Chapter 5: Change of Mind
My world slowed down at Maud's accusation. To anyone else it would seem like an inane statement. A child being silly. But, being a voice inside another's head, that was currently in the driver's seat, I felt like I was a child caught with a hoof in the cookie jar of murder. By another child. A scary child.
You are not Pinkamena.
Who knew three words and a name could cause such tumultuous emotions in oneself.
How the hell did she find me out? Or, at least, how did she take my few slip ups and difficulties to mean body snatcher? She was just a kid, wasn't she?
'W-what does she mean? You're me, why would she say that?' Somehow Pinkie was faster on the draw and did not help my already taxed mind with that question slash sorta statement.
I blinked from the shock. Didn't sputter though, but I did gape a little, like a fish. "Wha- uh, what did- what do you mean?"
Maud's face, for the first time I could easily discern what she was feeling behind that mask of stone. Her eyes were angry, mouth turned down in a frown. A small frown. The fury of an older sibling worried about the younger. Oh. "You're not Pinkamena. I don't know how, but I know you're not my sister."
My heartbeat decided to call up Guinness because it beat the record Limestone helped it set not that long ago, while my brain was torn between stalling completely and going into overload. As if my body itself were fighting against me in its own way. "I-I- what?"
"Pinkamena would not act like you did this morning. You just brushed it off. And this whole morning you have just felt wrong. Felt completely different than her. Even though I know it shouldn't be possible I just know you aren't her. Who are you and what have you done with my sister?"
So many little things I could absorb from those sentences. At least if I wasn't in emotional and mental turmoil. I think Pinkie was saying something, but Maud's direct accusation sent my mind spinning. She obviously didn't go to the parents, but that could change, depending on what I said. What I wanted to say.
What should I say? What could I say?
Between Pinkie's formless words, me trying to keep a decent composure and Maud's penance stare...
I was at the end of my rope.
And I just...
Fell.
Pinkamena Diane Pie's small body lurched forward towards the ground, as if fainting. Her sister, Maud, let her mask of calm, sisterly fury drop in favor of dull surprise that couldn't begin to show how much she truly worried about her sibling. She rushed forward and stabilized her sister, worry over the pony, or thing, whatever it was her gut had told her that was impersonating her, vanished amidst worry for her sister's immediate well being. "Pinkie?"
She didn't say anything for a few moments, instead, panting from whatever just happened. Whatever it was, Maud knew Pinkamena stood before her, which eased her worries a bit, and flared a worry about where the whatever it was moved to.
Only a moment more and Pinkamena's head shot up, an angry glare upon her face, angrier than Maud had ever seen her before. "Why did you do that?!" That threw Maud for a loop.
She blinked and shook her head lightly. "What." When she chose to confront the not Pinkamena she didn't expect that.
Pinkamena shook her own head, teeth grinding together. "She isn't responding! She's right here but she isn't responding..."
Maud blinked slowly, uncertain how to take what Pinkamena said. "What. Do you mean 'not responding'?"
"Mena! In my head, she hasn't done this- well maybe a little but not like that."
Maud didn't know what to think. Her sister was right in front of her, that she knew, but she was saying things she didn't really understand. She wanted to understand. For Pinkamena's sake. "Pinkamena, what is Mena?"
Pinkamena looked up again, less anger, more desperation. "She-" A horrible feeling came over the pink pony. A memory. A memory of standing in front of the house, Limestone in front of her, Mena yelling. The only time the pony inside her head yelled like that.
Maud's eyes narrowed, even if it looked more like a twitch, into a look of care. "Pinkamena... Mena. Who is this Mena? Please, tell me what is going on. I want to help." An odd plea to hear from a monotone voice, but even Pinkie amidst her worry could feel the truth in those words.
Pinkamena groaned in frustration. Torn between trusting Maud or obliging Mena's fear.
