Chapter 12: The Other Side's Surprise
“Let’s finish today with a little bit of math!”
Immediately, Pinkie’s mood dropped. The groans of her classmates were almost drowned out by her own incredulity at Mr Chalk’s impromptu math quiz. Normally it wouldn’t be that bad, you usually come to expect math from Chalk day in and day out, but the bit of history as a palate cleanser only to be washed down with math, hooking everypony back in without warning caused her entire body to tense as Mr Chalk laid down a blank piece of paper in front of the pink foal.
It took Pinkie a few moments to even begin trying to work through the, admittedly few, math questions that were demanded of her. She roughly jotted out her math processes for the first question before her pencil drew a rough line, almost right through the paper itself. ‘Agh!’ Pinkie screamed within her shared mental realm with Mena.
She barely registered Mena saying something before shoving her headmate into control, but, wound up so much from the stress of unscheduled math distracted her in multiple ways. She panted lightly within the safety of the mindscape, metaphorical distance placed between herself and the math that ate away at her.
She took the moments she had attained to compose herself, feeling bad about throwing Mena into control without warning. She shook her mental head and resolved to make it up to Mena at some point. An idea came to her and made her grimace, she supposed Mena would get first call on any sweets and desserts for quite awhile, or really any activity her brainmate would like to take control of their body for. Pinkie sighed but stood resolved on the idea, it was only fair after all.
Really, Pinkie felt the urge to apologize for the abrupt shove right then and there, but she hesitated to interrupt Mena’s concentration on the math. She shuddered at the sight of the math problems Mena scribbled away at. She knew she herself would hate for her attention to be stolen, so she remained quiet, letting Mena work in peace.
As Mena scribbled, Pinkie thought on her friend, her sudden, odd, brain friend she couldn’t really share with too many ponies. Mena’s oddities didn’t bother Pinkie at all, really, Pinkie thought, more ponies should be odd, it made them interesting. Tilting her head, Pinkie idly wondered if everypony was already odd and she simply hadn’t noted their unique strangeness. She was sure she appeared odd herself, ever since her cutie mark she just felt so much… well, near everything really. Another reason to be thankful for Mena, she resolved.
Eventually, Mena managed to mark down the answers to the math questions and threw Pinkie into control, Pinkie idly noting her mane springing back into poof-ness, she liked that. ‘Thanks Mena!’ Pinkie mentally told her friend.
Pinkie began packing everything away, with the math completed school was going to come to a proper close soon, and she didn’t want to keep her sisters waiting. As she worked she noted that Mena was a little quiet, and that Limestone seemed to be giving her an odd look. She ignored Limestone’s look for the moment and felt the urge to probe Mena, to ask what’s wrong, but ultimately decided against it. She knew what math could do to a pony, sometimes they needed longer to recharge than others. Mena would speak when she had something to say, Pinkie thought.
Not too long after, Pinkie hopped to her sisters and they began to make their way back home. The atmosphere of the walk was rather normal, each of the sisters holding some level of annoyance over the surprise math, even Maud voicing her opinion that, “Tacking math onto the end of a bunch of history is an odd teaching tactic.”
Marble lifted her head slightly, “It did feel a little out of place.”
The sisters continued their simple conversations for the entire stretch to their home, a walk like any other, all the way until their front door was in clear view.
As they neared their home Limestone put a hoof on Pinkie’s shoulder, causing them to stop, “Maud, Marble, you go on ahead, I just want to have a small talk with Pinkamena.” Her tone was level, if anything hid behind her words, she kept a tight rein on them.
Pinkie happily nodded, “Alrighty! Like Lime said, we’ll catch up in a minute.”
Maud stared for a moment longer than normal, but eventually said, “Alright.” And continued her way inside. Marble only tilted her head lightly, but quickly followed after Maud, leaving Limestone and Pinkie alone.
