• Published 20th Jan 2019
  • 16,671 Views, 674 Comments

For I am of Pinkie's Mind - Neon Icy Wings

A human finds themselves as a voice within Pinkie's mind, only she's a young filly still on the rock farm. Aching for home, but worried what others might think, this new 'Mena' must maneuver life in Equestria. As much a life they can anyways.

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Chapter 1: A Mindful Awakening

I don't really recall much of how it began, to be honest. At first, all I was aware of was how wrong everything was, and didn't even know what was wrong in the first place. Like that lovely feeling of being watched when you're lying in bed, but even that would be too specific. It was like I was surrounded by darkness, and while it may seem like a joke, if anyone here would understand it, it was unlike any kind of darkness I'd been in, -advanced darkness if you will- I couldn't even see the inevitable shift of my hair or my nose.

It took awhile for me to even begin to question my position at the time. Why wasn't I in bed? Where the hell was I? I didn't even question where the weight of my eyelids, or the mild background discomfort of having my eyes open for too long were.

I tried to call out into the void, and only then did I realize things were even wrong-er than I could have imagined! Not only did I not say anything, but I didn't feel all those secondary things, those organic cogs within our bodies that allow us to vocalize. I didn't feel my tongue, my jaw, or the constrictions of my vocal cords, and then, and only then, did I realize just how screwed I was. Well, for how screwed I felt at the time. You don't really know how weird it is to not feel your body, even an ache of your mind trying to make sense of it all would be comforting.

It was then that my mind, or consciousness I guess, decided that this new fangled sensation of not feeling sensations warranted the panic usually reserved for those who don't know how to swim and know when they're out of their element. The element being dirt.

So, yeah, whatever was left of my mind decided I was drowning, and sadly I was unable to commence with the celebratory thrashing and flailing that deserves to accommodate such joyous thoughts. My thoughts themselves sure made up for that though!

I tried to wail into the darkness, to scream, yell for help, damn Santa Clause for this coal black hell, something!

And then I heard it from across the void, "Hello?"

Let me just say, it is something to 'hear' without any actual ears. But, that voice was angelic to me at that moment. While I did idly wonder how it was the voice heard me, I tried my best to simply communicate. And if thinking it hard enough did the job then who cares, I thought harder than I did at my college finals. 'Hey! Ya know where... anything?'

Not my most coherent thought, but eh, not my least, and I was quite proud that my quick thought-ing pulled through when the voice responded. "Um, I can't say I know where this 'anything' is. But... I would like to know where you are. Your voice sounds kinda funny."

Hearing more than a single word that also happened to bring me out of a panic, I was actually able to listen and determine the voice to be on the higher end, maybe a bit young, but what do I know. And what did she mean my voice was funny? Bah! Trouble for later, determine position now! 'Well, I'd like to know that too. But, I can't see anything with how dark it is.'

Might I also say that communicating with thought is a very weird process, and discerning a voice for yourself is weird. As, at least for me, I never attributed my voice to my thoughts. It didn't seem to bother the voice though. "Uh, what do you mean? The sun's still out!"

That one hurt my brain. 'sun's out'? Ridiculous! Impossible! Asinine! And in some way, utterly terrifying... '... What? I-eh, don't see a sun. I don't see anything in fact... Okay, let's switch this aro-o-ound. Where are you?'

I could tell by her, at least I assumed her, tone that that had confused her but at least she complied. "Well, I'm by a river right now. Kinda dusk-ish I think?"

River? Dusk? I couldn't even hear a river! 'Well, I guess I'm blind then. But I don't hear a river, so that's odd.'

"Well, I think it must be hard to hear anything from inside my head!"



'... What. Did you. Just say?' That one killed my brain, learned necromancy, and brought my brain back just to slap it. What!

"U-uh, you're in my head? At least that's where your voice is coming from, I think. A-and if your voice is coming from my head, and that means you're in my head, maybe you can't see for some reason?"

I wouldn't admit it, not right then at least, but her logic was sound. I mean if you suddenly heard a voice in your head saying they can't see diddle, then what answer would you give? Well, my answer to her speculation was to bemoan my lack of hyperventilation ability.

'Buh-bu-but...' I'm not sure how I managed it, but I managed to thought stammer. I was in someone else's head? HOW?! That wasn't physically possible! But if the girl was right then my life was over. In a bid to try and hold on to my delusions I tried everything in my power to FEEL anything! To assure myself of something physical!

... And I failed. I couldn't feel my body, for the first time I was forced to face this fact. I mean, I had subconsciously felt and even acknowledged this fact. But to face it head on, to actually think and know that you have no body, that it isn't some wacked out drug trip or something is breaking.

I didn't even try to delude myself into thinking it was a dream, mainly because I wouldn't even think to think it was a dream if it actually was one, as per my usual dream experience I question absolutely nothing in dreams, on top of the fact I'd never had one of those dreams where you're in full control before, and it wasn't like I had any control anyway. I was a disembodied mind voice inside someone else's body!

