• Published 20th Jan 2019
  • 16,756 Views, 674 Comments

For I am of Pinkie's Mind - Neon Icy Wings



A human finds themselves as a voice within Pinkie's mind, only she's a young filly still on the rock farm. Aching for home, but worried what others might think, this new 'Mena' must maneuver life in Equestria. As much a life they can anyways.

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Chapter 3: Supper Through the Eyes of Another

We quickly crossed the threshold of the little home, which was quite roomy on the inside. Bit dull in color though, if I was to be honest.

Limestone kept a good pace before, not really yelling, but spoke quite loudly, "Ma! Pinkamena's back!"

It only hit me then. If they all were worried about Pinka, why was Limestone the only one out there? Either that spoke to Limestone or spoke to the rest of the family. At least Marble had the excuse of being shy. At least so I thought. She was shy, right? Or was she just soft spoken? Guess I would find out.

Either way, a voice responded from a room over, "Oh, good. Make sure to wash up before we start Pinkamena."

Pinka nodded and called back, "Okay, Ma. I will be quick."

A part of me pondered as Pinkamena wandered to another section of the house, away from Limestone who went through the doorway, presumably to their dining room. Maybe it wasn't that big a deal in the end. I mean, they didn't even know what went down in that river bed. I would have to keep my- well my view through Pinkamena's eyes- open towards her parents.

Pinkamena moved passed a fireplace and murmured to me, "That is our fireplace," An astute observation for one who must have lived there her entire life, "We usually save the shelf for special things and special occasions, so it is empty most of the time." Huh, that was kinda sweet. I mean, my family had a fireplace we never used. Its mantle was a place for random items and dust.

'That's pretty nice.'

She nodded happily, like sharing a tidbit of family tradition was something of a big deal or accomplishment. Eh, if it made her happy. She made her way deeper into the house, and as she did I continued my eye search of the house. A simple, unassuming painting here, a simple, little sculpture there. I get it you're a rockfarm, no need to be 'most drab' in your yearbook. You get thrown into that running by being a rockfarm.

Pinkamena stopped in front of a door, plain as everything else, and moved to open it. Before her hoof could land on the metal knob it turned and opened, revealing a grey filly who looked utterly bored with life. "Oh. Hey Maud."

I should have known it from the outset, but Maud looked just a bit weird compared to her later adult self. I couldn't even pinpoint exactly what was off about her, demeanor aside. Maybe it was the missing clothing. Or she just was. Probably both.

Maud herself merely blinked and responded, "Good to see you Pinkamena. Limestone was worried, I think." Yup, her voice was monotone as a filly, which sounded just eerie, let me tell ya. I never even watched The Shining, but I would not want to run into two Mauds in a hotel corridor.

Damn it.

I never watched The Shining.

I think Pinkamena quirked an eyebrow at Maud's words, which I found odd. I thought Limestone being out front and asking Pinkamena where she was was a sign she cared about Pinka's well being, what with the nearing curfew cut off. Maybe Pinks wasn't that fast on the draw to potential subtext at that point or something. Or maybe I was drawing too much from nothing, I don't know.

Pinkamena tilted her head a tad to the side. "Really?"

Maud gave a light nod and started walking past us. "Yes. She was pacing back and forth a while ago. I was wondering what got into her."

Pinkamena 'hmm'ed and didn't seem to think on the matter much more. She just walked into the bathroom and closed the door behind her.

Deciding that leaving as few potholes to fall into as possible was an intelligent move I spoke to Pinks, who was washing her hooves. 'So, Maud. What's her deal?'

She 'hmm'ed again and directed her eyes upward for some reason. "What do you mean?"

I rolled my mindscape eyes. Oh, you know, I was just wondering why she, a horse, was in the washroom. What else could it be? 'Well, she just seemed... strangely spoken.'

She bobbed her head side to side in thought as she scrubbed her hooves under the flow of water. "I guess. Maud has always spoken like that. I guess I am just used to it."

I gave a simple noise of acknowledgment and fell into a strange line of thought as Pinks was wrapping up her cleaning. Mainly, I wondered what I should wonder about. Like I said, strange, but overall not unforeseen, really. I mean, I could mull over once again about how I was stuck within a world that shouldn't even exist, without a body, while in the mind of a filly element of laughter to be. But, I think I was still in some level of shock.