Nodding her head in the direction of the house’s corner, Limestone led them to the side of the house. Pinkie opened her mouth to ask a jolly question, only to be quickly cut off, “Alright Pinkamena, what’s wrong?”
Pinkie blinked, caught off guard by Limestone’s question. She blinked twice and adopted a look of confusion. Nothing was wrong. Right? Pushing the twang of uncertainty to the side, Pinkie simply stared at her sister, “But, nothing’s wrong.”
Limestone glared at Pinkie’s response, “Really? Because that’s not what I saw during the surprise math.“
Pinkie’s brow furled, still not quite getting what Limestone was getting at, “What?”
With a harsh groan, Limestone slapped her hoof to her head, “Pinks, you looked a mix of miserable and angry. Then you just bounced back like nothing happened! Something’s going on, and you need to tell me, or I won’t be able to help!”
Pinkie’s brain worked in overtime to decipher Limestone’s words, Pinkie hated to admit it, but she was even getting a bit steamed at her sister’s insistence. Nothing was wrong! She felt perfectly fine and couldn’t even pick out the emotions Limestone spoke of. Well, maybe a little bit at the beginning before Mena took over-
Standing stock still, realization dawned upon Pinkie. They were both right, Pinkie was absolutely fine, but Limestone did see a pink pony toiling under math. In that moment Mena’s silence weighed like a billion rocks on Pinkie’s withers. Then and there Pinkie knew she needed to talk to Mena, apologize at the very least. If Limestone was right, then Pinkie feared that her act might have struck Mena harder than Pinkie first thought.
Limestone spoke up, breaking Pinkie from her revelation, “So something is wrong! Come on, don’t leave me in the dark sis! It can’t just be surprise math.” She demanded, sisterly protectiveness encroaching on her gruff voice.
Her mind jumbled and worried, Pinkie stumbled over her words, “W-well, I, uh, I don’t wanna talk about it right now, I need to go-”
“Pinkie! Please talk to me. Something’s eating at ya and I want to help!” Limestone growled.
Pinkie grumbled, desperately wanting to get away from Limestone, unable to give Mena the attention Pinkie could only imagine she needed, that she at least deserved. “Lime, I don’t wanna talk about it!”
She turned to walk away, to find some quiet place so she could focus on talking to Mena when Limestone gripped her shoulder and turned Pinkie back to face her stern expression, “Oh no you don’t! I’m your sister, and something’s wrong. It’s my job to look out for everypony, so let me look out for you!”
A limit reached, the desperation to get away from Limestone eclipsed in Pinkie’s mind, “I said I don’t wanna talk about it!” Pinkie yelled, and, acting on instinct, thrust Mena into control.
Within the mindscape, before the swap even fully finished, Pinkie realized what she had done. She clawed desperately to reverse course when two words shook her world, “Alright then!”
Instantly Pinkie was thrown violently back into control, stumbling to the ground, hardly paying attention to the real world, to Limestone scrambling about her, worried. She delved back into her own mind, fear clenching at her heart as she turned to see Mena marching away from the space the shared.
“Mena! Mena I’m sorry!” She screamed in her mind, maybe even in reality. She didn’t know. She didn’t care. Her friend, tensed at the fading edge of the mental Rock Farm, only to then continue her stride, stepping into the dark, deeper, darker. Away. Without word. “Mena! Please! I didn’t mean it, please!”
Her pleas did nothing as she herself scrambled to a stop at the fading green ground. She could only watch as her secret friend, who helped her so dear, slowly vanished amidst the black of her mind.
Tears fell freely down her cheeks as the confusion refused to cement itself into fact. Mena was gone. Gone where? Was it permanent? Would she come back? Would she forgive?
Pinkie flashed back to reality as her body vigorously shook, but not from the emotional toil, instead, from Limestone, her look of stern, angry protectiveness replaced with worry and fear. “Pinks? Pinks what’s wrong? Please.”
Pinkie tried to right herself, almost slipping back to the ground from her unstable hooves, only kept up by Limestone’s grip. “L-L-Lime? I-I think I messed u-up.”