In all honesty, don't tell anyone, I wanted to cry. What could I do? Tell the girl to tell others she had another human being in her head in the hopes they could dig me out and plop me back into my own body? We don't even have the tech yet! If it's even possible to begin with! And that would assume my body didn't just die, and just became a brain dead vegetable. AND and that's all assuming they wouldn't just ram some steel rods in her brain, pills down her throat and put her through that good ol' electroshock and call it a day. I mean I'm pretty sure they don't do shock therapy for voices in your skull, but I didn't know that then.

Unable to cry, I did the next best thing.

I shut down.

I'm not sure how long I was silent, just not thinking. Not sure how long it was until her voice brought me back... well back to acknowledging what little bit of reality I had. "... Mister and or Miss voice, are you okay?"


"Oh... is it... is it because of me?"

I couldn't tell at the time, but there was clearly more to her voice than before. Like she was almost crestfallen about something. Either way, a part of me wanted to lay into her, to lay out exactly why I wasn't fine! But that would be counterproductive. Even in my emotionally unstable state I knew that. No matter how the whole thing played out I would need the girl on my side, and fostering anything other than amicable relations with her would make any future plans, or future in general hell on earth.

Don't get me wrong, while I believe myself to be calm enough and hardly violent, my poor consciousness, which had taken at least four gut punches, was ready for blood. But I wasn't a vampire, blood wouldn't get me anywhere fast. 'No... Not you. I am not fine because of this whole situation! Getting angry at you wouldn't do anything! Besides... You don't deserve any anger. I just... am having a bad time processing everything I guess...'

Her voice lost its crestfallen nature, and it was replaced with sympathy. I could practically feel it! I hated it. "You said you were in darkness, right? And if you're in my head maybe I can help you see or something?"

Well, hell, what was I gonna do, say no? Not like I had any ideas. 'Go for it kid, I'm outta it anyway.'

She didn't say anything, I just heard her humming or something. Like you do when you meditate or something of the like. The humming went on for a while and after second ten I was ready to resign myself to my hell, but around minute, like, eleven -or was it thirty-two?- I SAW something! It was just a blur at first but I frigging saw something! 'Eh! Eh! Kid! I see something!'

I think she hummed a bit in response, I couldn't tell I was too busy celebrating. A few moments more and I could tell a color. It was pink! Bit stereotypical color for her clothing, but at the same time I'd never seen a full pink outfit outside of Halloween, and she was giving me a bit of hope somehow so who was I to judge?

It wasn't until the pink started to become defined into a shape that I actually started to question things again. Why was she sitting like that? W-was she even sitting?

My mind just dumped away all that hope and joy to go into analysis mode. She wasn't sitting, her arms were legs. The pink wasn't clothes, it was molded straight to her body. Her eyes were frigging huge!

She was a frigging pony! But not just any pony. I recognized this pony. The pink fur, the darker pink mane, the blue eyes... That was Pinkamena Diane diddly dang Pie. As a filly. I was in the head of a pony, not of the earth I knew.

I think I 'thought' blacked out for a bit after that, again. Impossibility after impossibility taking place before my not eyes broke me again. I lose my life, my body, my home and then my whole diddly dang world!

"Voice! I, uh, can't see you! Maybe you need to do something?"

I could hardly think properly. What little cognizant thoughts I could form were surrounding the pony before me. Pinkie. Pony. Real. And I think that came through in the void, as she started to stare in my direction, an almost shocked, kinda happy expression on her mug.

"Hey! You look like me!" What?

I did?

I somehow shifted my vision down, moving my point of view for the first time, or at least finally had a point of reference to note any visual change, and saw a pink, inhuman chest and a curtain of darker pink to my visions left...

Crap. Everything was going too fast. Luckily, at least, my mind was still functional enough to remove any potential cutie mark on my, quite adult, mental image of Pinkamena. If that would even work! I wasn't a hundred percent sure what was going on, but to err on the side of caution was always something I tried to do, and I do believe cross dimensional time traversal into a fictional universe, so far as I understood it, is the time to be the most cautious, within my abilities at least.

"Huh. So I-I do. Bit bigger though." Why did I follow along with that scenario instead of correcting it? I don't really know! I was still in the mindset of: Don't piss off the Pinkie pony! Don't piss off the Pinkie pony!

Not my smartest move, but hey, you have your world and view blasted five ways from Sunday and you make infallible decisions. I can't even do that on a good day.

The little Pinkamena ran up to me through the imagination void. Man that's depressing if that was all her imagination was. Either way, she kept her happy little look with a bit less shock than before. "Wow! You're like older me. Am I gonna actually look like that in the future?"

"Uh, maybe? I think I just copied your looks. Not sure where the growth spurt came from..."

"Hmm. Well, you're still pretty!"

Flattering, truly. Still felt odd getting a compliment like that considering everything. "Hey, now! No getting narcissistic. You're too young for that."

