• Member Since 14th Nov, 2014
  • offline last seen 27 minutes ago

Fictional Fanatic


Fiction reader. Now, also a writer.

Sequels1

T

This is a one shot. It is the first one I've ever written and it was done in one session.

Dark tag is for implying certain outcomes.


Alexander suddenly finds himself in the world of Equestria without any explanation at all. He finds himself as one of the Pinkie Pie clones from the episode "Too many Pinkies" and staring at paint. He dares not move as he knows what's coming if he does. With only his knowledge of MLP:FIM and the memories of the clone he now inhabits he has to find a way to stay, while keeping the real Pinkie Pie out of danger as well.

This one, is a hard one.


This idea hit me like a truck after reading "Drifting" Written by: ShadowKirby


Featured: (2015-05-14) to (2015-05-18) Thank you all! Also, this story now has a sequel, it's called "This is worse!".

IK+ likes? Holy Guacamole!:rainbowderp:

Chapters (1)
Join our Patreon to remove these adverts!
Comments ( 221 )

*Claps* Well done!

Yay! I get cookies!
Okay, as for this story, I think you should add the dark and comedy tags, at least because the beginning part was funny; it was almost a parody of other 'human in equestria' stories! XD

I personally am not a fan of the concept (I don't really have any interest in 'Human in Equestria' stories) but that's not a criticism, it's just me personally, so don't worry about it.

I'm not great at knowing what tags to put though (My two most popular stories only have the AU tag because I don't know what else to put) so maybe you shouldn't listen to me on that part XD

Anyways, not bad! ^_^

Oh I see it's public now ^_^

I'm liking this immensely

Against all odds.

Whoa. Hold on now.

I am a human. A bipedal, skinless monkey that comes from an advanced civilization that has managed to attain space flight.

Skinless?

Jesus, that's brutal.

ladyblitz.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/10/Heidi-Klum.jpg

My one complaint would be the passages. They're awfully clumped together and could use some breaking up in order to tone down the text-wall effect. ^^ Try not to have the same character talk in the same passage, either. I don't think it's a rule, but it helps. Certainly needs a second pass though.

yaaay....................
x vefdcnvgfv help jdhkfdjgbfhfx x oifjruisofljgdkgosvkxj x dkfjgkbd
SLENDER

ACK
*dies*

This should have a sequel about alexanders life now that there is less of a threat

This is a really good premise. :pinkiehappy:

Really cool idea, that was executed very well, lemme just reach into my pocket anndd SLAP a like right there just for you.

I think that it deserves a sequel. It feels like it was leading up to one. Anyway this is really good.

Don't do a sequel unless you have some really good ideas for it. Sometimes ending before the "end" is best.

To answer your question, I thought is was a good short read. The only things really bad that stuck out to me were the spelling errors/wrong words, but since you did it as a one-take, I wouldn't fault you for it. :twilightsmile: Good job on your first posted story.

Welp. This was featured quickly.

ether an epilogue or a sequel is needed

A bit rocky in the beginning for about the first five paragraphs, but a very tense and exciting read nonetheless.

I really want to know what happens next. This feels like many side stories could be made that take place after this event. Hehe and the two pinkie's could consider each other sisters. and play the twin game from time to time :pinkiehappy:

Don't know if it'd be interesting to continue beyond this. Have to ask yourself what would this premise allow for that would make it interesting to read. Finding individuality when you are a physical clone of somepony right up to their cutiemark and abilities seems like a logical extension to this if a full length story sequel is considered.

Regardless, I enjoyed this story.

5974995 Well, that's a miss and a half. I'll fix it right away.


5976194
5975237
5975545
5975751
5976098

Wow... I was hoping for Featured and I did actually write it in such a way so that it would be open for a sequel. We will all have to see. This was all written in one sitting from the sudden inspiration, I'm not used to writing stuff like this to be honest. If I really do write a sequel I... I just thought of a plot... +20 to this might happen. See ya later good folk, I have a brew of ideas to try out.

:fluttercry: IS SOOO FUCKIN GOOD

5976215

I am a human. A bipedal, furrless monkey...

Just one r. >.>

Oh my god. There NEEDS to be a sequel to this story.