Either that or my incorporeal mind was much better at compartmentalizing than I was aware of. I don't think it even really mattered. If anything it was a good thing. I didn't have the time to sit down and parcel through any issues that could have been and I only had Pinkamena for a shoulder to lean on, and no doubt she'd get crushed underneath the weight of any issues I could have.

God, I was going to require major assistance in the future.

I continued down that unproductive line of thought until Pinkamena spoke, her eyes still pointing up. "Mena?"

'Hmm?'

"Do you like my family?"

Well that's a loaded question. Like 'em? I literally hardly knew 'em. I mean, Maud should be fine, Limestone made a good first impression, I assumed Marble would be fine, but I couldn't be sure until I spent time around them. 'They seem fine. I don't see any reason not to like them.' Best not to make her worry.

She nodded a bit, not seeming to be bothered by my words. "I hope you like them. Then we can see if they like you."

I flinched within the mindscape. 'Uh, sorry, by the way.'

"Huh? Sorry about what?"

'Sorry that I yelled at you. I panicked, but that's hardly an excuse.'

I saw her eyes squint slightly, as if confused. "Oh, that is okay. But I wanted to ask. Why did you want me to keep you a secret from Limestone, or everypony?"

I sighed, partially dreading the conversation. 'Well... It's just that, uhm, ponies in your head isn't really a normal thing, I think. I don't want others treating you differently because of me.'

She stopped the faucet from running, staying oddly silent. I was about to worry I said something wrong when she spoke next. "I appr- app- I'm thankful for that, but don't you think my family would accept you?"

No, that's exactly why I said not to tell them. 'Potentially. But I'd rather wait and gauge them. Kinda seeing when the best time to spring it on them, if ever. Like I said, things like me ain't normal.'

I think she got what I meant, even back then it was kinda hard to tell. "Okay. But, I am going to look for that when. I don't want you to be lonely. I want you to be able to talk with Maud, Marble and Limestone too."

That... was kinda touching. She had a point, having only Pinks to talk to would probably get to me eventually, but at the same time, a game of telephone for any and all conversations wasn't that appealing to me. And I mean, if Pinkamena was so accepting of me, maybe the other fillies of the family would be as well. The parents I'd think would be less so. Only time would tell, I supposed. 'Maybe. I just wanna get settled in I guess. Don't want to drop such a big announcement without having a feel for them and a plan just yet. So... later. We might give it a shot later.'

That seemed to satisfy Pinkamena. At least she didn't press the matter or appeared bothered all that much by it. Good. The last thing I would need is for her to go behind my back, if such a thing were even possible at that point, and tell someone about me. Not that I expected her to do that, but still, paranoia runs unbidden from even the soundest of minds.

And a sound mind I was not, by definition of being a voice in another's head.

The conversation seemed to come to an end, and Pinkamena left the washroom, hooves cleaner than whence she came, though a part of me pondered if she was thinking about what I said. If what I said had any effect one way or another on her mind. What can I say? Paranoia runs unbidden. Or was that anxiety? Both sounds good.

We passed the dull painting. Passed the simple sculpture. Yeah, it was going to be hard to think of the Pie residence as a place to call home.

Pinkamena quickly trotted into what I assumed to be the dining room. I mean, there was a table, the lack of chairs hurt my biped sensibilities, and... There was normal food? Normal looking bread and salad and soup?

It might sound weird but that threw my whole soul for a loop, passed the broken yeti animatronic and I sorta blanked for a bit while Pinkamena took her place at the table. I didn't even take immediate notice of the other three Pie family members I'd yet to lay eyes on by then.

Yeah, it sounds silly to have your world blown away by the revelation that the Pie Family didn't appear to eat rocks, but I was still running on 'Oh, I'm in a Saturday morning cartoon show!' logic. That line of logic assumes quite a lot and only works if what you assume to happen happens.

So, if rock consumption was rather a strange joke that an actual reality of magical ponies couldn't rectify, then my poor brain asked itself, what else could have been altered? I don't know, it was sound logic to my still, probably damaged mind. My paranoia spread to the farthest reaches of possibility, wondering what else was not truth in television. How cold and harsh the world could be from beyond the tint of the camera.