A small, prickly memory rose from the depths of her mind, of Mena yelling at her not to tell anypony. Sure, she got along well with Maud, but what if Mena came back, only to have everypony know? Mena was already so upset. Pinkie decided then, she wouldn’t tell anypony. Well, except for Maud, she could trust Maud with it, she thought.
But her fearful contemplations were further interrupted, not only from Limestone’s continued worry, but the sound of the rest of the family, presumably having heard the raised voices, coming to investigate.
“What over rock and stone is going on out here?” Father asked, a firmness across his voice as he turned the corner of the house. Quickly followed by Mother, Maud and Marble, with Marble looking particularly worried.
Pinkie froze in the face of the question. What could she say? Her mind was still wobbled by everything that had occurred, and Limestone was still beside her. Pinkie opened her mouth, to try and lie, conjure some fabrication that could fool anypony, but found her mouth dry.
Limestone suddenly chimed in, “Sorry everypony! I, uh, I upset Pinkamena. I thought something was wrong and just wouldn’t drop it, she tripped ‘cause of me, uhm.” She looked to Pinkie, an odd look on her face, while her voice spoke in apologetics, her face held doubt, a ponderance that something was indeed wrong, but had finally dropped it, “Sorry sis.”
While still thrown off by the gravity of Mena’s departure, Pinkie seized the opportunity Limestone had presented her, “Y-yeah, just h-hit my k-knee, I-I think.” She said, trying to keep her voice under control.
Father hummed for a moment, sending a lance of fear through Pinkie, before clicking his teeth and speaking, “Well, if that’s all, please come in girls. Get cleaned up and sit down for some supper, all right?” The two sisters at the center of attention, Limestone giving a quick glance back to Pinkie before moving ahead.
Pinkie herself got unsteadily to her hooves and began to follow after when her Mother spoke, “Do keep an eye on your knee for the next few days, okay Pinkamena?”
Pinkie subdued a flinch, turning and smiling as genuine a smile she could muster, “O-okay Ma.” As she turned away, to continue her tread into the house, she barely caught her parents sharing a look that she could not decipher, with what little she saw.
The rest of the day passed awkwardly, especially as Pinkie tried her hardest to act normal. The deafening silence, the lack of Mena’s presence inside her mind, it was a constant reminder that refused to be ignored, making her facade a difficult trick.
At the very least nopony pressed the issue. Limestone left Pinkie alone save for a few guilty glances, Marble gave Pinkie mostly normal looks, though a few were more concerned than others. Maud’s periodic stares were the same as ever, though Pinkie knew they held sisterly affection and worry, worry Pinkie didn’t know how to abate.
Eventually supper passed, bedtime arrived and while Pinkie found herself unable to sleep for a few hours, staring at the wall, alone in her mind, with no sign of Mena anywhere, she too eventually fell into a fitful sleep that felt like it didn’t last.
So soon after, Pinkie awoke, well before her sisters, but couldn’t bring herself to move. No mental presence, no gruff, anxious if caring words. She was still alone. The silence she wallowed in felt like an eternity of solitude despite the breathing of her sisters’ surrounding her, and even that was soon interrupted.
Pinkie moved almost like a ghost as everypony was going about their morning routine, sliding right into the bathroom as she sought some level of isolation away from her family. She stared at her reflection in the mirror, dulled blue eyes, puffy pink mane. She felt tired.
Without a warning, the bathroom door swung open, and before Pinkie could even turn in surprise, it had shut again and a hoof gently laid on her shoulder. When Pinkie’s head finally caught up, Maud’s head swung into view, a slight look of worry on her stoic face.
Surprise abated, Pinkie turned away, back to the mirror, not saying anything. “Do you want to talk about what happened yesterday?” Maud asked, Pinkie hearing the tone of worry amid her monotone.