Even if it is a short one. I demand this story involve it be having the mane six be given the "why you suck" speech, as our human tells Twilight Sparkle why her PAINT idea was one of the STUPIDEST FUCKING RISK TAKING IDEA that she had ever conceived.

If you need inspiration for that. This review will most likely grant it.

But my god are my jimmies rustled having to come back to this episode.

Fuck you season 3.

5976333 Well, that was mighty depressing... At least Alexander, thanks to the clones memories, knows he saved the real Pinkie Pie.

5976545 Yes, but I do have a plot for a sequel none the less. I might not work on it for a while, but I have something planned that won't be to much out of place and should work wonderfully with the current story. And this time, it won't be exclusively from Alexanders point of view.

5976333
He (and by extension, you) have a point, but there's a few more things to consider. Each iteration of Pinkie Pie seemed... less like Pinkie Pie, and more like a parody of her. It even got so bad that most of them couldn't even be bothered to remember their best friend's names, something Pinkie herself takes very seriously (to the point where she can instantly recall the names and pertinent information of more people than I myself have ever bothered to remember). Remember, Pinkie may act like a ditz, but she certainly isn't stupid. Not to mention that the later Pinkies seemed awfully malleable, and by that, I mean even more so than Pinkie is normally (which could point to them being people-shaped constructs rather than actual people).

Anyway, the point of all this is that I think it would become extremely obvious very quickly if the wrong Pinkie was picked. The only possible way around this is if it was one of the earlier Pinkie Pies that made it, but even then there would be evidence, gaps in her memory perhaps. In which case the episode where Pinkie introduces her sister should prove that she's one hundred percent genuine Pie.

Does this mean I agree with their 'test,' or with Twilight Sparkle's downright draconian methods of solving the problem? Not just no, but heck no. There were a million different ways they could have solved that problem (and better), but they couldn't be bothered to explore them properly. Which is stupid, because they certainly would have been a heck of a lot faster than watching paint dry.

Now, I get where Twilight is coming from. She tends to at least try and solve all her problems with magic, and to be honest, Twilight isn't the best at lateral thinking, mostly she just tries to solve whatever problem she has in the most simple and direct manner she can think of (which isn't always so simple, mind you) without thinking of the repercussions. This, at least partially, stems from the focus of her childhood studies and sheltered upbringing.

Rainbow Dash, on the other hoof, is a mare of action. She doesn't like to think things through, and in fact, often goes to great lengths to avoid thinking things through. I wouldn't exactly call her stupid, but she seems doggone determined to go through life using her brain as little as possible. I can see her just going along with whatever plan Twilight came up with.

Applejack, if anypony, is the one I'm the most disappointed in. She's supposed to be the sensible one, but her bias against magic (and trust me, it's there) kept her from adding in her two cents. Which I feel could have saved everyone a whole lot of time and effort. She's also not one to stop from asking the hard questions, unless, of course, the subject makes her uncomfortable, like magic. Basically, my opinion of her actions in this episode is that she purposely stepped aside so she wouldn't have to deal with the fallout of Mirror Pool shenanigans.

Now, onto my last point, should the Pinkie Pies have been allowed to roam free? That's... kind of a tough question. While it wasn't obvious immediately, the clones were rapidly slipping into what I can only call mental retardation. While some of them might have been able to build a life for themselves, I doubt that all of them had the faculties necessary to do so; there's also the distinct lack of memory (not to mention the education that comes with it), the lack of friends, the lack of family, and the lack of funds.

Many of them would have ended up becoming wards of the state by sheer necessity, and the others would find themselves without support in a world that constantly mistakes them for someone else. Now, these are all problems that can be solved, but it is neither cheap, easy, nor expedient to do so, it is a very serious responsibility. And that's not even counting the things that are out of their control. Remember, nothing is truly free, these Pinkie Pies were created and sustained by something, what if, simply by living, they drain Pinkie of her magic? What if they only exist temporarily? What if they're tied to the Mirror Pool and something happens to it? What if they lack the ability to sustain themselves?

These are tough questions, and they have no easy answers. I really think it's a shame, because there's so much that could have been done with this episode, but they went for what was quite possibly one of the worst possible solutions. It was only sheer luck they didn't zap the real Pinkie by accident.

5976687 You realize that it's a family show and all it was meant to teach was that you sometimes have to choose between friends instead of trying to please both by being in their company?