All I really had was some blueprint to the world and events, so the idea that things may not be as I knew them was one less block of stability my new life had, which was one less than my mind could handle right about then. It might be common sense to assume a fictional, candy land like Equestria wouldn't be one to one when comparing it to the 'actual' Equestria, so I guess I was oh to two against the world. Maybe three.

Either way, character personalities, major episode events, and general speculation were all down the drain. Making me feel like I was in the middle of Marianas Trench without my floaties on. General presumptions still applied, if barely and only due to contractual obligations. Thank Celestia for small blessings.

It was about then my mind just sorta said, 'Screw it, worry about dictator Celestia or whatever later, family time now!' and zoned back into the conversation that was going on without me. God, I hope Pinks didn't say anything stupid.

"- and was very irresponsible of you. You could have been hurt or worse with such a stunt." Said a mature, woman's -I suppose mare's- voice in a sort of detached tone.

Ah, Pinks said something stupid. Probably mentioned the rock-alanche. How long had I blanked out for the conversation to get there that fast? Scratch that. How had Pinkamena been affected much by such words?

Oof, she hadn't taken it too well. Her gaze turned toward the table, er, deeper into the table I suppose. Man, I probably should have paid better attention. Didn't even get a glance at Pinkamena's mother. What even was her name? Never did learn that.

My 'insides' churned lightly, if only because I felt like I should have been paying better attention for Pinkamena's sake. A mental note to myself: pay better attention. Ya idiot.

Not too long after an adult stallion's voice sounded not too long after the bit of silence fell over the table, "Your actions were quite reckless Diane. While you did get it back, which is commendable, we cannot condone your hazardous methods at all. We must ask that you and your sisters come to us in such situations in the future, so you do not act rashly without such luck and get hurt."

God, I hated that tone of voice. I always loathed anyone who used that kind of tone when admonishing someone, no matter how factually right they were. I get it, try to make sure Pinkamena doesn't do that again in the off hand chance 'because it worked last time' was enough to convince her to risk things again. But the way they both spoke, so sanitized like it wasn't worth the emotion, coupled with their admonishing words hit the wrong buttons for me. Couldn't ya have at least ended the damn sentence with the praise? Let her have the ending note cushion the pain of the idea, if not downright reality of parental disappointment? Ya mustard rock.

And besides, they weren't there! They weren't there when Pinks avoided the rock slide, and lay shivering on the slope. Honestly that's what aggravated me the most. They didn't even show much emotion over all that, as if she just toppled and broke a line of rock sculptures, not almost crushed.

I was going to hate their parenting style, and perhaps outright them, wasn't I?

I grit my metaphorical teeth and didn't speak. Pinkamena didn't need me distracting her during all that. Words of reassurance later.

Pinkamena merely nodded lightly, "Yes Pa." Her eyes moving around the table a bit allowing me to see Marble's concerned face, a concern Limestone seemed to share though mixed in with something else. Awe maybe? Concern? Even Maud's impassive expression allowed for... something. I pondered if I would ever understand her face. Correction, I pondered if I would understand any face.

Speaking of faces, Marble was just adorable. And it was nice to see Pinkie's sisters at least seemingly have her back. Oh, sure they wouldn't speak out against their parents, I wouldn't expect them to, but at least they showed more concern than their freaking parents.

Things appeared to be slightly uncomfortable for a bit longer. Well, uncomfortable for the foals at least, their parents on the other hand just seemed real freakin' dandy. I couldn't tell if their impassive expressions were from emotional detachment or just how they were raised to do things. Who knows, maybe I was just an inept parental figure, but until that could be confirmed I felt free to pass judgement.

Supper was quite the quiet affair. After Pinks relayed her story and got admonished for it nobody else seemed to want to speak. I am ashamed to say I clammed up as well. I just had no idea what to say to Pinks. No idea what could make her feel better. If anything I could say would make her feel better.