She pouted, I could only assume mostly out of confusion, and yes, it was absolutely adorable. "Narci-n-narci-ci- whatever!" Adorable and funny. For the first time since the whole thing began I actually laughed. Well chuckled. But still, mirthfulness. Even more so when she stuck her tongue out at me. "Phtblb... Uh, what now Mena?"

Brain stop numbuh three! Give it up to brain stop numbuh three! Kinda nice to have a 'what the-' brain stop instead of one caused by utter reality shattering though. "Mena?" I finally said after a moment of silence.

Her small smile lit up once again. "Mena! You look like me, so you should have a name like me. I'll be the Pinka, and you'll be the Mena! Oh! I am Pinkamena Diane Pie by the way. Nice to meet you, Mena."

Sound logic I guess. "Uh, hi Pinkamena." But, I was annoyed she labeled me a name and didn't ask me. Just remember the mantra: Don't piss off Pinkie pony. Deflect annoyance with humor. "Do I have to be mean?"

She shook her head, god she was an adorable filly. Could melt the heart of the Grinch, the small freak had so much adora-power. "Nah."

"Ah, well, good."

I saw the filly look around the void, an inquisitive look given to the darkness. "No wonder you couldn't see anything. It is really dark." A bit of sadness entered her gaze, I saw. "It must have been so lonely. We gotta find a way for you to see."

"Yeah-ha-ha. How? Like, I guess you could try imagining your surroundings. And then run into somethin' you didn't see."

Her face scrunched up, I presumed in thought, before her face lit up, an idea apparent. "Maybe I could share my eyeballs!"

In that instant a different kind of Pinkamena flitted through my mind. Just have to remember... Okay, I was in Equestria, so at that point just about anything was possible, but hey no need to be pessimistic. "Uh, if you find a way to do that, be my guest. Not sure how you'd go about it though." It was then I saw she was now bug eyed, staring straight into the void as if to pierce the veil with her gaze alone. "Uh... What the heck are you doing?"

She groaned out a response, sounding as if she was helping that Greek myth guy push that rock up that hill... I was gonna miss a lot of Earthly things... "If... I... see hard enough!.... maybe you... will too!"

Not so sound logic. "I admire your effort, Pinks, but I don't think seein' harder is gonna-" And then I got punched by color. Almost literally for how eye searing it was! "Gah! My eyes! I don't even have eyes! What!" You see, where Pinkamena was staring poofed into existence a window that, yes, did indeed show a river, in kinda a rocky dip. Like a mini canyon. And yup, there was the sun. My eyes still hurt, but it was the best pain of my non corporeal life! Or was I technically corporeal since I was in Pinka- Not finishing that thought!

Pinkamena on the other hand, hoof, end of limb attachment, was in the exact opposite of pain and was jumping around in circles, spinning my limited world view like a record. I could only thank Celestia, my new god like figure, that she wasn't full on Pinkie yet or I swear I would have found out if the imagine-scape I was in could make barf bags. "I did it! You can see!"

Yeah! Good for you kid! Too bad her spinning was doing a number on my brain. You know that weird feeling you get in your head and stomach when in moving elevators some times? Kind of like the sibling of your stomach dropping out from ya and vertigo? That's what I was feeling looking at the world go round and round. But I didn't want to look away! Even the rock farm muted colors of that little canyon place thingy were- well I guess my sonic rainboom happy reaction that little flat maned Pinkamena will be hit with soon enough. Better be soon or tom boy filly Rainbow Dash will have an angry personality thing on her flank.

"M-might ya stop Pinks, I don't even have a stomach and I'm gettin' queasy!"

She stopped almost immediately, but I could still practically feel her jubilation. "Oh! Heh, sorry." That didn't stop her from jumping and spinning happily, she just shifted it to our little imagination plane, that didn't look nearly as void like with the pouring light of the... eye window. Yup. Still adorable.

I cracked a smile on my mental visage at her display and thought hard. What would happen now? Do I now, later, or ever tell her what I really am? Will there be a chance to go home in the future? Would I be dead? Would time flow properly between our two worlds? Would I even want to go back by the time the future hit? I had a good life back home, nothing amazing, but good. I just didn't know.

I kept my sigh within my thoughts, hoping it wouldn't reverberate around the imagination void, god it would take awhile to get used to everything. Learning all the rules. The previous questions and, at the time, uncertainties pervaded my mind and threatened to overtake me entirely, but I wouldn't let them. I employed my motto: Hope for the best, prepare for the worst. No need to lose hope! But also no need to just bet on black.

I had no idea what life being the headmate of the future Element of Laughter would bring, presuming the universe didn't shuffle things around, but I was determined! To do what, I didn't know.

Welp. My human body ain't getting any deader... or maybe it was. Either way! Time to get to work. Quest numero uno: What the hell was Pinkamena doing near a river, in a mini canyon, for seemingly no reason?