"Mena, she-she appeared i-in my head yesterday. She's been helping me and nice, but... but scared. She's scared of being known." Pinkamena said, while averting her eyes from her sister. Maud felt more confused than before and merely gestured for her sister to continue. "Mena said- she said that she w-wasn't normal, that ponies in your h-head weren't normal." Her anger was almost entirely washed away by her worry, and even fear.
Maud's breath hitched as Pinkamena spoke. Her sister had a voice in her head. It was such an abstract concept for the young filly. One that only served to further her worry. "Pinkamena, how do you know you can trust her?"
Pinkamena glanced side to side, seeming to become more jittery as her faith in Mena was questioned. "I-i-t-it's just- she's me. She's kinda not me, but she's me. She... just doesn't feel like she's bad."
Maud almost wanted to sigh, her sister seemed fine, even if the thought of voices in her head disturbed the young filly. "Are you okay?"
Pinkamena looked back to Maud, her overall mood more leveled thanks to the conversation. "Y-yeah, I'm okay. Just worried about Mena." She fidgeted in place, as if unsure about something. "I... I-I'm going to try and get Mena to-to come back." She said, almost warily.
Maud breathed deeply and shook her head expression, not giving away how she felt about her sister's decision. "Be safe, Pinkamena." To any other it would be an emotionless statement, a formality at best, to Pinkamena, though, it was a warm statement of a sibling standing by their own.
Pinkamena nodded and sat down upon the ground, closing her eyes as she did so, focusing on the place she and Mena shared. With her focus she saw Mena, just sitting in the void, her eyes practically blank in a state of untold fear as she stared at the window to the physical world, but otherwise appearing unresponsive. "Mena?"
The young filly walked up to her older self and pushed against her. "Mena. Wake up. Maud won't hurt you I promise." She pushed harder still, Mena not looking, or even twitching, as if Pinkamena wasn't even there. "It's! O! Kay!" Pinkamena shoved with all her little might, sending Mena toppling to the ground. Bringing her back to the present.
As she hit the ground Mena thrashed in confusion. "What?! What was-?!"
Pinkamena quickly grabbed her into a tight hug. Not even taking note of the lack of feeling, too focused on wanting to comfort Mena. "It's okay Mena... It's okay."
Mena's thrashing slowed, and if she could she would have been panting from her emotional state. "Pinkie? Wha-what happened? I-I-I- Maud was-"
Pinkamena squeezed the panicking voice in an attempt to comfort her. "Mena, Maud isn't going to hurt you, she wouldn't!"
Mena's eyes widened, worrying Pinkamena that she might panic even more. If Mena was capable of breathing she would have hyperventilated, but being unable to do so her mind was left to wander. She had failed, others would know, Pinkie's immediate future would be put into jeopardy all because she couldn't play a convincing enough-
The continued line of thinking was cut off by Pinkie gently placing a hoof on Mena's shoulder, as much as she could anyway. "Mena..."
Mena's eyes glanced down and focused on Pinkamena, her face twisted by the churning ocean that was her emotions. After a moment she spoke, if a bit hesitantly. "Are... are you sure she won't...?"
Pinkamena gave something of a timid smile, her faith in her sister pushing back her worry of how Mena might act. "She cares about me. After we tell her that you are kind of me, I'm sure she will care about you just as much."
The older Pinkamena shut her eyes with a grimace, struggling against her deeply ingrained fear of being discovered, clashing against Maud's already knowing of her existence and Pinkamena's urging.
She ground her teeth together from the mental tear, the act hardly doing anything for the voice what with the lack of feeling within the void. Her face twisted even further as her emotional ocean crashed against her mental walls. "Grr!" Oh, how she wanted to feel air enter her lungs, for a deep breath to ground herself. Or to disappear, disappearing sounded good too.
Mena shook her head as a replacement to calming breathing. "I'll... I'll hear her out. I'll hear her out."
The younger one held onto her smile and nodded. "Okay." Her smile faded into a confused frown as a thought entered her mind, "But, how did we swap?"