Once more I found myself absorbed into my thoughts. Primarily how I wished I could taste the soup Pinka was eating. Sight and sound were the most important senses to have gotten and I was thankful to have them, but I had to admit there was a bit of anxiety that came with the lack of feeling. Seeing but not feeling the soup, not tasting it, just churned my insides. It was just wrong. It was on the same level as not being able to breath despite trying to; the expectations you've come to, well, expect but them not actually happen was honestly drowning me in mental anguish. It hurt me.

The entire supper just seemed to drag on. No talking, obviously no tv or phone to distract me, I wouldn't start talking if I could and my only distraction being the absolute lack of worth and taste of that freakin' soup was doing me no favors. It looked so good, or maybe I was beginning to suffer from 'not being able to taste anything syndrome' so badly that anything that looked at least decent was ambrosia for my eyes. Er, me through Pinkamena's eyes.

Fun fact there is nothing more stifling and awkward than complete silence in a group of people.

If I wasn't so self conscious about bothering Pinkamena I would have sighed in relief when dear Pa spoke and released us from our social prison, "Alright. I believe it is time to get ready for bed girls."

The four fillies nodded, each of them pushed their own dishes away from the table's edge and began to leave the dining room in something like a single file line. Not that I could blame them, after a dinner like that I'd want to be unassuming and 'god please dad let's just go to bed and not deal with this in the morning.' too.

Suddenly my father being passive and not all that 'there', despite being there, wasn't so bad.

I merely hoped that the first impressions weren't the be all end all of the parents. I wouldn't hold my breath, but I was more hoping for Pinka's sake than my own. While I wasn't above lying to her, I would prefer to have a greater chance for honesty if at all possible.

Even then I felt a bit torn. Torn between not thinking about those 'certain things' and not knowing what the god damn I was going to do or should do while attempting to set up chess master tricks for the future to net myself a non painful existence. I did feel a tad blessed to be honest. At least I wasn't ported to the Naruto-verse or anything. I preferred not dying, thank you very much. Or being subjected to any of the other gajillion horrors most anime worlds had to offer should one live in them like little Hotel Californias. Mainly 'cause death was never quite the end in most of them.

On other hand -hoof I suppose- I still had to contend with Equestria's own craziness, such as demon centaurs of soul sucking doom, shape shifting love eating bugs, whatever the hell was in the Everfree -the Blanks somehow still occupying space in my worries somehow-, and heck, I could see little Billy goat necromancer Grogar Gruff shuffling around somewhere in the bowels of Equestria or beyond, biding time to kick my tush in when I least expect, like a jerk.

By Celestia's horn, the Storm King was gonna be a thing wasn't he?

Damnit.

I never watched the Movie. Either of em! And I owned the Blu-rays too.

My brain started to hurt again, from both the thoughts of home and the ever expanding future worries that refused to let me rest, so I decided to retire from chess mastering. Ever.

Not much happened between my, what? Third, fourth foray into mental tangents. God, I was going to need to do better.

Limestone had brushed her teeth, or at least that's best I could guess as Maud left right after Lime got back. All the while the sisters were making sure their beds, two bunk beds, were ready and nice for sleeping. Nice and practical. From what I could tell Pinka and Marble shared one bunk while Maud and Limestone shared the other.

I could have sworn Limestone was looking our way but Pinks was too intent on her bed to notice the feeling of being watched, or perhaps she was avoiding her gaze, after that dinner I could have bought just about anything. Either way Maud came back and Pinkamena climbed down from her bed and walked down the hall back towards the washroom.

As she walked I heard her almost whisper, "Mena?"

'Yeah, Pinks?'

"Was getting the rockball back really that bad?"

Jesus, that should never be a question asked. 'Of course not! While... they weren't completely wrong, you did a good! It was a good thing to get the rockball back. If anything it was out of nowhere shenanigans that were to blame.'

Pinkamena nodded and she entered the washroom. Before she started brushing her teeth, as expected, she muttered, "I am sorry Mena. Supper is usually better than that..."

I made a simple noise of agreement as she began to brush her teeth. 'We'll just have to get better at things I suppose. Cause as far as I'm concerned you did nothing wrong. Maybe a bit of tempting fate but you could hardly control that.'

Pinka answered with a noncommittal noise, not like I could blame her. Mustard rock killed any kind of conversational emotion. I didn't sign up for this.