From one point of view I'd say you're over analyzing and that if this bothers you so much, then maybe you should think about the fact that this happens through the whole series. If it really is as "stupid" as that then maybe not watch it? But, on another note I agree. Sometimes there are so much better ways to avoid/prevent and solve certain situations that one thinks Twilight would have thought of.

Always wanted to see exactly this. Thanks, man.

5976750
My only issue with the episode itself is the occasional unnecessary gross-out, and the fact that the second half kind of felt flat to me. I realize that it's a kid show, and that the episode itself was created to establish a very simple moral. It's just that I enjoy over-analyzing things. I like coming up with strange and interesting theories about various characters, their motivations, and the world around them. And furthermore I have fun debating these things with other people.

I love the show, I don't find it stupid at all, and I'd be hard pressed to find an episode I didn't like for all that I may rag on them sometimes. I apologize if I came off as unnecessarily antagonistic.

5976856 It's cool. It's just that I might have gone a bit defensive, I really enjoyed that particular episode and it's in my top 3.

5977113 Yeah, I've seen this picture... I'm surprised the other pinkies didn't just go flat maned then and there... It really is a horrible visage that one...

You should make a full blown story, off this one shot

5977159 I'm making a sequel. Bear with me...

5977174 You again? Yay. Somehow, I end up reading all your stories...

5977337 Well, as long as you're enjoying yourself.

A good premise, but there's a hole in it that bothered me a bit:

If every pinkie could pull out a mirror and they were an organized collective who could still communicate at the expense of failing the challenge, why didn't they just all bum rush Twilight?


Besides that, I'd just point out that your AU elements weren't actually needed - since the spell is irreversible and no mention has ever been made of a way of viewing what's inside the lake, you don't actually know what happens after being hit by the spell - without such a method, the author couldn't have known, either, and the bit about "returning them to where they came" would just be an assumption. Things could be totally fine on the other end, or you could just die, which was of course a big point of controversy with the original episode itself, at the time.

In-universe, perhaps there is an assurance that Twilight had that we as viewers didn't that things resolve fine for targets of the spell (such as a way of viewing the other side of the lake), but the main character doesn't know about it, and that uncertainty would not only be enough to take the place of the clones' death threats, but could also have been used as another point of dramatic tension as he struggles with the choice of whether or not to take the plunge into the unknown so that Pinkie doesn't have to.


Liked the story, regardless.

5977423 I used the AU tag as I'm basically portraying all clones as evil. Something I really doubt is what's really going on.

5977492
I'm aware; I'm just saying that it wasn't a necessary element for serving the purpose it did.

Of course, that's only for the story posted here - a sequel could build on the AU elements in a more meaningful way.

5977656 I guess. But I think I'll keep it anyway.

He could just change his colours with dye. Two pinkie pies would get confusing

5977832 That was already planned in the sequel.

Straighten his hair to look like pinkamena diane pie instead of pinkie. :pinkiehappy: see now I look different. :pinkiecrazy:

hehe. this was cool. definitely falls in the category of "one-shots where I wish there was more". sooooooo...can you make it a 2 shot? ;)

In hindsight, Twilight's plan was actually really really terrible.

One thing I always wondered aboutbthe spell is why would it affect the real Pinkie Pie anyways? There would be something about the clones that would make them react like they did but the real one shouldn't have it as she didn't come from the pool.

5978103 The spell most likely would have another effect on the real Pinkie Pie. The book only said that it might send her away, or at least that how I remember it. In the worst case scenario it's actually a magic draining spell that sends the magic back to the source and would outright kill a pony if it drained them of their magic, or make them like they became after Tirek. Gratz Twilight, you avoided becoming something like Tirek.

5976333

I want to ask before even watching that video. Is this another "review" that utterly ignores everything said in the episode and saw it as "OhhhmaiGAWD TWILIGHT was muddering all da Pinkies!!!" Because that idiocy needs to end.

Edit:

Or, as Jerry Peet said:

You're trying way too hard to demonize a cartoon character.

She didn't murder them, she dispelled a mirror image back into the pond. If you want to demonize a character, don't demonize them for crimes you're making up.

Login or register to comment
Join our Patreon to remove these adverts!