That question stalled Mena's thought process. "I... ugh, I don't know. Wait, did- how did you take over after-after I...?"
Pinkamena shrugged her shoulders, not any more aware than her companion. "I don't know. You just stopped responding and I was in control again. You should just try really hard. Like I did with my eyeballs."
That brought Mena out of her negativity, replacing it momentarily by a chuckle at the absurd, but not unfounded suggestion. "Heh, maybe." Sadly, it didn't last too long, much to Mena's chagrin, "Well, guess I should get on with it then, huh?" As Pinkamena nodded again she let out an airless sigh and stood up proper, "Alrighty then. Wish me luck?"
Pinkamena's timid smile returned. "Of course. I trust you and Maud will work it out."
Mena looked less than convinced but went on anyway, staring into the darkened eye window. "Here goes nothing. I guess."
She closed her own eyes and tried to will herself into control. A difficult task as her fear of facing Maud pushed against it, but as a moment passed by, and then another she felt the heat of the sun and the wind on her face and the world rushing towards her face.
I focused my vision as best I could, my mind swirling from the swap. I idly wondered why the ground stopped approaching for a moment before I could actually begin to feel my nerves functioning again. Before I felt a hoof steadying me, keeping me from face planting the earth.
I glanced up and saw Maud's face, her eyes burning with less sibling fury, but her eyes did not calm me. Not that blamed her. "Thanks."
"I was protecting my sister's face from being scraped up by the ground." God-! That neutral voice was terrible for my needs at that moment.
"Yeah, well, it's the same face." I steadied my footing -hoofing?- to be able to stand on my own, nodding to show my thanks further. "So. I'm guessing you wanna ask some questions to the not-so disembodied voice?" I was honestly a bit surprised by my lack of stuttering. Maybe I was too tired or just mentally resigned to my fate.
I think Maud gave her own version of a scowl, but without worried, sisterly fury fueling her, her facial muscles returned to doing the bare minimum. "What are you, really?"
I felt my eye twitch, not fond of being called a 'what.' I was also suspicious of Pinkie's silence, but I had the make it or break it conversation in front of me. No time to dwell.
But, once again, I was torn on what to say. The truth about being an alien, ripped from their body and deposited in your baby sister's head, or the simple lie of being a voice. Wasn't too much of a lie, come to think about it.
In under a second I made my choice. "The million bit question, ain't it?" I sighed and shook my head, trying to walk the line of lie and truth, "Wish I knew myself. I just popped into existence yesterday, random tidbits of information lodged in my not brain, that I'm almost certain Pinkamena doesn't know. The world was dark, I couldn't breathe, I couldn't feel. It was like my own little slice of tartarus."
Milk the sympathy, obliterate questions with sympathy. "But then... Pinkamena spoke to me. She gave me a form, oddly enough an older appearing version of herself. She gave me a name, she gave me sight. It's only fair that I try and protect her."
Maud tilted her head slightly."Protect her, yet you stayed silent and took control of her body? Why didn't you tell our parents about yourself?"
I had to resist the urge to grimace, it would have been inappropriate anyways. "I don't even know how we swapped in the first place, I didn't even know that was a thing! But, I do know I'm not normal. I'm not so deluded as to believe anything else. And ponies tend to act rather... untoward to such things, especially when they care a lot. To put it simply..." I gave Maud my most serious stare in an attempt to impress upon her the weight of the information I was giving her, "I wanted to make sure Pinkamena didn't get any so called 'treatments' to get rid of things like me. I won't lie, I do fear for my own continued being, but I-I care about Pinkie. I don't want to see her h-urt, I... hah I'm just not that good at that part yet I guess."
Huh, my voice actually cracked, and not because of Pinkie's body's age. Didn't help that I almost flinched at the inexplicable feeling in my chest as I spoke as well. Like my heart clenched or something. My-my breath also felt a bit too thin. I didn't understand it and put it aside for later.