Pinkie sighed, “I.. I pushed Mena away.” At Maud's comforting silence, she continued, “I threw her into control for the math quiz, I didn't think about how mean that would be to her until later, and I meant to make it up to her, but. But Limestone saw how Mena was during the quiz, thought it was me and wouldn't leave me alone and I, haaaah, I threw Mena into control again without thinking. Now she's g-gone.”
The two sisters sat in silence for a while, before Maud finally spoke, “If you trust Mena, then I believe she will come back.”
Turning to her sister, Pinkie's ears perked up, “You think so?”
Maud nodded, “Then you can apologize to each other.”
Pinkie blinked and shook her head, “But, but I was-”
Maud simply, softly interrupted, “You will apologize to each other. Even if you did something wrong, crossed some boundary, Mena shouldn't have left you like that. She shouldn't make you cry.”
Her words left Pinkie feeling conflicted, she took Mena for granted and obviously caused her to leave, but she couldn't really deny, she was hurt by Mena's abandonment. Conflicted or not, Pinkie sighed and gave a small smile, “Thanks Maud.”
Maud, while maybe not smiling exactly, returned the sentiment. They stayed there a while longer, until Pinkie was ready to face an uncertain day.
Pinkie managed to hold things together through the rest of the morning, perhaps a tad less energetic than usual, a little out of it, but functional. Doing her best to give the impression that all was normal.
Breakfast passed without issue, and much like most days, Pa sent the sisters out to move more rocks. Though, what could have been meditative, or calming or at the very least boring, was instead a deafening silence, aside from the clunk and grind of rocks and dirt.
Where once there was a presence, a friend and voice to talk to, have fun with, was instead the feeling she had forgotten in the days of Mena's appearance. She vaguely recalled Mena's worries over not being normal, as she shunted a rock along with her head, and found the normality lacking. She missed her friend.
As she moved the rock along, Pinkie heard the clip clopping of hooves heading her way. She stopped, turned and tensed at the sight of an uncertain Limestone moving towards her. Limestone, to her credit, moved a little slower after Pinkie tensed, until they were a few hooves apart.
“I'm sorry,” Limestone said. Pinkie blinked and was going to speak, but Limestone continued, “I shouldn't have pushed so hard yesterday. I know something is wrong, but prying so hard only hurts things. But if you ever do want to talk about whatever it is, I'm all ears, okay?”
Blinking once more, Pinkie simply smiled, genuinely and nodded. Limestone seemed much more at ease and returned the smile. It was a small moment, a quiet moment. Pinkie silently thought to herself that if Limestone was aware of Mena, that maybe things would have turned out different, Pinkie decided that if Mena- when Mena came back, she'd talk about telling Limestone. She owed her sister that, at least.
-----------------
One day passed, and Mena did not come back, a simple day of rock work, and not much else.
A second day passed.
And a third.
On the fourth day, Pinkie woke up, had breakfast with her family and once more was set out to finish migrating the rocks over to the right field. The more days that passed, the more that Mena's absence weighed on Pinkie's mind.
She tried to keep Maud's words at the front of her mind, to not lose hope, but she didn't know. As she trudged along, rolling a rock along, she didn't even know what she'd say if Mena did come back.
Pinkie stopped and looked up, into the blue sky, recalling the wave of bright rainbow that blew away the grey clouds of that, well, less than pleasant day. Remembering the day Mena appeared in her mind, finding the rockball, her cutie mark party, the simple chats they had together. Ever since Mena came, Pinkie couldn't help but feel like her days were a little bit brighter in some way.
The more she thought about her invisible, yet truly tangible friend, she swore she could even hear her. 'Pinkie!' She blinked, she could really hear her. 'Pinkie!'
The second call caused Pinkie's eyes to go wide and turn her attention inward. Back in the mindscape, the mirror of the rockfarm she twisted towards the deep black and saw a blur of pink cross over onto the faded green of the mental ground. In no time, said blur dove and tackled Pinkie in a hug, “Pinkie I am so sorry!”