We didn't speak further while she finished brushing and headed back to the bunk bed room.

Marble headed out for her round of teeth care while Pinkamena went back to tending to her upper bunk and before I knew it Limestone was standing in front of the lamp on the set of drawers between the beds. "Night Maud, Marble, Pinkamena."

Everypony else echoed the sentiment, even Marble, surprisingly.

I mulled it over for a moment before murmuring , 'Good night...'

As the light went out and the sound of Limestone's hooves clopping towards her bed I felt strange. For the first time since I found myself in Pinkamena's head I felt like an invader. Like I didn't belong at all or was a parasite. As that thought lodged itself into my mind, I'm sure if I had a physical body I would have paled. Was I a threat to Pinkamena? Was I taking any sort of toll, physical or mental?

Sure, I thought, multiple personalities existed, but what would the cost be if a full mind was shunted into another living thing?

I was knocked from my paranoia as I heard a quiet hum from Pinkamena.

I turned to the young filly within our shared mindscape, who appeared agitated. I was confused and quirked an eyebrow at the young mental filly. "Uh, you... want to talk?" I guessed.

She nodded her head, keeping her annoyed look and I simply wondered ho-

I slapped my nonphysical form, which honestly felt worse due to the lack of feeling, and groaned that it took me that long to think of the solution. "You know. You could just think what you want to say, real hard at me like you did... well you."

Her eyes went wide at the revelation, like an archangel floated down on wings of ivory to deliver the truth of candy land or something. She went full concentration mode and managed to speak a bit. "This... is... kinda... we-rd."

You'd think it would be easy, but I guess there's a big enough difference between lightly pondering your words and deliberately sending them somewhere that wasn't your mouth. "Welcome to my world. It's your head." At least that put a small smile on her face. "But, I do believe you should be heading to bed." Her smile vanished and she seemed to want to say something in response when I cut her off, "Not because I don't want to talk to you Pinks! Just that I don't think bedtime is a good time to try learning this. Besides with the chaotic evening you had you could use a restful sleep." That at least seemed to pacify her immediate complaint. "And besides," I said, leaning towards her, "We can work on our mental communications tomorrow and TOMORROW night stay up later chattin'. How's that sound?"

She thought on my proposal for a moment or two before nodding her head. "Oak key... O-KAY." She corrected her mental pronunciation, seeming happy with herself. "N-Ight M-Men-a."

With that her little mental self sat down and seemed fine letting sleep slowly take her. I waited a moment to let her get all cozy and half asleep, smiling a bit myself. "Night Pinkie Pie."

With Pinks' eyes closed all I had was one, practically already, asleep filly and the infinite void of the mind as well as a question.

Could I sleep? Dream?

I was almost gripped by fear at the thought. What would happen to me if I did dream? I didn't have a body, I was by all accounts merely a phantom of the mind. If I fell asleep and didn't wake up you couldn't shake me awake. If I dreamed, would I dream Pinkie's dreams or would our dreams interact? Would I even dream?

Only one way to find out, I thought.

I closed my not eyes and tried to get comfortable a little ways from Pinkie's mental self, no need to make it awkward. I tried my best to let the dark of sleep take me and simply hoped I would wake up again, either there with Pinkie or home in my body.

To my tired surprise, sleep did eventually begin to overcome me and I thought one last hope before I blanked out for the night: I hoped that the world would be kind in the morning and let me and Pinkie rest.

I didn't dream. Either that or I forgot like usual. I wondered if Pinkie's dreams were nice, if she did dream. Honestly, upon retrospect I was glad for my formless sleep. That thanks was overlooked the next morning...

"Girls! It is time to get up. Time to do chores."

Pinkie's dad's voice rang through the room and I could have sworn I heard Limestone grumble from the sudden awakening. I myself groaned and shifted, feeling the cloth wrapped around me

I could fee-

My breath immediately hitched-

I breathe.

My eyes snapped open and the ceiling above Pinkie's bed greeted me. That and strands of straight pink hair. The void nowhere in sight.

Any rest I got from the night before went up in the flames of stress from only five seconds of being awake. New record, yay...

Any rest I got from the night before went up in the flames of stress from only five seconds of being awake. New record, yay...