Pinkie made it a bit hard to put it aside, as she spoke up slightly. 'Mena...' I don't know exactly what she meant by her tone. I think she was touched though.
Once more Maud's face was impossible to gauge and she tortured me with silence for some reason. Well, tortured probably wasn't accurate. I had to admit I appreciated the small pause to regain my composure, however slight my losing it was.
Thankfully she didn't wait too long before she spoke to me. "You really care about Pinkie."
My head shot up -I hadn't even realized my head had dipped during my little speech- and I had no doubt hope sparkled within my eyes. I bobbed my head lightly in confirmation, wondering where everything was going.
Luckily she didn't make me wait again, and she extended a foreleg. "I'm Maud. Nice to meet you."
Not sure how much I believed that, but hey! Progress! I smiled and sort of awkwardly shook her hoof. "M-Mena." I wanted to tack on something like 'glad to be accepted' or 'nice to meet you too' but I dreaded ticking her off again, instead my paranoia spoke, "Uhm, shouldn't we head in? I-I don't think we want anypony asking questions."
Maud simply stared at me, making me a tad uncomfortable. "You don't want to tell our parents still?"
I shook my head vehemently. "No no no... I-I'm not normal. I don't want to put Pinkamena at risk. I don't want anypony to look at her differently because of me."
Finally, she nodded at my words, causing me to hope that I had gotten through to her. "Alright. Let's head in. Lunch is probably ready by now." Aaaaand she just got up and started on her way around the corner. I shrugged it off in the moment, merely glad to have gotten through being found out without imminent pain and misery brought on by well meaning care.
I followed quickly after the gray filly, a piece of me idly noting how close I came to losing something akin to a philosophical debate with a child.
'See Mena? I told you Maud would listen.' It was a little embarrassing to be shown up by Pinkie. As a filly at least. Being more emotionally volatile than her didn't sit well with me either. Something to worry about in the future, I thought.
Lunch went about as expected. Oddly, nopony asked where the two of us were. Maybe two sisters chatting it up away from prying ears wasn't unheard of. Maud didn't glance my way nearly as much as she did before. Well, our way I suppose, since Pinkie was awake. Complaining that she couldn't taste the sandwiches Mother made for us. I would have switched with her, but seeing your daughter or sister nearly faint time and time again was not on my Christmas list.
They were damn good sandwiches. Guess pony taste buds would make my meatless life more survivable. I was still determined to research seafood, though.
Lunch seemed to fly by even though I knew a decent amount of time had to have passed. The sun even moved quite a bit. Granted, Celestia shenanigans couldn't be ruled out, but my faith in my paranoia wasn't what it used to be, and what it used to be was hanging off a cliff with a Shakespearean villain of a brother giving a witty one liner.
Needless to say, my faith in my gut was not great.
Anyway, Father was somewhere between not upset and pleased by our progress. Which way it leaned more, I'll never know.
"Alright, with how progress is going I would like two of you to come help me and your mother with the west field while the other two of you finish up the east field."
Before anyone could get a word in edgewise, Maud's hoof shot up. "Pinkamena and I will take the east field."
So that's what being shanghaied was like. I guess it was preferable to pretending to be Pinkie for another long stretch of time. Suffice to say, I nodded in agreement with Maud's dual volunteering.
Father nodded once, showing his approval. "Good. Limestone, Marble, with me. I want us all to come back in about four hours. Let us get to work girls."
Nopony objected and we were on our way. Limestone and Marble trotting along the parents while Maud, Pinkie and I made our way to finish what we started. In more ways than one potentially.
We made it to where we left everything, and Maud went about moving rocks like lunch never happened. "So, do you have any, you know, questions for or about me?"
"Not really."
Okay, wasn't expecting that. I thought Pinkie was meant to be the weird one. "Allllllright then?"
'She's already warming up to you.' Didn't feel like it, but 'kay.
With that, I too went to work. Maud and I shifting rocks hither and so together in a calm silence. At first it was sort of awkward to me, but over time it started to feel, well, less awkward.