Without hesitation, Pinkie returned the hug, a mix of happiness and some flavor of sadness invaded her, “Mena! I thought you were gone! Maud said y-you'd come back, but then a f-few days went by and-”
“Wait wait wait,” Mena said, still holding Pinkie, but moving apart to look at her, “Days?! But, it couldn't have been days it felt, like, a few hours max!”
Mena's assertion made Pinkie's blood run cold, the thought that Mena had lost herself within the depths of her mind, lost track of time so thoroughly. “M-Mena, it's been four days...”
The reinforcement of that information threw Mena for a loop, she blinked rapidly and seemed to zone out. Pinkie though tensed and became overwhelmed by a specific emotion before punching Mena's arm. Mena flinched and rubbed her arm, seemingly more confused than hurt, “Hey! What was that for?”
“Y-you left.”
“And you kept throwing me into situations I wasn't prepared for!”
“Why didn't you tell me?!”
That brought Mena up short, the days of worrying about Mena, of thinking over events again and again boiled over from Pinkie, leaving Mena stumped. “I, I... I don't know.” Pinkie stared, confused, “I don't like telling pe-others my problems. I-I guess I just bottled everything up and. The bottle broke.”
A moment of silence passed, Pinkie staring at her friend, not really sure what to think, but she knew what to do. Pinkie hugged Mena again, confusing Mena once more, “You shouldn't do that. But I'm sorry.”
“Huh?” Mena said, eloquently.
“Maud said we both made mistakes, that we should apologize to each other.”
Pinkie didn't look, she didn't need to, but she heard Mena sniffle and felt her return the hug, “M-Maud's right. Sorry Pinkie. I-I am so, so sorry. I'll try to not bottle things up so much.”
“I'll try to not just throw you into things anymore either... happy you're back Mena.”
“Happy to be back.”
Pinkie pulled away from the hug, and looked at Mena, “Can we turn rock chores into a game again?”
Mena had a wide, if slightly quivering smile and nodded, “Sure.”
And so the two set out to make another game out of the chore Mena awoke to. Rather than speed, this time Mena suggested dexterity, 'What if you tried to carry the rocks to their destination without letting them touch the ground or using your hooves?”
Pinkie took right to that suggestion, balancing the rock she had been rolling onto her head, and began waddling to her destination. As she waddled, she came across Marble who stared at her sister. “Pinkamena, what are you doing?”
“Playing a balancing game! I'm seeing if I can keep this rock off the ground without using my hooves all the way to where it needs to be.”
And like that, slowly but surely her other sisters got dragged into the game as well. Maud seemed particularly into it, appearing happy to indulge the return of Pinkie's playful energy.
Marble, from what Pinkie and Mena saw, was exceedingly careful, both in her choice of rock and how she carried them. Limestone, on the other hoof, once told of the game went all in, carrying a rock on her head and back at the same time. She tried to carry a third one with her mouth, but couldn't find one that was easy to carry, shapewise.
After a few goes, and reveling in the atmosphere of another fun game, Pinkie was bouncing with energy, feeling like everything had returned to normal, “Okay okay, so a rock slightly larger than that needs to be held more to the back of my head, got it. Ooh! I got an idea!” Pinkie said as she began to throw Mena into control once again.
Before the process had even properly started, the feeling from the day Mena left returned tenfold, crashing into Pinkie like a particularly large rock, and she was able to stop herself before Mena actually did get thrown into control. Regardless of her save, Pinkie felt her whole body go rigid, and felt the steely glare Mena was giving her, punctuated by a growl.
Pinkie chuckled nervously as she turned her attention inward and looked at the very much disgruntled Mena, “Uh, would you like a turn with the game Mena?”
Mena continued to glare for a moment before taking a deep breath and nodding, “Thank you Pinkie, I would like to play a little.”
