated to the more mundane details of Wysteria’s job such as stenography and schedule-keeping, but that is part of the price she must pay. Wysteria will treat her well, and Trixie can learn much from her if she will keep an open mind.” Bean nodded to this and glanced over to the new employee. Trixie was gazing sadly into the rushing waterfalls with her shoulders slumped in defeat, and he could practically feel her depression from where he was. He could imagine the crushing feeling of failure and self-beratement that she would be experiencing, and he felt his own heart ache for her slightly. “If you don’t mind, I think I’ll go have a few words with our new employee.” “Why do you want to do that?” Celestia asked with a wary look. “I think she needs to know everything will be alright. She looks pretty miserable.” “Well, I don’t see why you couldn’t. If you think it’ll help, then go ahead.” Celestia replied with a strong undercurrent of uneasiness, and she unconsciously stood a little taller. “Don’t worry, I’ll behave.” “I know you will. It’s her that has me concerned,” she countered as her wings unfurled. “I don’t think she’ll do anything either.” “She better not,” Celestia growled softly, but she then forced her wings back down. “Good luck, my love.” Bean gave Celestia a kiss before he moved over to the Sullen and Dispirited Trixie. She somehow heard him as he approached, and she dipped her head low in respect to him. “Greetings, Prince Bean. May Trixie make a request?” “Sure. What?” “Is it possible for Trixie to get an advance on her first paycheck? I could really use some peanut butter crackers right about now, and I have no money.” “You’re completely broke?” Trixie gave him a sad nod. “I was trying to earn some bits for dinner with my show today. If the truth is told, Trixie’s magic is not very impressive, and I’ve been struggling ever since I left Ponyville.” Bean was going to ask what had happened, but he instead smiled softly and gestured with a nod to something behind Trixie. “I don’t think tonight will be quite as bad.” Trixie turned, and the corners of her mouth twitched upward when she found Wysteria holding a half-pound carrot dog with all the trimmings out towards her. “Is that for me?” Wysteria nodded with her eyes averted from the tasty treat. “It’s customary for a new staff member to get a free meal, but you better hurry and take it before I add some unwanted toppings.” “So why didn’t you buy me a meal when I first got here?” Bean challenged. “You’re not staff,” Wysteria shot back with a smug grin. “No treat for you.” “Trixie thanks you,” Trixie offered while her magic took the offered meal. “You’re welcome. Now, here’s how the rest of the day is going to work. Once you’ve finished eating, go salvage what you can of your personal belongings. I’ll go over the basics of the job and what I expect out of you during the train ride to Canterlot, and then we’ll get you set up in a guest room for the night. Once we get to that point, I’ll lay out the itinerary for tomorrow.” Trixie nodded slowly. “Trixie can handle that.” “Good. I’ll see about getting you something a little more substantial to eat when we get back, too. Perhaps the Prince will be nice and make his famous cauliflower surprise.” “I believe I could make something happen,” Bean agreed. “Wys?” Quill called out. “Could I borrow you for a moment?” “I’ll see you two later,” Wysteria offered before trotting away. Bean sat and began playing with his snowglobe again while Trixie ate, and for a time, there was nothing but the steady rush of the falls to entertain their ears. Once Trixie had finished her meal, however, she let out a heavy sigh and turned her attention to the rushing water. “Quite the pickle you’ve gotten yourself into, isn’t it?” Bean offered. “It would seem so, but Trixie is used to being in pickles of her own making.” Bean gave his globe a hearty shake. “I bet I can guess how Trixie feels right now. I bet she is scared, confused, and possibly even a little cold. She’s gotten into a predicament that she’d rather not be in, and she has no idea what to expect now. She’s been forced into a world that she’d really does not want to be a part of, and her life has been forever altered. “I bet her emotions are a lot like the snow in this globe here,” he continued as he held up his souvenir, and both of them gazed at the tumultuous interior. “Swirling and drifting, without any rhyme or reason.” “If you end this analogy the way Trixie thinks you’re going to end it, then Trixie will make herself disappear right now.” “Fine, ruin my Zen moment,” he chuckled. “But it is true. I know how you feel because it happened to me. When I found out I had to marry Celestia, I felt exactly like this. I thought for sure that my life was over, and I was scared of what was going to happen. “But then the snow started to settle, like it always does,” he continued, and he held the snowglobe up a little higher to show off the photo of the Falls that was within. “And once it did, I found something amazing awaited me. Things might look pretty bleak at the moment, and I can’t say I know what will happen to you while you work for us in the palace, but I can say that if you give us your best and if you try to improve, the reward you’ll receive at the end will be worth all the agony you’re enduring now. Who knows? Maybe the winds of fate have directed you to us for a reason. Just give it time, and remember that Celestia isn’t known to deliver severe punishments.” “Trixie will try to remember that.” “Good. C’mon, I’ll help you get your stuff together. Think you could show me how to do that trick where I pull your card out of a deck?” “Trixie doesn’t know how to do that one,” she sheepishly admitted while they walked over to what remained of her wagon. “Well, once you do figure it out you can show me. Now, I do need to warn you about Princess Luna. She can be a bit hostile towards newcomers sometimes, but you can get on her good side by not appearing to be a threat.” “Um, how would Trixie go about doing that?” “Just follow my lead. But don’t kiss my wife.”