Since Maud was content to work in silence, Pinkie more than made up for it by chattering away in our head. 'How has your day been Mena?'
I chose to have this conversation solely through thought. Practice makes perfect and all that. 'De-cent en-ough I sup-pose. Though, I was worr-ied over the prob-ility of be-ing caught. Then Maud caught me. That was not fun, but to be hon-est I am glad she did.'
'Oh? Why's that?'
'It just feels like it has taken some weight off my shoulders' I felt like I was getting the hang of it. It was mentally consuming to have to properly plan out my mental words as opposed to the mental spaghetti that was more normal thoughts. I never really thought how jumbled and cryptic my thoughts were before, it was like trying to explain a feeling, but I was getting there.
I didn't dare to try and visualize Pinkie while I worked, it was hard enough to talk and work at the same time, but I could practically hear the smile on Pinkie's face when she spoke next. 'I'm glad you feel better, Mena.'
That felt nice.
A little while later, after moving more rocks, I made a decision. "I'm going to swap with Pinkamena now."
'Why?'
"Why?"
The twin questions hit me in unison, causing a strange inner and outer audio mash. "Hey, I'm not used to having control of the body, and Pinkamena is probably just too polite to ask or demand it back. Besides, far be it from me to deprive you two of some sisterly bonding. And besides number two, we should probably get better control of the swapping to smooth out the process. After you caught me off guard like that and all."
Maud paused for a moment, probably thinking over my words. Before promptly going back to work. I assumed her silence meant understanding. I assumed.
I nodded and sat down. "Ready Pinks?"
'I-I guess?' Better than nothing.
"Alright. Here we go."
I tried to withdraw from the body, to leave it empty for Pinkie to take control.
It was freaking weird.
I focused on our mental-scape, to step away from the eye window to allow the little filly to take my place. It was like the further I stepped away the more I felt the nerves fade and numb, not totally, but enough to feel my will seep away from the controls as it were. It unnerved me on multiple levels and made me worry how Pinkie had taken the nerveless feeling of the imagine-scape.
I shivered at the overall sensation and glanced over to the filly who was walking towards the eye window. "Yeesh, how did you stay silent when you did that? The sleep swap was one thing but earlier when you snapped it out of it, that had to suck."
She stopped for a moment and turned to me with a small smile. "I didn't want to bother you back there. It wasn't important at the time."
I stared at her blankly, not too sure what to think of that. "Well, in the future tell me. I can't really do my job of protecting you if I don't know what bothers you." I gave her a smile to match hers. "We're in this together, Pinks. Don't forget that, alright?"
Her smile vanished for a moment before returning. "Thanks Mena." She turned to face the eye window and I could feel my connection to the body sever, signifying Pinkie taking control.
And yup, we almost face planted again. Who knew being a voice inside somebody's head would be so complicated?
I heard Maud's voice call out to us, "Are you alright Pinkamena?"
Pinkie nodded and got to her hooves. "Yeah... It's just weird."
That seemed to satisfy Maud, who once again went back to work without a word.
I will admit, I did want some swapping practice away from prying eyes, but I was also sick of moving rocks. Even then, sitting in the void watching Pinkie shove rocks around I felt the phantom fatigue linger over my not body. As if being in control I suffered some sort of mental strain due to being in control. Applications of that briefly flit through my mind, but I forced them away.
I had to meditate, to create contingency plans. I couldn't afford to be caught off guard like that again. Luckily Maud was always a bit weird, so the remaining two sisters shouldn't be as confrontational. I hoped. Still, I needed to be mentally prepared. It was foolish of me to simply go catatonic like that.
I had to do better.
I would do better.
I had to.
Luckily I had plenty of time and opportunity to meditate and think. Pinkie was occupied by her job and Maud wasn't interested in interrogating me or bothering Pinkie, so I wasn't interrupted.