That small stumble stumbled over, Mena willingly accepted a smooth transition into control. Shaking the now flat mane out of their shared face, Mena set to doing something she didn't really have any past experience with balancing things on her head.
Mena didn't really 'try' at the game, rather she let herself enjoy the experience, taking it slow, carrying simple shapes and leisurely paces. Though the lack of Pinkie's naturally poofy hair made some rockers harder to carry than they could have, but Pinkie cheered Mena on all the same, which washed away most of the bad taste Pinkie's almost slip up left.
A brief time, to enjoy, to forget the strains, the fears, the possibility of Pinkie's subconscious swallowing Mena away for years instead of days.Though that distracting joy was itself distracted for a moment when Mena crossed paths with Maud.
Maud calmly walked along, a relatively impressive rock on her head, “Mena.”
“Uh, hi Maud.” Mena replied, apprehensively.
She did not reply for a moment, an intensity entering her eyes for a moment, “Do not make Pinkamena cry again.”
Mena gulped and nodded, while Pinkie face hoofed within their shared mind, 'Ma-a-aud...' She groaned.
That moment of awkwardness aside, Pinkie considered the game after Mena's return was a resounding success, as was the chore, which got adequately completed over the course of said game.
Once the game wound down, Pinkie's Father came up to the sisters, “Well, it seems you four did good work. Go inside and get cleaned up, your Ma has dinner prepared for you girls.”
As Maud, Limestone and Marble made their way inside, Mena made to swap control over to Pinkie, who shook her head and declined, '”Nah, you go have dinner Mena.”
Mena blinked and turned her attention inward, “Are you sure Pinkie?”
She nodded happily, “Of course! While it might not have seemed like four days, I think you deserve a nice welcome home meal!”
Mena shrugged, not wanting to press the issue, “Well, if you insist, Pinkie.” She said and followed the others inside.
She was stopped momentarily by Pinkie's Father, “Hmm, you seem in better spirits Pinkamena.”
Mena shrugged non committedly, and said, “The game with the others was nice.” Which seemed to satisfy the Father, who simply nodded and let Mena head inside to prepare for dinner.
Once said dinner was properly under way, while Mena wouldn't admit it, she still felt a little guilty for taking Pinkie's place at the table after what happened. She didn't let it get to her too much, as Mother's cooking was as good as ever. Buttered rolls and a lovely stew.
The day slowly wound down until Mena laid in bed, enjoying the comforting atmosphere of being back.
'Mena?' Pinkie said.
'Yeah, Pinkie?'
'Thanks for coming back.'
'No problem at all Pinkie. Good night.'
'Good night Mena.'
--------------------------------
I enjoyed a dreamless sleep during the night, allowing myself to sit up in the morning actually feeling refreshed. Rejuvenated. As if the ill feelings and stresses that threatened to choke me the previous day were mere memories that could easily be forgotten. Threatening no more.
I reveled in that.
It was odd, being able to step down from the bed to the sounds of the family I hid among processing the moments of wakefulness, feeling as if a true new day had dawned for me. Like a curing bleed, a pain healed over better.
But, as I stepped into the bathroom, began brushing my still abnormally straight mane, Pinkie had to inject those memories back into me.
'I'm still sorry Mena.' She had said. Forcing the static, the run, the time, the punch, the game, all of them back to the front of my mind.
'There's nothing to be sorry for, Pinkie.' I said, trying to kill the conversation before it could live. But she insisted.
'But I almost threw you into control RIGHT after promising to be better!' A similar feeling to desperation entered her voice, egging her on.
I frowned, ceasing my morning brushing in annoyance, 'Pinkie, we both messed up, we both apologized, and yeah, you almost did that, but you didn't.'
'But I still almost hurt you, and after how you said you bottled stuff up, I don't want to give you anything to bottle up anymore!'
I stifled a growl and poured my attention inside, looking at her, trying not to scowl, 'Pinkie, please can you just drop i-'
'Hey, hey, hey! Let's just tone things down, okay?' A voice, so familiar yet incredibly alien, said inside Pinkie's mind, bringing the conversation to a sudden halt.
I stood frozen while Pinkie turned, almost nonchalantly, and tilted her head in intrigue more than anything. 'Huh? Who are you?'
Finally gaining enough of myself, I turned as the new element spoke once more, seeing white and yellow, with a sprinkle of purple, 'Me? Uhm, well I think I'm called Surprise!' The pegasus pallet plagiarism of Pinkie said with a smile. Such a gentle smile, 'I'm here to help!'
Needless to say, I screamed.
Stats
Page generated in 0.021 seconds
Total duration
1,066 users online
1,981,398 hits today, 2,156,967 yesterday
FIMFiction
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
Designed and coded by knighty & Xaquseg - © 2011-2024
Follow & Support Us
Support us
SubStar
Chat!
Discord
Follow us
Twitter
MLP: Friendship is Magic® - © 2024 Hasbro Inc.®
Fimfiction is in no way affiliated with or endorsed by Hasbro Inc.®
Great to see a update. I go re-reading it via text to speech now since i can remember its general flow.
Prepare for comments!
Nice.
See you in 8 months
I'm not really sure I like having a third mind in this story. I felt as though Pinkie and Mena had a really good dynamic.
Well, I was certainly surprised.
11460172
I agree. Plus, Surprise is a Wonderbolt.
between pinky and surprise, mena won't have a quiet moment from now on :)
will you swap pov between the three or mostly keep it from mena perspective?
critique? the best i could think of that you could weave there somewhere a "lesson" about importance of pinkie promise, (except you kinda did do exactly that but indirectly so it's a little meaningless to bring up) so yeah i've got nothing
11460207
The main POV will always be Mena, with a few POV changes occurring here or there, it will mostly be if I feel like it works in the moment, or to give an outside perspective following certain important events.
And don't you worry, I have something in mind for the Pinkie Promise!
11223543
11344733
dont know if youre still intrested in finding out, the stories have only a few chapters but first one is This is bad and the second is This is worse less than 32k words in total
also unrelated the other pinkie/mena/suprise story
She still had what?
Donde caben 2 caben 3
Oh. God. Another one!
Excellent work can’t wait for next chapter will you do a time skip when pinkie is grown up and meet the other ponies
11460313
It's a Christmas miracle.
A true Christmas miracle!
I decidedly do not like this chapter. And more.
First, it's confusing at the beginning. There is nothing to say that time went back with the change of pov. I thought we continued from previous chapter, and it just didn't make sense.
No to mention, some sentences simply do not make sense too.
Second, I really don't like how unsatisfying the resolution is. How pathetic are reasons and emotions involved.
From previous chapters, I was expecting that Mena was angry both at blatant disregard of their social safety, as well as repeated disregard of her opinion and forcing her to do things she didn't want. On top of simply throwing her at any thing Pinkie didn't want to deal with herself.
That, is legit reason to stress out. Not whatever this nonsense is. "I don't wanna be in control!" "Why?!" "I'm uncomfortable!" Musical in the last chapter was also ridiculous, to be honest.
Next, time she missing was still way too short. Just a few days of boredom is nowhere near enough to teach Pinkie a lesson. At least a few weeks. On top of that, making a first move to apologize should definitely belong to Pinkie. Because the way YOU written it, Mena is responsible for the whole event, and it's her fault, and Pinkie was just a little rude. Which is nonsense. Mena has no obligation to share her personal emotions, and she did warn Pinkie she didn't like it beforehand. Pinkie was simply being selfish only thought about herself.
Even more so "Don't make Pinkie cry again" threat from Moud. This is blatant attack on a person who is wronged, and has no control over the situation. And now their only point of safety - hiding away - is being forbidden under threat of violence. Not defending yourself against such accusations would make one in such situation a spineless slime.