It still went too fast though. The hours went by and soon Maud and Pinkie were walking side by side back to the house as the sun inched its way to the horizon. "I'm tired." Pinkie moaned.
Maud didn't turn or blink, but I could almost feel her sisterly compassion in her monotone, emotionless words, "I'm sure Ma will have something good ready for supper when we get there."
"Hmm, that is true. Still tired."
Maud actually turned at that one. "You better make sure to sleep well tonight then. You wouldn't want to fall asleep or accidentally swap during school tomorrow."
It was like Maud confronting me all over again.
An owl muttering the word 'skull' flashed in my mind's eye.
The one thing I truly hated back home. The one thing I thought I was free from back to haunt me.
God. Damn. School.
We were on a rock farm in the middle of freaking nowhere for Celestia's sake! Where the hell was this school anyway?!
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Much better speed than before! Hopefully it was up to to expectations and enjoyable! My plan right now is to try and leave something of interest at the end of each chapter, to better segue into the next better. Might seem obvious, but fleshing out an outline is harder than it sounds.
I've hit a nice patch of motivation so I hope to hammer out at least one more chapter of decent quality and speed. Maybe even play around with making a piece of cover art, though art is a more difficult thing for me.
Either way, the work never ends! Back to writing (and maybe drawing) for me! Tally ho!
Nice chapter, keep up the good work!
Ahh school the mortal enemy of man
Man... That's deep
In the next middle of nowhere over, between the train station and the farm.
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Along with Courage, Eustace, and Muriel.
i swear to god, i checked this not even an hour ago and nothing new. holy shit, this is the living embodiment of my fic-checking paranoia
The pains of traditional school systems.
Well, let's see how it is in cjool
They are probably home schooled since they live on a rock farm in the middle of no where. Unless there is a Rural community near by.
I imagine Pinkie Pie to be the always-happy-and-nice kind of side, while Mena will kick flank if ‘being nice’ isn’t good enough. Should you go so far that Pinkamena has to come out, then you will have a bad time.
This reminded me of a memory I didn't know I had.
"S - C - H - O - O - L: Skull"
~Owl, in one of the many, MANY Winnie the Pooh films.
IIRC one where Christopher Robin studies in the eye of the skull. Looking back that was a creepy as hell movie but also incredibly weird. I wonder if I can find it.
I'm still worried about Pinkie's Fundamentalist Celestian parents finding out about Mena and calling the village's exorcist.
It's very nice that she decided to hide full truth. I mean, Not only that won't help, but also will only scare them or make them doubt reality. Much better let them think that she was born from pinkie.
Also, can't wait for school here. She can help pinkie or take her place to help and such. So many possibilities.
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That's exactly what I was referencing! Pooh's Grand Adventure is what it was called, and I remember it being really good, yet different by Winnie the Pooh standards.
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I always love witty comments like these, they always bring a smile to my face.
I'm honestly surprised that traditional earth pony families have a place where they can attend school.
9630787
Oh! I was wondering what that line meant.
well at least he has experience with the dreaded school still. Can anything prepare a man for going to pony school as a pink pony?
No freaking way! That's a Winnie the Pooh reference! :D
great chapter
Rockville, of course!
Hard knocks at the school of rocks? 0U0
I imagine them as being homeschooled
Pinkiamena
Mena
I think we can all see were this is going
party of one intensifies
Must have more
...
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Ahh yes, such a man of culture.
IF THIS ISNT ALMOST EVERY CHILD AFTER A LONG BREAK, I WILL ACTIVELY PARTICIPATE IN SCHOOL!!!!!!!
This went better than expected.
School? Perfect to help Pinkie Pie get great grades for later!
Helping Pinkie Pie learn will help her later on.
Lets shee how different their learning is compared to ours.
To bad Pinkie isn't a unicorn, otherwise she could roll rocks and read a book at the same time.
Text to speech in Fimfiction is a blessing.
I like how Maud just accepted the situation once the danger was away. Very efficient!
🐉❤