Third. I thought we had a serious theme going on here. A person in character's head, taking care of them, but also learning from them, positive influence, a bit of action, emotional drama, yadda-yadda.
Why the hell is there a new character in Pinkie's head?!
The entire idea so far was built on the fact that Mena was a fake mental illness, another soul, and Pinkie was actually sane, right?
Are you now saying that 4 days off friends withdrawal made her actually insane? Or that there are more interlopers invading her mind?... That, like, flips on it's head entire mood we had there going on!
And did I never noticed it before, but the way you write, is so... Mediocre?
Do you actually imagine characters doing what you write them do, imagine their thoughts, emotions, how it looks from the side, how realistic it is? Acting out their voices in your head?
Or are you just get the idea and write it down?
It sure feels like second a lot, but I'll have you know I do the first one when I'm reading it.
I'm telling you, just reading the thing out loud can already weed out a ton of crooked lines and dialogue.
Not to offend you of course, but simply this story in my memories sure feels a lot better then what I'm reading now. I'm not sure, whether it's me, who is forgetting what this story was all about, or you. It was a while, after all.
with maud hurting pinkie's development. it wasn't a surprised that she grew up into irresponsible manchild. the only mane6 who wasn't a high archiver or business owner.
11460172 Wait until Pinkie fuses with Nail Then things really get crazy!
It lives!!
Why add in surprise??? I'm still waiting for the timeskip to happen
I think the only thing I don't like about this chapter is surprise, I honestly wanted a story with Pinkie and Mane, it would be interesting, surprise, it's just a pinkie of a different color and with infinite caffeine
11460569
Alright, this really made me laugh.
DID I HEAR A ROCK? AND STONE?!?
Pinkie Pie: Now there are two of them
Mena: Now there are two of us
Surprise: Emmm... Surprise?
That sure was a turn of events
Looking forward to the next update in 2023
Good chapter! Hope you had a good Christmas!
Oh god...
Loved the chapter! But I have to agree with some others that adding surprise as a personality is a bit too far, splitting pinkiemena into pinkie and mena make sense and creates a theme, adding surprise kinda breaks that theme...
Love the fanfic but I do question that one thing.
Oh, cool, this one’s back again. Nice to see Pinkie’s side of the time apart.
I assume that Surprise has been in the plan for a while?
11460968
If I remember correctly, it's been awhile and a lot of things blur together time wise, Surprise has been the plan even before I started posting this story. She isn't going to, like, take over the story or anything, but she is going to have her own unique parts to play over the course of things, especially in the end game.
That ending reminded me of Petriculture, which made me realize just how long I've been on this site. XD
11461021
August 2013. Quite the veteran.
11460637
TO THE BONE
Love it. Can't wait for the next chapter.
YEY!!!!!
11460637
Deep rock galactic?
11460637
Maud came off as an ass this chapter, don't make Pinkie cry?!
Nice to see that she disregards another living beings feelings.
11462710
Rock and Stone! Yeahhh!
well this was nice
Hmm I feel like that last part was a dream/nightmare. Having surprise there would just cause waaaaay to many questions. Like surprise would have to be a former human to make sense in this story. Also the random popping up of a split personality with no external/internal shock makes no sense. Genuine personality disorders dont just appear. So nightmare is what I'm guessing lol.
Well, you gave a real surprise at the end of the chapter. But you already hinted earlier that it will appear soon. I look forward to continuing, but please do not delay so long.
So, mind fractures more. a human, a pony, and a tulpa, or something. Do they walk into a bar now, or what?
11476425
Hhahah
Error error too many personalitys in brain
Commencing blend protocol
Sooo... Pinkie is doing the Pie and Rockfarming stuff, Mena is doing... Em... Assistance work and Surprise is... Randomly surprising everyone?
Oho, well that's an interesting development.
Welcome to the party, there's cookies and punch by the door.
11460236
Thanks, I am very much still interested
Did I hear a Rock and Stone!
11527170
Rock and Stone forever!